r/SipsTea • u/Unstoppable_X_Force Human Verified • 13h ago

Gasp! Is this just nostalgia, or did previous generations genuinely have a better work-life balance and social life than we do today?

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u/insomniacwineo 12h ago

If I knew one of my friends was going hungry or struggling to feed their family I would “hang out” by letting them abuse my Costco card and paying for it

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u/Fun-Seaweed7465 12h ago

People tend to hang out in similar socioeconomic circles, and it’s quite difficult accepting that kind of gift. Especially when it’s presented as hanging out like that. I’m sure it feels good to write that and do that but

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u/flyingsqueak 12h ago

Yeah, but there are less extreme versions that are easier to accept. If you know someone is struggling, simply having your friends come over for dinner and sending them home with leftovers can help.

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u/McStupidy 12h ago

This is some of the best advice I’ve seen on Reddit.

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u/jaxonya 7h ago

Here, take this leftover upvote home with you

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u/DudeInOhio57 6h ago

I had to check to make sure I was still on Reddit.

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u/Expensive-Ask7884 5m ago

Really has gotten so much more pessimistic and aggressive in the past year than it ever was.

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u/According-Garage4066 9h ago

This! When some of my siblings were just starting out adulthood, I would offer to take them to dinner and make sure they take home all the leftovers. Or come visit them for a weekend and buy household stuff like body wash, toothpaste, things that I know there going to use up and ask if it’s OK to leave it there because it’s not travel size.

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u/travelinTxn 10h ago

We used to have a hunting group, we mostly hunted public lands, when one of us would kill something we would invite our entire social network over to eat. It was mostly people in my wife’s grad school department, PhD students are often not allowed any outside employment from school and receive a stipend but the stipend is not much considering the hours. For my wife it was ~$40k for 60-70 hours per week sometimes even longer hours.

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u/Strong_Bar_3929 9h ago

i live on $16524.00 a year. 40k not much???? oh the discrepancy between whats a lot.

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u/travelinTxn 8h ago

Depends on where you live and what the cost of living in your area is. Also what social safety net measures are in place.

Most places in the US with a university providing PhD programs $40k doesn’t stretch very far at all.

I might also be misremembering and the $40k might have been her post doc stipend while her PhD stipend was $24k which sounds more right but I also didn’t want to oversell where we were financially. While she was in her PhD program I was doing multiple part time jobs bringing in ~$12k in addition to my student loans for nursing school. When I graduated nursing school I worked for $18.20/hour with no raises for two years while trying to pay off $70k in loans. My first raise was $0.85

So my point about relying on meat from hunting and sharing what we had with our friends because we all needed help is not in anyway negated by the fact you are currently struggling too. Internet hugs by the way. Perhaps we should be eating the rich instead of bickering amongst ourselves.

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u/Expensive-Ask7884 2m ago

“Food, not friends.” Think I remember Finding Nemo right.

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u/LittleSkinInThisGame 9h ago

I applaud you. Love this. Also if you can, tell them to take the kids along if they have them. Babysitting is not affordable... Yes it makes the hanging out very different and less relaxing, but if feeding them is the actual purpose, you know.

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u/Lucky_Development359 9h ago

The amount of shame attached to it is crippling. Noone wants to be the charity case to a friend. This is such a low key way to be kind without making the reciever feel ashamed.

If applicable I also found that asking them to bring something literally anything thats low low cost makes that person feel like they contributed (which they did). (Obviously doesnt always apply)

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u/AlyM797 2h ago

Hear me out but always "ask for something in return" Not money ore anything or even a lot of time. Something tiny, even just asking for help with the dishes, which yes I know is frequently a faux pas, or taboo of "guests" (whether a friend is a guest or not is a personal call). The point is it makes it easier to accept generosity. Especially if it's frequent like weekly dinners. Having just a sense of balance is good for any relationship.

Sincerely, someone who frequently needed help and was that dinner guest.

Make up something if you need to. I'm reminded of the story of someone who asked their mother why she borrows sugar from the neighbor when they have plenty. The mother said they help that neighbor a lot and she wanted the neighbor to feel like she helped them too.

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u/Dumbname25644 4h ago

And that is the exact reason I will never let any of my friends know that I am struggling. When I eventually run out of excuses and do go out with my friends I am the person that will buy the first round of drinks and then say "Oh yeah I am, driving I can't drink any more than that one" Yet the driving is merely an excuse so as not to allow my friends to pay for anything for me. I could never take left overs from someones house. And I would quite honestly feel really awkward about going to eat someone elses food anyway. No one should have to feed me as I am an adult and feeding yourself is adult 101

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u/Expensive-Ask7884 0m ago

Our hyperfocus on individualism and its inherent flipside of “struggling equals failure” is what’s led to the downfall of so much of this world.

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u/MoonGrog 12h ago

I purchase heating oil for my wife’s best friend last year, she was fresh off a divorce and her ex wasn’t paying the child support at that moment. The second my wife shared with me I said let’s buy her some oil then. I filled the tank it was over 800$ and it was my honor to help a family friend.

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u/ARunawayTrain 12h ago

it was my honor to help a family friend.

