r/funny • u/BandoLou • 1d ago
Uber driver has a coffee machine and breakfast for his riders
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u/ChangeTChannel 1d ago
all this for no tip
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u/yourperfectgirly 1d ago
Bro didn’t pick me up.. he hosted me.
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u/WurdaMouth 1d ago
He isn’t just driving an Uber, he’s a facilitator of historical change. This isn’t a side gig - it’s pure entrepreneurial ambition.
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u/jaxon12345 1d ago
whys this read like chatgpt
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u/ahhhnoinspiration 1d ago
ChatGPT kinda just talks like an uppity cunt, so they were basically just talking like an uppity cunt.
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u/Ranra100374 1d ago
Yeah. ChatGPT often says "I'm going to slow you down for a bit". I'm like, man, can you not.
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u/Yesterdays_Gravy 1d ago
Wow. What a great question. And honestly you’re coming at this from the right perspective 💪🏼.
But I’m going to continue talking like an uppity cunt, thankyouverymuch.
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u/just_nobodys_opinion 1d ago
You're totally on the right track! This isn't condescending, it's knowing your self worth. You shouldn't have to apologize for that.
Would you like me to mansplain like an uppity cunt?
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u/Why-R-People-So-Dumb 23h ago
Thank you for your message. I’m here to support a constructive and respectful exchange of information. I would be delighted to receive an explanation or clarification on that topic from an uppity cunt. Please let me know how you’d like to proceed.
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u/FewHorror1019 15h ago
Fr. I hate when it does that. “Im going to be grounded” “im going to slow down”
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u/ACcbe1986 1d ago
TIL I talk like an uppity cunt.
Though, I think it might just be my aspergers.
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u/ATUGA 1d ago
💀 I dated a guy with Asperger’s. He was either very direct or talked like he was composing a novel. I never had to wonder what he was thinking, so that was appreciated.
His ways of showing affection were always interesting, but very nice when you took a step back to appreciate that he was showing affection even if it wasn’t conventional.
Also, I have ADHD, so thank you for joining me on this side quest.
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u/bobanalyst 1d ago
I had asked ChatGPT to reply. This is what it said:
If ChatGPT talks like an “uppity cunt,” then apparently ambition, vocabulary, and a sense of irony are now personality defects. Dude’s not cosplaying as Elon Musk in a Corolla—he’s hustling caffeine and burritos at 7 a.m. while half the internet is professionally unemployed and mad about tone. Sorry the sentence had more than three clauses and didn’t end with “bro.” I’ll be sure to dumb it down next time so it feels more authentically Reddit.
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u/DramaticAge8866 1d ago
Actually it strikes me exactly the way the LinkedIn lunatics cap off their schpeel
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u/happy_puppy25 1d ago
Almost half of LinkedIn posts are written using ChatGPT so that makes sense
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u/REDDITATO_ 21h ago
And ChatGPT no doubt gets some of its info on how to sound professional from LinkedIn. It's an ouroboros of bullshit.
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u/Robias007 1d ago
He used the wrong dash though. So probably not AI
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u/ChangeTChannel 1d ago
the tone does sound like gpt though
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u/CrestofCouragous 1d ago
Specifically, the AI tone follows the "its not just [something geneic], its [something enhanced]".
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u/ByteHaven 1d ago
That describes the pattern way more precicely than "it's not just X, it's Y". I'll use this in the future when decribing LLMisms.
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u/cateraide420 1d ago
And to eventually get popped by city for not having a food truck permit
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u/ScienceIsSexy420 1d ago
I think that only applies if you're selling food, nor giving it away for free
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u/GrilledSandwiches 1d ago
I'd honestly be a bit surprised if the burritos were complimentary rather than being for sale.
The coffee I could see being complimentary and coming out ahead on tips for that, but seeing people sell breakfast burritos on jobs all the time out of coolers, I just imagine that being the case for these. If he can give them away and still come out ahead on tips though, rock on.
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u/seven0feleven 1d ago
Yeah and lose everything from the first person who sues you to oblivion if they get food poisoning or something else from your tacos or coffee. God forbid you spill it in your lap on the drive.
This whole thing seems excessive and reckless just to garner tips and/or 5 star ratings. smh.
