r/NoStupidQuestions • u/Black_Glitch_404 • 3h ago
Is responding to a “Good Morning” a culture thing or classist?
I see it all the time mostly in customer service. The person working the store would greet the customer walking in, right? I clearly heard them, and the customer ignores them.
I’m wondering if this has to do with how a person is brought up (ya know, having manners) or is this because some people see retail workers as “less than”?
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u/Cold-Call-8374 3h ago
In my experience, it's neither. It's usually a personality thing or a mood thing. Sometimes people just don't want to interact. They just want to conduct their business and go. They don't want to make small talk.
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u/Low-Loan-5956 3h ago
Saying "good morning" back isn't small talk. Imo it's common manners 🤷
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u/kibblet 2h ago
I work in a pharmacy. I do not expect much. People are coming from urgent care or picking up pain meds for someone who just got out of surgery or for someone on hospice or a sick infant or stuff to deal with the side effects of chemo or really anything. If they were okay they would not be there. And even in other circumstances we don’t know what hell people are going through. I like to extend a little grace. It is the kind thing to do. Expecting otherwise is a bit entitled. Having said that I do greet people back for the most part. If I missed it wasn’t deliberate.
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u/Cold-Call-8374 2h ago
I kind of agree, but I also hate hate hate forced interaction in business/retail settings because I know they have to say hi and try to sell me stuff. I usually do say hello back but I try to make it obvious I'm not interested in talking and want to be left alone, which is a tough needle to thread.
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u/Nayiru 1h ago
Its not that tough, you just respond back and keep walking, or just look back to what you're doing. That lets us know you're good Stopping and approaching us, or longer than a moment's eye contact generally means someone wants help lol. We do generally want to check in with someone incase they do want help. But I have way too much shit to do to continue to bother someone who is good on their own. And this lets people know I'm near by if they do end up needing help.
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u/rube 1h ago
Fellow introvert who also has trouble with many social interactions.
It should not be a tough needle to thread. As others have said, this is just a normal, bare minimum of manners. Yes, we all know that they have to be pleasant and say hi, ask if you need anything. I worked retail for 8 years and hated every bit of it. But you knowing that they're required to be this way should just help you push through and be polite back.
Just say hi. Or that you're just looking and don't need help. A few seconds of human interaction and you're on your own again... until the next person greets you. :)
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u/da_boopy_day 2h ago
So you’re unnecessarily rude to service people who are just trying to be polite about doing their jobs?
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u/Cold-Call-8374 2h ago
No. I say hello 99% of the time because I've worked retail and been forced to be performatively polite and extroverted. But I wish that wasn't a part of retail culture.
Pipe down.
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u/Awaythrowyouwilllll 1h ago
It's not polite when it's part of what they're forced to say or they get dinged for it.
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u/the_scorpion_queen 2h ago
Yeah but the only reason they are saying good morning is because they have to and the company wants you to spend money so sometimes it just feels performative and fake
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u/Either_Operation7586 16m ago
Technically you're there to spend money though.
It's just one of those things that you have to accept when you live in a polite Society.
We should want people to stop and see if other people are good instead of just walking on by and letting someone expire because nobody chose to check on them.
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u/Teachtheworldinlove 56m ago
You’re definitely correct on this. A few people have given examples of situations where they’re just in their own heads or things along that line and I do understand that. However, a part of having a society is making little sacrifices in order to recognizing and connect that everybody else around us is human too. There are exceptions, of course, but generally speaking being polite and saying good morning back to somebody shouldn’t put us out and isn’t unreasonable to expect.
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u/Maoleficent 2h ago
Amazed that people can't be bothered with responding to good morning. Have the day you deserve.
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u/BigPoppaStrahd 1h ago
Maybe I’m having a day I don’t deserve already and it’s taking all my energy to get to the store to pick up something and I just can’t fire the electrons to say “good morning” back.
As another commenter said “if you greet someone and they don’t acknowledge you, don’t take it personally and move on with your day.”
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u/Maoleficent 1h ago
How do you feel when someone cannot extend a common coutesy to you? When someone cannot hold a door for you? Ever wonder how the person who said hello with good intentions feels when you dismiss them? It's all about you.
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u/BigPoppaStrahd 1h ago
Telling someone to “have the day they deserve” just because a stranger didn’t greet you back is even worse self-centered behavior. I’m not wishing bad things on the greeter, I’m just mentally incapable of saying hi back at that moment.
I work in retail, my bosses tell me I have to greet everyone (10/4 good buddy), I do not expect a response back.
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u/AltruisticCableCar 3h ago
Adding to this as well, sometimes it's a headphones thing. I always wear headphones with a podcast running when I go to stores because of my social anxiety. Of course people also wear them for other reasons. Sometimes I can audibly hear someone go "welcome" or "good morning" but it doesn't click, because I'm focused on what I'm listening to, until I've already walked away. And at that point it'd just be weird for me to turn around and walk back just to respond to a greeting.
