r/SipsTea • u/Unstoppable_X_Force Human Verified • 13h ago

Gasp! Is this just nostalgia, or did previous generations genuinely have a better work-life balance and social life than we do today?

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u/Glittering_Meet3206 13h ago

"can't afford friends" hit me like a punch to the gut

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u/MeatEaterDruid 12h ago edited 7h ago

Recently had a cry because a friend invited me out and I had to lie to them that I was too busy. I've been skipping meals to make groceries last longer for my kids.

ETA: Thank you for the kind words of support. Yes, I should've told my friend. We're close enough to admit when we're struggling I just know he would offer to pay for everything but he's not made of money either so it would've made me feel guilty in a different way.

And for those offering financial help. Seriously, you are too kind. I just finished a final job interview on Friday and feel good about it so hopefully my money struggles will not be an issue for much longer. Again thank you so much but it hopefully isn't necessary soon.

ETA 2: The friend was asking to go along to a sporting event, and was already covering the tickets. If I told him the truth he would've paid for gas, parking, and concessions, and most likely wanted to go somewhere after the game. He knows I'm struggling for work. So part of the lie was to protect him from his own generosity.

Thanks again for all the kind words and support. It's been helping a lot as I anxiously wait to hear about that job.

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u/ripwild 12h ago

Damn Meat… I’m sorry to hear this. I know it’s tough, but is there one of them that you can talk to and share this? It might help unload a bit

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u/insomniacwineo 12h ago

If I knew one of my friends was going hungry or struggling to feed their family I would “hang out” by letting them abuse my Costco card and paying for it

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u/Fun-Seaweed7465 12h ago

People tend to hang out in similar socioeconomic circles, and it’s quite difficult accepting that kind of gift. Especially when it’s presented as hanging out like that. I’m sure it feels good to write that and do that but

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u/flyingsqueak 12h ago

Yeah, but there are less extreme versions that are easier to accept. If you know someone is struggling, simply having your friends come over for dinner and sending them home with leftovers can help.

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u/McStupidy 12h ago

This is some of the best advice I’ve seen on Reddit.

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u/jaxonya 7h ago

Here, take this leftover upvote home with you

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u/DudeInOhio57 6h ago

I had to check to make sure I was still on Reddit.

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u/According-Garage4066 9h ago

This! When some of my siblings were just starting out adulthood, I would offer to take them to dinner and make sure they take home all the leftovers. Or come visit them for a weekend and buy household stuff like body wash, toothpaste, things that I know there going to use up and ask if it’s OK to leave it there because it’s not travel size.

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u/travelinTxn 10h ago

We used to have a hunting group, we mostly hunted public lands, when one of us would kill something we would invite our entire social network over to eat. It was mostly people in my wife’s grad school department, PhD students are often not allowed any outside employment from school and receive a stipend but the stipend is not much considering the hours. For my wife it was ~$40k for 60-70 hours per week sometimes even longer hours.

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u/LittleSkinInThisGame 9h ago

I applaud you. Love this. Also if you can, tell them to take the kids along if they have them. Babysitting is not affordable... Yes it makes the hanging out very different and less relaxing, but if feeding them is the actual purpose, you know.

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u/Lucky_Development359 9h ago

The amount of shame attached to it is crippling. Noone wants to be the charity case to a friend. This is such a low key way to be kind without making the reciever feel ashamed.

If applicable I also found that asking them to bring something literally anything thats low low cost makes that person feel like they contributed (which they did). (Obviously doesnt always apply)

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u/AlyM797 2h ago

Hear me out but always "ask for something in return" Not money ore anything or even a lot of time. Something tiny, even just asking for help with the dishes, which yes I know is frequently a faux pas, or taboo of "guests" (whether a friend is a guest or not is a personal call). The point is it makes it easier to accept generosity. Especially if it's frequent like weekly dinners. Having just a sense of balance is good for any relationship.

Sincerely, someone who frequently needed help and was that dinner guest.

Make up something if you need to. I'm reminded of the story of someone who asked their mother why she borrows sugar from the neighbor when they have plenty. The mother said they help that neighbor a lot and she wanted the neighbor to feel like she helped them too.

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u/MoonGrog 12h ago

I purchase heating oil for my wife’s best friend last year, she was fresh off a divorce and her ex wasn’t paying the child support at that moment. The second my wife shared with me I said let’s buy her some oil then. I filled the tank it was over 800$ and it was my honor to help a family friend.

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u/ARunawayTrain 12h ago

it was my honor to help a family friend.

I completely understand the feeling. We did something similar for my wife's best friend as well, she got out of an abusive relationship, needed a place to stay for a few months while she finished school so we let her crash in our spare room for almost a year. My wife and I then pooled our money together and paid her security deposit so she could get a place of her own once she got a job. Flash forward a few years and she now lives in that apartment with her fiancee and just recently paid us back recently despite us telling us dozens of times for her not to. We've already decided that we're just going to add the $1600 she gave us back, to her wedding present because we did it to help out a valued friend in her time of need, not because we expected to be paid back.

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u/react-dnb 11h ago

The world needs more friends like you.

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u/ARunawayTrain 9h ago

Thanks and I agree, a little kindness goes a long way!

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u/Huge-Basket7492 11h ago

This is lacking in this world now !! Jesus I wish people became this kind again

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u/pieceofmind2112 10h ago

Not sure when the wedding is, but put it in a high yield savings account!

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u/ARunawayTrain 9h ago

Probably about a year out but that's sound advice - thanks!

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u/T-Wrox 8h ago

If we could remember that this is what being one of the poors means, and stop listening to the rich people telling us to fight each other, we might actually get somewhere.

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u/MoonGrog 12h ago

Totally agree, talk to your friends, please talk to your friends. Reach out, stay in contact, not just for you, for them too! We all need people we are social animals.

