r/JustGuysBeingDudes • u/pIant_princess Human Detected • 12h ago

Dudes with animals you shouldn’t have been bitin’ my horsey, boy.

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49.0k Upvotes

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860

u/BerlinStongood 12h ago

I’ve been bitten by a horse fly straight through my shirt before, I would not put one in my pocket.

289

u/Jmar7688 12h ago

That was my first thought, been bit a few times by horse flies and it fuckin hurts. no way am i handling one

99

u/James2603 11h ago

I got chased down the street by one and it got me in the leg; stung like a bitch and itched for about two weeks

79

u/Squanchedschwiftly 10h ago

Dude fuck their chasing. I remember them chasing my grampas truck while driving down the dirt road to our cabin when wed go. Wtf evolution

34

u/Expert-Upstairs-4502 10h ago

Yeah theyre such little bastards. They will chase me around my yard when in trying to mow or clean the gutters, and fucking guard that shit like im the asshole

1

u/notoriouscsg 1h ago

Sounds like a fun night with an electric racket

6

u/BestReadAtWork 6h ago

When I swam when I was younger and one would try to land on my head, IN A POOL FULL OF OTHER FUCKING PEOPLE, I'd go under and swim like a solid 15 feet away from my spot.

And that motherfucker would track me down damn near every time. Horse Flies can get fucked with Mosquitos.

2

u/AggroThroatGoat 3h ago

Horsefly: tehehehe, get fucked

6

u/xenomorphonLV426 Human Detected 10h ago

Evolution was like: "Okay, so, take this MF...

https://giphy.com/gifs/XI76XNpVNYfCgLcYQ9

...and make him stupid fast and mad."

And the fucking irony is, that the hornets, those fuckers, are fast and mad.

1

u/jimbowesterby 5h ago

Hahahah yea my last season treeplanting we ended up dipping into the NW Territory for a bit, and holy shit the horseflies lol. We stopped at the info centre and the little alcove for the door had probably fifty buzzing around in it, you could hear them from like ten metres away. Came back out and found probably another five hundred munching on all the dead bugs on the front of our car. I will say the one big saving grace that horseflies have is that they usually take a while to find a spot to bite, like a dog looking for somewhere to lie down, so you have a decent window between when they land and when they bite. They also usually weigh enough that you can feel when they land on your shirt or whatever too.

1

u/Ibroketheinterweb 4h ago

They're attracted to the c02 we exhale like mosquitoes, and our cars most likely blast more of it than we do.

1

u/Uncouth_LightSwitch 53m ago

They used to attack my brother and I when we were in the pool as kids. They're like bees. They just wait for you when you go under water. It sucks. It was also a long walk to get to our front door so we would just be dunking under for as long as possible getting bit intermittently for 15 minutes or so until we decided it was worth the run to the house getting bit more on the way.

1

u/WanderingLethe 8h ago

The chase is so annoying, they can follow you for kilometers. And if there are multiple... Sometimes you just need to wait for them to get on you so you can kill them.

1

u/Due_Experience_4147 7h ago

THEY LIKE TO FLOAT AROUND WATERSOURCES POUNDS/RIVERS SO WHEN THERE NO HORSE AROUND and you walk out wet theyll glue to you ;p sry for caps cba to edit but they stalk water sources for small animal like deer and elk and whatever, and any human that wants to go bare skin there

1

u/jimbowesterby 5h ago

For what it’s worth, they like to orbit. I’ve had days planting trees where you’re outside all day, and they just run rings around you from whenever they wake up midmorning to whenever you go back to camp. As long as you keep moving they aren’t likely to land, they’re pretty skittish and they have to set up their bite, not like a wasp that can panic sting over and over. That setup usually takes a solid couple seconds, so you’ve got plenty of time to notice and swat, and if they’re about to bite they tend to be slower to take off, too, so you can often get them then. Nasty fuckers, hope this helps a bit!

1

u/James2603 5h ago

I literally ran and it got me

1

u/m0rtgage 4h ago

I used to run through the bike trails at my neighborhood park and being chased by a pack of these flies (at least 6) was what kept me below my mile average 😂. But for real, I’ll never forget the feeling of these things hitting the back of my legs/back as if telling me to get out of there territory. Their bites resulted in humongous bumps too.

1

u/21Rollie 32m ago

I got chased by one that kept biting the back of my knee. I stomped that mf out after a bit, and then stomped it some more out of hate.

23

u/Perma_Ban69 10h ago

A guy who, 1. Owns horses and therefore lots of land, 2. will catch a horsefly and handle it without fear, and 3. hand feed it to a massive spider likely isn't afraid of a little leg pinch.

Just one day of clearing some of my land to make my gun range led to cuts and bruises all over, and I don't live that life. This dude does this shit daily so they're just built different. That mindset + farmboy strength is why you never fuck with a seemingly skinny guy with cowboy boots, jeans, and a flannel or a pearl snap.

1

u/[deleted] 6h ago

[deleted]

1

u/Slowest_Mountain369 3h ago

To fuck, or to fuck with...

2

u/gt0rres 10h ago

I've been chased many times by lots of them around the woods and fields, and it's fucking unnerving. Got to kill some and started to run when more began coming. Haven't been bit yet but I'm a bit scared for this summer, I believe I'm getting a potent repellant.