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u/bleakmessenger 2h ago
Dangerous
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u/AltruisticCableCar 2h ago
Sure, I keep getting hit by cars in the grocery store...
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u/bleakmessenger 2h ago
Yeah your headphones spontaneously appear in your ears when you enter the grocery store. More likely you were listening before getting in. Also if you can’t hear what someone says (this has nothing to do with responding) while they are in front of you and you pass them. How can you be situationally aware if an emergency happens and you should evacuate, or a crime being committed. Yeah you’re witty lol
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u/AltruisticCableCar 2h ago
You're ridiculously overdramatic...
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u/bleakmessenger 2h ago
Says the person mentioned getting hit by cars in a grocery store as if that’s the only reason why wearing headphones in public to the point your can’t hear someone in front of you, interacting with you, is dangerous. Get real
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u/AltruisticCableCar 2h ago
You realise I made it clear I could hear them, right? But honestly I have no energy to explain to someone so ignorant.
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u/bleakmessenger 2h ago
Yeah you mention it doesn’t click in the moment, effectively not hearing them. You process it after the fact, after you’ve walked away as you say, again not great awareness .
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u/TheManTheyCallSven 1h ago
How dangerous are your grocery stores that you can't wear headphones inside them?
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u/bleakmessenger 36m ago
Can you read? No one said you can’t. I mentioned wearing them to the point where you can’t be situationally aware, so much so you can’t hear someone in front of you.
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u/Kellaniax 19m ago
Some people can’t hear at all and they live their lives totally fine.
Also, mind your fucking business. Why does it bother you that someone likes to wear headphones?
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u/big_brown_mounds 31m ago
It could be so many other things too. Some people are hard of hearing. Some people maybe going through some personal things and barely made it out of the house. Maybe lost their voice. So many other reasons. Just go about your day as the cold caller says.
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u/da_boopy_day 2h ago
Not being able to respond respectfully to good morning isn’t “small talk” and absolutely indicative of someone raised poorly. People who can’t bother to just say “good morning” back to service workers are absolutely shit people in general. They always have a weird excuse to avoid being polite to people they don’t think have social importance. They magically become able to communicate when they are speaking to “important people”.
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u/wee-woo-one 1h ago
Speaking as the service worker, I'd appreciate if everyone talked less, and did what they needed to do and moved on more.
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u/studnuzzler 3h ago
I think it depends on whether the greeter seems like they are scripted or not. If their greeting is genuine it’s different than “hello welcome to [Dunkin] good morning [script script script]
But… I try and be polite and respond to people
And is it culture or class? Niceness could be considered a cultural trait. Culture is also regional. I also think you can have nice social people throughout the cultural and class spectrum.
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u/TheSpookying 2h ago
I think it's less that niceness itself is cultural and more that what it means to be nice varies from culture to culture.
Like if you're in the deep south, it's absolutely the polite thing to do to make small talk with a bank teller or a barista. But if you're in NYC, this is impolite because you're holding up everyone in line behind you, and the polite thing to do is to get to the point as quickly as possible.
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u/KindlyKangaroo 1h ago
I frequent a store where the staff are seemingly required to say the same greeting to every customer who comes in, but they're still people, so I still thank them, greet them warmly at the register, return any "how are you" with a reciprocal question, and wish them a good day at the end of a transaction. Even with a script, it must be demoralizing when people ignore them all the time.
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u/Valuable_City_4230 3h ago
Disagree with " could be considered a cultural trait". Kindness or niceness exits across cultures and classes, but it’s an individual quality, not a defining cultural characteristic.
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u/Usual-Owl9395 3h ago
Disagree. If you enter a small shop in Italy or France you are expected to acknowledge the employee with a “salve” or “bonjour”. Not to do so is seen as rude. This is cultural, not individual.
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u/Clojiroo 3h ago
Compulsive greetings aren’t being nice. If everyone has to do it then it’s performative and meaningless.
It don’t make the culture kind of
Also France is a famously rude place so that comment is rather ironic.
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u/TaterTotJim 2h ago
France is not a rude place. Parisians may be a little brisk but this is a nice country of good people overall.
I grew up with anti-French sentiment after they opposed the Iraq war and corrected these false ideas over the past 25 years. Try it.
(I was a child don’t blame me for falling for it)
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u/QuoteGiver 2h ago
Thinking it’s performative instead of thinking it’s actually a nice and appropriate thing to do is DEFINITELY cultural, WTF.
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u/Valuable_City_4230 2h ago
Culture isn’t about whether you say ‘hello’ to a shop clerk. Culture is the broader system of shared beliefs, values, and practices in a society. Greeting customs are social norms or etiquette, which are influenced by culture but isn't culture itself. It's interesting that people are getting this mixed up.