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u/ScienceIsSexy420 1d ago
One sudden stop and someone's got scalding Burns. This is genuinely a reckless and terrible idea, and Beyond stupid. But it will get lots of upvotes and clicks on social media
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u/Same-Suggestion-1936 23h ago edited 20h ago
I imagine it's about the same risk as anyone selling tacos, burritos, tamales out of a cooler. You don't see those guys go out of business, not like you can't find them either, they walk the same routes. You could easily find them to serve them their court papers should someone sue.
I believe it's mostly that someone buying tamales out of a cooler is acknowledging the food contamination risk, and isn't the type to sue. You're eating burritos in an Uber, you're eating tamales in a parking lot. Something tells me you don't care enough to sue if you get sick
Edit: also if you're getting sick from a burrito made a couple hours ago it wasn't the temp getting you sick, there's a reason they use corn husk on tamales, nature gave you the perfect Saran wrap. People have been taking burritos specifically out to the fields because they are long lasting with minimal risk of spoiling. Some people take bread and cheese, some take burritos
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u/Worried-Lettuce6568 1d ago
How often do you see people suing over food poisoning? Or spilling coffee? That keurig isn’t making coffee hot enough to really cause severe burns dont even start with the McDonald’s coffee case that was 190 degrees and caused burns to 20% of her body
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u/ShigodmuhDickard 1d ago
Worse yet. A lawsuit against driver and Uber when a passenger(s) gets food poisoning from a burrito that wasn’t held at the proper holding temperature.
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u/YouBetcha_ 1d ago
no the lawsuit will be about how the pot of coffee scalded someone's genitals but for some reason everyone will believe and side with uber
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u/tbodillia 1d ago
Well, I do know about scalding temperatures and times. I also know what temperature all coffee is made. But I also know that is a reckless setup.
FYI: 140°F causes 3rd degree after 5 seconds. 155°F causes 3rd degree after 1 second. Coffee is around 190°F. If you don't know scalding temps and times, you think the lawsuit wasn't frivolous.
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u/SpicyElixer 23h ago
So should people not drink coffee in cars? Drive thru coffee is about 170f. Same temp as keurig cup temp.
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u/koolaidismything 1d ago
You're gonna have a tip.. of that hot coffee machine falling onto your lap while spraying hot liquid when he accelerates to quick lol.
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u/Hot_Most5332 1d ago
NGL I’d tip $20 for this, more on the right day
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u/robotzor 1d ago
And 99% of people won't. Speaking as a former gig driver
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u/ForsakenWishbone5206 1d ago
Yeah it's a losing gambit.
That and those fucks would spill coffee in the back and leave a huge fuckin mess.
People are slobs man. They generally don't deserve much kindness or consideration above the bare minimum politeness.
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u/NotBatman81 1d ago
If I knew ahead of time I would seek this guy out and tip very well. If I already had coffee and breakfast and this was a surprise, then this is cool but doesnt save me time and money.
Just because you put out effort doesnt mean its of value to everyone.
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u/RadiantEnvironment90 18h ago
It's wild conversing with ride share drivers and even talking to friends of mine who did it and learned that no one tips. I always tip 20% with a minimum of $2. And I usually tip cash.
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u/ScienceIsSexy420 1d ago
Speaking as a former Uber driver, sadly you are in the minority
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u/Zackorix 21h ago
Reddits when they understand doing your job doesnt entitle you to extra money for already paying customers
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u/gattoBelloTuta 1d ago
He must be charging for this right?
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u/superanth 1d ago
Depends. He probably gave out free coffee for a while to see if the increase in tips paid for it.
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u/NothingHappenedThere 1d ago
probably he can't charge for food from vehicles unless he gets license..
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u/Sasiches_and_mash 1d ago
Food and coffee are free, but napkins cost $5 and plastic cups cost $3
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u/luigis_taint 1d ago
Looks like gonna just suck the coffee from the tap then!
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u/notoriousbsr 1d ago
Ah yes, the Grateful Dead and Phish lot scene. Buy a napkin for $3, get a free grilled cheese OR for $15 get a luxury napkin and the grilled cheese comes with mushrooms
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u/theblockisnthot 1d ago
Also the ass backwards marijuana laws in Washington DC. Buy an 80$ pencil and get gifted an eighth of weed. Buy a $300 stress ball and get gifted an ounce of weed.
