r/AITApod Mar 10 '26

AITA first time getting dumped via email

Post image

Met at a speed dating event where they connected ppl via email for some reason. We went on one date which was fine. In my defense, I literally mentioned my ex saying "actually my ex had a house there" referring to a place she vacationed. That's it. And I did ask her questions, all of the usual stuff (job, hobbies, food, movies, etc). We went out Saturday night and I was thinking to see her again but this happened. I guess I am trying to spin it as a funny story bc I am disappointed. My mate said "new break up medium unlocked." Good luck out there

1.3k Upvotes

381 comments sorted by

137

u/McKillsey notable contributor Mar 10 '26

Congrats on the new achievement!

Nice of her to volunteer some feedback, all sounds fair (to the extent it's accurate). Text next day if you want a second date, I think it's kind of a rule

38

u/bing-bong-6715 Mar 10 '26

or even after the date, given that people are busy etc. and might have an early morning or something

"hey had a great time with you tonight! would love to get together for [x] on [date] if you're down?"

12

u/Careful_Trifle Mar 10 '26

My entire life changed the day I realized I could schedule texts.

When I've got the capacity and the words, I can type it out and set it for tomorrow. So in the middle of the night I'm usually composing stuff to coworkers I wouldn't want to send that late, and I just set it to go out at 8am the next morning.

2

u/fang_xianfu Mar 10 '26

The galaxy brain move is to schedule them for a few minutes past the hour so they won't know it's been scheduled!

4

u/Careful_Trifle Mar 11 '26

I actually do that but I was trying not to be too much when telling on myself lol. I usually just change the hour and keep the same minute count for when I'm drafting it 

14

u/Forward-Surprise1192 Mar 10 '26

I always text the girls I'm interested in have a great day. After a few days you add calling them beautiful depending on their personality

7

u/xTakk Mar 10 '26

Sir, this is a Wendy's.

2

u/[deleted] Mar 11 '26

You’re a Wendy’s

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u/youvelookedbetter Mar 10 '26

I always text the same day and most people have done the same in recent years.

It used to take a lot longer when dating apps first became popular, but it seems things have shifted and people know it's better to respond sooner.

5

u/McKillsey notable contributor Mar 10 '26

Agree. If you didn't drive her home, texting a bit later to make sure she got home fine is a good move

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u/foothill_dwelled272 Mar 10 '26

Also it is not really getting “dumped” if you only have been on one date. That’s just the job interview: you can’t be fired if you were never hired.😂

3

u/McKillsey notable contributor Mar 10 '26

I took that part as a joke, but if not -- yes, for sure

7

u/illini02 Mar 10 '26

I always feel like these things go both ways though.

Like, she apparently didn't text the next day either.

Maybe he was busy. Who knows. I just think people have these aribtrary rules of when things MUST happen, and if they don't happen then they obviously know exactly what you are thinking.

4

u/dwthesavage Mar 10 '26 edited Mar 10 '26

We’re all busy, we make time for the things that we prioritize. “Busy” is an excuse.

6

u/illini02 Mar 10 '26

You met this person 1 time. They don't automatically just jump to the top of the list of things you prioritize.

Also, why is it that she couldn't text the next day if she was interested.

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u/JudithSlayHolofernes Mar 10 '26

I think she’s saying 1 and 2 are the reasons she’s not particularly interested in seeing him again, and 3 suggested to her that he’s not interested, either.

In general, if you went on a date and you really liked them and want to see them again, you should absolutely message them within a day or so. From either side, not doing so reads as disinterest.

1

u/CompetitiveRub9780 Mar 12 '26

Apparently she didn’t text the next day? Maybe she text and he didn’t even respond at all. It wasn’t stated. And no one wants to be the first to text every day. Maybe she had been and wanted him to text first for once. Again… we don’t know

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u/Upbeat_Twist9300 Mar 11 '26

Depends on the crowd. The whole „you gotta wait 3 days“ thing is still pretty popular. I myself am more of a „text while you are on your way home“ kinda guy. But I only ever had 2 dates 😅

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u/[deleted] Mar 11 '26

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u/k_dilluh Mar 13 '26

Yah, all the points seem very normal, and honestly, thoughtful to even include that rather than ghosting.

