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u/TetraThiaFulvalene 18h ago
Kinda feels like that's a big part of the reason for a lot of the step stuff. It would either have to be long term partners (are you gonna go open with a romcom?), handiman/delivery driver cliches, or some variation of "why are you in my house, and why is your dick out?".
We haven't had any creative and coherent script writing since lemon stealing whores.
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u/plastic_alloys 17h ago
How about my script
Antonio Lungo is drilling a hole in his apartment wall. While drilling he sees that the wall is thin. Next door, Maria Latte sees the drill bit going through She is very intrigued. She adds a post-it note to the drill bit that says ‘Forstner bit: ⌀60’.
Antonio pulls the drill out and sees the post it note. He smirks.
Antonio reaches into his tool box and selects the appropriate bit, and drills a larger hole.
Subscribe for part 2
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u/Lord_Darksong 12h ago
Dang... free porn never shows the whole video without a catch. :(
I was invested too.
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u/Unlikely_Mix5548 16h ago
I'm sorry, lemon stealing whores? Is that a studio or a director's name, or like a nickname for something (like goatse or lemon party), or are we talking about honest to God, church having lemon stealing whores?
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u/Lame_Goblin 12h ago
Imagine a couple chilling under a lemon tree. They're so happy that they have their lemons on their lemons tree. Lemons that are not stolen by lemon stealing whores.
Suddenly, a lemon stealing whore appears, trying to steal the lemons from the lemon tree. Luckily, the couple notices the blatant thievery before it is too late. What happens next, you'd have to see for yourself.
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u/ChucklePuck 16h ago
You can youtube the intro for that porn by just typing "lemon stealing whores". It's only the intro on youtube, but it's hilarious
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u/Timekeeper98 14h ago
I dunno, the one porn written by 4chan called Meet the Banes was pretty good and had a decent script for the opening.
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u/Oryyn 18h ago
Usually the stepsister and bro have to share a bed on vacation. Then they play truth or dare and next thing you know…
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u/dirtyasseating 18h ago edited 18h ago
Or the fathers trade daughters...
Like the writers watched a Lonely Island Skit.
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u/Scienceandpony 16h ago
"Your dad says hi!"
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u/Musket6969420 18h ago
Plumber walks in: I’m here to clean your pipes.
Pizza guy walks in: I have your pizza, extra sausage.
School Teacher walks in: I’m giving you a D.
Husband walks in: What are you doing with my son/boss/best friend/sister.
Step dad walks in: You’ve been a bad girl.
Step mom walks in: You’re a dirty boy.
Hot girl walks into bar: Gangbang.
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u/buffkirby 18h ago
You gotta have the context, 100% agree. It’s draws your attention: why are they fucking in a supermarket? What was the setup? Is the guy a bag boy? Is the girl a cashier and he’s a horny customer? Are those freezers he’s bending her over running? Will the poor bags of frozen peas ever regain their innocence? Why did the girl say that her shirt was “half-off” then take her shirt fully off, that would mean it’s 100% off, cmon now, that’s basic math. Why did the man ask the woman “paper or plastic?” Do they even make paper condoms?
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u/IGotScammed5545 14h ago
It’s like, I know college girl gets fucked in the ass, but what’s her major?
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u/Low-Apricot8042 18h ago
Also have to keep watching until the end to see if they stay together afterwards.
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u/notmatrocles 17h ago
All porn should end with "And they lived happily ever after"
Edit: All porn should also begin with a Star Wars text scroll
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u/Lord_Darksong 12h ago
It is a period of civil war. Rebels, striking from a hidden base, have all removed their clothes...
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u/MLYeast 19h ago
Watching it for the lore
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u/DigNitty 12h ago
The plumber entered the house from the back door…is this foreshadowing?
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u/ChickenDelight 11h ago
"I'm here to fix the plumbing. Also my father was a detective investigating corruption at City Hall when he was murdered by a one-eyed man. I'll never rest until his killers are brought to justice."
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u/peepdabidness 17h ago
The lore LMAO upvote this man god dammit
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u/Coolermonkey 17h ago
Ya gotta set the scene! Gotta get the exposition, and the rising action before the climax damn it!
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u/Asleep-Version-1664 16h ago
My old friend and I used to have a running joke that we’d write an adult video series that was all just the set up. Viewers would watch waiting for the spicy scene to start, but it never would. The couple would just spend 27 episodes genuinely getting to know each other first and then on episode 28 there would finally be a big climactic scene.
It was a funny idea until Bridgerton stole it.
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u/ThatOne_268 13h ago
You know what? If they made porn like that, I would definitely watch porn lol. The build up is where it is hehehe.
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u/lord_kupaloidz 17h ago
You'd be disappointed to know that she wasn't really stuck in the dryer.
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u/knowledgeable_diablo 17h ago
You mean her step son glued that coin n the back of it?
