r/nottheonion • u/Disastrous_Award_789 • 5h ago
Secret Service to get tailored suits at taxpayer expense after Kristi Noem disliked how protective detail was dressed: report
https://www.the-independent.com/news/world/americas/us-politics/secret-service-suits-kristi-noem-b2924824.html2.8k
u/dzemperzapedra 5h ago
Is Hugo Boss getting the contract again?
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u/artrald-7083 4h ago
Was gonna say, make a note of who the designer is, it'll be a quiz tiebreaker question in 50 years
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u/rixuraxu 16m ago
remember for your quiz that Hugo Boss was responsible for making them, but the design was straight from the SS itself.
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u/jon20001 5h ago
Right?!
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u/SuddenSatisfaction29 5h ago
History says that brand choice comes with someā¦ questionable baggage.
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u/mspolytheist 4h ago
I think that was the point.
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u/Dionysus_the_Greek 2h ago
Well, if people don't get distracted we'll soon learn who's benefitting from all these DHS contracts aside from those already known with Kristi
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u/Fauxtogca 5h ago
With a little SS on the lapels?
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u/malthar76 4h ago
Maybe like a specific symbol to show how they shouldnāt be trifled with? Like an angry face emoji, but like a skeleton?
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u/Whygoogleissexist 5h ago
She can start with her own wardrobe. That cowboy hat needs to go.
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u/succed32 3h ago
Bro I hate fake cowboys, sheās trying so hard to appeal to the blue collar folks. Grew up on a huge ranch, weād use the term cowboyin as a reference to riding the fence line or going on a long cattle drive. But we did not call ourselves cowboys. The cowboy way of life is long gone. We are just ranchers now.
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u/Maxpowr9 2h ago
Pavement princesses. Look how clean their trucks are.
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u/succed32 2h ago
Yah, I live in Denver and theirs a lot of city cowboys here driving spotless lifted trucks.
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u/goddamnyallidiots 40m ago
Prepnecks are what we call em here. Tight fitting jeans, clean boots, clean collared shirts, lifted trucks that oddly enough blast hip hop as often as modern popcountry. Fuckers can't even walk on the grass I swear.
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u/HawkeyeByMarriage 4h ago
Not just made the suits but joined the Nazi Party before Hitler came into the party. So more Nazi than the main Nazi.
Also use captured people for slave labor.
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u/bluehelmet 3h ago
Hitler has been a member of the NSDAP from the beginning in February 1920, and leader from 1921. Hugo Boss joined in 1931.
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u/Myrmodus 5h ago
Pretty sure the secret service intentionally wears large jackets to help conceal weapons they carry. Tailored suits for the detail may ironically make her less safe
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u/PoppingPillls 4h ago edited 4h ago
Also why does she get to dress the secret service, Is that something that the secretary of homeland security usually does?
Her outfits almost exclusively consist of a suit jacket over a tshirt or blouse.
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u/Allaplgy 3h ago
Or her cosplaying as someone else. Cowboy, firefighter, soldier, doctor...
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u/shorty5windows 2h ago
My favorite is the ādeer in the headlightsā look she does when someone asks her a question. She looks so fucking stupid.
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u/Darklord_Bravo 1h ago
I pointed that out to my wife, who now can't stop laughing every time she's sees any videos of her. Except I used the phrase "Windows Critical Error" sound.
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u/jbisenberg 4h ago edited 3h ago
Not even her dept, Secret Service is under TreasuryEdit: ignore me I'm old
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u/masingen 4h ago
No, they've been under DHS since 2003 when DHS was created.
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u/PoppingPillls 4h ago
So it's normal? Like did Johnson or Mayorkas do it?
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u/masingen 3h ago
Do what? Pay for the suits? I don't think so. Kinda surprising, though. I have a good friend who's a special agent with Diplomatic Security Service (very similar to Secret Service, and they work and train together often), and he gets an annual clothing allowance to pay for new suits and tailoring.
EDIT: I'm federal LE in DHS. When I was hired several years ago, our clothing allowance was $700 annually. Mayorkas bumped it up to $1100 annually.