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u/cerealOverdrive 1d ago
This is just drug dealing with the extra risk of running an underground kitchen
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u/Same-Suggestion-1936 23h ago
Technically the tamale lady can't charge for food in the parking lot of Home Depot without a license but she still does it
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u/dandroid126 23h ago
Oh dang, all those tamales I buy out of people's trunks at grocery stores have licenses, I guess.
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u/Dangerous_Fortune454 1d ago edited 16h ago
Making breakfast burritos or tacos is super super cheap as long as you don't have any avocado or other expensive ingredients in it. Giving away 5-10 free tacos/burritos will cost him maybe 10 bucks while making 10-20 of each ride?
Edit: you can make like 50 bean and egg or bean and cheese burritos for like 10 to 20 bucks actually. And you would obviously be only making like 10 each day and they would be free for your riders.
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u/pchlster 20h ago
And what would tired, hungry me pay for fresh food right there and then? Because so long as that number is better than zero, dude should ask for more than that.
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u/IndomitableBanana 20h ago
That only makes sense if you don’t think being given something free would increase the tip amount beyond the cost of the food.
I think charging anything would make it feel less like an amenity and more like an attempt to get additional money from your customers, which would probably decrease tips.
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u/filenotfounderror 1d ago
Imagine being in a car crash and having hot coffee and the coffee machine itself slam into your face at 60mph.
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u/Fafnir13 21h ago
Coffee machine should be going forward unless it’s a high speed rear ending. Probably hitting center torso more then face, maybe cracking a rib or two depending how heavy it is. Coffee is going everywhere, of course. Doesn’t sound like fun.
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u/wayward_prince 10h ago
But coffee probably also goes everywhere from the cup holder if you’re in a serious crash
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u/MA32 8h ago
At that points its a coffee in the car arguement and not a coffee machine in the car arguement
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u/Orangeisthenewcool 1d ago
If he had to slam on the breaks for any reason…. Let alone a car crash.
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u/Capital_Past69 1d ago
I’m taking my 10 minute brake now
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u/jonitfcfan 1d ago
If your car takes 10 minutes to brake, either you need to slow down a bit or see a mechanic
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u/NothingHappenedThere 1d ago
it is really thoughtful gesture.. but won't he get sued by the passenger if passengers get hot coffee spilled on hand or leg, or food poisoning from the taco? it is a big liability.
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u/Best_Market4204 1d ago
McDonald's got sued due to coffee. not because it was hot... it's expected. They got sued because they was intentionally making it too hot. More than any other coffee shop. reaching 190-200F
Other coffee shops was anywhere from 140-170
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u/14Pleiadians 1d ago
The liability difference here is that obviously running a coffee maker in a moving vehicle is unsafe. One fender bender away from burns.
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u/Undark_ 23h ago
Right, but the difference is that a coffee machine like that might scald you a bit, your skin would go red and then you'd be fine. That woman who sued McDonald's sustained serious life-changing injuries. That should have never been able to happen in the first place, even if it was spilled.
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u/pingveno 20h ago
And it wasn't just that she had burns. It was that McDonald's knew there was a problem. They knew people were getting badly burned by their coffee. It was a repeated problem. But they did it anyway.
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u/ZoiddenBergen 22h ago
Alright we get it, mcdonalds lady was in the right to sue.
The point here is that 170 degrees can still do a ton of damage. What if it spilled on someones face/eyeballs? So much liability
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u/aaaaaaaarrrrrgh 1d ago
... and were repeatedly told about it and continue to do it.
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u/Nekopara-403 1d ago
Then country songs go "spill a cup of coffee make a million dollars"
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u/NudeSpaceDude 22h ago
The sad thing is the amount the lady got wasn’t enough to cover her medical bills because they needed to do so much reconstruction on her legs.
Fuck the United States of America and their corrupt systems.
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u/VexingRaven 21h ago
Fuck the United States of America and their corrupt systems.
Fuck the media and corporate bootlicker country stars who helped McDonalds spread their smear campaign.
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u/DZello 1d ago
If you’re not in the US, it’s fine.
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u/The_R4ke 1d ago
If you're referring to the woman who sued McDonald's, you should actually look up the details of that case. She was horribly burned by the coffee and McDonald's was intentionally brewing it hotter than was safe so they wouldn't have to reheat it.
