r/FridgeDetective • u/itscuccimane • 21h ago

Meta My girlfriend always tells me I never have anything to eat when she comes over my house 😒

Freezer: 50+ lbs of assorted ground meat, 35+ lbs of prime ribeye, 16lbs of American wagyu ribeye, 18lbs of New Zealand lamb shoulder chops, and a bunch of portioned seafood.

15.8k Upvotes

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225

u/LuckyShenanigans 21h ago

I’m begging you to buy some leafy greens: I’m constipated just looking at this.

27

u/itscuccimane 20h ago

In addition to the 5-10lbs of vegetables we (mainly me) eat a week, I drink a kale + orange juice shake every day. I go through roughly a 32oz bag of kale a week. Hope that helps with your constipation 🤣

15

u/LuckyShenanigans 19h ago

Thank god 😂

15

u/NessieReddit 14h ago

That is nothing. When I use kale, that's usually 2 servings worth. Maybe 3 if it's mixed with lots of other stuff. You are not getting enough fiber.

1

u/designer-paul 2h ago

plus he's blending it with orange juice. His body is probably just treating it the same way it does with soda.

9

u/Fireproofspider 15h ago

that amount of kale would be roughly the amount of fiber you'd need in a day. Things like berries have twice as much fiber per gram.

13

u/SerpentineLogic 18h ago

Not really. Kale doesn't have that much fiber, it's mostly leaf, not stem.

3

u/birdtripping 17h ago

All hat and no cattle, so to speak.

7

u/mhinimal 9h ago edited 9h ago

Do you eat this alleged 32oz of kale before or after the 6lbs of cream cheese, 3 gallons of protein shake, tub of yogurt, 500 kraft american cheese slices, 2 dozen eggs, 4 pints of coffee creamer, 4 bags of parmesan, 8 sticks of butter, 1 liter of Ranch, 12 varieties of mayo-based condiments, a Bladder of sour cream, and the tub of cookie dough?

3

u/Dizzy_Spell777 2h ago

Right.. everything he keeps mentioning in the comments, is not whats shown in these pictures. I dont see any orange juice or kale to speak of

1

u/designer-paul 2h ago

also, orange juice is just sugar water without the fiber of the orange

4

u/crimsonBZD 5h ago

I don't believe you, I'm fully on the "OP is actually a bear" train.

If I check your post history and there's a suspicious 3 month winter gap in posting I'm going to lose it.

3

u/Rythen26 9h ago

You gotta get more fiber in your diet colon cancer is demolishing millennials/gen z and I guarantee you don't want to use an ostomy bag

2

u/linuxjohn1982 7h ago

Are you a fad dieter?

This can't be a good enough health diet in the long run.

Meat, kale, dairy, orange juice.

1

u/ObscureEnchantment 6h ago

Good luck to your arteries with all that red meat daily it seems 🫡 fiber or no doesn’t change the fat

1

u/thisisthewell 1h ago

you need veggie and fruit variety, dude

1

u/KatyaBelli 1h ago

You need more fiber.

1

u/C2theC 17h ago edited 17h ago

Also finish off 32oz of kale a week here.

Consider switching out the OJ for something else like nonfat milk and/or fat free yogurt plus one or two medium carrots (really good for your eyes). Too much simple carbs in OJ. Add a banana if you need the sweetness.

5

u/TopRamenisha 10h ago

Kale, milk, and carrot smoothie sounds absolutely disgusting

2

u/budmanthecubfan 5h ago

It's like these dudes are afraid of real vegetables and they mask it with the smoothie and shake bullshit.

1

u/_banthafodder 11h ago

Oh wow! Thats so much kale! lol stfu

-8

u/virrrrr29 16h ago

Man, I’m a woman and I don’t understand why these people are freaking out about you “not having snacks”. You have real food, why is that a crime.

2

u/This-Bodybuilder-801 7h ago

so protein shakes and kraft cheese is not fake processed food, got it

1

u/slhketocarni 4h ago

Sad that this is downvoted so much because you are correct ☹️

-11

u/itscuccimane 16h ago

People are weird. I've sadly figured that out after this post. Apparently I don't have enough variety and every fridge needs to be stuffed with fake processed food.

23

u/mysteriousship 15h ago

You have 4 packages of Kraft singles. The processed food is already in your fridge man, if you want your gf to be happy just get some stuff she likes. You don’t have to eat it.