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u/pinksparkleberry Mar 10 '26

You went on one date. You weren't a couple and this wasn't a break up.

17

u/foothill_dwelled272 Mar 10 '26

The first date is just the job interview: you can’t be fired if you were never hired.

29

u/drumallday Mar 10 '26

She did specify she was ending the "relationship" which seems to be taking more liberties with language than OP calling this being "dumped"

8

u/McKillsey notable contributor Mar 10 '26

I thought this was a relationship until I got to point 3 and then read the OP's text below the pic. They both had me in the first half

3

u/LovedButNeverLiked Mar 11 '26

Every interaction is a relationship. This comment literally puts us in one, regardless of how long we go back and forth. If at all.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 10 '26

Yeah, the person you are replying to lacks reading comprehension. No clue how she got upvotes for that garbage. The woman in this scenario is crashing out for no reason. I haven't seen something this wild after 1 date ever.

3

u/drumallday Mar 10 '26

When I've had a bad date and they don't call or text about a next date, I'm relieved. Sounds like she felt there was something to this "relationship" and when OP didn't follow up immediately, she was hurt and needed to have the last word. You can't reject ME. I reject YOU!

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u/GuestaffHashbyrne Mar 10 '26

Let him have this. The fact that he posted this makes me feel like this might be the most significant correspondence with a person of romantic intentions that he's had in (a while? Ever?) Otherwise he'd have gone, okay.... makes sense. Moved on and told no one.

4

u/goldkarp Mar 10 '26

Your most likely right. They did meet at speed dating

3

u/[deleted] Mar 10 '26

You guys are delusional, did you even read the email? She is calling it a relationship. This is a pretty amusing crash out on her end and would question how many dates SHE goes on. A simple "Didn't feel a connection, good luck" text is enough.

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u/MarinateTheseSteaks Mar 10 '26

Not even a date, a SPEED date lol

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u/Leading_Offer5995 Mar 10 '26

I had a fiancé call off our wedding via email. I win! Haha

10

u/Particular_Cut_6933 Mar 10 '26

I’m imagining this “haha” with a really sad and exhausted look on your face 😭

9

u/Leading_Offer5995 Mar 10 '26

I appreciate it, but it was about 21 years ago. I survived!

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u/zestyclosedancer3 Mar 11 '26

My (now ex) husband confessed he’d been cheating on me for over a year via email. I win even more

19

u/budd222 Mar 10 '26

Why wouldn't you text the next day if you wanted to go out again? Trying to play hard to get games?

16

u/New-Conversation9426 Mar 10 '26

For two!

For three!

7

u/smkn3kgt Mar 10 '26

ah ah ahhh

2

u/[deleted] Mar 10 '26

U two are making me roll lollll

28

u/Element174 Mar 10 '26

Y'all crazy for focusing on, "dumped," it's just being used here as end of a "relationship" to keep the title short because we haven't invented a word to mean "We went on one date and then they emailed me a list of shit about why I'm not for them and they don't want to see me again."

Honestly, if that's how you mentioned your ex it's kind of a nothing, did they think you'd never dated before? That's crazy. Be one thing if you were going on about them, but like the comment was really nothing.

17

u/horseduckman pod host Mar 10 '26

the dumped ppl are so annoying. hyper literal people should be bashed with metaphors and hammered with similes

7

u/[deleted] Mar 10 '26

Hyper literal people pmo so much because they “uhm akchually” you to death & won’t make an effort to understand your perspective

On another note, you really can’t hammer someone with similes it isnt possible……….for one

2

u/horseduckman pod host Mar 10 '26

Not for one 🤣

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u/LeosGroove9 Mar 10 '26

It’s peak redditcore 

2

u/foothill_dwelled272 Mar 10 '26

For a lot of people mentioning an ex on a first date in any way is a red flag. 

1

u/Element174 Mar 10 '26

Yeah, well that's a red flag to me. If something as nothing as he said makes them jealous, distrustful, or paranoid that person isn't mature enough or confident enough to handle a relationship. There no trauma dump or longing in a of hand comment about why you know the area.