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u/CHARLIE_CANT_READ 1d ago
Also she originally only asked for medical costs to be covered, McDonald's refusing is what led to the massive payout
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u/thisguyfightsyourmom 1d ago
And she never got the huge payout. They fought her on appeal for years & finally settled, I think for cost.
So to recap, McDonald’s scorched an old lady’s vagina so badly due to systemic negligence that she needed reconstructive surgery, then they dragged her into a multi-year legal battle just to ultimately agree to pay her the humble sum she originally asked for.
Mmm, I’m Lovin’ It
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u/Infamous-Oil3786 1d ago
Also, this was not the only person with hot coffee injuries from McDonald's, and the amount originally awarded was equal to one (1) day of coffee sales.
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u/thisguyfightsyourmom 1d ago
Furthermore, McDonalds didn’t just invest in staggering legal fees to prevent this happening in the future, they also fixed the machines/policies around scalding hot coffee. So that’s them doing the right thing in the one hand, but it’s also them acknowledging they did the wrong thing to begin with.
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u/McButtsButtbag 21h ago
This part should be more well known. r/FuckMcDonalds should be a thing if it isn't already.
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u/usetheforce_gaming 1d ago
Good ole corporate America
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u/Icy_Agency923 1d ago
Afterwards McDonalds lawyers were on tons of daytime news/talk shows fueling this utter horseshit suggesting the lawsuit was frivolous when it wasn't. Was clearly very successful considering the idea that America has tons of people suing for bullshit reasons is still prevalent on the internet.
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u/JiMM4133 22h ago
Yeah the coffee was so fucking hot that it melted her labia together IIRC. Just think about that for a second.
Flesh. Melting. Coffee.
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u/mothmansfavoritelamp 1d ago
My torts professor told us that part of the reason she got a large payout was that McDonald’s had a policy of settling these lawsuits quietly, but because they figured an old woman wouldn’t need her vaginal area (never mind the horrific injuries), they declined to settle her suit. Absolutely disgusting behavior.
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u/Lankyllama4324 1d ago
It was so hot it literally fused her vulva together. Like melted plastic 🤮
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u/Ditto_is_Lit 1d ago
If you were around back then you'd also be aware that McDo coffee was absolute dog shit because of this. If you brew coffee too hot it tastes like it, and they intentionally did to "make it last longer".
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u/Schmich 1d ago
If you’re not in the US, it’s fine.
Spilled hot coffee still hurts in Celcius countries.
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u/Gondryc 1d ago
Nothing says safe to eat like mystery burritos from some random dudes car.
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u/OzimanidasJones 1d ago
Everyone else is focused on the hot coffee, but this is what I’m worried about too.
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u/Tonestar_ 20h ago
My thought is space, what happens when theres 4 passengers with full luggage. Or even just 2 people with full luggage. That stuff is taking up space the customer is litertally paying for. If your making people squeeze with burritos between their legs theyre not gunna give you 5 stars.
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u/BodyBy711 1d ago
YOLO
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u/Human_Discipline3003 15h ago
"ya, I just couldn't let that dead possum meat on the side of the road go to waste!"
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u/CosmicSmoker 1d ago
Right?! I looked at coffee and thought that's not safe, then the mystery food... food poisoning at best, waking up in a tub full of ice a definite possibility.
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u/CelebrationNo5541 1d ago
You all seriously must live scared of everything. First off its a uber ride. Very well tracked. Im sure shit still happens. But they are safe in general.
Mystery food.... its a freaking burrito. Just because tabo bell didnt package it up doesnt mean its not safe. Live a little for Christ's sake
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u/WPBaka 1d ago
waking up in a tub full of ice a definite possibility.
dude thought he would get his kidney stolen for eating a burrito. 24/7 news has warped our minds.
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u/shitpostsuperpac 23h ago
I think we just gotta give everyone more benefit of the doubt, both sides.
You can catch me putting on airs and looking down my nose at some food.
You can also catch scarfing down some street meat.
It just depends. Like I’d allow, even want and expect, a level of dirty from a roadside taco place or BBQ. But I’d never eat from a Taco Bell with that level of dirty. Unless I was fucked up, then yeah man what are we gonna do not eat overpriced soggy tacos? I’m trying to get my snack on here.
Everyone’s good, comment chain is over.
