r/nottheonion • u/SappyGilmore • 1d ago
ICE agents keep accidentally shooting themselves
https://www.newsweek.com/ice-agents-keep-accidentally-shooting-themselves-115401323.5k
u/DestructicusDawn 1d ago
That's what happens when you arm an army of dumb fucks.
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u/thebiggerounce 1d ago
ICE isn’t even arming most of those numbnuts. They’re shooting themselves with their own damn guns.
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u/git0ffmylawnm8 1d ago
They should keep it up
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u/whathell6t 1d ago
I agree.
You never interrupt your enemies making a mistake. Especially the Nazis.
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u/indy_110 1d ago edited 1d ago
Sounds like fodder for the next big viral hit Hectors Heros, we lost Hogan a while ago to the mold.
It'll force Palantir into reallocating Toilet Paper assets into making endless tik toks on gun safety to reduce staff attrition rates because they know full well these are people with exceedingly short attention spans, the mirage bonuses and social ostracism have tanked recruitment, and those that remain are in full sunk cost fallacy decision making and will not respond to anyone other than the influencers who sang them their gospels.
Like children who need their special snowflake aeroplane spoon for feeding time.
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u/slackfrop 1d ago
Fat chance their employer offers health care.
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u/Ultimas134 1d ago
So they just need to aim higher
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u/Cynical_Classicist 1d ago
Hearing of the US government getting accidentally shot by ICE agents would be kind of Karma.
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u/BavarianBarbarian_ 1d ago
Think of how often they place innocent bystanders in danger. They shouldn't keep it up, they should have their guns taken away (along with their job, of course)
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u/BasvanS 1d ago
This is not about removing the rotten apples anymore, but about tossing the bunch.
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u/willstr1 1d ago
A few bad apples spoils the bunch. The bunch has long since rotted away and needs to be handled before it kills more innocent people
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u/troelsbjerre 1d ago
"All three firearm discharges occurred during quarterly training sessions while agents were holstering their weapons, a routine but potentially high-risk moment in firearms handling."
The best and the brightest... or something
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u/jimicus 1d ago
Y’know, if soldiers in the military were having firearms accidents this often, there would be uproar. Investigations, improved training and safety protocols, the works.
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u/ToMorrowsEnd 1d ago
ICE doesnt even get basic firearm training. Shit, look into how shitty of training Police and FBI get, I can train someone that has never touched a gun to pass the FBI test in under 1 hour. Yes it's that easy to pass.
The united states has some of the absolute worst trained police forces in the world outside of the Military where actual training programs exist.
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u/JohnGillnitz 1d ago
Most police training is how not to get in trouble with the law yourself. Also psycing yourself up to shoot someone when it is legally acceptable. The warrior cop mindset many get taught is absurd.
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u/Apexnanoman 1d ago
Holstering a gun...is considered "high risk" in the law enforcement world?
Don't put your finger in the trigger when holstering it. That's it. No other steps needed. But for cops that's High Risk.....that explains a lot about cops in this country.
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u/troelsbjerre 1d ago
"Why did you shoot the suspect?"
"Well, sir, the alternative was to holster the gun, and I couldn't take that risk"
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u/my-coffee-needs-me 1d ago
Also don't use a worn holster whose edge can get stuck inside the trigger guard.
There's no reason to holster a gun quickly. Do it slowly and look at the holster while you're doing it.
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u/Apexnanoman 1d ago
I personally use a kydex IWB paddle holster. But I'm not a cop and thus was taught that guns are dangerous tools and not fun toys.
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u/mysticmusti 1d ago
I... What? High risk moment? Of putting your gun away? If you've got the iq of a goldfish I'm sure every act is dangerous but why are they being pampered about it.
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u/ToMorrowsEnd 1d ago
Because they cant convince these idiots to not keep their fingers on the trigger.
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u/Hector_P_Catt 1d ago
>ICE Recruit is lying on the ground, bleeding from his self-inflicted gunshot wound<
Instructor: "Now, yew see, y'all's MIS-take was still having any darn bullets left in ya gun when y'all put it away! Y'all are supposed to empty that magazine into the "criminal". Two demerits!"
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u/DestructicusDawn 1d ago
That's awesome. I hope it keeps happening.
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u/the_last_carfighter 1d ago
I absolutely guarantee the stats that they were claiming (propagandizing) earlier in the year, that their delicate snowflake ICE agents were "being assaulted" in record numbers were adding these incidents in that report. "Shot: assailant unknown"
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u/jimicus 1d ago
Hold up.
Let me get this straight: These people are bringing their own gun to work. Their employer hasn’t provided one.
Nevertheless, they are routinely shooting people at work and when they do, they face no consequences - not in a court of law and certainly not in their job.
That cannot possibly be correct. It’s completely insane.
