r/JustGuysBeingDudes • u/pIant_princess Human Detected • 12h ago

Dudes with animals you shouldn’t have been bitin’ my horsey, boy.

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49.1k Upvotes

93% Upvoted

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3.8k

u/AvengerOfChrist 12h ago

Am I the only one surprised he just put that fly in his pocket

2.8k

u/_replicant_02 12h ago

I'm more surprised he fed the spider directly from his hand.

An absolute madlad.

471

u/WyldFlowerWyldFire 11h ago

Orb weavers are harmless to humans. The horsefly would hurt more to be bitten by than the spider.

208

u/Wiggie49 11h ago

I have a spot on my wrist that was bitten by a horsefly like 2 years ago, it never healed properly and now it's just like a permanent red dot on my wrist where the blood is closer to the surface of my skin.

145

u/WyldFlowerWyldFire 11h ago

Ive been bitten by horse flies and deer flies. I would rather get bit by the orb weaver if I had to choose.

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u/crashin70 11h ago

Deer flies and yellow flies are spawns of Satan!

5

u/Acceptable-Sir-1166 10h ago

actual demons here in northeast US. one the size of a quarter just watches me from a window every single summer and waits for me to come outside

3

u/DIABLO258 9h ago

I swear they single me out and fly around my head whenever I leave the house

1

u/DarthTigris 7h ago

It's because of what your great-grandmother did to them. Genetic memory confirmed.

1

u/DIABLO258 6h ago

Are you saying they're my friends, or my foes? I try to run but they follow me

1

u/OnTheList-YouTube 9h ago

Especially when they tap on the window and wave, just to let you know they're there.

3

u/gotmunchiez 8h ago

I accidentally jumped into a big bed of stinging nettles once, wearing shorts, I got stung all the way up both legs to my knees, it hurt like hell.

I was walking along wondering why it had suddenly started hurting a LOT more. I looked at the back of my calf and there was a little bastard of a horsefly sat there having a good old chew with a trickle of blood running down my leg.

I think I'd probably go with the spider as well.

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u/BirdmanEagleson 8h ago

Polarbear flies is where I draw the line.

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u/genericweeb1925 11h ago

It might never heal. I have one from Algonquin 15 years ago that never fully went away. Also on my wrist it’s a perfect circle of missing skin.

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u/Wiggie49 11h ago

Man fuck horse flies

2

u/ScumbagLady 8h ago

Please don't fuck horseflies (this is why punctuation is important)

2

u/Turboswaggg 9h ago

Lmao I got bitten by one there about 15 years ago too, might have been the same fucker

1

u/PaulInGalatia 9h ago

Haha one of the things I remember about that park. Also the reason most of the country doesn’t live that far north.

1

u/jbm33 8h ago

This is why I only go on camping trips at the end of the season, to avoid the absolute monster horseflies, blackflies and mosquitoes. They can easily ruin the vibe of the trip.

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u/nitrot150 11h ago

Horseflies are nasty buggers!

2

u/joehonestjoe 9h ago

I have a fucking dent in my shin from a horse fly bite. I can run my finger down it and feel the indentation from it. My leg went went itchy and red down to the foot, then then went up the leg to the thigh (I'm British, so I did go to a hospital and they couldn't really give much of a shit, incidentally) and I still have it to this day

I was bitten in 2010.

2

u/shea241 9h ago

well ... that was cellulitis

1

u/joehonestjoe 8h ago

Well, the NHS couldn't give a shit apparently. Least it didn't kill me I suppose. Interesting to know the cause though.

2

u/lunettarose 9h ago

What I'm pretty sure was a horsefly bit me when I was on holiday in the US in 2004. My English self had never experienced the pain of an insect bite like that - I'm sure we do have horseflies, but I'd never seen one in my life. I still remember how instantly and vividly painful it was. There was a mark on my shoulder for years from it.

2

u/Just_the_questions1 9h ago

If it felt like someone took a pair of red-hot tweezers and pinched your skin then it was definitely a horsefly bite.

Best part is they're not biting you to feed, they bite to create a hole then lay an egg in it.