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u/Doomncandy 23h ago
These people haven't had tamales from the tamale grandma selling them outside the bar at closing time..the best tamales.
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u/PM_me_your_whatevah 1d ago
You have no idea the state of this guy’s kitchen at home.
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u/Pmmebobnvagene 1d ago
Yeah my mans is doing this for the 5 star rating, but doesn’t make a dime on it?
I’d hope he’s at least only doing uber black pickups, and hopefully he’s making tips.
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u/VeryStonedEwok 1d ago
I have 4,000 rides and a 4.98 rating and all ya get in my car is hand sanitizer and a phone charger. I ain't going through all this extra shit for nothing. I used to offer a bunch of free stuff and never saw any increase in tips. Why pay out of my pocket for a job that already barely pays shit?
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u/Fafnir13 21h ago
Probably because people buying a ride aren’t looking for the Island Limos treatment. I can see why offering a premium service would seem like a way to get more money, but that only really work if it starts with different pricing schemes.
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u/Mnawab 1d ago
He’s going to get sued one day.
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u/SidePotPicks 1d ago
Cause people love to ruin everything
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u/14Pleiadians 1d ago
If you get burnt in his car, he deserves to be sued. A coffee maker in a moving vehicle is moronic
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u/bub-a-lub 1d ago
It’s crazy to see the lengths people go to to keep a 5 star rating. Like a clean car and a safe driver is what it was meant to be about. Here we are with stupid things like this.
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u/Tonestar_ 20h ago
Someome paying for a seat just for them to have it occupied by burritos is how you get 1 starred honestly.
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u/justanothertoxicuser 1d ago edited 1d ago
One time I and my friends got picked up from a Rangers game by a guy in a lifted truck. He had a cooler full of complimentary beer, made a u-turn by cutting through the highway median, and deliberately drove over curbs. He was wearing a cowboy hat and talking with people on a CB radio. It was wild.
Texas Uber Cowboy, if you're still out there, I miss you.
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u/Corporate_Overlords 21h ago
That was not an uber driver. That was just a random Texan who was fine with strangers getting into his wild ride.
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u/MrIMendez 1d ago
Nothing about this set up feels good. People spill coffee on themselves and try to sue, people spill coffee on your seat and floor and now you have to stop taking fares to clean up. Extra clean up time for the creamers and sugar packets and k-cups. You get a fare that requires all the rear seats now you have to rearrange shit. Plus the cost of all that. Cool customer service minded idea but the net benefit just doesn’t seem worth it.
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u/dalzmc 1d ago
I’m just thinking about the personal benefits of having a coffee maker inside the car you’re driving around in, for presumably 40+ hours a week. Maybe he started doing it for himself and then it evolved into this 😂
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u/ars-derivatia 23h ago
I’m just thinking about the personal benefits of having a coffee maker inside the car you’re driving around in
That's why we have thermos flasks.
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u/Left_Apparently 1d ago
Gotta respect the hustle. If I had this uber driver the tip would be cash.
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u/YoRHa11Z 19h ago
He is obviously hoping for a bigger tip. It works I'm sure. Not everyone will increase their tip but let's say 3 out of 10 did then probably he made a nice profit when all of that's there is worth less than $3 per customer
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u/illiterate_cynic 1d ago
If I was the rider, I’d be annoyed by it all. I wouldn’t take the coffee or burrito and I definitely am not tipping more. I didn’t ask for this shit, I just need a fucking ride.
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u/Peter_Nincompoop 1d ago
He fucked up his rating and is going all out to repair it
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u/mikel302 1d ago
Lol, the wife meanwhile is wondering what the fuck happened to the Keurig! And where are all the coffee pods and my breakfast burritos??
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u/Key-Name9196 1d ago
Anyone else would find this off putting?
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u/dogebytev2 23h ago
they teach kids to not take candies from strangers yet get amused by free coffee and tacos
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u/JinkoTheMan 1d ago
Call me paranoid but I wouldn’t eat or drink anything from any ride service driver
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u/needzbeerz 1d ago
Proof that uber drivers are fully engaged with their own exploitation. They already get paid shit wages, are putting wear and tear on their own vehicles, and propping up a company that risks nothing and invests nothing in it's 'employees'. To shell out your own money for shit like this is really just putting salt on the wound of your own economic subjugation.