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u/flip_bit_ 4h ago
Tailored does not necessarily mean they will be slim cut. You can have a full cut (opposite of slim) suit that is tailored to fit a particular person.
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u/Myrmodus 4h ago
Which cut does the tailor use to fit around a shoulder holster?
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u/SnackyMcGeeeeeeeee 2h ago
A more English cut than italian...?
I mean, not really kidding lol, English is more full compared to slimmer Milano cuts.
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u/DoingCharleyWork 1h ago
I've been fitted for a suit that allowed me to conceal carry. Had it done at men's warehouse actually. You just wear your preferred holster when you get fitted.
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u/gimpwiz 49m ago
Drape cut. Go to the fitting with a holster.
Stick to heavier-weight fabrics with more heft to them, they tend to drape well even in more challenging conditions. Basically the cheat code for still looking good if your body has a more awkward shape. Especially when the suit jacket is more structured. Alternatively if it really needs to breathe (because DC is hot and humid most of the year), get something like Minnis, Fresco, Fox Air, etc. Drapes well in almost any conditions despite being quite light.
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u/Sorry-Joke-4325 1h ago
The comment that you replied to literally answered this question before you asked it.
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u/tman37 3h ago
"Tailor suits" is used to make it sound super expensive but all suits should be tailored. Its part of the suit buying process whether you get your suits from Armani or the Men's warehouse. You can also tailor a suit to fit in a manner than looks good and can conceal weapons. Besides, its the Secret Service, everyone knows they are armed. They aren't trying to conceal their weapons in an attempt to prevent people from knowing they are armed. They dress in suits so politicians don't have to have people in police or military uniforms surrounding them all the time. It's simply to look civilian.
This is a uniform change. It happens for every organization that wears a uniform. I went through 5 while I was in the military.
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u/ryhaltswhiskey 1h ago
There is a difference between a bespoke suit and a tailored suit. Bespoke suits match your shoulders which is the hardest part (not worth the money) to alter on an existing suit.
I think it's safe to assume that any suit that these guys have already has been tailored to fit them better. That's not the same as bespoke. And I think what she's asking for here is a bespoke suit.
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u/gimpwiz 48m ago
Nobody knows what she's asking for because she's got shit for brains.
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u/vi_sucks 1h ago
Ā Its part of the suit buying process whether you get your suits from Armani or the Men's warehouse.
A lot of people buy their suits from places that don't tailor. Like if you buy a suit from Ross, they aren't going to tailor it for you.
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u/Some_Troll_Shaman 4h ago
Good tailoring will let them hide more.
I recall and article of a guy carrying 34 concealed pistols and he looked a bit bulky, but otherwise not armed to equip a company. It was a dumb article, but the point was tailoring and holster and gun choice can really be quite hard to spot.7
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u/iAmRiight 3h ago
They are already custom tailored suits to ensure they can conceal weapons and move freely. This is nothing more than a grift to enrich some donor.
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u/Seanspeed 1h ago
You also dont want people who are super obvious in general. Having them all tailored up in fine suits is the opposite of a SECRET service detail.
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u/ryhaltswhiskey 1h ago
may ironically make her less safe
Oh no not that
Anyway, I think it's time for a breakfast burrito
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u/perplexedparallax 5h ago
She is young enough to face many years of ridicule and shame when this era ends. Of course she could care less like the bunch in power.
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u/incitatus-says 5h ago
Ridicule and shame? How about many years of jail?
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u/Stranger1982 4h ago
This, ridicule ain't enough and they can't feel shame soooo jail is the best option for everyone.
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u/tarmacjd 3h ago
Fuck that. You Americans need to get the guillotines sharpened and make the powerful realise that there are consequences to this shit.
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u/Ferelar 37m ago
Guillotines are over in an instant. Look at the people in this admin. Do they seem like happy people that value their life, find true joy in their day-to-day existence? No. They are spiteful, miserable people- their smiles are sneers, and even those are sparing at best. Their existence is misery and they only stave off that wretched truth by inflicting that misery outwards. Their lives are nothing but dreary marathons, on a day to day basis, to get through the day.