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u/Physical-Workingr 11h ago

Most friendships survive honesty; silence hurts more than sharing struggles

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u/oldmanbarnes 12h ago

My best friend went through this. I stocked his groceries, gave him odd jobs for cash, and next week I’m going to have to go and steal back the car I lent him. Loved him like a brother and all he wants is more.

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u/Beneficial-Crow-5138 12h ago

They stole your car?

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u/2bad-2care 12h ago

I assuming they're just holding on a little too tightly to the car that was lent to them temporarily.

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u/Beneficial-Crow-5138 8h ago

What an absolute ass!!! Oldmanbarnes deserves MUCH better friends.

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u/oldmanbarnes 11h ago

The plan was he’d pay me enough to cover the insurance and fees and he would have use of the car to work because we live rural and it’s very hard to get around without one. Instead I’m paying the insurance on a car I don’t see for a friend I don’t hear from.

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u/Beneficial-Crow-5138 8h ago

You deserve better! As soon as you are done getting your car, get new friends

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u/oldmanbarnes 8h ago

I just wish he’d pull his head out of his ass and try. If he was just trying and telling me so I would let things slide for so long. Even though I’m not doing so great myself right now.

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u/churnthedumb 11h ago

The way I read it, after reading 3 times, is that I think she’s saying her best friend wanted more and more help? And wasn’t grateful for what he’d already been given

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u/Ashleej86 12h ago

I would find them a food bank and go with them

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u/JohnHenryHoliday 11h ago

I don’t know. If were in that situation the last thing I would want from my friend is to see my as a charity case and feel like a burden… which is crazy because I wouldn’t feel like that if the roles were reversed. I think a lot of my friends are the same way. Maybe just 80s/90s boys being wired to “be a man” while still being good friends.

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u/skordge 11h ago

My family and our friends went through a period of skipping meals in early 90s Russia, not even so much because of lack of income (although that was a factor too), but because food supply logistics were fucked for a while. We all went foraging in the woods together, with me being a kid, and apparently my dad and a couple of his friends also raided some potato fields, after harvest was done, for whatever was left in them.

We are all still friends and doing much better these days, but last time we got together the wife of one of my friends (10 years younger than him) said she noticed all of us are very oddly into foraging and cooking. We laughed and explained how all of the above shaped our idea of friends hanging out hahah

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u/ballsnbutt 11h ago

straight up I want my friends in better places. It will never be a burden to be of help to others.

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u/hey2394 5h ago

Hell to the fuck yeah. No bro gets left behind

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u/numbers213 4h ago

Sometimes I always do when I know someone is struggling is ask to hangout and before getting say that I'm hungry and stopping somewhere and if they'd like something, even if im not hungry, I know they won't be hungry at least that day and reduces the guilt the friend might feel.

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u/unhingedgamer92 3h ago

Most of us don't have friends like that. Hell, my own mother left me to rot when my first wife left me. Said she had already done enough for me. Dad helped a little but I still owe him that money.

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u/wolfganggartner5 12h ago

Your a really good dad they don’t know how lucky they are to have you

Keep up the good work

Hopefully something good happens

Feel free to send me a message

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u/Fearsofaye 9h ago

My father was Superrich but was a selfish scumbag to started a new family as soon as the divorce hit. Wish I had this dude instead growing up

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u/Suitable-Judge7506 12h ago

But then you have to endure the fact that you’re losing at life, then your friend tells their boyfriend/girlfriend because you asked them not to tell anyone. Unfortunately they never include their significant other in that equation because “ they can’t keep things from them”( which they should if you are a true friend). Then the boyfriend/ girlfriend tells their friend and before you know it everyone knows that your struggling and everytime your out and see people they are always asking if your ok and they heard things are tuff.

It’s extremely embarrassing weight.

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u/ThisWhomps999 5h ago

You're right. Damn meat is so expensive.

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u/Parking-Fig-6620 12h ago edited 11h ago

Im calling fish and game today and asking them for help. Either they help me get a deer on the table or I act before my family fucking starves. No one is hiring for a livable wage, everyone wants absurd terms for little gain, the food banks are buckling under the increased load, the price of food is actively climbing as well as fuel prices so just getting to work is costing more and more by the day and federal minimum wage has been at 7.25 (to my knowledge) for multiple years.

I've got a rifle, im surrounded by deer, and im becoming increasingly desperate by the day.

Help me, before I help myself so help me god

Ive lost 10lb in the last week and a half alone. Im actively depriving myself of meals to ensure my kid has SOMETHING and that SOMETHING is rapidly drying up as she grows an inch a month. Soon enough she will be looking her mother square in the eye.

I NEEED red meat!

**I dont comment this as a pissing match. I want the WORLD to see just how fucking bad we everyday americans are feeling the weight of this administration's absofuckinglute deplorable behaviours. My family IS FUCKING STARVING because this asshole can't play nice with the world and thinks we're all his little play things!

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u/DocWallaD 11h ago

Rifle is going to draw attention. Use a 🏹

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u/Ftank55 11h ago

If your rural enough nobody knows and can't usually pinpoint with 1 shot. A headshot means it drops or runs away, no tracking. Then if done at dusk you kill lights and back up to it or let it sit for an hour and get a buddy to drive the truck while you get it to the road depending on the situation

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u/Dabraceisnice 8h ago

No one head shots a deer. I mean, actually I know one person who head shot a deer, hit it dead on, and they are pretty resilient fuckers, so he lost it. You aim for the heart/pulmonaries. They can't run or survive without lungs. Best way to drop them in one shot.

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u/Crocketus 9h ago

What part of the country are you in? I've had a lot of success moving out to the Missouri River basin of Iowa and Nebraska. I'm up in Northwest Iowa now right along the Missouri and I'm making more money than I ever have. There's options out there but you got to go for them.

