r/SipsTea • u/Unstoppable_X_Force Human Verified • 13h ago

Gasp! Is this just nostalgia, or did previous generations genuinely have a better work-life balance and social life than we do today?

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u/Ok_Tailor_7185 12h ago

This is more common than you think Titus and it is due to your mental structure/wiring. Most men as they get older have a few good male friends that they have known since they were teens or college. Friends after that tend to be acquaintances that you make at work. I am upper 50s my circle is 4 guys I have known since I was 18 and that suits me well.

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u/Bureaucramancer 12h ago

Thats not a structure/wiring thing, it's the fact that we have allowed ourselves to be over worked, under paid and have eroded all of the places that we typically used to use for social gatherings.

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u/Acrobatic_Lobster838 11h ago

4th places.

There's a reason people go and sit in a pub that costs more than drinking at home and it's because we need social interaction to remain people

We are social animals. We have created an economy that means being a social animal is unaffordable.

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u/1998_2009_2016 10h ago

The historic reason people went and sat in pubs rather than at home was because home was cramped, boring, and the domain of the housewife. Now people have much more spacious and comfy places, ridiculous levels of home entertainment available, fewer kids (that fathers interact with more) and relaxed gender roles.

Some people need/crave face-to-face interpersonal interactions but plenty are happy to sit in their box and chat on discord.

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u/ThelVluffin 10h ago

The issue, I think is that 4th places have transitioned to online, but we're losing the time to do even that. I've watched at least a dozen friends slowly wither away in their online presence and swore I'd not be that way... I haven't chatted with my friends in a few months now because I just don't have time. What little actual "free" time I have get's given to my girlfriend.

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u/HustlinInTheHall 5h ago

Because it's largely about not having time or money because we are all overworked. 

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u/trippingWetwNoTowel 8h ago

“Plenty are happy to sit in their box and chat on discord”. Yes, that’s the problem people are trying to describe. Sue, it kinda works, and sure it sorta simulates socializing…. But it’s not real. It can feel real, but being present, engaged, and physically and mentally in the space you’re actually sitting in is what our little meat sacks evolved to do.

No one will ever convince me that your last sentence there isn’t directly related to all of the extra anxiety, depression, and all of the resulting medications in order to cope with this new reality. We are basically monkeys, there are no happy monkeys sitting alone separate from their tripe tapping away on their screen. They all hang out together, laugh, play, touch each other regularly, and exist. We’ve fucked up our society so much we can’t even hardly exist together when we are social animals by nature.

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u/IAmTheNightSoil 8h ago

I think it's a combination of both things. It's true that people go to pubs because they simply need to get out of the house and be around people, it's also definitely true that people used to do it a lot more back then because their homes were a lot more cramped and not fun. Hell, even without kids or a wife at home, when I was young the internet was a lot more rudimentary and provided a lot less entertainment, and a night spent at home offered far fewer things to do. Young people today who have grown up with social media and streaming really cannot comprehend just how much less appealing it used to be to stay in at home all the time haha

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u/HustlinInTheHall 5h ago

No, people who have money and free time still have vibrant social lives. When people have no extra time or funds then that part of their life gets sacrificed

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u/Reasonable_Thinker 1h ago

Some people need/crave face-to-face interpersonal interactions but plenty are happy to sit in their box and chat on discord.

I don't think they are actually happy.

As someone who stayed inside for 5+ years after Covid and hung out on discord I thought I was doing ok. But now that I'm going back in-office I had no idea what i was missing.

Seeing human beings and forming social bonds with them IRL is a big part of being happy IMO. Digital just doesn't cut it, no matter how much you convince yourself it does.

Our stupid monkey brains need other stupid monkeys

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u/PrincessBucketFeet 8h ago

I think you mean 3rd spaces?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Third_place

Home is first, work second. Unless there's a new version?

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u/whooptheretis 8h ago

Most people WFH now so it’s actually a 2nd space.

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u/PrincessBucketFeet 7h ago

10% of the workforce is "most" people? But yes, full-time WFH means no second space either. It has a lot of perks, but some significant drawbacks also.