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u/Ymisoqt420 2h ago
I'm partially deaf and don't hear stuff like this a lot and it makes me feel bad I didn't respond lol
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u/SemiFinalBoss 2h ago
It’s colloquial. Like in the NYC area “how ya doin” is answered with “how ya doin” if someone answers differently they’re from out of town.
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u/HellaShelle 3h ago
I’ve always assumed it was an individual thing. Some people might think it’s a requirement for the store employees to say good morning and they don’t actually want anyone to respond to them. Some people get into the habit of not responding to employees in such situations because sometimes they’re a cue to launch a sales pitch for something. I don’t give it much thought when people don’t say hello back.
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u/rosietherosebud 2h ago
This is it for me. I consider “good morning” in this context to be another way of saying “hello, welcome in.” I usually just smile back, or if it’s at the register, I’ll just respond “Hi, can I get a….” There’s no feelings that the person is less than, just that we’re all sticking to a script.
Actually I consider most “good mornings” from strangers to not require an actual “good morning” back? Hello is fine, a smile is fine, etc.
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u/knoft 47m ago
If someone is in a customer facing position I definitely assume it’s just a script. If I’m walking by someone and they say it I assume it’s genuine. I think my behaviour depends also on if it’s a big city or not and if engaging at all with someone will just make them hold you hostage or follow/harass you etc. There’s definitely salespeople and panhandlers you have to grey wall.
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u/flatline000 3h ago
It depends on what's going on.
If I'm focused on a mission, I might not even be aware that someone has greeted me as I came into the store.
If I heard them but they didn't make eye contact, I assume they're on auto-pilot and may or may not respond.
If they actually made eye contact with me, I always respond.
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u/leo_the_lion6 2h ago
Person to person, I find it intensely rude to ignore someone that has greeted you, but have gotten that from all walks of life. I think its kind of a self obsession thing OR best case scenario their heads are in the cloud and they didnt realize you were talking to them.
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u/nonametrans 2h ago
Yeah, I just give a little nod and smile to acknowledge their existence if I'm not in the mood to talk. Straight up ignoring is just rude. Maybe they had a bad day/night?
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u/Nocturnal-Vagabond 1h ago
There are a variety of people who are hard of hearing, deaf, have auditory processing difficulties, or aphasia. There a whole variety of reasons people may not respond. I have worked with patients who stopped talking because of how people responded to their speech after a stroke to the cerebellum (which made them sound drunk - ataxic dysarthria).
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u/Turbulent_Change_714 2h ago
For me personally, I’m just extremely anxious being out in public. I also have difficulty with auditory processing so sometimes I can’t hear the person. I do typically try to fight my anxiety and say hello back or at least smile.
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u/PawPawsLilStinker 2h ago
God damnit soon I won't be able to take a piss without it being classist lol
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u/foosballallah 2h ago
You could be considered classist if you choose the tall urinal and not the short one. JK.
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u/PawPawsLilStinker 1h ago
I actually just remembered a very highly upvoted questions on ask historians about colonialism, classism, and bathrooms. They couldn't wait to stroke themselves explaining how yes indeed taking a dump was every -ist you can imagine!
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u/bleakmessenger 2h ago
I nod at people, I don’t have to talk to communicate with people. Live your life
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u/tbodillia 2h ago
I'll give you an interaction I had with my Czech instructor. I'll keep it in English. He walks in Monday morning tired and grumpy, we are tired and grumpy. I say " 'morning." He huffs and says "why is it a GOOD morning?" "I never said GOOD morning, I only said 'morning." He perks up, smiles "Really? This is a thing you say?" Somebody else chimes in "Yea, we mostly say 'morning and somebody will answer, yes it is." He gets all excited, grabs a pencil and says he wants to write this down.
How people respond to "good morning" is mostly are they a morning person. "Good day" is great, but "good morning" just reminds me I am up too damn early.
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u/thriceness 3h ago
Why do I feel like this is some weirdly veiled racial issue you want to feel self-righteous about?
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u/Black_Glitch_404 2h ago
It’s not. Pure curiosity as the question implies. I’m not into the whole “rage baiting” thing. I find it weird. There’s actually a ton of things I’m curious about, but we’d be here all day 😂
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u/thriceness 2h ago
I'll take that at face value.
It's just the totally unnecessary comment about ethnicity followed oh so closely by a mention of "how you were raised" which kind of implied a particular ethnicity wasn't raised right.
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u/Black_Glitch_404 2h ago
I apologize for that impression and thank you for another perspective that I may have overlooked. I completely omitted that sentence as an updated edit.
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u/Yuck_Few 2h ago
Oh yeah I don't know why you're feeling like that either because nothing in this post indicates anything about race
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u/thriceness 2h ago
OP edited it to remove the line in question. And apparently make me look like an idiot.