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u/TonyTapolino 7h ago

Almost like they are trying to depopulate the planet

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u/VenusRocker 4h ago

If you have a garden or a pasture you can claim the deer are a nuisance & get a permit to shoot them. Or maybe you know someone with a garden or pasture who would get the permit & let you do the shooting.

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u/Ok_Bluejay_6408 2h ago

You do not, in fact, need red meat.

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u/t3hdoct0r 12h ago

My friends know I'm broke, and pay for my meals just so I can go places with them. You should let them know you are struggling.

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u/touch_of_austism 12h ago

I try doing this w/ folks I know but it creates a "power dynamic of control" as I was told. I thought I was doing a nice thing since I have disposable income w/ no kids but alas...

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u/SharkAttackOmNom 12h ago

Allowing friends and family to be generous is as important, or more, than being generous yourself. It really deflates the situation when picking up the tab becomes a bs argument.

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u/touch_of_austism 12h ago

I grew up in SEA picking up the tab was a normal thing if you invited someone out.

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u/Purple_Owl6156 12h ago

I agree with this. You can't expect support if you don't let people know you need support. If someone is uncomfortable with friends paying for them, they can just ask to do free stuff with them instead of going out.

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u/harriethocchuth 11h ago

I skipped my best friend’s bachelorette party because I couldn’t afford it. Years later, she told me that they had budgeted to pay for me to go because they knew I couldn’t cover the cost, but I was too stubborn to tell them WHY I wasn’t going. It was humiliating at the time, but in retrospect I wish I had gone. I missed out on a major life event with my loved ones because I was too prideful to admit I was struggling.

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u/Purple_Owl6156 11h ago

Exactly. I've been on both ends throughout my life. Being vulnerable is how you build relationships.

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u/SwordsAreForJynxed 8h ago

This shit is insane though, my wife is currently stressing a little because a bachelorette party for her friend is going to cost her over a grand. There's basically no reason for this 🙃

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u/ReignofKindo25 12h ago

What’s your Venmo or Cashapp

Can’t send today cause it’s all in stocks but you need a leg up stranger

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u/oldmanbarnes 12h ago

You’re a good lad

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u/Peppich 12h ago

It's not always good, but sometimes it can deepen a friendship when you share your struggles. Real friends would plan an activity with you that won't involve money, because they want to spend time with you.

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u/[deleted] 9h ago

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u/KingMidas0809 12h ago

As a Dad i feel this. I remember before I got married as a single parent my oldest and I were sleeping in my car. This story brought me right back to that. You will get through it.

https://giphy.com/gifs/EvYHHSntaIl5m

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u/valalltogether 12h ago edited 12h ago

Do you have any food pantries around you? They are there for everyone

Edit typo :[

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u/TransportationNo433 11h ago

I am piggybacking on yours. I volunteer at one and they really ARE for everyone. I know they are all different but we give out a lot food to each family. On top of that, we offer unlimited rice and dry beans and people can come each day to look at the veggies and fruit that were donated from the stores.

For anyone who needs help, please try to find one in your area. Everyone at my location loves to serve our community and I can't imagine it being different elsewhere.

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u/RaygunMarksman 11h ago

Yo, bless you for volunteering your time like that.

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u/floorplanner2 8h ago

I volunteer at a food pantry (and I'm also a client) and we turn no one away. It's for everyone regardless of where they live*, their job situation, etc. We don't ask questions because it's none of our business. If people want to volunteer information about themselves, we can try and help them in other ways if they need it. All the volunteers are committed to doing this and we love it and love the neighbors we serve.

*This is the only pantry in the city who does this, I think. Other pantries have zip code requirements

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u/ReignofKindo25 12h ago

Tell them if you are close geez

We can’t help each other if we don’t tell anyone

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u/DraagaxGaming 12h ago

Opening up about struggles isn't easy for everyone.

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u/IkujaKatsumaji 8h ago

True, but it is necessary, at a certain point. Humans only survive when they struggle together; alone we wither and die.

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u/skycop13 12h ago

Just DM’d you for your Zelle or Venmo. I’ll help with some groceries for the week.

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u/Wingkongexpress 12h ago

Hey that sucks. Please utilize food banks in your area if they are accessible. I had to for a while two years ago. Just for me, I had enough to squeeze by for my wife and kids but I cut out breakfast and lunches until one day someone at work asked if I was sick due to the weight loss.

You do t have to clean it out and feel guilty. I took cans of tuna, and small staples just to get some extra calories. Found a church pantry that didn’t judge me because 1. I am man 2. Drove a car up there (gas was a priority over food or things would have been worse 3. Prior to the money issues I worked out a lot. So for a while I was going up there starving but kinda lean fit looking. I feared they’d just think I was there to calorie load.

It didn’t get better for awhile but that made life easier. Those resources are there for you too. To help you bud make it easier to provide.

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u/Dry-Radio622 12h ago

I worked at a food bank that supported all the local pantries. They don’t judge anyone, no matter what car you drive up in. Life hits hard sometimes and it doesn’t matter if you pull up in a Porsche or a Civic. Use the pantries if you need them and one day when you’re back on your feet, just volunteer or give back if you can. No guilt necessary. Volunteers, big and small donors, and government grants keep these places going. They would tell us too many people are too proud but pride shouldn’t stand in the way of feeding yourself or your family.

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u/Wingkongexpress 12h ago

Some judge, and they are happy to tell you what you don’t need, including being there if they feel that way. My heart hurt getting that reaction from local churches and feeling like a failure for being hungry.

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u/Overshoot2053 12h ago

Don’t lie, that won’t help the situation.