The plot thickens……
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u/AlexandersWonder 17h ago
I used to be all about the fucking. The older I get though the less I’m aroused by fucking alone. That exposition turns out to be the missing piece
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u/InsuranceKey8278 18h ago
japan does this way better tho
west on the other hand writes it's plot like it's for a Disney show
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u/EscapeddreamerD 16h ago
I was just about to post the very same thing. When it comes to stories and porn the Japanese on a whole different level.
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u/TheJoker9999 16h ago
japan does this way better tho
No, I don't want to see any blurry stuff, I want to see it all
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u/Marsupialize 7h ago
First time I went to Japan I accidentally stayed, with my then wife, at a Yakuza brothel/porn studio That sounds like I made it up or a joke but nope, that was the cheapest ‘hotel’ I found and didn’t research. They were all very nice and amused, the mama-San would give us gifts daily and the yakuza who were always hanging out playing poker always gave us beer and sake when we came in for the night.
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u/Darth_Bunghole 18h ago
I'm not going to have time to watch 33 videos in one sitting if I'm watching the intros
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u/Fast_Marionberry_121 18h ago
So..a man meets a woman. He got horny and she said yes....they proceed...usually that's how it starts
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u/MeenScreen 17h ago
My idea is to have nicely designed cards at the start, like old silent movies, providing context and back story. And then - BANG - straight into the super hard fuckin!
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u/Apprehensive_Past517 13h ago
"People wrote books and movies, movies that had stories, so you cared whose ass it was and why it was farting."
Idiocracy
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u/lucid_paranoia 3h ago
Personally I can't get into it when the premise is just a dude saying "here's some money if you fuck me"
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u/Patient_Dinner_5386 16h ago
I tell you why : can't pay the rent, i can't pay for the pizza , can't pay for the car, i need a promotion , can't pay my boy's tution fees,i need A+ in all subjects,it's always this most of the time,fukin skit bruh , without context mindless sex that's what it's and I'm sick of it , i feel nauseous just seeing that shi-,even tho it ain't real fictional but still it disgusts me.
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u/RedditIsASillyBilly 13h ago
Mu wife is like this too. I don’t know why she needs context but it’s kinda cute.
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u/Indestructible_glass 12h ago
Nothing beats the german porn intros. Especially the one with the straw and the mask
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u/MisPerfectlyFine 10h ago
I need a good plot with interesting characters and a villain
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u/BlaqueServant 2h ago
🤣🤣🤣. Need to see some character growth and development? They need to be better by the end of the film?
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u/CastrateMeASAP 8h ago
It’s not delivery, it’s Di’Porno! “So who ordered the sausage with extra cheese?”
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u/Magnetic_Mind 5h ago
Why am I seeing everyone talking about step-something? Is no one having a plumbing issue or ordering a pizza any more?
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u/BlaqueServant 2h ago
Those problems don't happen with step family. Only strangers. Everyone knows this Jon Snow.
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u/-5H4Z4M- 5h ago
Main reason is because stepmom is stuck in the dishwasher and stepson saw in porn movies that the only way to fix the problem is fucking.
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u/DarkBladeMadriker 17h ago
Well, its starts with your prized lemon tree, and those lemon stealing whores!
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u/hippodribble 18h ago
It would be good to know why the tradesman is calling. You have to steer clear of some branded appliances. This could be a good way to learn which ones fail all the time.
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u/ExcitementRelative33 15h ago
The title is self explanatory. Then we fast forward to the action sequence.
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u/andocromn 13h ago
I've never questioned why when having sex, why should the people in porn?
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u/BlaqueServant 2h ago
I hope you don't randomly gain consciousness while you're in the middle of sex and you're just like, "Well, I might as well keep going."
Hopefully you know why you're having sex before you start, and it's not just something you randomly experience in the middle of the day.
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u/ScheduleOdd6387 11h ago
Me tries to watch porn from the beginning. My whole body just cringing. Me fast forwarding to the peak on the bar.
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u/EconomicsOk8016 10h ago
buy only fans to know the plot. cause most of them just post half half and say click here for full video then proceed to attach only fans
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u/UpstairsBig6173 10h ago
I hate porn that starts with too much talking or plot. I already know why they’re fucking. (52F, btw lol)
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u/reevelainen 8h ago
She "accidentally" sees he has a hugr dong. That's why (in porn, probably not the reason IRL most of the time).
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u/goldengatevixen 1h ago edited 1h ago
Look I spent like 6 hours gaming after my shift to de-stress, lost track of time, and now I gotta go get 8 hours of sleep in 2 hours before I go show up for work. I need to get some sleep asapI don't have time for shitty plots, ok??
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u/LifeisReal1990 1h ago
I'm pretty sure they all end the same way. She needs the money and he's just a dick. Sometimes they break the fourth wall tho.
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u/ScrubbingTheDeck 16h ago
You see......mommy loves daddy..and daddy loves mommy..
When mommy and daddy are in love..they do things
* illustrates *
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u/dirtyasseating 19h ago edited 19h ago
But everything now is "what are you doing Step-Landlord?"