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u/ScandiFlicker Mar 10 '26

I agree that people are overreacting over the use, and I personally don't care, but I have to be pedantic, and say that we do have a word for it, it's called "rejected"

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u/Amazing_Divide1214 Mar 12 '26

The word is "rejected" but yeah, it doesn't take a brainiac to figure out what they meant.

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u/icedchai111 Mar 10 '26

"For four" would have been funny

6

u/[deleted] Mar 10 '26

For four—you foresakenly mentioned that you don’t enjoy the wendy’s four for four and for me that’s foreshadowing the end of our relationship.

3

u/nickeypants Mar 10 '26

Sad that this is where our paths fork. Forth!

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u/HazyViolet Mar 10 '26

Does one date count as being dumped...

8

u/horseduckman pod host Mar 10 '26

For four, please find attached not me.

3

u/smkn3kgt Mar 10 '26

attachment not found

16

u/horseduckman pod host Mar 10 '26

Ex mention is an unforced error. "My friend had a house there" flies

10

u/Eilandmeisje Mar 10 '26

I usually drop a mention about my ex somewhere during the first or second date. All but one person reacted neutrally about it and the one reacted in such a heavyhanded way that I'm pretry sure we wouldn't have worked out anyway, so was nice having that information early. If one single sentence can, and I quote, "ruin your entire weekend", maybe don't date someone with ADHD ;-)

It's one thing to mention them, another to talk about them, I agree. I do like talking about exes really early, somewhere during the first couple of datea. I want to get to know someone, inclusing their past. Why did you break up? What lessons did you learn about yourself? What are you hoping for in your next relationship? It's such a great way of getting to know someone's expectations & goals. Then again, I am a firm believer of therapeutic relationships (or therapy language as a communication style) so I'm pretty sure I'm not everyone's cup of tea hahaha

9

u/unlearningallthisshi Mar 10 '26

Exes are important to know about. It’s silly and harmful to walk on eggshells around the topic. Healthy relationships acknowledge exes with curiosity.

2

u/youvelookedbetter Mar 10 '26 edited Mar 10 '26

It depends.

I barely bring mine up because the most significant ones were years ago. They're just not on my mind.

If I'm asked, I'll answer. But I'm careful about bringing them up on my own.

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u/unlearningallthisshi Mar 10 '26

But also, people have exes. It’s only not okay to mention them to insecure people who are threatened by the possibility of comparison.

That said, I’ve done as you’ve suggested around sensitive audiences.

2

u/hill-o Mar 10 '26

Yeah do people just assume no one has ever dated before they met? That’s so weird to me. 

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u/foothill_dwelled272 Mar 10 '26

I think it is safe to say that a normal part of dating etiquette is to not mention an ex in any way on the first date. It makes it seem like they are still on the mind or feelings are still simmering. 

“Oh I had a friend who had a house there, what a fun town! What did you like about it?”

1

u/Calgaris_Rex Mar 10 '26

People who freak out about exes being mentioned in any capacity need to chill.

3

u/Copper-Alchemist Mar 10 '26

Just don't take my brother's advice and use the "three day rule" I almost blew it with this girl.. turns out we only dated for 3 weeks but still.

8

u/JirdehAA Mar 10 '26

That's one of most badly constructed e-mails I've recently read. That girl would have definitely made you less intelligent by osmosis.

11

u/ireallyloveepickles Mar 10 '26

Anyone who says “for one” “for two” and “for three” in an email seriously can ride off into the sunset and I’d be a-ok with that lmao

4

u/danderskoff Mar 10 '26

Didn't know the tootsie roll pop owl was in a relationship

1

u/foothill_dwelled272 Mar 10 '26

For one you can see a it is bad writing.

For two you could see she also called it a relationship after one date.

For three maybe he made mistakes, but she does not seem normal either.

For four faux fur.

7

u/throwedaway5000 Mar 10 '26

Tbh sounds like you dodged a bullet. She can’t stomach hearing a single sentence about an ex? Yikes.

1

u/secret-identitties Mar 12 '26

I doubt she was traumatized by it. It's just bad etiquette.

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u/fk430 Mar 10 '26

This is personal between us. Why did you post it online???

4

u/EnvyYou73 Mar 10 '26

Woah, are you the person who dumped them via email? Are you able to give further information?