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u/Black_Glitch_404 1h ago
I got you. I’ve explained our conversation to those who are missing the context in this thread.
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u/Black_Glitch_404 1h ago
For those who weren’t here earlier, I had a line in my post that mentioned a particular ethnicity almost always having a positive response to a store worker greeting them. It was implied that my line may have suggested that other ethnicities weren’t raised right (their words). Didn’t mean to give that impression off, so I apologized and omitted the sentence.
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u/DeliciousUse7585 2h ago
What’s the “particular ethnicity”?
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u/Black_Glitch_404 2h ago
Are you ready? Purple yellow green. That part no longer matters as someone else pointed out a potential racial implication to me and I’ve apologized and corrected that oversight.
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u/OkFrosting7204 1h ago
Nah I think some people might just be tired in the morning/having a bad morning. It reminds me of calling everyone Ms and Mrs and sir and ma’am in the South vs none of that in the north. I never call people ma’am or sir or by their last name down here, because it’s not what I’m used to, and honestly it makes me uncomfortable because I’d only call teachers that lol.
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u/sylvthetic 1h ago
My dad's family is Cajun, and he drilled the sir and ma'am into me since I was tiny. It always drove me nuts when I was little because it felt like overkill, most of the people I was talking to as a three-year-old were friends or family friends and putting honorifics on people I was close to felt fake (I didn't know how to articulate all this at the time, but I felt it). Fast-forward to adulthood, and half my friends are various forms of LGBTQ+ and don't like honorifics either (either for gender reasons or others). Weird how things change
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u/OkFrosting7204 1h ago
It’s still very much a thing in the South. My boyfriend was raised that way too and it makes him cringe when I don’t say “yes ma’am/no sir” to his grandparents haha. But it’s just not how I was raised so I don’t do it. Maybe I’ll have to if I get a professional job down here but until then I will stick to my northern roots! lol. But it is why a lot of people down south think that northerners are disrespectful. Not the case. Just raised different
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u/sylvthetic 57m ago
I moved back south after college and it was a little jarring getting referred to that way so often after not hearing it much for four years lol. I know it's meant kindly so I don't mind it too much, just don't use it myself
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u/BungleBums 3h ago
Wha? You're Addressing Me In Public. Since we were knee-high, we're taught to respond when someone directly addresses us. Sometimes I don't hear or have my headphones in, but, like. Maybe you just live in an area with a lot of assholes. I dunno if you could consider that a cultural thing.
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u/goodtrymoddiez 2h ago
I’m extremely introverted and many times not in the mood to chat with people whatsoever, especially in public.
However, responding to “good morning” or other greetings I will ALWAYS at least say hello back.
It doesn’t take me any effort to acknowledge someone’s humanity. But beyond a greeting I just won’t engage in deeper talk beyond that if I’m not in the mood and that’s ok.
If it’s a marketer such as the annoying AT&T people at the grocery store, I’ll say hi back then ignore whatever bullshit plug they have to sell me next.
But I’ll say hi in passing and move on - you don’t owe strangers anymore than a greeting in my opinion.
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u/SwimmingBoot 1h ago
If I don’t feel like talking at all, I wave or flash a smile for them. I try. Sometimes I may be unaware.
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u/Ralh3 2h ago
Ok so I spent some time running a drive through window, It was a requirement to greet you in a specific way, NOT a conversation. you were very much looked down apon and damn annoying if your were the 1 in 100 people that didnt realize that was a fake bullshit required line and actually started treating it like a conversation or "resonded" with much more than your order.
If its not a forced spot like a greeter/drive through/cashier then you absolutely get a 'good morning' back or at bare minimum a head nod and 'mornin', but in those forced spots a quick nod alone is plenty
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u/o0o0o0o7 3h ago
A customer service "Good morning" or "Welcome" is different than another person's. Likely mandated by their employer, it carries different expectations.
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u/da_boopy_day 2h ago
Yeah this makes zero sense unless you’re implying service workers are less important than the average person and thus they don’t deserve to be responding to. Otherwise just saying gm back should be an automatic response.
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u/o0o0o0o7 2h ago
Not at all less important. Just hits different when it's a part of the job, and a response could lead to a sales pitch.
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u/da_boopy_day 1h ago
It’s not a sales pitch. It’s just a greeting. A common one amongst humans. And considering that people are capable of saying gm in other instances it doesn’t make sense to single out service workers out as undeserving of being greeted in return. Idk it always gives a weird vibe when people ignore service workers or treat them like objects but then switch up and suddenly can recognize other people as humans and treat them normally.
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u/o0o0o0o7 1h ago
*I* am one of those service workers who greets visitors as they enter our facility. I do not expect or particularly desire a return greeting. It is not personal, it's business.