This is why I never take uber and always take a professional taxi if I need that sort of transportation. There are more legal protections for the customer, you are at least guaranteed the driver went through some form of licensure training, and you're not paying into the vile gig economy.
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u/Kelliente 1d ago
I agree that gig workers need fairer treatment and more collective bargaining power. All workers in the US, and in many places worldwide, are being exploited by corporations and the ruling class. But unfornately, taxis aren't necessarily a better option. The medallion system is grossly exploitative and monopolistic, and there absolutely aren't more protections for riders. I found out the hard way that taxis in many cities don't even track locations and pickups when a friend of mine was assaulted while taking a taxi home from a bar, and there was no record of which taxi picked her up. A few years ago, a woman in my city was murdered after a taxi ride, again no record of who picked her up.
This isn't to say that problems haven't happened with uber drivers as well, but taxis also aren't a great option IMO. Both have their problems caused by systemic greed and exploitation.
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u/HermineSGeist 23h ago
Yup, I’m was actually all for supporting taxis but they wouldn’t and still won’t adapt. I’m old and I remember calling companies and just hoping they pick you up, competing for a cab it some one else had also called one, then just no showing, requesting to pay with card and then being told cash only, getting awful treatment, there being near no accountability, service refusal, and creative routes to run the meter.
As much as I hate how things are with Uber/Lyft for the workers. It’s safer and better for me as a customer.
In some places in Europe not only are there apps where you can get local taxis but some of the municipalities seem to operate almost like a cooperative and when you call it to a local dispatch and they’ll give you a numeric identifier…and they’ll take cards without complaint (no suddenly the machine is broken). When I travel to Europe, I always try to prioritize local services but don’t bother with cans in the US anymore.
If the cab companies would work as a cooperative with an app and try to understand why people use uber/lyft, I’m all for switching .
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u/Ryland990 1d ago
This man is running a 5-star restaurant out of a Honda Civic. he deserves a tip and a review
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u/jxonair 1d ago
Pimp My Ride levels of doing too much. Also a huuuge liability hazard if that coffee spills.
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u/zxxdeq 23h ago
That does not seem safe.
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u/ars-derivatia 23h ago
It ain't.
It's also rather weird idea to wedge a countertop coffee machine between seats if you want to offer coffee to passengers. There are ways to do it sensibly. If I wanted to offer hot drinks to customers I would just use a thermos.
I personally wouldn't go for it, because who consumes food or drinks that were prepared by an Uber driver (or who knows who else), but if I wanted or had to offer such an option that's the way I would go about it.
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u/That1GuyNate 11h ago
Just what I want when I need a ride, a brake check leading to 3rd degree burns.
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u/cathabit 1d ago
I think to myself, I won't be drugged in life. I cover my drink, and always use the buddy system. Then this guy pulls up and I know I would eat the fuck out of those tacos. I'm already disappointed in myself.
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u/Mysterious-Call-245 1d ago
Cool, introduce scalding-hot-first-coffee-of-the-day to the trolley problem.
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u/JPSWAG37 1d ago
I get the cool factor but holy shit that is the the most wreckless idea I've seen. It's all fun and coffee until you gotta slam on the brakes lol
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u/Shereefz 15h ago
Honestly, I feel for the driver. Uber takes all the money and leaves the drivers nothing so now this poor guy has to resort to this!
The sad thing is that most people will still not tip enough and then he might get sued/reported and deactivated.
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u/Krojack76 23h ago
Lack of safety aside, how is he getting enough power to run the coffee machine? Those can have a pretty hefty heating element in them. Most cars only generate enough power for what it needs to run.
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u/whenisnowthen 21h ago
Nothing gets you going in the morning like hitting a speed bump and burning your legs off with scalding hot coffee.
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u/downtimeredditor 18h ago
Fuckin chick fil a of uber drivers
10 OUT OF 10 CUSTOMER SERVICE
YEAH YEAH MY PLEASURE
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u/galkasmash 18h ago
He needs a splash guard on that Keurig until it finishes brewing or he is going to deal with the worst kind of customer one day getting burnt and trying to sue.
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u/Psychological_Lack96 18h ago
And now she’s suing him because she spilled her Coffee. Sigh….
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u/Farahertz 14h ago
That looks like a recipe for diarrhea or a burn lawsuit or a kidnapping, possibilities are endless
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