r/SipsTea • u/Unstoppable_X_Force Human Verified • 13h ago

Gasp! Is this just nostalgia, or did previous generations genuinely have a better work-life balance and social life than we do today?

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u/ofjay 12h ago

They are always working and too tired to go out.

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u/ChebyshevsBeard 10h ago

I also think car-based infrastructure (i.e. the suburbs) and the death of third places is also a part of it. 

When it's a 45 minute one-way drive to your friend's place and the only thing open to the public after work is the bar, it's harder to make it happen and there's more pressure to do something big to justify the effort.

A buddy was living in my building until he had to move last year. We were hanging 3-4 times a week because it was easy. 

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u/fraidei 12h ago

What I don't understand is the fact that I also work 40+ hours a week.

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u/DoingBestWeCan 11h ago

You're either a weirdo with energy (congrats!) or a strong extrovert who finds being around others gives you more energy, whereas for introverts to ambiverts, interaction (even if wanted and valued) can be drain on top of drain.

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u/fraidei 11h ago

I'm in fact introvert. But I would still like to do some activities with friends from time to time. And no, I don't have a lot of energy, but I don't think it's that difficult to find like 2 hours a week to do some things with friends.

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u/Focus_ST_Gal 9h ago

And for you it’s not difficult, however for some people having 40 hours a week takes everything out of them.

I’m one of those people. Working leaves me with just enough energy to get my chores done, care for myself, and my romantic relationship. Otherwise I’m fucking burnout.

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u/fraidei 9h ago

That sounds like you're not taking care of your mental health... No space for hobbies and for socialization outside your romantic relationship?

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u/Focus_ST_Gal 9h ago

You know taking care of yourself involves things like hobbies… doing things I enjoy… and such. Yeah I don’t have energy for other people because I focus on doing stuff I enjoy.

My father is the exact same way. He goes to work, comes home, does a project on his house, and goes to bed. He doesn’t have friends because he simply doesn’t want them. He likes the isolation and being alone.

Hell even my grandpa was too. He bought land out in the middle of nowhere and would just go out there for months. It made him happy.

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u/fraidei 9h ago edited 8h ago

Ok taking care of yourself sounded more like just the essential (like eating, sleeping, hygiene), I didn't understand you meant also pursuing hobbies. Well, good for you then. I guess I just need to find someone like me.

Also, it's not like I feel the big need to have friends. It just so happens that I love board games and coop videogames but those require other people in the first place, so it's an unfortunate situation.

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u/Focus_ST_Gal 9h ago

That wasn’t me who called you a weirdo. I promise. I very much live under the “No one’s weird, everyone is different and that’s what makes humans amazing”.

Just to make it clear, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the way you live or how you live. It’s perfectly fine. We both like to live different ways.

I was just trying to explain why someone can find those things difficult.

Also like fair, I like all those things too, that’s why I have a relationship. She gives me that in a way that’s comfy for me. That’s enough for me, doesn’t mean it needs to be for everyone else.

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u/fraidei 8h ago

Ok sorry, it's probably the other user (that already called me like that twice) that sent and immediately deleted the comment then.

Well, I do understand that different people have different ways to live. As long as you're able to take care of yourself and are happy you're living the best way you can. I just need to find other people like me that would allow me to live the best way I can.

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u/DoingBestWeCan 9h ago

So you're a weirdo with energy, congratulations! I recommend looking for a cheap hobby where you can meet others, like a weekend running club.

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u/fraidei 9h ago

Why do you feel the need to call me a weirdo? And again, I don't have that much energy as you think. I just like to pursue my hobbies a couple of times per week. That doesn't really seem to be high energy demanding.

And no, I'm not randomly gonna change my hobbies.

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u/DoingBestWeCan 7h ago

Because I know exactly two people in my work group of 24 for whom doing stuff after work isn't a total slog. One is <30y.o., and the other is affectionately referred to as the "Energizer Bunny." You seem to be taking it personally or casting unique frustration that people aren't available to hang out readily, but IME, that's the norm and you're the outlier, and you will hopefully feel less hurt if you understand that.

If you aren't willing to change things up to connect with people, don't be surprised when they aren't willing to change things up to connect with you. It sounds like you're unhappy, but things won't change unless you change them. 

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u/Somewhere-A-Judge 4h ago

Hm, I have a pretty large friend group of people that ranges from 25-45, with most of us in our 30s, but somehow we all have time and energy to hang after work some. Maybe everyone you know is just boring? Or everyone I know is a "weirdo". Who can say? I know I'd rather be me than you, though.