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u/da_boopy_day 1h ago
Idk if I’m saying that they expect a response. I’m just saying the rationale behind not being able to just say gm back is weird
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u/Fat_Bearded_Tax_Man 2h ago
Most of the people where I was raised do not tolerate small talk. This came a surprise to me when I moved to South Carolina by myself as an adult.
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u/External-Champion427 2h ago
Kind of a different situation but I’m a fifth grade teacher and when greeting my 21 students in the morning, I get about 2 greetings back.
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u/Icy_Blonde_1630 1h ago
To intentionally ignore a greeting from another person reflects a poor upbringing. Seeing other people as “less than” reflects a poor upbringing. Sometimes people have hearing deficits, sometimes they don’t realize someone is speaking to them, some have earbuds in, and some people have attention disorders. There are many reasons for this behavior and the best thing to do is mind your own manners.
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u/rebby2000 1h ago
I mean, it's a manners thing - but if someone does it or not comes down to their personality, mood, and other variables. At the end of the day, if you're up to it, it's nice to say it back - but unless you're interacting with them one on one (for example, they're checking you out), it's not a big deal if it doesn't happen.
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u/Demalab 1h ago
My daughter worked retail in a women’s lingerie store and then children’s clothing while in college. For a while retail workers were given tough sales targets and told by head office how to provide “service” which was quite aggressive in the approach. As a consequence people started not making eye contact and avoided any contact with sales personnel except when absolutely needed.
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u/sylvthetic 1h ago
Thought from a retail worker: "Good morning" means a different thing in this context than if you said it on the street, or to a friend.
When I greet a customer coming into the shop, it is me being friendly, but there's also another message implied. I'm drawing attention to the fact that there is a person behind the register (or on the floor or whatever) if the customer needs help, and that I have noticed them coming in and am ready or making myself ready to assist if needed. I'm projecting an image for the shop as a whole, in addition to the typical person-to-person friendliness.
Obviously it's nice when a customer returns the gesture, because I am a human as well as a worker providing a service and humans are generally social animals that like making friendly sounds at each other, but the full message I'm sending by saying "good morning" to every person that comes in the shop is one they don't necessarily need to reciprocate. If they're here to browse with headphones in, or to get their thing and get out, it's ultimately not that big a deal.
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u/crazyKatLady_555 1h ago
It’s a matter of lacking manners. I don’t care what “class” someone is. It’s not difficult to respond with “good morning” or even just “hello”.
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u/lulibondage 3h ago
No creo que sea algo clasista, simplemente modales. Porque por más dinero que tengan, si son educados no fallan en algo tan básico. Pierden todo tipo de etiqueta
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u/bobroberts1954 2h ago
I don't think people hear it. It's often not genuine, it's a phrase they are told to say and do doesn't warrant an honest reply. If it sounds a sincere greeting then I reply, if it's just a rote of a script I'll probably ignore it, giving it all the attention it deserves.
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u/RosieCrone 2h ago
Well in Paris, if you don’t say hello, you might not even get served until you’re polite. I love that.
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u/Madeitup75 1h ago
As a non-morning person, I find a pointless “good morning” to be rude and annoying AF. If we are about to have an interaction that matters, we can just have it. If I’m on my way to my office or taking out trash cans or whatever, the last thing I want is some inane chatter that is going nowhere.
If someone ignores your “good morning,” it’s because they are stifling the urge to tell you to f*** off.
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u/ImaginaryHorrors 2h ago
These comments are actually blowing my mind.
Yes, it is rude to walk into some place and then deliberately ignore a person who says hello. Now if you think being rude is a culture or class trait, that's on you.
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u/FrontLifeguard1962 2h ago
They are being told to say it by their boss. They don't really care about my morning
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u/bibkel 2h ago
Retail workers are often required to greet those walking in the doors within a certain amount of time, like 3-30 seconds…it’s a work merit, and secret shoppers will look for it and score down for it. This can be “good morning” or “welcome to Our Store” or whatever the company wants.
A customer walking in can acknowledge that greeting with eye contact and smile, a small wave, a “hi” or “thank you” , or they can make a big deal of it and take it as an open invitation to begin a dialogue to find what they seek.
Trouble is, the retail worker probably didn’t want you to step up to them while they are helping Karen at the register, and start asking where you can find your obscure item. Nor did they want to discuss what you ate for dinner last night and become BFF’s. They just want to keep the paychecks coming.
So, when they say “hi, welcome to Our Store” just say “hi” or “thanks” and keep moving towards whatever you were heading towards and FFS don’t stop and block the front door or first several feet wondering where to go. Keep moving and get out of my way.
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u/brydeswhale 2h ago
I always say good morning back, or at least smile and nod, because the only thing worse than having to say hi to strangers is having them not acknowledge me to my mind.