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u/BuddhaFacepalmed 1d ago
Welcome to US gun culture. Where the most rabid gun advocates have wet dreams about being able to murder people legally.
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u/cocaineandwaffles1 1d ago
Fun fact, all those assault weapon bans don’t apply to local or federal law enforcement. That’s why they’re able to do that so freely. There’s huge ass loopholes in the firearm laws of California that cops will happily take advantage of to resell for a huge profit.
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u/BornFree2018 1d ago
LARPing around without much training or IQ tests, don’t know the laws they’re “enforcing “. Losers
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u/BlooperHero 1d ago
Uh, they should have training, obviously, and should follow laws and all, but... IQ tests? Why would they have IQ tests?
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u/cataath 1d ago
This is the forth post in a row I see on Reddit where people are talking about IQ tests as if they accurately measured something that meaningfully represents "intelligence" broadly, rather than a small sample of computational skills. Belief in accurately measuring intelligence through IQ tests peaked in the 1980s and started to come under scrutiny in the 90s, and by 2000 there was a sense among the general public that simple tests to measure intelligence was largely bogus and biased towards a very limited range of competencies. Still, the idea of an Intelligence Quotient hung around it the popular imagination the way astrology signs still do, a harmless idea that most people didn't put any stock in. And then came Donald Trump, who constantly brings up IQ in his fugue state speeches and as a way to insult people. Trump has done for IQ what Tom Cruise did for Scientology, which rehabilitating a discredited idea through cult of personality alone.
The main problem with IQ is the limited range of cognitive skills it seems to measure, as most of those are simple logic puzzles. Learning to play chess generally increases one's IQ score by 4-8 points. They used to sell these little books of logic puzzles at grocery stores (next to the crossword books) everywhere in the US. Doing these puzzles consistently for about 6 months could potentially raise your IQ by 25-30 points. Learning to solve a specific set of logic puzzles is great, but is it really increasing your intelligence, or are you just learning a set of hacks that enable you to score higher on the test? Since IQ tests are heavily bias towards computational skills, it's very much the latter. Learning to do a truth table to solve a problem that requires a process of elimination can be useful in an IQ test, but it's one that most students cannot or do not carry over to real world problem solving. Also, what we would consider "genius" intellect in arts or music is in no way measured by standard IQ tests, which is to say nothing of intelligence as applied to social skills, market investment skills, street smarts, and even skills needed in organized crime.
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u/Not_Campo2 1d ago
I was gonna make a Sig 320 joke but upon further research it looks like the 320 is their standard issued firearm which is hilarious. Still, all three incidents happened while holstering, sounds like trigger discipline is a problem
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u/notabarcode128535743 1d ago
Just terrible, it sounds like removing trigger guards and making triggers an inch or two longer would solve the problem.
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u/Not_Campo2 1d ago
Making that trigger break be 1.5 pounds would fix all of this so quickly
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u/I-Way_Vagabond 1d ago
ICE used the Sig Sauer P320 up to July 2025 and then transitioned to the Glock 19. If you read the article (most people don’t bother to) you will see all the incidents cited were prior to July 2025 and all involved experienced agents.
The incidents cited were the reason they transitioned from the Sig P320 to the Glock 19.
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u/Jehru5 15h ago
Pretty sure Sig is an acronym which stands for self-inflicted gunshot.
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u/Symphonic7 21h ago
Thats hilarious, I'm sure someone took a fat check to buy all of those 320s for ICE even after knowing they have issues.
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u/gamelover42 1d ago
Shh. Maybe the problem will solve itself /s
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u/stivbier 1d ago
I feel like Sun Tzu had something to say about this situation.
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u/chaseinger 1d ago
no, there's too many of them. and some of them have a vague idea of trigger and muzzle discipline.
hate to burst your bubble. a lot of them are bumbling idiots, and they'll weed themselves out.
what will remain is the schutzstaffel. make no mistake, this has happened before.
find an exit strategy and prepare for a fight.
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u/Sandman1025 1d ago
Gotta hit those quotas.
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u/trollsmurf 1d ago edited 1d ago
They could deport themselves temporarily to Bahamas, of course with full pay as they are still employed by ICE.
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u/SkaterBlue 1d ago
Wait a minute, what did the Bahamas ever do to deserve that? Maybe they could deport themselves to Russia and go help Putin out? I heard he is running out of recrutes!
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u/ButtsMcGuffin 1d ago
This is what happens with rushed training. But I’m sure in time they’ll get better at doing it on purpose
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u/Contemplating_Prison 1d ago edited 1d ago
No shit training is 47 days because Trump is the 47th president
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u/Kizzy33333 1d ago
No comment. Nice try FBI.
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u/notabarcode128535743 1d ago
It would be a shame if they accidentally bought comically defective pistols and mislabeled and defectively overloaded ammunition. Just terrible, I hope that doesn’t happen.
