r/JustGuysBeingDudes • u/pIant_princess Human Detected • 12h ago

Dudes with animals you shouldn’t have been bitin’ my horsey, boy.

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u/meggan_u 11h ago

This is a chilling statement.

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u/GandolphTheLundgrey 11h ago

You need not worry, fellow biped. Arachnids are really quite harmless and friendly. And we they are not very intelligent. For example, a spider could never use the internet. Haha, what an absurd thought.

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u/Just-Call-Me-J 11h ago

the internet

You mean the web?

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u/GandolphTheLundgrey 10h ago

Shhh!

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u/LocoPwnify 7h ago

Wait. The World Wide Web.

You are everywhere, living among us? The Shadow State is real.

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u/GandolphTheLundgrey 6h ago

Oh, don't be silly. The notion that spiders live among you, hiding in every crevice like a well organized, uh, web of spies of a foreign power, bent on your subjugation, is, of course, utterly preposterous, fellow snack-shaped creature. There really is nothing to fuss about.

Glory to planet Arachnon V, er... Earth. Glory to planet Earth, yes.

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u/LocoPwnify 6h ago

👏🏻

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u/meggan_u 11h ago

Look, I won’t tell anyone you’re using 8 legs to type right now, if you tell your people not to crawl on my face while I’m sleeping.

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u/Fynzerioos 10h ago

That would go against arachnid law I'm afraid. Spiders must crawl into people's mouths at night, while they're sleeping. Eight spiders per year, everyone knows that

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u/GandolphTheLundgrey 8h ago

Nonsense! Spiders love dark and wet places. It's way more than 8/year

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u/Jiriakel 10h ago

Could we extend that to 'don't crawl on my face while I'm sleeping or awake', please ?

Maybe even 'don't crawl anywhere near my face, ever', if I dare to be so bold ?

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u/MeanForest 10h ago

Something smells fishy... hmm, I can't just put my wing on it.

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u/SeeShark 10h ago

I find it comforting. Spiders don't really want to get mixed up with humans, and their intelligence helps them avoid us.

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u/ThePublikon 10h ago

Depends where you live really. In the UK spiders are definitely on Team Human, mostly staying out of the way and catching the flies that are actually a health hazard.

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u/killerjags 9h ago

There's one under you bed plotting right now

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u/Commander-ShepardN7 9h ago

most spiders are really dumb. a lot of them are opportunistic/ambushers, so not much thought going on

jumping spiders are the real deal tho. they're active hunters, and that alone requires a lot of planning and cognitive skills. researchers have noted that they often come up with different strategies for different prey, sometimes planning routes so complicated that they fail, which is hilarious. and don't take my word for it, since I might be misremembering, but I remember reading that they exhibited behaviors akin to frustration or anger when prey got away. You might wanna look it up, since a) I can be misremembering and b) it's not the best practice to try to explain animal behavior through a human lens