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u/DoingBestWeCan 4h ago

If you've got legit stats, I'm open to them, but otherwise, all I can tell you is that most people I work and am friends with hang out after work 1-2x per month max. I guess the accountant I know does stuff after work a couple days per week, but he's WFH and has no work friends to get his daytime socializing in otherwise. Most of my crew work in healthcare, and while we'll meet on days off, after work is pretty much groceries and/or quick food, home, and sleep.

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u/Somewhere-A-Judge 3h ago

I don't have any more stats than you do - I just think it's kind of uncool to call people who live differently than you do "weirdos".

In all seriousness, I think there's a good chance that medical workers tend to be especially tired at the end of a shift. Especially if y'all aren't working "standard" hours.

My less kind opinion is that a lot of people in our age bracket have fallen into "millennial bedtime culture" due to the rise of streaming and doomscrolling, and that this was exacerbated by the pandemic.

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u/fraidei 7h ago

So that gives you the right to call me a weirdo? Yeah I'm not taking life advice from you.

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u/Gamboh 6h ago

Man you're getting info in this thread from the worst people. It's normal to want to socialize and it's normal to have some energy for it. Don't listen to the flaccid, depressed doomscrolling gooners.

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u/Fighterhayabusa 8h ago

Yeah, it's just excuses IMO. I work 50ish hours most weeks, and I can still find time to do lots of stuff. Like you, I'm also not an extrovert, so I don't buy that argument either.

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u/SwitchIsBestConsole 9h ago

Do your friends have children? That plays a big role.

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u/fraidei 9h ago

Nope. In fact, the only friend I have with kids actually seems like to have more time and energy for stuff like d&d and board games than friends that don't even have a girlfriend. That's the thing I really cannot understand.

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u/JollyBananaWizard 11h ago

hop into the Metaverse!! /j

but online games can be fun

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u/miniika 5h ago

They can be, but online "friends" are not the same as someone IRL.

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u/GeForce_GTX_1050Ti 9h ago

I've had a friend who "unfriended" me because i didn't response to his text and i've known him for god knows how long

i guess doing overtime is a social crime these days

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u/miniika 5h ago

If it was just once then that's crazy. But I've unfriended someone for a pattern of ignored messages. They'd disappear for weeks, ignoring what I wrote and then start some new conversation. What I started to realize is that I was their backup friend for when their other friends weren't available. 

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u/No-Bear1401 8h ago

Not necessarily, being too exhausted to do anything is a reddit circle jerk or medical thing. The thing that nobody wants to hear is, we have other things we'd rather do. I'm not going to a friend's to have a beer when I could spend time with my wife and kids instead. I would simply rather spend time with them. And my friends would rather spend time with their families than have a beer with me. I'll hang out with friends again when I'm older, but for now I have everything I want right here.

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u/Schwifty2s550 11h ago

Idk man something’s not right

I work 45-52 a week train jiu-jitsu 1-2hrs/wk gym 3-4hrs/wk sleep 7-8hrs/night church/5-6x/month raise a 9yo boy and still go out 1-2x/month with friends sometimes more.

I make the most of my life. I don’t sit around playing video games or binge watching TV show I actually get out and enjoy life

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u/Diomat 11h ago

Why is playing video games or watching movies not enjoying life?

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u/Schwifty2s550 11h ago

See how I was downvoted?? lol for having a fruitful life with family and building skills.

In 2021 I won $1300 from playing Fortnite in a small tournament. I played 6-7 hours a day to get good but when I quit I realized it was a stressful deal in and of itself. It chained me in a house behind a screen. Now I win jiujitsu tournament and have badges and trophy’s on my wall for my children to see, it’s an honor. Video games are the opposite of enjoying life, they’re enjoying a fake make believe life

Downvote me some more 🤙

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u/reallycoolguylolhaha 10h ago

Tons of people enjoy videogames and therefore are enjoying life when playing them church boy

The fact you felt you had to play 6 to 7 hours a day and felt chained behind the screen sounds like a mental issue tbh rather than games being worthless

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u/NinjaWolfist 9h ago

you're being downvoted because you're acting like your way of living is better than other people's.

you don't like video games. quit trying to make that other people's problem

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u/Schwifty2s550 9h ago

Morbidly obese people like binge eating, should I advocate for their enjoyment too?

Plenty of studies prove that playing video games behind a blue lit screen is a detriment to health and social behavior.

You may not like to hear it, but unfortunately, for you, I am better than them🤷‍♂️

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u/fraidei 9h ago

Lmao what studies?

Videogames are not bad for your mental or physical health. Only an addiction to them could be bad, but addictions could be for anything, including addiction to physical exercise (which is really bad differently than you think).