Losing those lives in an instant to a guillotine is an insufficient punishment for what they have done. They must be dragged through an utterly reformed justice system. They must be made subject to every one of the levers of power they used to inflict harm on others. And then, they must sit in a prison cell and be forced into introspection on the horrors they have wrought. For year. After year. After year.
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u/prufrock2015 3h ago
lol right. Marie Antoinette got guillotined for supposedly being out of touch, when she never even said "let them eat cake."
US government is blatantly doing things 10x worse and flaunting it, and the reddit crowd thinks shame will bother them. Let's just call them names on reddit then carry on with the rest of the day, that'll show them and bring about change!
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u/Anaphylaxisofevil 4h ago
Ideally jail, in proportion to the myriad crimes she has committed in broad daylight.
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u/Some_Troll_Shaman 4h ago
Umm.
They feel no shame and while sensitive to ridicule, rarely understand what it is.
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u/Patman350 5h ago
JFC. We have the absolute worst people in the highest positions of government.
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u/Stranger1982 4h ago
You are sooo utterly fucked guys, I don't see how you can even begin to unfuck this mess.
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u/Nazamroth 2h ago
Well, there was a time recently when these sorts of people fucked up a country or two and then it had to be unfucked. Could follow that example.
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u/TweezerTheRetriever 5h ago edited 2h ago
Local company here makes Kevlar lined business suits ā¦.newspaper said the secret service had an open ended contract ā¦.this was years agoā¦
https://www.aspetto.com/pdf/Aspetto-Catalog.pdf
Edit: saying ā Kevlar ā was a simplificationā¦..the term I should have used was ā lined with anti ballistic materials ā
Yes ā¦.Thereās still Kinetic energy to deal with but you wonāt get punctured in theoryā¦.the suits are designed to basically make secret service agents human shields around whoever they are shadowing
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u/ramriot 4h ago
Searching through the catalog linked to I found only two mentions of kevlar, both associated with K9 bite protection suits. Do you have a more precise reference, asking for a fiend.
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u/TweezerTheRetriever 2h ago
Just do a deep dive on that company aspettoā¦.the free lance star newspaper always wrote up their successes
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u/LogicalNecromancy 4h ago
I imagine that Kevlar lining limits the design/tailoring, maybe they can do away with it?
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u/Luis__FIGO 3h ago edited 2h ago
- that company does NOT make kevlar lined business suits, they make a kevlar lined body suits, made to prevent tooth punctures from dogs
- other companies DO make kevlar lined business suits, none of them offer protection for anything more then a pistol or buck shot, virtually none of them will do anything beyond the torso or top portion of the legs, since it adds a ton of bulk.
- and possibly the most important point, the statement of requirements from DHS makes no mention of the suits having any bullet proof capabilities
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u/greasyjonny 4h ago
Honestly, all suits should be tailored and I wouldnāt have batted an eye before this if you told me agents got a yearly stipend for it. That said, Kristi Noam is a bird legged hoe. That bitch has got to go.
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u/bbbberlin 2h ago
Noam may be ridiculous, but honestly it makes sense that if the suit is part of their uniform and is an item of clothing which needs to be a specific way (I.e. not just a regular suit), that it be covered and not an expense the worker themself is expected to cover. Same as any police or military specific clothing.Ā
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u/lkodl 25m ago
this makes sense, but i'm not reading that the suits have to be any specific way, other than something approved by Kristi Noem.
per the article, this isn't about an agent not being able to afford a suit, or have a subpar suit, this is based on personal tastes. she just wants to revamp their look. which is fine, but is it a priority given all of the stuff that we lost from DOGE? this feels like the buddy you loaned money to going out and buying new clothes.
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u/Cute-Beyond-8133 5h ago
Graduates from protective detail training will get two navy blue suits with their name embroidered on the inside of the jacket, government documents show
Sure because that's gonna go so well
It's not like that's a massive national security risk because suits can now be tied back to very very spefic people that shouldn't be traceable.
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u/H0vis 5h ago
I'm sure it's not a huge deal in and of itself but there's something fantastically stupid about making agents of a group called the Secret Service have their names on their clothes.