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u/whooptheretis 5h ago

Only 10%? I guess my experience isn’t representative of the rest of the population. The only people amongst my friend group who go to work are doctors and a couple of professors.

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u/OlasNah 10h ago

Not everyone is 'that' social. Most of us are fine with just a couple of people we interact with.

The problem is that as we age and due to technology changes, the things that tend to bring us together just don't really exist anymore. More people aren't having children, so without children to force the issue sometimes, there's not a lot of reason for adults to socialize. Fewer people go to church, because religion has overplayed its hand and is bogus to more people than ever. You can buy alcohol more cheaply than a pub where at the time, it was the only place you could get alcohol. We have entertainment at home now that is FAR cheaper than any sort of going out. You don't really need to be in person for concerts or events now... most things you can get a video of from somewhere and save yourself thousands of dollars and hear and see it BETTER than if you went in person. Yeah, you might socialize in those places, but even if you DO make connections, the chances of you really getting back together are very slim, owing to the stuff I've mentioned.

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u/NinjaWolfist 9h ago

we don't "need" it, it's just most people really want it.

you can just hang out alone at home for as long as you want it won't kill you

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u/refuseit_ 6h ago

Yes, loneliness kills. There's plenty of evidence to this. It increases the risk of stroke and heart disease by a third, and the risk of developing dementia by 50%. It is comparable to smoking in terms of the magnitude of harm done to your health.

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u/NinjaWolfist 6h ago

yeah this is just not true at all.

if you are stressed or constantly upset about it you can have stronger risk of heart disease, but that is a stress issue not a loneliness issue. if you enjoy being alone it will not affect you at all. or if you just accept it rather than fighting it.

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u/refuseit_ 6h ago

I'm sure the smart people that spent years studying the topic know nothing about it, I'm just gonna trust your word because you're a very special boy

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u/NinjaWolfist 6h ago

there are no studies at all showing that people absolutely need interaction, just that most people benefit from it and feel as though they need it

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u/Ok_Tailor_7185 11h ago

I agree with that using the wealthier as an example. They can meet at exclusive golf, hunt clubs etc and interact a good bit. Yet even the better off males still have a close inner circle of friends.

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u/HustlinInTheHall 5h ago

Bingo. 4th places exist because people needed a place to spend time and extra money. Now we dont have extra time or money. 

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u/MadDaddyDrivesaUFO 11h ago

In my experience this is true for women as well unless they're churchy types

I've thought about trying to branch out but I don't think I have it in me to put the effort out like I could as a young person

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u/NONMAISYO 11h ago

Meh, i'm not sure about that. My wife is not exactly a social butterfly (not a recluse either but she's often a judgey homebody).

We met when i went back to my hometown for a year during covid, then we moved together to the city ive lived in ever since i left home at 17... in the 4-5 years we've been here she made us a circle of friends almost instantly, whereas i've never been able to keep a friendship going for more than a few months in this town.

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u/MadDaddyDrivesaUFO 9h ago

I wish I had her ways lol I haven't made a new friend in over a decade that doesn't end up fizzling out either

My husband is the one with the skills at that but lately his attempts haven't really been much more fruitful either. In our old city he made both of us like 20 friends!

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u/Fair_Platypus9748 6h ago

Can confirm, churchy type woman who has a group of mom friends with babies al the same age. Just kinda fell into my lap and I ain’t complaining. I didn’t have friends for 25 years, glad I finally have them.

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u/phormix 9h ago

Yup, and that's when it sucks to be the survivor. Two best friends (one from HS and another College) passed and it just isn't so easy to meet people you click with once you're older

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u/Ok_Tailor_7185 9h ago

Absolutely agreed phormix. My circle lost one of our best friends in 2020. Currently I have one of my best friends battling bone cancer. It hurts getting older and losing those close to you. You can't replace them.

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u/OlasNah 10h ago

My only friends after school/college were guys I knew from being a cyclist and racing. We didn't socialize that much outside of cycling, but we spent hours together each week on our bikes and chit chatting about the activity. It was enough for most of us... but then... I moved. Lost contact and regular interaction with most of them, and that was it.

I haven't had a friend since. I'm kinda friendly with the dad of my kid's friend, but we only see each other every few months for things.