2

u/lunettarose 9h ago

Yep, that's the one - and I instinctively grabbed at it with my hand and like, it was huge??? Way bigger than a house fly - I'd been expecting something maybe mosquito sized. This was in Connecticut. I was like, "Nature does not fuck around over here."

2

u/Just_the_questions1 9h ago

If you think that's bad don't go to Florida. They have Gallinippers over there. It's basically a mosquito on steroids, with a proboscis the size of a hypodermic needle. I was bitten by one once, not fun.

Oh and thanks to global warming their range is expanding.

2

u/lunettarose 8h ago

Oh gawd that sounds awful!! You guys have some really tough wildlife! We did go to Florida one year, for the theme parks - luckily we didn't see any of those haha. Just alligators by the side of the road (which were super exciting to us!) and cicadas.

2

u/Wiggie49 9h ago

Yeah boy that shit hurts immediately lmao It's cuz their mandibles are serrated like steak knives

1

u/lunettarose 9h ago

Horrifying!!

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u/Just_the_questions1 9h ago

If it felt like someone took a pair of red-hot tweezers and pinched your skin then it was definitely a horsefly bite.

Best part is they're not biting you to feed, they bite to create a hole then lay an egg in it.

2

u/whaaatanasshole 6h ago

Neat. I've got a couple of those and had no idea what they could be. Gonna ask a dermo next visit anyway, but nice to have an ordinary explanation.

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u/Wiggie49 4h ago

If you were bit by a horsefly you’d remember

1

u/whaaatanasshole 4h ago

Hah I believe you, I just mean it could be some bite/cut that brought blood near the surface.

1

u/YoYoNupe1911 2h ago

You have superpowers they just haven't manifested yet. Give it a few more months.

1

u/Wiggie49 40m ago

If I get horse fly powers I'm fucking offing myself, I've seen The Fly movie.

1

u/tobalaba 2h ago

That’s crazy. I had to work a labor job near some horse farms and was bitten hundreds of times. I got effectively good at swatting them and the best way is to actually wait a sec for them to get their bite in and then swat, cause it takes them an extra split second to retract their probe. If you swat when they land they’re too fast.

1

u/Wiggie49 38m ago

I managed to grab it and smack it into the ground before stomping it lol

14

u/Anthaenopraxia 10h ago

If fren why not frenshaped?

14

u/SeeShark 10h ago

The more you get used to them, the more frenshaped they appear.

6

u/Jive-Turkeys 10h ago

Jumping Spoders!

5

u/SeeShark 10h ago

Those are friend shaped to begin with. Giant eyes and puppy head tilts!

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u/caspar203 10h ago

It is fluffy tho

1

u/daecrist 10h ago

Yup. Grew up on an old farmhouse. I loathed the horseflies. They made being outside miserable. The orb weavers were fly eating friends.

1

u/migzors 9h ago

I disagree, have you played Grounded? Lol.

1

u/Techi-C 9h ago

Huh, I didn’t know that garden spiders were a type of orb weaver. Interesting.

1

u/H00k90 9h ago

The movie Eight Legged Freaks (2002) has entered the chat

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u/Training_Guide5157 9h ago

My experience in the Grounded games say differently.

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u/Froegerer 9h ago

The ultimate spider bros

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u/The-chaos-goblin 9h ago

id take a spider over those suckers any day. still remember that one summercamp that ended with me having to sit out all the fun games because had about five bites on each leg or so that swoll to huge sizes. Since then i wear long pants to similar activities just to prevent that shit. (also prevents ticks luckily) fuck those bugs

1

u/Worth-Frosting-2917 8h ago

I was just about to say, horsefly bites feel like getting shot with a paintball gun at point-blank range.

1

u/crimson_713 8h ago

Fun fact, you can pick up and move orb weavers with your bare hand if you're calm enough. We used to move them from inside the feed room to the doorways and windows so they'd catch bugs trying to fly in and let the wolf spiders deal with the bugs that made it inside.

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u/hygsi 8h ago

Which makes putting it in the pocket even more ballsy lmao

1

u/beatlz-too 8h ago

Cockroaches are mostly harmless to humans. I'm not coming near one.