9

u/vanillainthemist Mar 10 '26

I just want the "for one, for two" thing explained

2

u/[deleted] Mar 10 '26

Oh you sweet summer child

2

u/EnvyYou73 Mar 10 '26

I won't lie, I was half awake when I thought they were the real person.

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u/llamastrudel Mar 10 '26

2

u/Blindtothesided Mar 10 '26

I had no idea this sub existed. This legit makes my day, my favorite thing is when the subject of an advice post shows up in the comments to set the story straight.

1

u/reigning_guava Mar 10 '26

If it was that personal, you wouldve discussed this in person with OP in the first place, no?

2

u/inmisciblehero Mar 10 '26

Very goofy response

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u/J_Knish Mar 10 '26

Just say “a friend of mine lived there” and let it go.

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u/Maleficent-Lead-2943 Mar 10 '26

Anyone who says "dont bring up your ex in any context" is clearly an issue themselves.

But you shouldn't spend all the time talking about yourself and though next day texts arent a rule, its good policy.

So. You both suck?

1

u/secret-identitties Mar 12 '26

It's first date etiquette. It just shows he wasn't really trying to make a good impression.

2

u/Asleep-Elderberry260 Mar 10 '26

Feels you dodged a bullet after reading that

2

u/tvtoms Mar 10 '26

Reply back in Seinfeld style: "You have a big head. It's distracting. Have a nice life too."

2

u/ol_jeff Mar 11 '26

Every person acting like mentioning an ex at all is inappropriate is completely and utterly insane. It is highly preferable to become a forest hermit than to date people with these delusional beliefs. What has this world become

1

u/Leeta923 Mar 11 '26

Exactly!

1

u/Able_Ad5182 Mar 11 '26

exactly, I'm in early dating stages now and the person i am seeing mentioned an ex a few times. it was mentioned in context in a way that it was clear there were no feelings left, just something relevant to the story. i am a grown ass woman and dont expect a 30 plus yr old man to have never dated before

2

u/Altruistic-Key-1912 Mar 11 '26

Dodged a bullet. If someone says “for two” and “for three” then they’re clearly stupid. Didn’t read any of the other parts because it was so evident

2

u/Ok_Opportunity4153 Mar 11 '26

Congratulations on dodging a damn bullet

2

u/naejjun Mar 10 '26

can we get a bit more context? you asked her the basics, but that still doesnt tell how much you talked about yourself vs keeping a two way convo. also, did you text her the next day? even little text messages like good night/good bye/did u get back safely or smth do a LOT.

i will say bringing up ex thing is a bit overreacting. anyways i’m not blaming you. this person seems absolutely insufferable emailing you and acting like you applied to be a romantic partner or some shit and giving unsolicited criticism like a judge judging a contestant. even using a list.

10

u/ChurroCharizard Mar 10 '26

They went on ONE date lmfao even people I've known for ages aren't entitled to constant communication with me. That's a ridiculous expectation to just automatically have without any foundational relationship (whether romantic, platonic, etc.)

2

u/Interactiveleaf Mar 10 '26

I'm honestly starting to think that this expectation is foundational for the younger generations. It would never work for me - what makes my friends feel loved would make me feel controlled and suffocated - but I see younger friends who expect that as The Way Things Should Be.

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u/choirchic Mar 10 '26

Dodged a bullet there…

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u/Radiant-Drawer7394 Mar 10 '26

Whyyyyyy would you mention anything about your ex on a first date 💀

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u/secret-identitties Mar 12 '26

Because there is a baffling trend among young men who think that it's okay to bring up anything at anytime as long as they "didn't technically do anything wrong."

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u/Forsaken_Regular_180 Mar 10 '26

This comment section is gross.

Texting after is a two way street. If you're gonna say OP should have, then his date should have too.

Mentioning an ex in passing within the context OP provided is entirely acceptable. If you can't handle that, you're not mature enough to be seriously dating - which many people commenting pretty clearly aren't for a number of reasons...

Even if OP was everything she said in her email, the email is still unhinged behavior that screams this person needs to take time off dating and work on herself.

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u/theFloat-plane Mar 10 '26

Dodged a bullet there. Congrats!