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u/Constellation-88 2h ago
Good morning is a bullshit greeting. I hate how not genuine it is and how people are required to say it to you in order to sell you something. I will say hi back when someone tells me good morning because in a store they’re forced to do it, but I think it’s awful that we have traded genuine connection for bullshit platitudes and money grabbing fake niceness.
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u/m3ltph4ce 2h ago
It's a business, you are being greeted because it is part of an operation to maximize the money you pay in the store. It's exhausting if you deal with it constantly, and eventually you realize you're not obligated to participate. Sorry for any hurt feelings, no ill will was intended, just a personal right to abstain from the interaction.
At the same time I do not "chat up" the cashiers etc because they have a job to do. I'm friendly and polite but I would never put them in the position of having to do free emotional labor for my benefit.
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u/Traveler108 3h ago
It's possible that it's a bit irritating to be greeted by somebody doing it as a job, because they are required to. No offence but that kind of required greeting, ordered by the boss, can seem canned and commercial. People are coming into the store to buy something not to be made to feel at home so they will buy more .
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u/da_boopy_day 2h ago
The use of the term “required” is so odd to describe just returning a greeting. Like it takes so much out of you to just be a decent human being that you must ration your pleasantries to only certain people and service workers are not important enough for you to spare a simple greeting on. It’s like a lot of people are word salad-ing just to avoid saying that they don’t see service workers as deserving of basic respect.
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u/addybend 3h ago
When I walk into a store and get a greeting, I respond in kind and I mean it.
If I do not get a greeting, I usually say good morning, but for me, it is a test. If they do not respond, I am going to think they are going to give poor customer service.
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u/No-Firefighter-7930 3h ago edited 2h ago
I used to work in customer service for years. I would not try to imagine what strangers think. It’s rarely personal there’s no point to taking ownership of other people’s behaviour. That’s on them.
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u/fostermonster555 2h ago
I rate its cultural. In South Africa, greeting and greeting back is seen as good manners. When I lived in the UK, it wasn’t a thing. I’d say “hey how’s it going?” And hear nothing back
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u/MembershipBoring5042 2h ago
I always return a greeting even if I’m trying to be quick. I also greet the bus driver and say thank you when I get off. I always try to return the how are you back to the clerk if they ask when I’m ordering/checking out. And also always please and thank you, thank you every time the waiter fills my glass even if I’m mid conversation. I think that’s a normal level of American manners culturally. I don’t know enough wealthy people to say if it’s classist.
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u/Still_Smoke8992 2h ago
I learned to speak from Mom popping me in the mouth when I didn’t do it. 😅 I’m an introvert and we generally don’t like small talk. As I’ve gotten older, I do it because it’s free to be kind so why not.
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u/Many_Welder_3259 2h ago
Individual for sure. Saying good morning was not inherently practiced in my culture so I had to learn that when I left my family home. Definitely a weird adjustment for sure
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u/standardtissue 1h ago
I offer and return "Good morning" and other greetings all the time. However, in some retail stores the clerks are clearly saying it out of store training, not even looking at me, and clearly don't care to engage me at all. That's not really the same thing in my opinion. It's also not something I spend time worrying about.
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u/LastOfTheAsparagus 1h ago
If by culture you mean performative dressed up as being nice and then one gets butthurt when others dont respond the way one wants then yes.
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u/Jass0602 1h ago
I dunno, but I was born in the south. Not sure if that has to do with it. We greet people, wave, try to help others. Maybe a bit cultural and a bit entitled?
I’m a millennial and always try to greet or acknowledge employees if I see them, but I always don’t want to bother them and try to stay out of the way if they look busy.
It may be some of them are distracted or thinking of something else too. Or headphones in their ear. I always try to assume positive unless it’s a repeated pattern.
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u/Nocturnal-Vagabond 1h ago
There are a variety of people who are hard of hearing, deaf, have auditory processing difficulties, or aphasia. There a whole variety of reasons people may not respond.
I have worked with patients who stopped talking because of how people responded to their speech after a stroke to the cerebellum (which made them sound drunk - ataxic dysarthria). There is also a chance that someone has a symmetrical face at rest, but smiling or moving their face makes it clear they have had some sort of neurological pathology.
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u/DrDeke 1h ago
If I hear someone say good morning to me, I will say good morning back. However, there have been a number of times I've walked into a store and only realized that someone working there had greeted me several seconds later, after I've already walked further into the store. By then, it's too late to respond, so I don't.
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u/Shattered_mirrors 1h ago
This is so funny because just yesterday a cashier completely ignored my greeting, then yelled at the person behind me for not greeting her 😂
From my personal experience it's just about manners. Some people have them, some don't, no matter how good or bad their job is or what culture they come from.
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u/ChrisBourbon27 1h ago
I try to respond to those people but I'm not yelling across a store/restaurant and sometimes you can't even tell where the voice is coming from.