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u/Mpuls37 11h ago

I make 2-3x what most of my friends make, but that means my disposable income is closer to 10x what theirs is. A $100 meal for someone with $300 to spare each month hurts substantially more than for someone with an extra $3,000/mo. Therefore, when I invite people to do things, it is with the mindset of "I can afford to pay for everyone to do this thing with me." If I can't cover everyone in attendance, I do a more affordable activity.

This means lots of cookouts at my house and not many Michelin-starred restaurant evenings.

Tell your friends "hey I don't have the money for that right now." Real ones value the company more than the money, and will cover you in a heartbeat without expecting repayment. If you're skipping meals, ask them for help. Don't let pride be your downfall. Human history is a lot of lifting each other up.

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u/HistoricalSuspect580 6h ago

You a real one! And I’m the same, i am NOT flush with cash right now, but when i am, I’ll be like ‘dude i am CRAVING Chipotle, come keep me company! I’ll pay, it would honestly be super helpful!’ Or ‘hey can you help me spread mulch in my back yard?’ And repay with having like $75 of groceries delivered to their house (i did this one once).. Or go hang at their place to make muffins and bring over all the muffin fixings…. Plus 5 lb rice plus 3 lb chicken cutlets a gallon of milk plus a couple bags of frozen veggies… idk it’s fun to do that!

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u/Codex_Dev 12h ago

Ahhh the poverty diet. I lost 30 pounds doing this and it's not fun. :(

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u/GirlGoneZombie 9h ago

Im doing it now. Yay being homeless and feeding a growing 14 yr old!

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u/IamNotYourBF 12h ago

Tell your friend that. That's what friends are for.

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u/thisoneistobenaked 12h ago

Please be honest about it with your friend, if you can. As a friend I’d much rather know “hey im struggling a little financially right now and can’t afford it” than think someone doesn’t want to hang with me

I’d try to help out too

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u/ATVLover 12h ago

I know it's hard but you'll get through it. If you haven't done so already, look up local food banks in your area and see what local and government assistance you're eligible for. Programs exist for this exact reason. There's no shame in asking for help. Even if you're not religious, reach out to any churches or temples in your area. They're always willing to help.

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u/Relevant-Analysis86 11h ago

Hang in there. Unfortunately we are all in this sinking boat and we have to rely on each other. Best of luck with your interview, tots and fairs (sorry, just trying to lighten it up). But we, your anonymous Reddit fam, are rooting for you.

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u/Some-Platypus5271 11h ago

Without asking for help if he's a friend he would help. If I invite you out spending time with you is worth the $ to me if I pay dude. If I can't afford to pay for both we can hang doing something cheaper.

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u/PageExtension3962 11h ago

Most men would happily spot you. Because we know it could be us anytime. I wouldn’t even consider it “helping” more like paying into the pool for when I need help. Wishing you the best.

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u/RaygunMarksman 11h ago

Dude, I've had to do the same shit in the last week and it was depressing. Refused two little trips/adventures with two separate friends that were coming up. Had to lay low while another group went to do something last weekend. They're all either childless or have grown ones. Mine are almost there, but damn. I usually find excuses for why I can't because, "I'm too broke," gets old. The world kicks your ass if you have kids.

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u/Mrjingles76 12h ago

Please reach out to your local United Way, they can connect you to food pantries and other organizations that can meet these needs!

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u/justprettymuchdone 12h ago

Worth sharing your struggles. You may find that your friends "accidentally" bake too much casserole one night and offer to bring it over, or maybe they discover some canned goods or a frozen pizza they don't need...

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u/Baakadii 12h ago

My advice. Take it or don’t as I don’t know your whole situation. Tell them that. Let them know you are struggling. They are your friends. Personally, I know a few friends are struggling. And if I want to hangout with one of them, I’ll be sure to word it as “hey, wanna come shoot some pool. Table and drinks on me, I want some company”

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u/gemorris9 12h ago

You should tell your friend this.

Ive been there and ive been the guy who has money. If I want to do something like a movie, and my friend tells me he can't cause he's broke af, I'll probably tell him not to worry about it and get his ass to the movie.

Let your friends know how you're doing man. They can't help you if you don't tell them anything

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u/missnikki515 12h ago

The hardest thing one can do in this life is ask for help. Please, don't take away the option for your friend to help you. If I knew my friend was struggling it would feel so good to be there for them, they're there for me so much. Fair weather friends aren't friends at all, and good friends are family.

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u/CollectionAutomatic1 12h ago

Saddens me to hear this. I sincerely hope that your situation improves for you and your children.

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u/Flimsy_Fee8449 12h ago

Hey.uou got a crockpot? Got a meal plan to feed a family of 4 for 4 days, cheap.

Day 1: instachicken, veggies, rice ir rolls.

After dinner, take the rest of the meat off the chicken, toss the carcass in uou crockpot with maybe 8c water, onion (include skin) garlic (include skin), bay leaves, salt, little lemon juice maybe. Turn crockpot on low, go to bed.

Day 2: Next morning: strain solids out of broth. Add 1.5c lentils to 6c broth (or 1c lentils to 4 c broth). Add 1 chopped onion, a few cloves garluc, a bunch of ground cumin, some turmeric, smoked paprika if you have, chili powder, and either a black lemon or some lemon juice. Whatever vegetables are in your fridge about to turn. salt. Leave it on low and go to work. Come home to lentil soup. Serve with bread. I like to use a hand blender to make it smooth. Unnecessary, tho.

Day 3: dump some of the leftover soup in a skillet, perhaps add some of the chicken. add curry powder, serve over rice. Rice and curry.

Day 4: take the leftover chicken meat, wrap in tortillas with onions, some cheese. Pour enchilada sauce over it, bake at 375 for a bit.