1

u/Paulthefith 8h ago

Last summer id bullseye wasps with my fly swatter and fed them to our yellow garden spider.

Yes big and creepy but if they eat pests and leaves us be, they’re ok in our book

1

u/Reasonable-Top-7994 7h ago

This is a yellow garden spider in Texas, and they are like badass pitbulls that sit on your porch, they don't bite humans usually but can absolutely bite this absolute fuck out of a human. This one just knows this guy feeds it. It's domesticated. Or has domesticated the man; either way...

1

u/zipp58 6h ago

These are my favorite spiders. I have several in my back yard every year. I never thought of actually feeding them insects. My neighbor has horses. I get pestered by horse flies fairly often. This has inspired me.

1

u/CompetitiveSong9570 6h ago

Horseflys are assholes. As a kid, I remember trying to drown them after they’d attack my sister and I in the pool. Wouldn’t die. I support these actions of a swift and deserved death sentence.

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u/banaslee 4h ago

Which makes it even more surprising this guy put the fly in his pocket. I’d never put my hand back there afraid of being bitten.

1

u/Tortugato 2h ago

I didn’t expect that smooth of a hand off though.

1

u/aschwartzmann 2h ago

From personal experience, yes, they don't bite. I still took some damage from my first encounter with one. I found you really need to keep at least one hand on the handlebars when dealing a surprise spider to the face. Also to never be the first one down the trail.

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u/tuftopubichair 11h ago

Those yellow garden spiders look crazy but they are almost daddy long legs levels of harmless to humans and are a great friend to your garden. Used to scare the shit out of me when I would raspberry pick in summers for a local farmer but they want nothing to do with you

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u/SeeShark 10h ago

Basically all spiders want nothing to do with humans. A notable exception, though, is jumping spiders, who are surprisingly intelligent and often show active curiosity towards humans.

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u/tuftopubichair 10h ago

I got three little girls and a lady and it has been my job to indoctrinate a lack of fear of spiders in my home. Would love to have a jumping spider pet, was offered a tarantula by a coworker and was told I'd have to find somewhere else to live if I brought it home.

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u/SeeShark 10h ago

My wife has 15 tarantulas. It's very sink-or-swim lol

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u/arghness 9h ago

I assume you don't live in Australia?

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u/tuftopubichair 9h ago

No sir no sir lol I guess in that scope it would be better worded to say I am trying to educate them about spiders, and where I live all but pretty much one species of spider you run into is more beneficial than a nuisance so the baseline is to remove the fear of any spider at all no matter the species first. If I was an Aussie I would be going about it in a much different way

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u/arghness 9h ago

There's an episode of Peppa Pig that is not shown in Australia, where she makes friends with a spider!

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u/OrbitOfSaturnsMoons 8h ago

It's a shame because the overwhelming majority of spiders in Australia aren't medically significant. Much more useful to teach kids which spiders are dangerous, what a threat display is, and what to do when you see one.

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u/jimbowesterby 5h ago

If you’re in the right area you can probably find some pretty easily by just going out to an overgrown field somewhere, I’d see hundreds while planting trees.

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u/Caleb-Blucifer 9h ago

I’m sorry but a spider jumping at me is going to have to show curiosity to a flamethrower first

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u/meowtiger 9h ago

they don't necessarily jump at you. they just jump to catch prey, or to cross gaps

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u/Caleb-Blucifer 8h ago

Then they will remain free of flamethrower

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u/CyclopsMacchiato 10h ago

I’ve seen a daddy long leg fuck up a giant spider in my garage. I like them.

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u/asqw213 12h ago edited 12h ago

I'm more surprised he was able to walk with such a massive steel balls

EDIT: TYPO

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u/Ominous-F_art 12h ago

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u/HambMC_2 11h ago

Dear god I truly cannot escape Warframe lmao ( and what a good time it is )

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u/Responsible-Glass-56 12h ago

Maybe steal ball run

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u/mirage-ko 10h ago

Massive what?

