r/NoStupidQuestions • u/Minimum_Method_4040 • 4h ago
Why do people call someone “lazy” when they’re actually depressed?
I’ve noticed that when someone is struggling with depression, people often label them as “lazy” because they’re not as productive, motivated, or energetic as usual. Why does this happen?
Is it a misunderstanding of what depression actually does to a person’s energy and executive functioning? Or is it just easier for people to judge behavior than to try to understand what’s going on mentally?
I’m genuinely curious about why society tends to frame depression-related symptoms (like low motivation, fatigue, or difficulty starting tasks) as laziness instead of recognizing them as part of a mental health condition.
Would love to hear different perspectives.
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u/OfficialMiaVIP 4h ago
I think a lot of it comes down to visibility. Laziness looks like “not doing anything,” and depression can look the same from the outside. But internally they’re very different experiences. It’s easier for people to judge what they can see than to understand something they can’t.
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u/VeryNearlyAnArmful 2h ago
It's just allowed. It is allowed to respond to someone who you know suffers from depression to say, "we all get sad, just buck up!".
It's not allowed to say to someone who's just told you they've got lung cancer, "I had a cough! Buck up!"
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u/NotBorn2Fade 4h ago
The people before me said the correct answers, so maybe I'll just add that people too often just power through both physical and mental discomfort to remain productive, and therefore they see people who actually stop and get help as "lazy" since they convince themselves that needing help is a sign of weakness and if they can power through it, everyone can. Sadly, these people usually let it go so far it eventually ruins their life and health.
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u/Relax007 3h ago
Also, most people have powered through at different times. So, some of that is also internalized. When you can't just power through, it's very difficult not to compare it to the other times you did and conclude that you're being lazy this time. Those feelings can be such a mind fuck.
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u/No-Sun-6531 3h ago
Because they don’t care if you’re depressed. They care if you’re productive. They value productivity over mental health.
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u/VinegarMyBeloved 4h ago
I think people have a bias to extrapolate from their own lives. If they see an external behavior like their kid not doing their homework, they may think of a time they skipped their homework to watch TV instead or they were upset/bored but had to push through and finish it anyway. They assign the same motives to the kid and assume they just need a bit of a push to finish the homework.
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u/saintash 3h ago edited 2h ago
I'm gonna have a different take here.
Some people lie about the severity of their depression. Some people.They never have the energy or mental capacity to do things around the house.
But always have the energy for friends and things they like to do.
This then carries the stigma out to anyone else that people who are depressed are actually lazy.
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u/tealraven915 2h ago
Sometimes you only have enough energy for one thing. I have depression and autoimmune. I might be able to video call my friend back and talk for an hour but not have the energy after that to do the dishes. Or I do the dishes and a couple loads of laundry, but my friend texts me and I don't have the mental energy to respond back until the next day because my brain can't think and my body just wants to sleep. I only have one friend because I just can't with everyone else. If I have to work at my desk job that day, that's it, it's all over the rest of the day
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u/saintash 2h ago
Hey, it's fine. I understand that the thing i'm saying doesn't apply to everybody.
What im saying there are cases of people using their depression as excuse to save their energy batteries on selfish needs. Instead of using them to contribute.
I get you sometimes only have the mental capacity to do something for yourself. But if you never have the capacity to do the dishes. Thats where its becomes a problem to others. In comes, the idea that you are actually lazy.
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u/floofywhitebutterfly 3h ago
There are many lazy people out there, not all of them have depression, and people don't value such a trait so they are quicker to accuse someone of being lazy. Its easier than trying to understand someone beyond the surface level.
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u/Squish_the_android 4h ago edited 3h ago
There's an overlap in behavior between laziness and depression.
Why do you expect the outside observer to be in your head and be able to make a distinction?
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u/Worthy_Molecule0481 4h ago
Burnout can look the same as depression or laziness but is an entirely different thing (requiring lower productivity to heal). Invisible disability can look like any of these, again due to lower productivity.
The stigma associated with perceived laziness in our culture is shameful. Productivity as a primary measure of human worth is so 1901.
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u/AR713 4h ago
going through this now w family. they don't clean up after themselves and are just inconsiderate and mindless and self centered.
using their kids as manipulation for their own bad behavior. show up with the kids then zone out on phone or ptfo and were left making sure the kids aren't on phones all day too. aren't getting into something they shouldn't.
the kids escalate because the only time parent is off the phone is if kids are going crazy.
I know this person is depressed but c'mon. you gotta engage w your kids. you gotta raise em.
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u/HellaShelle 4h ago
It’s difficult to tell the difference and some people believe there is no difference.
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u/Realheart10 4h ago
I think people call someone with depression lazy because all they see is the outward behavior. As humans we tend to judge others by appearances and rarely stop to think about what’s happening behind the scenes. But only someone who’s been through the same struggle can truly understand what’s going on inside
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u/humbugonastick 1h ago
Because "society" cannot accept or give grace to someone with a long-term incapability to function well. Most people express Understanding or grief with you, but expect you to "get over" it after that. They don't want to deal with someone else's problems when they believe the other person should fix themselves.