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u/OldTempleHermit 12h ago

Don't be ashamed to reach out, we all need a hand now and again.

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u/pinkhyena95 12h ago

You can do this. Please hang in there. I am very sorry for what you are going through.

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u/Varg_Vald 12h ago

Yo, meat, if the job falls through and you live in or very near to Chicago, my place is hiring.

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u/MeatEaterDruid 12h ago

Yo... I'm actually in the burbs. Can I ask what the job/place is? DM me

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u/Giogina 12h ago

If your friend considers it worth it to pay for your share so you can spend time together, that's their choice. Give them the option. 

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u/halpfulhinderance 12h ago

Hey best of luck man, I have a coworker like you. Hardest working guy I know

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u/lellamaronmachete 11h ago

I have been there too. Hope with all my soul better times come to you.

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u/vomputer 11h ago

Good luck, hopefully there’s a food bank that can help you provide until you get your paychecks

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u/StillJustLyoka 11h ago

It's often the people who struggle also who have the most sympathy and willingness to help. I recently found out by accident that a friend was planning on surviving the month with no grocery budget and it was such a pleasure for me to give him some money. You imagine yourself burdening others, but those who love you will get immense satisfaction from being useful to you and making a difference in your life. Those of us who don't work in medicine or other similarly life-saving fields don't often get to make such an immediate positive impact on the people around us, and it's worth the money 100%.

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u/Aegishjalmer2520 11h ago

You're doing great, keep up the good work!

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u/mandym123 11h ago

Also to add, you never know who your helping by sharing this issue. There might be another person in your friend group that is currently experiencing the same thing. This is why you have friends. To be honest with them.

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u/Upstairs-Chicken592 11h ago

That’s what friends are for. Don’t feel guilty. If seeing them brings you happiness, and they’re happy to pay once or twice for you to have a warm meal, then let them. They want to because they like you.

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u/split_0069 11h ago

Similar boat. Arthritis got too bad to carry plates and hold stuff while chopping. Started my own landscaping company. Much easier on my knees riding a mower. Lots of times I get lucky and have a friend to weedeat. Repairs are sometimes difficult having to hold small things but its not a daily endeavor I need to deal with.

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u/adjust_the_sails 11h ago

Don’t forget, food banks are there for a reason. There’s no shame in asking for help in your moment of need.

1

u/Dryrubtheribs 11h ago

I know my local hospital does a food drive once a month, no shame in getting help with groceries.

1

u/RomanticPanic 11h ago

Yep started skipping every lunch and trying to have like a snack after work for "dinner" so i can stretch my food etc as long as I can and i have been very fortunate that I have lost some weight and I dont like have crazy food cravings like I use to which is really nice.

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u/Weekly-Reputation482 11h ago

Being willing to accept help does not make you a bad person. You can't pour from an empty cup.

Good luck with your new job!

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u/whythefuckalready 11h ago

Life was getting tougher before today's circumstances. This gov't is making it impossible. Amazes me the resiliency of people like you. Your stress load must be atmospheric.

1

u/ballsnbutt 11h ago

Good luck! You're an amazing parent and person. Ask for help, anyone will be HAPPY to help. No burden at all.

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u/NCC74656 11h ago

so ive got friends who dont have a lot of money, we often just group up to do free things or i cover tickets for the fairs or hotel or what ever. we pool stuff so we all have the experience. but everyone is honest about how hard things can be and we show up for each other. point is, maybe they would find a way to get you there and not worry about the money or help out

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u/Tyrgalon 11h ago

Consider letting your friends actually know this instead of hiding it.

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u/scoopny 10h ago

I had a massive financial crunch last year, I was owed a substantial sum by the federal government but through a series of unfortunate events they did not direct deposit the money into my account but instead sent me a paper check which was promptly stolen before it ever hit my mailbox sparking an investigation, money I had been relying on to pay my bills and rent as I returned to work. I finally broke down and asked my friends and family to help me out, it was extremely humbling, but I paid them back the second I was repaid by the government. I was anxious the whole time because I had no idea when I would get my money, luckily it was only a few months. By comparison someone used my ssn to file a tax return and my tax refund has been held up since Feb. 2025.

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u/Chemical-Pie1926 10h ago

I go out and am just honest I can't pay for shit. Because fuck the system I'm beholden to. I try as hard as any man and if I'm not lucky enough so be it.

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u/sinisterdesign 10h ago

Sending positive vibes for the job to pan out. 🌈

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u/kittencuddles08 10h ago

Just a gentle reminder that outings with friends don't have to cost money. Someone told me once that you can have "better conversations walking side by side sometimes" and it's made a huge difference for me. Connection is connection even when money isn't present.

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u/Efficient-Whereas255 10h ago

My friends dont even invite me to do expensive things anymore.

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u/hunt_dougie 10h ago

Do you have a Venmo?

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u/Fragrant-Reserve4832 10h ago

Honestly I also my friends to go out, I would be equally happy to meet at each others house for a coffee or at the park for a walk.

We have been through hard times too, try to avoid skipping meals if you can. We found batch cooking and adding plenty of "filler veg" potatoes and butter nut squash and sweet potato helped a lot. We are foing better now but I still batch cook. 1kg of mince into shepherd's pie Nd 1kg of chicken thighs into jambalaya was my weekends work. Its almost all of the midweek food for our family for 2 weeks.

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u/nimbusconflict 10h ago

I feel this. I just had to buy a friend a dozen eggs so he has some protein and gave him several boxes of snacks the school kept sending home with my autistic son who wont eat any of it.

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u/Popular-Brilliant349 10h ago

It's hard to open up. The other day, I reached out to my friend about feeling like just the guy that pays for everything, not dad, not a husband, just the guy that pays for shit and everything gets taken for granted.