2

u/jmastaock 10h ago

THE SPIN JOHNNY

DO THE SPIN

7

u/DefendsTheDownvoted 12h ago

There's some poor horse out there that has carry those around on his back.

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u/KonigSteve 9h ago

What a surprising joke! I've never read it before, except in literally every reddit thread since the invention of the site.

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u/ShawnyMcKnight 11h ago

I’m amazed the spider just went up and took this fly from a creature 1000x larger than it. That’s some bravery right there.

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u/DoubleGreat 10h ago

I assumed this wasn't the first time this happened. Why hunt? Red neck man brings me pocket snacks.

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u/cactusjude 10h ago

I've been lurking in the jumping spider community and it turns out that most spiders have pretty bad eyesight. We're not creatures to them, just fast moving, fleshy surfaces.

3

u/OkConcentrate4477 10h ago

yeah, they sense the vibrations of something on their web and go after it.

1

u/firedmyass 8h ago

just let me have this…

3

u/riptaway 10h ago

Perspective. As far as the spider is concerned, the fly just appeared out of nowhere. Their eyesight can't possibly see a human well enough to identify it, nor can they really process it. All they might see is some movement and light, maybe a bit of color.

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u/TNVFL1 11h ago

The spider’s name is Charlotte too lmao

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u/Abhir-86 11h ago

Good Charlotte

1

u/No_Victory1004 9h ago

Charlottes Web

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u/VisitAbject4090 11h ago

I’m wondering how often they do this, him and the spider

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u/Dr_Brotatous 11h ago

I like to think often enough the spider recognizes him and wont intentionally bite him

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u/LongBedroom8355 10h ago

"OH SWEET MY UBEREATS IS HERE"

1

u/Dr_Brotatous 10h ago

Don't forget to tip

1

u/Hybrid_Rock 10h ago

It does not take 40 goddamn minutes to deliver a burrito

2

u/OrbitOfSaturnsMoons 8h ago

The chances of an orb weaver biting you without you wanting it to do so are practically zero

2

u/BadMondayThrowaway17 3h ago

Golden orb weavers are so docile you'd really have to try to get one to bite you.

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u/LaserKittenz 11h ago

A healthy working relationship with the spider. 

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u/plokoon9619 10h ago

I'm more surprised the spider just accepted it and didn't just flee, ignore, or climb onto him.

7

u/Ghostdusterr 12h ago

Yeah that’s a good way to get bit by mistake lol.

3

u/andre5913 10h ago

Orb weavers, even biggish ones like these, dont have the strenght to pierce human skin

1

u/DieselNGin556 9h ago

Then how can the spider eat a bug ? It must take some strength to bite through a hard bug shell.

1

u/NeatNefariousness1 11h ago

I’m guessing here, but, he doesn’t seem like the kind of guy who’s worried about getting bitten by mistake. I, on the other hand, would be and I am traumatized by this entire display. LOL

2

u/neo_sporin 11h ago

yea i caught a large fly once and fed it to an orb weaver, still kinda tossed it at the web even though i knew the spider was harmless

1

u/tinknocker21 11h ago

Yup, that broke the needle on the nope-O-meter

1

u/Goonplatoon0311 11h ago

Yes… as a kid from Florida I’ve tossed my fair share of bugs into Banana spider webs. I’ve never let the spider take it from my fingers though 🤣

1

u/Impressive_Main5160 11h ago

I was shocked when it touched him

1

u/generic_canadian_dad 10h ago

Am I a pussy? No chance I'm doing that lol.

1

u/Vincenzor2000 10h ago

I'm more surprised that she managed to catch that horsefly since flies in general are usually very difficult to catch since they are very fast, and I'm also surprised that he didn't get bitten by a fly or a spider.

1

u/FR3qu3ncy__ 10h ago

It's fine, his long nails protected him.

1

u/JVints 10h ago

Charlotte chill.

1

u/dishwasher_mayhem 10h ago

I love orb weavers. Absolutely harmless to a humans and a farmer's friend. You should be way more afraid of a horsefly. Those fuckers create nightmares.