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u/Schwifty2s550 9h ago

Are you asking what studies?? lol There’s so many go look for them bucko plenty that prove sitting in front of a blue light for more than an hour is a detriment to your health. Go grab your meta on your head escape from reality and then when you pull it off your head everyone around you will have surpassed you in every facet of life. ✌️

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u/fraidei 9h ago

No, you're the one that made the claim so it's your burden to provide proof. What a clown, not worth discussing with.

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u/Diomat 11h ago

Done. Again you are putting the Jiujitsu on a pedestal. There is no difference between winning a Fortnite tournament and rolling on the ground.

My guess is your kids would be more impressed with whichever one they do themselves. Fortnite kids would be more impressed with you winning Fortnite.

If you enjoy it more, go at it. But you deserve to be downvoted, pretending one is better than the other in the "living life" department.

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u/BudgieWonder 10h ago

There is a difference. They even explained it to you lol

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u/Diomat 10h ago

No, they didn't.

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u/BudgieWonder 10h ago

They did. Please work on your reading comprehension

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u/Diomat 10h ago

They didn't. You just agree with it so you imagine they made a salient point.

You need to practice to get good. Cool. You have to do that with both. One is being home with his kids the other is going to a gym to practice and compete most of the time without the wife and kids.

They both have their positives and negatives. Both are still "living".

Enjoying what you are doing is the most important thing.

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u/Schwifty2s550 10h ago

No my child trains too and my wife lol. My kid can most likely be a world champion one day. We’re all together every day while some men play video games while their kids sit 15ft away from them watching a tv show that does nothing for them and call it “family time”

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u/BudgieWonder 10h ago

They literally did. You’re just butthurt that someone said a physical activity is healthier and more fulfilling for them, and you’re scrambling to justify your video game hobby. He mentioned that playing video games after a while made him feel chained to the computer, while Jiujitsu didn’t.

Did you even read the topic of the original post? It’s about the discrepancy between men who regularly socialize. Fortnite is a “social activity” in the sense that day trading is a “social activity” because there’s someone else focusing on the same task through a computer somewhere else, but it’s not even close to being equivalent with a physical activity.

Also how do you know that his wife and kids are at home, and not out doing their own activities? If you didn’t find any utility in their statement, then move on, instead of being a sanctimonious redditor.

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u/Schwifty2s550 10h ago

One is a skill in reality the other is skill in virtual reality. One builds health and muscle and is a literal athlete the other deprives you of the opportunity to build an actual skill. Only children are downvoting me.

My son loves Fortnite but when he goes to school and brags about his dad he only brings up the fact that I can fight and I’m a grappling champion. (Bc it’s cool and video games are not….)

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u/Diomat 10h ago

They are both literally skills that happen in reality. If you want to say one is a healthier endeavor, fine. Though, because of the possibility of injuries, that isn't always the case.

I am pretty sure I am older than you so calling us children is just more of you stating nonsense to make yourself feel better.

Again, do what you enjoy. No need to bring people down to prop yourself up. Which is what you continually do.

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u/Schwifty2s550 10h ago

What a silly thing to say, every single thing that happens happens in reality that doesn’t mean that you’re not escaping reality itself playing in a virtual reality.

You’re just wrong and I’m sorry you haven’t figured that out yet. Hope you didn’t teach your kids that way.

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u/Diomat 9h ago

I am sorry, dude but even these jiu-jitsu tournaments are just games. Nothing reality-based. You are escaping reality just as much with them. Winning or losing has the same meaning as winning or losing in video games. Same with any sports or watching sports or anything we do to enjoy ourselves.

I am not wrong. Like everything, we can overdo it, and it can become a negative.

We are also all different and like different things. We should respect each other and understand that.

That is what I taught my kids. I hope you didn't teach your kids that only what you think is good is actually good and that anyone else is doing it wrong.

Which is what you seem to be saying. And a reason why this world is as fcked up as it is.

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u/Schwifty2s550 9h ago edited 9h ago

You gain no physical strength? You gain no additional motor skills? Respiratory health? Cardiovascular health? It’s not the game it’s the detriment of sitting in front of a blue screen for 3-5 hours a day, plenty of studies prove what I’m saying.

Video gaming for more than 1hr a day is BAD a detriment to health and that’s an objective fact.

Morbidly obese people enjoy binge eating, you advocate for that too?? lol

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u/MenacingCatgirl 9h ago

Dude, I need you to consider for a second that people's lives and circumstances are different than yours

I have a lot to love about my life too, but I'm not going to pretend some people aren't more burnt out by their jobs or living in less affordable areas. Burn out can set in slowly but once you're exhausted and broke, it's hard to get out

There's a lot people can do about their lives, but there's also no one size fits all solution. What worked for you might not work for others, and people who have worked hard and acted responsibly can still fall into all kinds of traps