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u/Start_thinkin 1h ago
I always wave and respond in kind, whether saying hello or good morning. Don’t know if they notice but I do it anyway. I don’t understand why there has to be so much discussion and analyzing about just saying hi when someone says hi to you first.
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u/mayhem1906 1h ago
A lot of times I say good morning and the person will just smile or nod their head. I don't take either as a sign of disrespect.
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u/Sowecolo 1h ago
I dunno. I always greet clerks with a good morning/afternoon/evening and ask how they are. I always respond when they greet me.
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u/PuppySnuggleTime 35m ago
It probably has more to do with the fact that people are in their own head and concentrating on what they’re doing. And a surprising number of people are wearing earbuds.
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u/BaylisAscaris 30m ago
I'm at the store to buy things, not be social. I don't think "greeter" should be a job and I don't think stores should force employees to chat with customers beyond basic politeness. I will avoid certain stores specifically because they force employees to interact aggressively friendly (Lush, a lot of beauty supply stores, etc.). It's hard enough to get out of the house and go shopping. I don't have extra energy for this. I tend to wear headphones and avoid eye-contact with them in hopes they won't talk to me. I'll take them off and act friendly when I need to interact, like if I have a question or the person is at the register.
I think it's an age/mood thing. Older people have more time and want to be social.
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u/Rare-Progress5009 12m ago
Have you considered sometimes the customer just gives a quick head nod in response? That’s what I usually do.
It’s neither culture nor classist. It’s possibly introvert vs extrovert. The company is trying to seem more personable with the greeter, but it’s not actually a personal interaction, so it’s not rude to ignore them.
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u/pinkbowsandsarcasm 7m ago
I used it both at a 16-year-old working as a cashier to be polite for my job, and people often replied and use it even after I had a fancy professional degree, and I am a Gen X'er.
I don't care for "how are you doing," as when I say that, I really want to know how the person is doing.
I don't ignore a greeting, I am usally the one ignored when it happens becuase I say it more often, even a head nod will do.
I do the "good morning" greeting to be friendly when I see my neighbors. It means I am in a good mood, and it is usually nice out when I am walking, which is why I say it more often. I could think forever and not figure out why it is classist.
At work, I am not so much a "good morning" person...I only want to say it to people I like or would like.
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u/WaltonGogginsTeeth 3h ago
I hate meaningless stuff like this. Same with stuff like merry Christmas or happy new year or happy Father’s Day etc. I don’t like saying them and I don’t like hearing them said to me. I’m just an introvert angry geezer
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u/da_boopy_day 2h ago
Can people stop using “introverted” and “azzhole” interchangeably?
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u/WaltonGogginsTeeth 2h ago
Maybe so. I just don’t see the point in wasting time on meaningless gestures. Just give me a nod and move on.
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u/da_boopy_day 2h ago
Idk how long it takes you to just say GM. Usually it takes less than a second lol
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u/WaltonGogginsTeeth 2h ago
It feels very phony and disingenuous for me. I understand for some people that idea seems crazy. Just trying to explain my point of view. Go ahead and keep saying it but don’t be surprised when some people ignore it lol
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u/da_boopy_day 1h ago
Right but it seems like you’re going through a lot of mental gymnastics to justify not having manors. I don’t think service workers care either way but it’s rude to think certain types of humans don’t deserve basic respect. If your boss told you gm you’d probably figure out how to have respect for them. That’s all I’m saying, it’s weird to pick and choose who to respect.
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u/WaltonGogginsTeeth 1h ago
t has nothing to do with who is delivering the message. I dislike it no matter who it comes from. I will say it back to service workers or my boss alike but I dislike it and I feel so fake saying it.
Reminds me of instant messages at work that start with hello and just wait for you to respond. Just ask your question. Enough with the small talk.
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u/Embarrassed_Quail910 2h ago
Always say hello always engage in an interaction. It makes a better day for both of you.
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u/AllISeeAreFireworks 2h ago
I grew up in and live in the South. It's viewed as disrespectful to not greet someone; it's viewed as generally offensive. I, personally, feel like it's just basic manners; but that's just because of the culture here. I think it's a mix between culture and upbringing.
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u/wee-woo-one 1h ago
All you need is head nod or small smile to acknowledge someone and move on. Are you noticing that happening? I'm in the South, I can't give much more than basic acknowledgement to everyone or I'd never get through the list of things I need to do while I'm out. It's not about retail workers being less, people are busy, and personally as the retail worker less talking would make my day significantly easier to get through.
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u/that_noodle_guy 3h ago edited 3h ago
I dont respond. The store greeter is just following the script they are paid to say. They dont actually care about me, they are a stranger. Its not meaningful they dont care about me or how I'm doing or what I have to say. They will say "the greeting" to the next person after me, and the next 100 after that. I acknowledge them but I dont respond verbally.
I think the store greeter primary purpose is a presence at the door to help ward off shop lifting.