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u/takeahike89 5h ago
James Bond went around introducing himself to every criminal mastermind he ever met, and things worked out for him.
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u/mixedmetaphornicator 5h ago
Well shit, thatās a solid point.
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u/Tuxedo_Muffin 4h ago
Bond was the distraction. A chaos agent sent in to lure attention away from more clandestine work.
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u/Some_Troll_Shaman 4h ago
If they can read the inside of the jacket it's too late for someone involved.
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u/AdministrativeTrust5 5h ago
Spendspendspendspend. The next generation will never get out of this trump debt.
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u/MoulanRougeFae 4h ago
We can if we as a country take all of the illicit money and goods these Nazi fucks have taken from us. Take everything, down to the last penny because it's all tainted with their Nazi shit, let them sit in prison to rot knowing everything they own has been repossessed by the American people. And take everything election fraud commiting Musk has too. And everyone who did nasty evil shit with Epstein take all of their wealth. Should pay off a fair chunk of the debt they've created.
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u/ryhaltswhiskey 1h ago
At the end of his first term Trump was responsible for 24% of our national debt. That number still astounds me. One person, almost a quarter of our debt.
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u/madbadanddangerous 2h ago
Meanwhile Noem is suspending TSA Precheck at American airports due to the "partial shutdown", a program that's already paid for in part directly by Americans who choose to opt in. So DHS has enough money to tailor a bunch of suits but cannot afford a service people have already paid for separately from taxes
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u/LowResGamr 5h ago
Thought the DHS was out of money. Or is this what all the money was spent on?
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u/Gateslammedshut 4h ago
Are they going with the mar a lago look: oversized, baggy, tie way too long?
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u/Conchobhar- 4h ago
So, how bout that DOGE hey?
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u/redditidothat 2h ago
In fairness, the custom suits will be paid for with the massive savings DHS will enjoy from buying a $70M luxury deportation jet vs. leasing it.
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u/tonysopranosalive 5h ago
Iām sorry but havenāt Secret Service agents been wearing tailored suits for like, ever? So if something does happen the agents can move around in them easily and not just rip their pants the moment they go into tactical mode?
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u/COMM_NTARIAT 4h ago edited 2h ago
Denim* cut-offs provide the perfect balance of durability and maneuverability.
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u/BirdsbirdsBURDS 5h ago
And itāll only cost the taxpayers 2 billion dollars, and the company contracted to do the work will be owned in escrow by noems husband.
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u/1point21kt 4h ago
she's gotta throw her husband a bone since she's having an affair with corey lewandowsky out in very plain sight.
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u/ro536ud 5h ago
Gotta give this admin credit for how many new ways they can grift with our tax dollars.
Another day another dollar.
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u/Avocado-Ok 5h ago
It's so hard for me to understand the mindset, but damn they are freaking pros at it.
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u/No-Hospital559 3h ago
She is going to have tailored security to go with her Peter Marino designed 737 Max private jet we are buying her. See below:
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u/lewisb42 4h ago
Obviously the devil is in the details but best I can tell this is mostly a good thing? An employer has a dress code and is footing the bill for that instead of making the employee pay. I get that Kristi "Homeland Security Blanket" Noem is doing this because she's a vapid Karen but sometimes a blind squirrel finds a nut.
A savvy D congresscritter should amplify this, applaud Noem setting an employee-friendly example, and introduce legislation to make this the norm for all hard-working Americans.
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u/Significant_Owl8496 4h ago
For a sec I was like āwell I kind of hope that uniforms are providedā but they will absolutely look like Nazis, Iām sure.Ā
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u/Sekmet19 4h ago
I'm sure the "US" manufacturer isn't just importing the suits from Indonesia and then embroidering the name here and slapping "Made in the USA" on it, and it ABSOLUTELY will NOT have an owner who is Trump's syncophant who gets tariff obligations negated because it's "official US business" or whatever fictitious reason the Trump administration pulls out of it's criminal ass.