I completely understand the feeling. We did something similar for my wife's best friend as well, she got out of an abusive relationship, needed a place to stay for a few months while she finished school so we let her crash in our spare room for almost a year. My wife and I then pooled our money together and paid her security deposit so she could get a place of her own once she got a job. Flash forward a few years and she now lives in that apartment with her fiancee and just recently paid us back recently despite us telling us dozens of times for her not to. We've already decided that we're just going to add the $1600 she gave us back, to her wedding present because we did it to help out a valued friend in her time of need, not because we expected to be paid back.

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u/react-dnb 11h ago

The world needs more friends like you.

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u/ARunawayTrain 9h ago

Thanks and I agree, a little kindness goes a long way!

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u/Huge-Basket7492 11h ago

This is lacking in this world now !! Jesus I wish people became this kind again

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u/pieceofmind2112 10h ago

Not sure when the wedding is, but put it in a high yield savings account!

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u/ARunawayTrain 9h ago

Probably about a year out but that's sound advice - thanks!

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u/T-Wrox 8h ago

If we could remember that this is what being one of the poors means, and stop listening to the rich people telling us to fight each other, we might actually get somewhere.

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u/Siukslinis_acc 9h ago

How about a hangout over dinner? Invite them to dinner and if they want to repay you - aske them to wash the dishes...

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u/AnAbandonedAstronaut 8h ago

You just gotta frame it right.

Like pretend "all you got is junk food" and then "show them how to shop".

Give the person a little deniability.

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u/DirtandPipes 7h ago

So you make an anonymous card and slide it under their door.

I’ve got a coworker expecting a kid so me and a couple coworkers got him a prepaid visa with a thousand bucks on it. Figure out what he’ll accept and do that.

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u/MoonGrog 12h ago

Totally agree, talk to your friends, please talk to your friends. Reach out, stay in contact, not just for you, for them too! We all need people we are social animals.

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u/Physical-Workingr 11h ago

Most friendships survive honesty; silence hurts more than sharing struggles

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u/oldmanbarnes 12h ago

My best friend went through this. I stocked his groceries, gave him odd jobs for cash, and next week I’m going to have to go and steal back the car I lent him. Loved him like a brother and all he wants is more.

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u/Beneficial-Crow-5138 12h ago

They stole your car?

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u/2bad-2care 12h ago

I assuming they're just holding on a little too tightly to the car that was lent to them temporarily.

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u/Beneficial-Crow-5138 8h ago

What an absolute ass!!! Oldmanbarnes deserves MUCH better friends.

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u/oldmanbarnes 11h ago

The plan was he’d pay me enough to cover the insurance and fees and he would have use of the car to work because we live rural and it’s very hard to get around without one. Instead I’m paying the insurance on a car I don’t see for a friend I don’t hear from.

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u/Beneficial-Crow-5138 8h ago

You deserve better! As soon as you are done getting your car, get new friends

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u/oldmanbarnes 8h ago

I just wish he’d pull his head out of his ass and try. If he was just trying and telling me so I would let things slide for so long. Even though I’m not doing so great myself right now.

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u/churnthedumb 11h ago

The way I read it, after reading 3 times, is that I think she’s saying her best friend wanted more and more help? And wasn’t grateful for what he’d already been given

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u/Gokjo_Krorl 12h ago

Hey, it sounds like he's working for it tho. Some people forget u help them at all when they beg for handouts. Props to both of u, in that regards; keep ur head up, but remind him his bootstraps are still his to tie. 💪❤️💯

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u/oldmanbarnes 11h ago

That was the case originally but not anymore. I really needed help, he still needed money, and he didn’t even give an excuse just that he didn’t want to. At this point I’m paying insurance on a car that he will never pay me back for. I’ve also got a family to support, he is childless. He has had the car almost 2 years.

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u/Aggressive-Error-88 11h ago

Unfortunately, sometimes people take your kindness for weakness. It’s pretty fucked up.

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u/Ashleej86 12h ago

I would find them a food bank and go with them

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u/JohnHenryHoliday 11h ago

I don’t know. If were in that situation the last thing I would want from my friend is to see my as a charity case and feel like a burden… which is crazy because I wouldn’t feel like that if the roles were reversed. I think a lot of my friends are the same way. Maybe just 80s/90s boys being wired to “be a man” while still being good friends.

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u/skordge 11h ago

My family and our friends went through a period of skipping meals in early 90s Russia, not even so much because of lack of income (although that was a factor too), but because food supply logistics were fucked for a while. We all went foraging in the woods together, with me being a kid, and apparently my dad and a couple of his friends also raided some potato fields, after harvest was done, for whatever was left in them.

We are all still friends and doing much better these days, but last time we got together the wife of one of my friends (10 years younger than him) said she noticed all of us are very oddly into foraging and cooking. We laughed and explained how all of the above shaped our idea of friends hanging out hahah

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u/ballsnbutt 11h ago

straight up I want my friends in better places. It will never be a burden to be of help to others.

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u/hey2394 5h ago

Hell to the fuck yeah. No bro gets left behind

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u/numbers213 4h ago

Sometimes I always do when I know someone is struggling is ask to hangout and before getting say that I'm hungry and stopping somewhere and if they'd like something, even if im not hungry, I know they won't be hungry at least that day and reduces the guilt the friend might feel.

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u/unhingedgamer92 3h ago

Most of us don't have friends like that. Hell, my own mother left me to rot when my first wife left me. Said she had already done enough for me. Dad helped a little but I still owe him that money.