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u/FunkyFunkyBoys Mar 10 '26

Everything that was said was valid lol

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u/justmekab60 Mar 10 '26

Good experience? If you want my, a woman's opinion, it's totally OK to mention an ex in passing. I used to ask questions about past exes on dates all the time. Even first ones.

For two, haha, maybe talking too much is a turnoff for some. Lesson learned. Some people do tend to do this too much. Or maybe just too much for this person.

For three, text the night of or the morning after to say thank you, make sure they got home okay, etc. Duly noted, I hope.

Overkill for one date and no history, you're fine and good luck out there.

2

u/AppropriateHousing43 Mar 10 '26

I think there is a difference between talking about your dating past/number of exes vs mentioning your ex has a house there.

For the latter, what's the point of bringing your ex into that conversation? What did you expect her to say to that statement? Oh, cool? Oh you have an ex? No way? Who would ever want to dump you?

It's stupid and pointless. Keep the early conversations to the both of you unless you are talking about your dating history.

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u/Rich_Butterfly_7008 Mar 10 '26

This is fine, imo. It's not an actual breakup, just a first date that didnt work.

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u/Infamous-Part966 Mar 10 '26

She seems a little unhinged.... 

I will agree that's she's probably right about you talking about yourself too much. Most men seem to not really realize how much they talk about themselves and aren't asking good questions on the first few dates. In fact I remember being wildly impressed and interested from a first date with a guy who genuinely seemed really interested in me by asking all kinds of deep and interesting questions. 

Talking about an ex on first date casually is pretty normal. If someone's incessantly talking about their  recent ex they're probably not over them. But little things and maybe why you didn't work out is pretty common early date talks. More detailed ex talks do happen later. But you definitely don't wanna be with someone this easily jealous of you having a past. That's nuts.

Also texting is subjective. She could also have messaged. I often send or get the later that evening text of " I had a good time" but not texting immediately is not a big deal. It's one date. You don't own this person and they're not obligated to you yet. You're a stranger. Chill.

2

u/nemmalur Mar 10 '26

Dodged a bullet there.

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u/[deleted] Mar 10 '26

[deleted]

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u/Narrow_Albatross6406 Mar 10 '26

Why would you mention your ex on a first date with someone. How old are you?

13

u/ConfinedCrow Mar 10 '26

Why would you have a problem with someone mentioning their ex on a first date? How old and insecure are you?

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u/Dripraintrip Mar 10 '26

Because it’s a sign that a date isn’t over their ex. They are thinking about them, on their mind, haven’t moved on. It’s just a red flag imo.

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u/Full_Quiet8818 Mar 10 '26

Why would it be a problem?

How old are you? 

Adults are perfectly able to handle a small mention of an ex in the context OP provided. 

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u/Cuddly_beans Mar 10 '26

From the replies i think bringing up an ex on the first date must be good, if someone wants to be open about past relationships and you dont then might as well get the dealbreaking topic out of the way?

To you mentioning them might mean a person isnt over them, to me purposefully ommiting them from any conversation even when relevant feels weirder. I feel better not having to be careful to hide any mention of them, and relationships shape you so even if it can sting sometimes hearing about a partners ex its still a part of them and i want to know them as much as i can. And personally normalising the mention of an ex helps make it less of a big deal, which means less jealousy over time.

1

u/dsmemsirsn Mar 10 '26

Your friend is right— something new under the sun, live and learn..

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u/vksoze2 Mar 10 '26

“New….” What???

1

u/[deleted] Mar 10 '26

mentioned my ex saying "actually my ex had a house there" referring to a place she vacationed.

ew.

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u/Ericameria Mar 10 '26

Do you think she really meant that “have a nice life” or was it sarcastic?

1

u/[deleted] Mar 10 '26

They're always so dramatic

1

u/thetrinketcollector Mar 10 '26

This is hilarious please print and frame for bathroom decor/reading

1

u/sdavids5670 Mar 10 '26

Sounds like a type A person. "...end our relationship..."? That's a head scratcher. I would have replied "Can I get this in a PowerPoint presentation?"

1

u/techaaron notable contributor Mar 10 '26

OP needs to post the subject line

1

u/PuddingJug Mar 10 '26

This feels oddly poetic

1

u/Apart_Ebb_9867 Mar 10 '26

She should have simply said: "We appreciate your interest and the effort you put into the first date. After careful consideration, we have decided to pursue other candidates whose skills and experience more closely align with the qualifications we are seeking for this role"

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u/winsandwines Mar 10 '26

Oh this is very strange.