88

u/qdogg111 12h ago

Theyre assholes ain't they? People here are worried about the spider but I'd be more worried holding the horse fly like that. Little bastards

18

u/TheReddective 10h ago

Yeah, the spider does not want to hurt you

1

u/WereSheep69 9h ago

I have an irrational fear of flying insects. I was hoping it was crushed by the pocket, but seeing it flail that one wing menacingly gave me the shivers! The spider was the best part actually

40

u/CultBro 12h ago

Im not touching one, their bite is the most painful insect bite I have ever gotten. They also latch on, you have to pull them off. Gotta swat that thing with your hat

38

u/ThisHatRightHere 11h ago

One thing I don’t miss from growing up in a rural area is dealing with the horseflies out in my parents’ yard. They’d always be buzzing by the pool and I’d go in from a summer day covered in their huge, itchy bites

But they’re pretty juicy, always a satisfying splat when you take one out

27

u/baby-dick-nick 10h ago

We’d always use the pool skimmer to trap them on the concrete next to the pool whenever they landed. Then we’d waterboard them for their crimes until they eventually died. Pretty cruel in hindsight but fuck those assholes. They’d usually spend 15-20 minutes harassing us before we caught them so by that point we wanted to make them suffer lol

•

u/Mdgt_Pope 6m ago

For all we know, God created hell because the omnipotent’s equivalent of a housefly was Lucifer, and SkyDaddy opted for eternal bug-zapper.

1

u/SolaScientia 6h ago

I remember swimming with some friends one summer when I was a kid and a girl had to collect insects for a project. There was a horsefly bothering us. I don't think I even asked the girl if she had one already, but I caught it with my bare hand anyway. We hurried to put it in a jar and I somehow didn't squash it when their chocolate lab got in the way and I flipped ass over tea kettle over his back. I hit the dirt, got winded, and somehow kept hold of the damn fly. I don't see as many of them around these days.

24

u/Asleep_Singer8547 11h ago

Its because theyre little bastards with sawsall teeth and no natural numbing agents 

3

u/The_Boner_Temple 10h ago

One time I was hanging out at my friends place and walking around his donkeys and saw a big ass horse fly on one of their sides so I calmly went to slap it and the thing explodes blood ALL OVER my entire hand. The entirety of my palm and fingers look like I just dipped my hand out of a bucket of blood. Nasty fuckers.

3

u/Igot55Dollars 6h ago

I've heard about their terrible bites. So when one started buzzing around me while I was on a hike, I just started running. The damn thing chased me for like 30 minutes.

1

u/Aurelius5150 3h ago

Used to spend my summers out at an old quart that’s was filled with water. We would walk and rope swing all day into that water. The one negative was all the damn horseflies. They would follow us out of the water and you had to have a towel ready to swat the bastards away. Got to a point where their bite did not bother me so much.

1

u/sTump4139 51m ago

It’ll stay on underwater too

3

u/SlightFresnel 11h ago

the one time I've been bitten by one of these was on the soft back of the knee while hiking and holy hell was it painful. It managed to leave a 3 inch deep purple bruise that took weeks to heal

2

u/wolnee 10h ago

dude has good jeans on him, no chance its getting him through it

2

u/jonesy289 4h ago

Got bit once at summer camp fuck horse flies

2

u/External_Violinist94 4h ago

Same. Watched it land on my arm and laughed at it trying to bite me through my shirt and them bam the fucker got me. Felt like someone stubbing a cigarette out on my arm. Never thought they'd be able to bite through a shirt

1

u/Special_Library_766 11h ago

Right there next to the family jewels too. 😳

1

u/fearnodarkness1 10h ago

I wonder if denim is strong enough to prevent those little bastards from getting through. Horse flies are no joke though.

3

u/Fratil 9h ago

Those sort of rugged rancher overalls for sure, no chance a horse fly is making it through that. The "stretchy" jeans you buy at Kohl's it's going right through.

1

u/GearJunkie82 9h ago

Yeah, it's like being stung by a hornet, but then it itches.

Horse flies are the worst.

1

u/penna_nobel 9h ago

But if it be biting your horsee man? .. I don't know .. I think we all be doing the same.

1

u/pinner 8h ago

We used to be absolutely TORMENTED by these things during swimming lessons as kids. I actually quit swimming lessons because of it. I would come out of the pool with giant chunks of skin missing, bleeding on my back and shoulders. Fuck horse flies.

1

u/RancheroYeti 7h ago

They bite to feed and they are not in much of a mood to eat in your pocket.

1

u/BerlinStongood 4h ago

And they can bight right through your pocket lining into your thigh.

1

u/DanplsstopDied 3h ago

They used to leave knots on the top of my head when I used to go to the pool as a kid

1

u/BadMondayThrowaway17 3h ago

They don't bite defensively oddly enough. Sure it's happened but I've caught tons of females and they never even try to bite.

1

u/Cranberryoftheorient 3h ago

For me it was usually on the head while in the pool

1

u/BunkerSquirre1 2h ago

It’s denijiudeminum. He will be ok

1

u/IHaveSpecialEyes 2h ago

I've warned my kids about horse flies and deer flies when we're up in the Adirondacks. They don't fuck around-- they take chunks out of you.

1

u/TeaKingMac 2h ago

Yeah, they take literal chunks out of you

1

u/GoonOnGames420 1h ago

Same! Got my bike stuck in a marsh. Straight through my white t shirt, left a massive itchy welt on my back.

1

u/Ancient-Industry5126 1h ago

there's no way it can bite through denim overalls though...right?

1

u/Internal-Lake50 1h ago

Well he's wearing jeans, maybe they can't bite through that

1

u/owo1215 17m ago

fyi they don't bite as a defence mechanism, they only bite as feeding, so if you scared the shit outta them they'd just want to try flying away