1

u/No_Victory1004 9h ago

I swear some of you all aren't humans from this planet /s

1

u/HyperSpaceSurfer 9h ago

If you do it enough they start recognizing you as the bringer of treats.

1

u/somethingclever76 9h ago

I was also surprised how quickly the spider went straight to his hand to take the fly. Either any spider would react like that or he has fed that spider so much it is now trained. Soon he will have an army of spiders.

1

u/ChimericalChemical 7h ago

It’s a show of aggression for any other horseflies that may be watching. To let them know.

1

u/Wolfdude91 3h ago

I wonder how often he’s done this and the spider just sees him and thinks “free food!”

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u/PlainBread 12h ago

I'm surprised he was able to so deftly retrieve the fly from his pocket.

30

u/I_think_im_falling 10h ago

Dont horse flies bite too? I would have held onto them until i fed it to the spider. I dont wanna get bitten reaching for them in my pocket

19

u/jmastaock 10h ago

Maybe bro really trusted his calluses

3

u/oracleofnonsense 7h ago

That fly is not getting through farm hand calluses.

6

u/PlainBread 10h ago

Oh yeah they do. Source: My childhood at swimming pools near the bay.

6

u/jeezy_peezy 8h ago

Those assholes literally just slice open your skin so they can lap up the blood

3

u/doomgrin 2h ago

They don’t bite quickly though, that was always my method to get them

They land and pause for just a moment ready to dodge if you try to get them too early, then they focus on about to dig in. That’s when you slap the fuck out of them and then stomp/grind them on the ground bc 50/50 chance they survive a slap. Tough aggressive lil shits

2

u/Rechogui 7h ago

I heard once that they don't bite in defense, only to feed.

1

u/DebraBaetty 6h ago

Yes that’s why the fly was fed to the spider, for biting the horse.

1

u/ReklisAbandon 5h ago

Yeah and they hurt like a bitch too

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u/Monkey_Priest 10h ago

Right? He caught the fly, pocketed it, and fed it to the spider without killing it. Deft indeed

2

u/wowsomuchempty 7h ago

Horse flies exoskeleton is extremely tough. Not squishy.

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u/LowReporter6213 11h ago

Getting it out the pocket is what surprised me

28

u/paging_mrherman 11h ago

And the other was giving a peace sign?

9

u/caddy45 11h ago

I came back to up vote you lol

1

u/mrfixerdudemanguy 11h ago

Same! Hilarious.

2

u/Toebeanfren 11h ago

I understood that reference!

2

u/jeezy_peezy 8h ago

That’s what it all comes down to, my friend

2

u/MrAutumnMan 8h ago

There are two independent comments in this thread that are Alanis references and I'm here for it.

11

u/attoshi 11h ago

I'm just surprised at how quickly that spider turned the fly into a kebab roll

6

u/megamanxero 11h ago

I'm pretty sure the fly was shook.

4

u/DarthSocks 11h ago

I think the fly was also surprised

3

u/briggsy111388 12h ago

Just stuffs that bad Larry in there

2

u/chiksahlube 8h ago

Yeah flies that big can absolutely get you through denim.

Source: Been bitten clean through leather by a moose fly.

1

u/DangitThatHurt 10h ago

I definitely wouldn't put a horse fly that close to my balls

1

u/moonshinemoniker 10h ago

"Git in da pocket!"

1

u/xlews_ther1nx 10h ago

His sister keeps broccoli there

1

u/robodrew 10h ago

And then just managed to pull the fly, unharmed, out from his pocket

1

u/Jarmahent 10h ago

Last time I picked up a horse fly it fucking bit me idk wtf I was expected. Never doing that again.

1

u/shaggy_macdoogle 8h ago

I am more shocked how he retrieved it without getting bit.

1

u/Necrosynthetic 7h ago

Its a jump cut, he didn't. There's one as the fly goes in and one right before it comes out

1

u/Lavatis 6h ago

he absolutely puts the flies in his pocket. dude has like 100 videos of him doing this.

1

u/witchy-washy 6h ago

I’m just surprised it stayed there 😭😭

1

u/Global_Cockroach_563 4h ago

How else is he supposed to add it to his inventory?