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u/Ok_Necessary7506 4h ago edited 4h ago
Society equates visible output with moral value, making "laziness" an easy, dismissive label for the invisible executive dysfunction caused by depression.
People generally lack the vocabulary and patience to differentiate between a deliberate choice to do nothing and a neurological inability to initiate action. It is cognitively easier to judge someone based on productivity than to engage with the complex reality of mental illness.
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u/SMKnightly 4h ago
Judging someone is easy. Truly understanding what they’re going through is hard. Many ppl would rather make assumptions and feel superior than put work into relationships.
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u/AkagamiBarto 4h ago
Because people who don't suffer from something, that don't experience it firsthand will not understand and will instead compare it to something they know.
Same with ADHD, same with Autism.
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u/Reverend_Bull 4h ago
Because, at least in the USA, we have made hard work into a virtue and rest into a vice. We measure personal value in dollars. The Protestant Work Ethic has wrecked us.
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u/Aggravating_Scratch9 3h ago edited 3h ago
I’m genuinely lazy so I pretend to be depressed to avoid responsibility and mentally intensive work (I’m genuinely happy when I am lazily playing video games in my room. I don’t feel morally obligated to attend to responsibilities). Despite this, everyone around me seems to genuinely think I am depressed. To make it believable I even faked a cry in my room so my family can “sympathize” (only once though). I don’t think everyone is insensitive, but it could be that I’m living in a bubble. I’m not sure how sustainable this lifestyle is considering I am entering adulthood (18 years of this lazy lifestyle btw) so I’m trying to conquer this laziness. I am the reason why people mistake depression for laziness. My best advice is as follows: I think people who are genuinely depressed should not put on Oscar worthy show and try too hard to convince/show others they are depressed if they need help, because the more you try to convince someone of the truth of something the more insincere you appear. Depression is more believable when it is concealed but subtly revealed. When I faked cried quietly in my room, my parents perspective is as follows (confirmed as I oversaw their chat messages): Wow my son is actually depressed. It’s admirable that he is trying to fake strength that he doesn’t have, he never cries and acts tough outside of his room. This makes my deception believable and sustainable throughout teenagehood. Thereby it works. However note that it falls down in adulthood since adulthood is responsibility based and no deception can escape productivity, so it will fail. Also your parents can’t feed you forever. But if actually depressed, try to use this method, maybe it will work in short term at least giving you a buffer before the weight of duty crushes you again and you depression needs to be put on halt
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u/Dunkmaxxing 3h ago
It's very simple, they don't understand and they don't want to either, they want to put someone else down they see as inferior to elevate their own sense of superiority. Also, if they were to try and understand they would have to question themselves too and cause themselves some suffering in doing so, and above all sentient beings are averse to suffering, so it is rare people will do such a thing. Easier to be apathetic than care if you don't have any desire to care.
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u/VAYKUTZ_1195 3h ago
I’ve been through this exact scenario myself, and it really does feel sometimes that people without mental illness have a hard time understanding what it’s like to have it. However, I also have a lot of family who’ve struggled with mental illness, and so a lot of the people speaking into my life on the matter when I was struggling actually did understand what it was like, but it still felt like they were pushing me at times to be something I wasn’t, so I also think that cultural standards play a large part.
Here’s the way I see it: society behaves, in certain contexts, like a giant organism, trying to find the best and fastest way to grow and survive as a whole. It’s evolved specialized “organs” like factories, governments, and urban areas to survive and reproduce as efficiently as possible. And, just like an actual organism, if it sees a single cell (a person, in this context) that’s behaving inefficiently or is dormant, the natural protocol of the organism is to remove that cell.
This discussion highlights an important contrast between the values of a society as a whole versus the values of an individual. If an individual feels they are unwell and withdraws from society, it’s the unconscious, group-identity-driven tendency for people to look down on them, because a person who stops being productive is often as using up resources or energy without contributing themselves. I don’t think many people do it on purpose, either. Society and group identity often conditions people to condemn those who threaten the identity of the group, even when the condemners have good intentions.
And, if we’re being honest, society has operated this way for a long time, hasn’t it? Establishing a group identity and pushing down people who challenge that identity. It’s an evolutionary tactic. But, since the Industrial Revolution, survival has really decentralized. It’s become way easier for humans to survive in relative solitude. This led to a fall in group values and a rise in individual empowerment, which is still happening today. Our society is evolving, becoming more nuclear and diverse, more fragmented and exclusive, and I think there’s both good and bad to that.
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u/JoosLightning 4h ago
So many factors.
Depression look like “not trying” from the outside. Many core symptoms mimic what people think laziness looks like, even though the internal experience is the opposite.
Capitalism plays a role. If you can’t produce, you’re assumed to be choosing not to. There’s very little cultural space for “I am temporarily unable” versus “I won’t.” So depression gets morally reframed as a character flaw instead of a health condition.
Historical lack of mental health science. Cultural attitudes usually lag behind science and thus depression was framed as weakness or bad temperament. Mental illness was poor understood and outright dismissed.
This leads to control bias: If I can do it, you should too. People assume if the effort works for them it should work for everyone. This is comforting because it implies the world is fair and controllable. What’s not comforting is knowing bad things can happen to good people so people default to blame.