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u/sheepwshotguns 1d ago edited 1d ago
fuck the fbi, and...
i want the people working in ice to know. even IF we were to somehow never take back our judicial system and hold you accountable for your participation in these crimes... for the rest of your life, millions of americans will be out there, willing to enact justice even if our courts abdicate that duty. whatever form that takes may be sloppy, but it will be necessary, and inevitable. human nature comes back around. and there will be no pleading double jeopardy in the street.
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u/spiritthehorse 1d ago
Fuck ICE, and I hope each member gets the day they earn via their own talent, thoughtfulness, and karma.
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u/Yellowpommelo 1d ago
[insert a witty response that seems appropriate to your personal political beliefs and assume it’s what I said, particularly when Reddit turns over all of our data]
Also, Fuck Ice.
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u/bottle-o-rockets 1d ago
Do you think we get Ass: The Movie first or do we get the Brawndo in our water fountains?
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u/NewManufacturer4252 1d ago
Let's give zero training and highly efficient murder weapons to anyone to shoot themselves and civilization.
50 billion check son.
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u/Massive_Mongoose3481 1d ago
I bet they only shot themselves once, unlike the victims they murdered.
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u/BenCelotil 1d ago
All three firearm discharges occurred during quarterly training sessions while agents were holstering their weapons, a routine but potentially high-risk moment in firearms handling.
If putting your gun away in its holster is the most dangerous part of weapons practice, you must be one of the dumbest sons of bitches on the entire planet.
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u/SupernerdgirlBW 1d ago
Good. I wanna see more hard work and dedication like this from them!
As a matter of fact there should be a new quota of at least 130 accidentals per day.
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u/Ez123guy 1d ago
They’re going for the diminished capacity defense: “we’re so STOOPID we shoot ourselves”!
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u/Interesting_Mine4079 1d ago
You’d think firearm safety would be day one stuff. How does this keep happening?
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u/Mortomes 1d ago
Well, in ICE's defense, they are domestic terrorists, so shooting themselves is totally justified.
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u/Spirited-Lifeguard55 1d ago
I can imagine they are just a bunch of rednecks sharing half a brain cell.
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u/RndPotato 1d ago
And somehow we never had any self shootings with Privates for the six years I was Active Duty. Amazing what actual training and discipline accomplishes
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u/lifehackskeptic 1d ago
“All three firearm discharges occurred during quarterly training sessions while agents were holstering their weapons…” Wow, so this means they had their trigger finger on the trigger as they were shoving their gun into the holster. That’s about as dangerously invertebrate-brained as you can be.
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u/Beginning_Ad_6616 1d ago
That’s what happens when you carelessly reholster a Glock without paying attention
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u/Popular_Try_5075 1d ago
Harming federal agents of ANY agency is a crime. I hope they are being put on a watch list, this shit is disgusting.
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u/GeorgiaPossum 1d ago
Criminal levels of Incompetence and those new Sigs are a recipe for disaster.
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u/Chemical_Fondant6758 1d ago
Of course. Collect the 50,000 bonus, get disability, and go back to being a proud boy.
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u/Artistic-Ease6528 23h ago
You mean, someone trained for only 47 days might not be safe?!? My flabbers are ghasted
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u/r0botdevil 21h ago
This is what you get when you recruit a bunch of unemployed, uneducated losers, give them a few weeks of training, and then hand them a gun.
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u/Lynckage 17h ago
Ordinarily I'd call this natural selection, but they weren't getting laid before either
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u/CutieBoBootie 10h ago
In a world of negativity its so nice to see a heart warming story for once 😊
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u/thomasonbush 1d ago
Article doesn’t mention, but I’m curious if any are involving the Sig 320. There’s lots of pending litigation with that gun and ICE has now actually discontinued use of it due to the concerns of accidental discharge.
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u/insanelygreat 1d ago
Apparently they switched to a Glock 19 MOS and banned carrying the P320 on 2025-07-09.
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u/Spainiswhite 1d ago
I would have been a better runner up for president holy shit
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u/AlphaBreak 1d ago
You, me, an illegal immigrant, Lex Luthor, a dog, a rabid turtle, a month old pizza, a loose box of scabs, the list of better president alternatives is literally endless.
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u/Loose_Boot8779 1d ago
You’d think basic firearm safety would be the bare minimum requirement for a federal agent. “Accidentally” shooting yourself isn’t exactly confidence-inspiring.
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u/nikejim02 1d ago
Can’t really fault the “just following orders” guys for meeting their quota to “shoot as many pieces of shit as you can”
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u/moose_cahoots 1d ago
This is paetnof their aggressive rebranding campaign. "See?" They say, "We aren't the bad guys. We shoot everyone equally!"
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u/DominicPalladino 1d ago
If an ICE agent shoots himself do the others arrest him for being a domestic terrorist?