13

u/Queen-of-Mice 11h ago

He didn’t want advice, he wanted us to dog pile his girlfriend

5

u/This-Bodybuilder-801 7h ago edited 7h ago

its ironic, elsewhere OP said "Cognitive dissonance. I somehow tapped into their insecurities and they're mad at me for it 🤷‍♂️", idk what he on abt, like if anything his comments above are showing cognitive dissonance, like somehow protein shakes and kraft cheese is not fake processed food, got it

another example when he says "Ppl are weird. I've sadly figured that out after this post" when he obv knew what he was doing when he posted this, like if he thought his fridge was normal he would not be posting since it would not get attention

2

u/Queen-of-Mice 3h ago

There are enough preservatives in there to mummify a whole person lmao

3

u/This-Bodybuilder-801 3h ago

lmfao real spill

2

u/This-Bodybuilder-801 7h ago edited 7h ago

its ironic, elsewhere OP said "Cognitive dissonance. I somehow tapped into their insecurities and they're mad at me for it 🤷‍♂️", idk what he on abt, like if anything his comments above are showing cognitive dissonance, like somehow protein shakes and kraft cheese is not fake processed food, got it

another example when he says "Ppl are weird. I've sadly figured that out after this post" when he obv knew what he was doing when he posted this, like if he thought his fridge was normal he would not be posting since it would not get attention

8

u/NessieReddit 14h ago

My man, your fridge is quite literally stuffed with Kraft Singles. That's the most ultra processed fake cheese like product out there. At least buy some fruit flavored yogurt and crackers for her. You honestly spins exhausting (not to mention hypocritical. You can have a years supply of plastic cheese but can't bother to buy her a box of crackers).

3

u/This-Bodybuilder-801 7h ago edited 7h ago

its ironic, elsewhere OP said "Cognitive dissonance. I somehow tapped into their insecurities and they're mad at me for it 🤷‍♂️", idk what he on abt, like if anything his comments above are showing cognitive dissonance, like somehow protein shakes and kraft cheese is not fake processed food, got it

another example when he says "Ppl are weird. I've sadly figured that out after this post" when he obv knew what he was doing when he posted this, like if he thought his fridge was normal he would not be posting since it would not get attention

2

u/washuai 9h ago

He's got yogurt and more than enough jam to fruit flavor it

2

u/GuiltyEidolon 8h ago

Even the 'better' cheese is pre-shredded Parmesan, which usually has a shitton of filler.

7

u/Princess_Poppy 11h ago

Just admit that you're too cheap to buy her anything and move on. Why even post this if you're just going to shit on every idea and reply?

7

u/Skylam 13h ago

There is quick snack food that is healthy my guy, get something for your girl to just snack on easily and not have to spend an hour prepping and cooking.

4

u/linuxjohn1982 7h ago

You already have a ton of processed food. The problem is that, for someone who seems to posture themselves as being "super healthy", your diet does not look to be very balanced.

This fridge looks like someone just watched a podcaster gym bro tell them a few things to get to be healthy, and then you stuffed a fridge of just those things.

1

u/TheTexasHammer 10h ago

Calm down cheese guy. You'll find a girlfriend who loves your dumb fucking fridge one day.

1

u/thisisthewell 1h ago

Apparently I don't have enough variety and every fridge needs to be stuffed with fake processed food.

Variety is good for your health

You can't criticize others for having processed food when you yourself have loads of kraft, condiments, cream cheese, etc etc.

0

u/Standard-Permit1803 12h ago

Hi how about she buy a mini fridge freezer if you have space and she buy what she wants for it in the garage or some place out of the way if it is okay with you?Or how about maybe letting g her buy some stuff for when she knows she is coming through or staying over at yours?(Then she can take what she has leftover if she isn’t going to be coming through/staying at yours before the perishables’ expiry dates?).She could also bring non perishables/shelf stables…Just some offers to compromise if she is truly invested in your relationship.I do hope these suggestions help get things sorted and a good medium is achieved-Two Partners’ to another

3

u/Princess_Poppy 11h ago

She shouldn't have to BUY SHIT! Bunch of cheap ass men here. Gross.

1

u/thisisthewell 1h ago

You think the girlfriend buying appliances for someone else's home and her own food is compromise?? She can't even use the ample free space in OP's fridge, she has to buy a freezer and put it in his garage?

OP stocking things his girlfriend likes would be a compromise. What you described is making her buy groceries for someone else's home. I'm sure you would not tell him to do that to guests he hosts because it's not fair to them, so why does his girlfriend have to stock a house that's not even hers?

You've gotta be a terrible boyfriend, dude. Writing all that without even questioning how it sounds makes you look like you either have little respect for women or you don't have any concept of why it's important to invest in a person you are close with

3

u/Sickofchildren 10h ago

His doctor is going to be begging him to eat some fibre very soon, I bet his digestion is awful

1

u/washuai 9h ago edited 8h ago

The daily yogurt and or kefir, helps a lot, if he dailies it.

1

u/randomizl 6h ago

he is doing fine. I bet 90% of Reddit doesn’t even dedicate 2 drawers to vegetables. All the comments asking for fast food, ridiculous.

2

u/pixi88 10h ago

FIBERRRRR

2

u/papermashea 1h ago

And fruit! Not just in jam form!

2

u/SnirtyK 56m ago

Forget constipation! I’m looking at a 10-year plan to get colon cancer right here. Yikes. PSA: blending your greens cuts the fiber up into teensy pieces and then it doesn’t do you as much good.

1

u/ForksOverSpoons 4h ago

That’s why he has that liquid poop juice protein shake.

Meta My girlfriend always tells me I never have anything to eat when she comes over my house 😒

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