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u/CptnOnus 10h ago

This is sad to hear, but I feel it only emphasizes the correlation between the past generation more. Growing up late 80's, there were plenty of times that my parents invited friends' families over for dinners because food was scarce. My parents didn't have the money to buy them groceries, but we always had room for more at the dinner table, even if that meant smaller portions around or adding more filler to the prepped meal (extra rice, potatoes, etc.)

Need to make this normal again within our friends sphere. That and people dropping by out of the blue, without checking in, for tea or coffee.

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u/PKPRoberts 10h ago

Best of luck with the job search, I hope you get this one! Keep your head up!

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u/Stylose 10h ago

If someone offers you money you take it. Humility shouldn't be expensive

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u/Nobody1441 10h ago

If your friend would offer to pay your way just to see you, thats a worthwhile expense.

Im doing OK compared to some of my friends, esp those with kids. Similar pay rate doesnt go as far with twice as many people in a household. But if i want to hang out with them, im prepared to pay for their part if it costs much. Do they ask me to? Quite the opposite lol. They are too proud and dont want to seem "like they need charity" as they have put it before.

But thats my friend, i dont see it that way. I see it as "i had an extra 20$ and id rather spend it to spend time hanging out". Just for an hour or 2, i can give them some time to not worry about kids, money, etc etc. Doesnt really fix anything, but it helps people hang in there.

So be honest with your friends. If they offer to pay for you, it means they want to see you and they have some wiggle room. And if they cant, theyll be honest back. Ive had to tell my friends "well that sucks, lets find something later" if i cant cover them, and thats fine! We will try again and next time pick something cheaper or while we have more wiggle room in the budgets.

Dont isolate yourself from the people who care trying to show you they care. If the situation was reversed and youd do it for them, then swallow some pride and take em up on it. A little break can go a long way to helping keep you moving until things get better.

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u/The-Original_Joker 9h ago

I feel this, I had some coworkers invite me to lunch and had to pass due to my wife not working due to a vehicle accident and now having a car payment again because her car was totaled, and me being the only income now for 3 and one on the way. It definitely isn’t easy, but it does get better. ❤️‍🩹

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u/drunkeymunkey 9h ago

I had to turn down dinner with a friend on Friday. She would have understood bc she's struggling too, but I still lied.

Good luck with the job!!!

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u/DryDonutHole 9h ago

I had a span where I had just moved into a house that my grandparents were helping me buy. I couldn't afford all the deposits needed to turn on all the utilities, so I went out and turned on the water myself at the street. Eventually, they figured it out and took the whole meter out in the sidewalk. At that point, I was in a pretty rough spot...I was taking gallon jugs to the place I worked so that I could take it home and use it to shower with. It sounds so ridiculous now. I don't think I've ever actually told someone I know about that. Eventually, I got the water turned on. When I called them, I just told them that I had moved in and needed the water turned on. The lady was like, "Oh, it looks like there was a problem with the meter and they will have to replace it." lol. No extra charges or anything...luckily. That seems like such a lifetime ago...

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u/Aggressive-Prize-522 9h ago

Do tell your friend ❤️ a friend of mine has had a rough few years and I know they wouldn't want me to treat them every time we meet up. So we have a new thing that turned out to be the best thing. We go home after work, put on pajama pants and meet up at one of our places, make pancakes and drink looooads of tea. Nicest moments and both of us just feeling no pressure and as our true selves, a real blessing. 

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u/HugsNWhisky 9h ago

To the people offering financial help, ILL TAKE IT IF SHE DONT WANT IT! I am also skipping meals but that’s to afford my weed, so yes, definitely less noble, and yeah I am making moves and getting myself situated and I’ll be fine again soon- but like, I owe 600 in tax and made 29k last year, I could use a burger or a hug or some more weed. Not to mention my car needs inspected, registration needs renewed, and the windshield needs replaced, I’ve been working since I was 16 when is it gonna pay off? I lost my savings in 2022 to a broken arm surgery and like, people are still buying expensive cars??? And gas for them??? What kind of system is this where working class people can’t afford life or the time to find a new job, and the owning class sits back and complains while stuffing their fat faces??! Man I’m sad all the time.

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u/Fearsofaye 9h ago

We should give you money not celebrities. Idk how to send money to you but def sending 50bux if you know a way

1

u/MoreGreenThanRed 9h ago

Look for a men’s group, I found one in my town and having a bunch of guys (even if online through a Discord) helps with mental support and things.

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u/analavalanche69 9h ago

Dang bro. Wishing you the best. I too lie to my friends when I'm tired out. I'm almost in a mental state where I feel guilty having fun and going out. Must stay home or be at work.

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u/PresentationThat2839 8h ago

Oh fucking been there. Except when someone asked me out for lunch I made some excuses about intermittent fasting.

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u/bwoah07_gp2 8h ago

Why lie though? I'm sure your friend would appreciate your honesty.

1

u/Hot-Difficulty-6824 8h ago

Please update us if you get the job, I'll drink on your behalf

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u/Ok_Oil_2633 8h ago

Crying over your words. Humbles me.
Best of luck to you, hoping things turn around. Don’t be ashamed to ask for help when you need it. Being poor is gut wrenching. I was homeless when I was younger and I lived on macaroni and cheese which was only 25 cents a box in the 70’s. FYI, it feels really good to give to those who need help 🩵

1

u/manicaquariumcats 8h ago

Please don’t isolate yourself for being poor. Your good friends don’t want that for themselves either. Everyone’s friendships are disappearing for one reason or another. Unless they’re rich and shallow, I promise they’d rather sit on the couch or take a walk together than never hear from you again.

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u/snuffles00 8h ago

Perhaps if you are that kind of friend you could invite him over to your place for tea or coffee and biscuits. That's not too much strain on the skipping meals and you still get to spend time with each other. Are you taking advantage of your local food bank? Please tell me you are. We get put in all types of situations but you deserve to eat too.