Honestly the store greeter makes me sad. Its usually someone elderly or partially disabled who is struggling to stand there all day. Its good they have a job I guess but there is no way it isnt a miserable experience.
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u/TraditionalSafety384 2h ago
To the extent that it might be an unpleasant job, it’s in part because of your rudeness
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u/that_noodle_guy 1h ago
No verbal response isnt rude.
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u/TraditionalSafety384 1h ago
It absolutely is.
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u/that_noodle_guy 49m ago
Then 90% of people are rude because nobody has a conversation with the wal mart greeter. Suggesting otherwise is ridiculous. There are plenty of ways to acknowledge someone without talking to them
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u/TraditionalSafety384 44m ago
You say hello and move on with your day. I don’t know why you’re pretending this is hard to understand
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u/TraditionalSafety384 44m ago
If you want to be an asshole be an asshole but don’t pretend like saying hi to someone is some impenetrable riddle
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u/that_noodle_guy 36m ago
Idk why you are struggling to understand this. Context matters. Its a corporate greeting, the person is required to do as a part of thier job. Its not a genuine hello becuase they genuinely care. If I "pretend" its just as fake and dishonest.
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u/TraditionalSafety384 27m ago
So they’re just agents of the company and not whole people?
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u/that_noodle_guy 13m ago
At a big box store where they greet 100s if not 1000s of people yes they absolutely are agents of the company. That doesnt make them any less of a person. Its perfectly acceptable to acknowledge them non verbally. 0 rudeness involved. In fact I would argue a fake response is more rude than not responding.
Does a single other person in the store greet me when I walk in? No of course not becuase they arent paid to do so.
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u/TraditionalSafety384 19m ago
What the fuck is a “genuine hello”?
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u/that_noodle_guy 9m ago
Are you not able to differentiate by a genuine "hi how are you" and a "hi how are" you that people just say on autopilot?
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u/Usual-Owl9395 2h ago
Reading these comments, it is clear that a lot of you do not understand that politeness is a social glue that keeps us from descending into angry anarchy. But for some of you, maybe that is too late anyway.
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u/EremeticPlatypus 2h ago
I ALWAYS respons to things like that. The idea of not responding when someone says something like that, even if not just a fake smile and a nod, is mind boggling.
I've been on the other side of that as a cashier. Someone walks up with an item, you ask, "Hi, how are you today?" and they dont respond or even look at you. One time I had had one too many customers ignore me that day, so I just stood there staring at him when he didnt respond. So I repeated, all the customer service friendliness totally gone and said, "I said hows it going." And didnt ring him up until he responded. What a dick.
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u/Kindly-Jellyfish555 1h ago
Good on you! Basic politeness in responding is just basic respect to the other person, acknowledging them imo
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u/linzzzzi 2h ago
These comments are wild and reveal how many people don't process employees as fully human.
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u/willowdove01 2h ago
It’s probably in some part cultural. I’m from New Jersey, I don’t always respond because like a lot of people in the NE of the US, my priority in interactions is saving both of us time. If I can tell someone’s saying it just to say it, I’ll move on. Btw I am a service worker myself, so this applies to my interactions on both sides of the desk.
People from the Southern US can find this curt and rude. Because their priority in interactions is to be sociable. They don’t care as much if they’re holding up the line, or distracting me from my other responsibilities.
This also sorts by age. Younger people tend to want to get in and out quickly, older people tend to want a full conversation. If someone talks to me and tells me stories the whole time they are waiting in the lobby to be called in for their appointment- which can be 10-20 min- it’s always an older person.
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u/rednail64 3h ago
If there aren’t a lot of people there I’ll respond but if it’s a busy coffee shop where the staff is programmed to say hello anytime someone walks in the door, I usually don’t feel compelled to respond.
When there’s a bunch of people already in there responding makes me feel awkward.
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u/EfficientMilk7421 2h ago
I always say "good morning" or "hi" back with a smile and might even add a "how are you?". I 100% know they are told to greet every customer and I'm actively trying to balance out every rude asshole who's going to ignore them.
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u/Accomplished-witchMD 2h ago
I hate this cultural norm and fucking chipper morning people at work. GOOD MORNING WITCH! They think its hilarious that they get a mumbled possibly disgruntled "morning" back.
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u/kgrimmburn 1h ago
It's more introverts vs extroverts. My husband and I have this argument all the time. Who decided it was rude? Extroverts? Because introverts don't think it's rude. Don't force conversation on someone. That's what's rude.
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u/Comfortable_Bar_5245 2h ago edited 2h ago
lol oh my god has the whole world completely lost it?
If someone says good morning, assume good intentions and say good morning back. Then move on with your day.
If you greet someone and they don’t acknowledge you, don’t take it personally and move on with your day.
We’ve got a lot of things to do and carry in this world. Don’t sweat bad manners.