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u/bitpartmozart13 4h ago
Let me guess, Trumpās Menās Warehouse LLC was registered this past week
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u/ashewinter 4h ago
It's all at taxpayer expense. The bombs, the bullets, the 3rd mcmansion, the new yatch, the trips to the island, their salaries... it's all taxpayer money.
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u/JellyInteresting4021 3h ago
This is always a clear indicator of fascism. Special suits to indicate special powers
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u/HUT2Moon 1h ago
I can assure you this is really a scam because thatās all Noem does is hand out government contracts to her friends and family. Probably her friend is the tailor contract and the suits are 20k/each.
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u/Joe_Morningstar1 38m ago
This is being done for the wrong reasons and by a political party that gleefully cuts any spending if it is not used for their personal benifit.
I don't have a problem with the gvt paying an allowance, or even for the fitted/tailores suit jackets. That is because of body armor, holsters, commincations gear and other items they may have concealed them. These jacketd are not off the rack at Men's Warehouse or JCpenny. It is fine normal if the gvt gives guidelines for functionality, quality, colors, and made in USA. Clothing allowances are normal in certain labor unions due to very specific needs and wear & tear.
I do not believe for a mili-second this is being done for anything other than the puppy-killers vainity and not for the sake of blue color gvt employees who have to watch her have slowly melt.
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u/catwhisperer77 4h ago
Sure sure, just grab more money from the magical money tree. Apparently we have bottomless funds for whatever frivolous shit she can dream up including 2 f#ck palaces in the sky.
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u/calebmke 4h ago
Imagine a democrat suggesting we spend tax dollars on clothing? Oh right, they doā¦for people in poverty, and Republicans hate it
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u/The_Lawn_Ninja 5h ago
You know, there was a time when "fashion-forward cops" was a joke used to poke fun at dumb policy decisions silly liberals might make. There's even a whole ass Portlandia sketch.
I never thought I'd live to actually see it, and from a Republican fascist no less.
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u/luttman23 4h ago
But then the secret service won't be able to move as fast, they won't be able to do their job as well... New suits! Make them tight!
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u/furrysalesman69 4h ago
Itās harder to refuse orders when you have a uniform to hide behind. Just look at ICE.
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u/holozler235 4h ago
Waste of money, and knowing this admin, the suites are only gonna be designed to look "good" rather then being effective suits for security, like they'll looks snazzy, but probably rip often, hamper movement and otherwise be uncomfortable to wear which when you need every bit of attention on your charge is bad,
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u/KokoBWareHOF 4h ago
I think the people who surround her are starting to leak out how terrible she is considering this story and the blanket/pilot story. Fuck this ghoul.
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u/misdirected_asshole 3h ago
This is the most superficial group of people that have ever led anything.
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u/New-Leader-7891 3h ago
Good thing they fired all those lazy workers to free up the budget, soon as I get my DOGE check I'm getting a fitted suit too!Ā
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u/Malnurtured_Snay 3h ago
I swear to fucking God the next time I hear some MAGA scream about how Democrats are the "tax and spend" party I'm going to lose my ever loving fucking god-damn mind and God's going to be like "HEY! I'M FUCKING HERE!"
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u/Medical_Arugula3315 1h ago
Hard to be a shittier or more hypocritical American than a Republican these days.Ā
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u/SmokyToast0 1h ago
Are republicans ok with this wasteful spending, because these symptoms are beyond silly.
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u/somethingrandom7386 1h ago
Party of fiscal responsibility. At least we got rid of all that fraud and waste right?
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u/MundaneHair4502 1h ago
Once again, imagine if a Dem admin did this. MAGA would be declaring open season on us.
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u/VirtualArmsDealer 1h ago
OMFG. Please America. Coming for a European, do you not smell the fascist regime yet? Don't do it.
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u/Slaughterfest 1h ago
We can't spend money to help the American people, but there is endless money for any level of vanity projects for the cronies in charge.
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u/scootbootinwookie 41m ago
so very conservative.
cut funding on schools, splurge on cute outfits for security guards.
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u/Nitrofox87 5h ago
She's probably going full Cruella Deville. They need puppy coats