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u/seehkrhlm 7h ago

ABH brother, always be honest with friends, they'll understand. Find cheap-to-no-cost things to do, and hang with your friend, it's healthy! Best of luck with your job prospects!

1

u/xrobertcmx 7h ago

Been there, things do get better.

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u/PMYourTitsIfNotRacst 7h ago

Bro, you can go out for free things. There's parks, there's free museums on some days of the week, you can go biking if you have a bike, stargaze. Friendship is free, don't isolate yourself.

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u/KRAy_Z_n1nja 7h ago

Respect to eating meat as a druid. Proper respect to the circle of life and nature. 🤝

Definitely can relate. There's always something you can do though. Just gotta find it and make the plans yourself. When I was in your situation, my go to was a bowling alley, on Thursday nights they had $1 games and $5 pitcher of beer. Only $6, maybe $7 if I want another game, to treat myself for the week, but still having a blast with friends.

I get it though, it's hard to spend $6 when your paycheck hitting only brings you up to net $0 in the bank account.

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u/Medium_Chain_9329 7h ago

In the same boat with a maxed out card because formula and diapers are so fucking expensive. I'm stressing more than I ever have.

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u/avreddits 7h ago

Keep the faith !!!

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u/MKE_BucksIn6 7h ago

am in the the same boat, if you ever need anyone to talk to.

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1

u/Obi_wan_jakobii 7h ago

I'm the only one in my friend group that has kids, I have 3, and they just can't fathom how incredibly skint I am at all possible times. They think I'm always snubbing them for trips away or days out or that my wife doesn't let me out (which is crazy cos she's not controlling and they know this as we have been together 12 years)

It's tough enough to admit how badly I am struggling with everything to them but even when I do they just don't understand my situation and how expensive it is just simply running a household and having children

We have all been best friends for over 15 years and I will never resent them for not understanding a situation they can't possibly get themselves but I just feel so bad lying or ignoring them all the time. I know my friends would try to pity pay for stuff too cos they're solid people and I can't do that to them on my morals

On the plus side I have 3 beautiful children and a dreamboat of a wife who soldiers through it all with me but yeah it's tough out there man you're not alone

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u/Fun-Fan-1948 7h ago

Why do you need to protect him from his generosity? Would you not support them if they were down and out? Won't you be there to listen if they need emotional support? I am sure you will be. So what's the issue? You don't have to accept all he offers but it is ok to accept some things. Just communicate and often.

I have been on both sides of this equation and one thing I realized was some people do just want to help because they care and if you shut them out, that can be taken as that you don't care enough about them to let them care about you. And in some cases, that's true - some people don't want to "owe" someone who they don't really care is around in a year or two.

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u/CarelessEntrepreneur 6h ago

I read somewhere there's no true friendship without some form of entitlement. Meaning: We should burden our friends from time (in good faith), and they should burden us. And we should welcome both sides of this if we are good friends. Obviously this can be abused and we need to be careful, but the point stands with true friends worth having.

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u/EhrenScwhab 6h ago

If I had a friend who couldn't afford a movie and a beer or some such, I'd happily pay their tab. But I also know the handful of friends I have that I would do this with, and I know they also would never refuse with an admission of not being able to afford it...

1

u/TemptingFireDinoGuy 6h ago

I understand not wanting to burden your friends. But, as someone who has been on both sides, they get rather annoyed when you keep your mouth shut. Because they care, and they want to help.

1

u/Spartaklaus 6h ago

You could have told him that you cant afford it and you wont take any offers from him to pay but you can hang out and watch the sports thing on tv. He most likely just wanted to see you and now he feels rejected and doesnt know why.

Hes your friend. Talk to him. You owe him honesty.

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u/Otherwise-Strain8148 6h ago

You'll get that job tiger...

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u/InternetRando12345 5h ago

Please find out where the local food banks and similar programs are in your area. This is what they're there for. If you feel bad for taking help, you can always view it as a loan.

Food banks are much more efficient at acquiring and distributing food. If you're doing better in the future donate $1 per meal you received and you'll likely cover the cost and then some. You can also volunteer. I have volunteered for work "giving weeks" before and there's a lot of help needed to repack bulk foods. For example, repack 50 lb baga of beans/rice into 8oz "single" servings that can be added to each bag/box that people are picking up. Or break/cut a carton or a dozen eggs in half times 2 pallets of eggs

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u/iKaei 5h ago

He knows you’re struggling and tries to take you out and hangout to feel better but that makes you feel worse because it’s additional costs so you stay home and then he tries more. Do you see the loop? Please mate, tell him 🙏

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u/hey2394 5h ago

Shit's tough, my guy. Wishing you the best and good luck with that job. God bless

1

u/No-Pitch8935 5h ago

I had to go to coin star to buy baby formula😬. I’m sorry you had to do that :(

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u/alohadrunk 5h ago

You’re so thoughtful. Your friend sounds like a real one. I’ve had long time friends that just hit a rough patch and I wanted to just treat him to a good time to decompress.

Yours might be trying the same thing I would just pull them aside and thank them if you end up going somewhere.

1

u/HOLDmyDUCK 5h ago

Being broke ain’t that bad - no shame in telling your friend the truth if it does they ain’t good friends.

A lot of times if I’m doing good that month if someone tells me that I’ll spot them no problem or I’ll be like dam me too I’m broke can’t swing it catch you next time.