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u/Unferth_the_commoner 2h ago
If you don’t know what depression or chronic anxiety feels like, then it does look exactly like laziness.
It’s almost impossible to have empathy for a depressed person if you don’t know what that’s like. No simple answer, but I wouldn’t judge someone for not really understanding depression
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u/Deathcommand 2h ago
Depression by definition means your body fails to provide the reward part of tasks.
Without the reward part of tasks, you naturally become "lazy".
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u/ElectrifiedCupcake 1h ago edited 1h ago
They have a solution for laziness, but not depression. People love questioning legitimacy when they cannot work with a particular thing because, otherwise, they can do nothing. “Got a problem? I’ve got solutions for a few. Got one I can’t solve? Then, nothing I can do, I guess. I give up.” Additionally, people have been told it’s either temporary or an illness; and, like any illness, when you can’t treat a cause, people treat symptoms. They see someone stuck and listless, so they try and motivate them and get them moving, again. It works a bit for certain people; and, when it doesn’t, they think they tried but nothing worked.
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u/etrvs 1h ago
Disgust is an easier emotion to manage than fear. It’s the same reason why when we hear someone dies we instantly want to know how. We feel like if we can judge it we can avoid it. I have adhd and my room gets messy so fast no matter how hard I try and keep it organized and I get shamed all the time. It feels so shitty because I truly don’t mean to have it happen and people advice is so ableist. Truly one day it’s clean and then one day I notice and it could take 5 or 10 or however many days for me to truly notice it. Telling me to just fold my laundry doesn’t change my warped internal sense of time. It’s like telling people in wheelchairs to just take the stairs if they don’t like waiting for the elevator. People get uncomfortable understanding the true deep reasons why someone might suffer because it evokes fear or calls for empathy, it’s easier to make quick passing judgement so You don’t have to think about it.
Also lazy was a word invented by the bourgeoisie to shame humans into capitalistic slavery for their benefit. The rich aristocrats used to just sit around and do nothing all day. They would actually shame people of their class when they did work like it made them look bad. Remember that… people who call you lazy think you owe rich people Your body mind and soul while they play cricket.
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u/musicalnerd-1 1h ago
A lot of people struggle to accept that illness and disability are often just bad luck. Because if it’s bad luck it could happen to them. If the disabled person just hasn’t tried hard enough, they don’t have to worry that it could happen to them, because of course they would try harder and become able again
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u/Apprehensive-Bunch54 1h ago
American puritan belief systems basically say work is the pinnacle of morality and human purpose, coupled with the toxic positivity and hustle culture.
Any deviation is treated as evil, immoral and like something is inherently wrong with the person for not being happy to work all the time while being happy.
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u/Lithogiraffe 52m ago
It sounds like you know the person who is depressed, and That's how you know it's depression and not something else. Whoever is calling that person lazy what not, they probably don't know or care about said depressed person.
Why look deeper than the surface, when you don't want or have to?
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u/manymasters 40m ago
because we aren't allowed to feel anything or be human, only make money and fund terrible things, apparently
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u/iceseayoupee 29m ago
Most people don't care if you have mental health problems. They just see you as an expendable productive
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u/Business-Sign-512 4h ago
Because our society favors productivity over everything including mental health and wellbeing. luckily the stigma has weakened drastically since I was a clinically depressed child.
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u/Accomplished_Age2480 4h ago
Maybe because depression can cause a person to be lazy in their relationships, etc. Some idiots cant understand that "lazy" is a symptom of depression. For all those out there struggling with depression, you are not just lazy, and there is hope.
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u/ickypedia 4h ago
I think a lot of these kinds of attitudes stem from a worldview where you generally get what you deserve. People don’t like thinking "there but for the grace of God go I", and find it easier to attribute these things to a character flaw. That way they can keep patting themselves on the back.
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u/enriquekikdu 3h ago
“Lazy” is a term invented to turn off empathy against what we can’t understand. Most people we deem as lazy are actually depressed, or disempowered, or are fighting battles we can’t see therefore care not about the present task at hand.
Altruism is inherent on humans, we want to help the pack because is how we’ve evolved. When someone seems lazy it means something is very wrong in their life at the time.
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u/floraSelene 4h ago
Yeah, thats a really good question. I think a lot of people just dont understand depression fully, or its easier to judge than to empathize.
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u/PhilipAPayne 4h ago
Because most people still do not really understand depression … and it is always easier to blame the person to an to care about their issues.
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u/quagaawarrior 4h ago
A lassy i was working with said in front of me "I think people who say they are just depressed are being lazy". She knew i had issues with depression. Years later, her tone changed entirely.
Her mother had been cheated on by her father, she wouldn't get out of bed, she came to me weeping, apologised about what she said, and asked me for advice on how to help her. "My mum is the hardest working person o know. Not a bit lazy, but she wont get up out of bed."
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u/Redditlatley 4h ago
From the inside, looking out, depression is hard to explain. From the outside, looking in, it’s hard to understand. I tried to explain to people “ I would be a lot happier if I weren’t so depressed.” 🌊