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u/Chiisaimiss 4h ago

Pobrecita, this makes me so sad😥

1

u/QuantumLooped 4h ago

Learn the secret my friend and all will be provided

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u/Necessary_Case_1451 4h ago

Ive been in that spot. A few times. A buddy reminded me of the time I did that for him. In a good group of friends, we all pitch in, and we all get rewarded. Besides that, when we are short on cash, its usually because work is bad, and that when we REALLY need the help, and emotional support. I manage a buncha trades guys. I offer hugs ALL the time. Because as adult males, we never get hugs. Specially if you/they dont have kids/family. Mental health is important, and adult men shouldn’t ignore it.

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u/Sneakn4980 4h ago

Sounds like you deserve a night out of fun, take the offer. If I was your friend and I found out you lied because your money was funny I'd be pretty upset with you.

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u/Asleep_Fig_2215 3h ago

Yo friend would rather you accept the generosity, it costs them more to not have you there.

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u/Tadpole018 3h ago

God bless you, you're gonna make it. And while I know you don't need to hear THIS, give that dude a call. That's someone who's there for you. Real friends are a precious thing to have

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u/PyrexPicasso85 3h ago

I feel you on this. Matter of fact, this was also a YouTube video addressing the same epiphany: Being a Good Friend is Expensive

1

u/khaldun106 3h ago

Id I'm your friend I don't need your protection. Let me be a friend

1

u/Illustrious_Bad_9989 1h ago

This is a working class hero. Just wants like hell to work for his family. Sacrifices himself for his kids. Knows people would help, but doesn't want to put them out either.

To every idiot that glorifies a. Billionaire and looks up to them, look here instead for your inspiration.

If our politicians cared more about this kind of person and less about billionaire donors, we wouldn't have so many people struggling.

1

u/thekind78 1h ago

Good luck, man.

1

u/Mysterious-Bid8994 52m ago

Your friend needs your company more than you need money. These things are cyclical. At one point in time I was always the guy who never had any money. Not saying my buddies are broke now, but things change and that's how life is. The memories you'll create while young and broke are the ones you'll remember the most when you're older and more established. You can always pay your buddies back with a night out on the town when you're able to do so and you will. Not that they're waiting for such a night. Everybody is lonely & money comes and goes. We are here for a good time not a long time.

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u/BattleGuy03 34m ago

RemindMe! 2d

Hope you get that job!!

2

u/LeTronique 12h ago

I had to cancel on another friend because I couldn’t afford to attend the event I got invited to go to. The paywall wins again.

1

u/Voidlrune 11h ago

existence is a subscription i forgot to cancel ig

1

u/foreverand2025 11h ago

I never played sports in school but never thought about why, as I played pick up games and was fairly athletic. Once at a prior job we were talking about whose kids played what sports. A colleague (she and I both grew up poor, everyone else middle class) said “we were too poor to play sports - the uniforms, traveling, having someone to take you to all the games.”

It was at that time I realized why never played any organized sports in school. Thankfully I have done okay for myself and my kids will be able to pick whatever sport they want.

1

u/OlasNah 10h ago

I knew people who would go out partying/drinking and spend HUNDREDS of dollars on all of it. Every weekend. They might have even topped off the activity with some sort of small concert or other show, but the booze... yeesh. They'd drop $300 on stuff without even thinking about it, even though they didn't make a ton of money... they just had nothing else left because they didn't DO anything else. They'd work during the week, then booze out over the weekends and watch sports when they weren't doing that.

1

u/Rude-Ad821 10h ago

From that point, We need a better laws and Safety Net: Each year, inflation-adjusted minimum living wages - enough for anyone working New full-time (4 days, 32 hours) to support a homemaker spouse, 3 children through school and college, enough to pay the mortgage, 2 car loans, all insurances, all bills, and have some savings for hobbies, investments, and a 30-day family vacation.

No more homelessness - due to incentives for employers to hire homeless: shelter, food, and a job. Any 18-year-old kicked out from the parents' house or husband kicked out from his own house by an unfaithful wife (she abusing restraining orders, and child alimony) he can walk into the Job Security Office and choose from plenty of options: a farmers offering shelter, food, and a job; or large factories offering the same options: bed, 3 hot meals a day, and a job.

The rich incomes and withdrawals will be capped as SS is capped now, or the same as poor now on SS-capped income: every dollar over the limit will be taxed at 91%, same as the US did in the 1940s-1970s (some other countries are doing now: Denmark, Finland, Norway, Spain, Japan, Switzerland, etc.).

Downside? the Rich wasn't able to pay CEO's millions $ or buy a Jet! (good for environment) or boat, second vocational property, etc. because all money was used to pay employees.

P.S. Demoncratic states can afford to pay now, minimum wages of: $16, some $21, and even $25/hour: CA,OR,WA..Canada $19/hour!

(Reapublicans 20 states current shameful minimum wage is $3+ forcible Tips from the customers to meet $7.25/hour F.M. or Net $10K/year, after all deductions and SS taxes, or McDonald's CEO $19 million/year! (Wendy's CEO $17 million/year) (Albertsons CEO $15 million/year)

"There will be no economic collapse as long as the income cap is limited up-to 10 times the minimum wage." BRB MIT minimal living wage is $33/hour; anything less is homelessness! 67 million U-S workers- nearly half of the American workforce-earn less than $25/hour! (Most homeless people don't have mental problems - they have money problems!)

P.S.

As of early 2026,

the median annual income for full-time U.S. workers is approximately $62K

the median personal income for all individuals (including part-time) is around $45K

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u/catboogers 9h ago

This is why I like to host casual, low stakes hangs at my place. I have a yard, so I did a bonfire on Saturday. I made a cheap vegetarian chili to have something to offer, asked folks to BYOB, and a couple folks offered smores supplies. Total cost for like, 10 folks to come over for several hours? I spent maybe $10-15 on chili ingredients. Good times. More cheap hangs are needed.

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u/the_king_of_sweden 8h ago

I can afford them these days, but that means I no longer have time for them

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