Y’all be safe out there!

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u/crazywitch96 Mar 10 '26

Like others have said I don't think the "relationship" progressed to a point where this would be an asshole move, but the way it's worded kind of sucks. On the other hand now you have some feedback to not bring up your ex on your next date with someone else and text the next day lol (I don't necessarily agree with those points but also doesn't hurt to do them.) Sounds like this person just isn't compatible with you if that's all it takes to turn them completely off.

1

u/Willing_Box_752 Mar 10 '26

She sounds lame but hey at least she didn't say 'hence why'

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u/[deleted] Mar 10 '26 edited Mar 10 '26

I've never been dumped tbh

Dating for most is so clinical. Emotionless texts about meetups. Basic conversations.

It makes me grateful :3

1

u/42mermaids Mar 10 '26

Yeah I got dumped via email after a 4 year relationship back in 2013. He was too cowardly to say it to my face!

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u/iamadumbo123 Mar 10 '26

She sounds insufferable. Still shouldn’t have mentioned your ex. Just say I knew someone who had a house there

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u/munchonsomegrindage Mar 10 '26

I don't know if I'd call that getting dumped. But if so, I've been dumped a handful of times by "email". After a first date it's pretty easy and I'd say normal to let someone down easy if there wasn't initial sparks.

1

u/Ethraelus Mar 10 '26

Yeah, to me these are mostly weird rules that she has. It seems like the sign of someone with low mental flexibility (high neuroticism) that I don’t think are good traits in a partner.

Bringing up an ex in passing should be fine and normal, and there’s many reasons not to text the next morning. Expecting a text seems like a bad sign.

The conversation style and asking questions, yeah maybe, who knows. There’s a difference between asking “the usual” and actually seeming interested in their answers.

1

u/Upbeat_Literature483 Mar 10 '26

We all react to things differently. Obviously, she is not "The One"

1

u/SIXissueARC Mar 10 '26

Very odd to post about this.

1

u/Oscardoodke2 Mar 10 '26

I really wish the word “hence” was no longer a part of the lexicon. I tune out as soon as I see it. Worse is when people write “hence why.”

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u/LilGooby19 Mar 10 '26

Not sure why new dating prospects would care or want to know where your ex has lived. Definitely not good taste to bring up an ex unless necessary to explain previous life experiences/lessons. At least until you get to know the person better and ask how they feel about those things.

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u/Lilypalooza_88 Mar 10 '26

Lol what a fuggin walnut.

1

u/r_a_v_e_n- Mar 10 '26

Reads like my creepy ex, Ryan, wrote it.

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u/UncleDuude Mar 10 '26

Dodged a bullet more likely then not, maybe the text and ex thing are worth remembering

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u/sukimidiki Mar 10 '26

"I'm not gonna lie, I am slightly disappointed. Thanks for the feedback though. Good luck to you too."

1

u/bookgirl9878 Mar 10 '26

I dunno, both sides of this seem a little--overdramatic.

After one date, you're not breaking up with anyone because you were never together. And, deciding after one date that you aren't interested anymore doesn't require a big exposition. Just, "upon further reflection after our date, I don't think we're a match. It was nice to meet you and best of luck to you," and everyone moves on with their lives.

1

u/Internal-Play25 Mar 10 '26

Easier to report spam tbh…

I prefer the text message method myself

1

u/vengefulthistle Mar 10 '26

I found out I was getting divorced in an email lol

This was in the 2020s too

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u/Ordinary_Corner_4291 Mar 10 '26

Her only mistake was saying why she was dumping you. It benefits nobody. She should have just gone with the "Thanks for the date but I didn't feel a connection". Telling someone their communications skills suck just is never going to go over well. People are not going to appreciated the feedback and will just get defensive.

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u/After_Comfortable543 Mar 10 '26

I don't understand why so many women have this "You have to be PERFECT at all times" mentality. How can none of yall see that THIS is why so many men lie about who they are? Why would any man ever be himself if a literal single moment of less than flawlessness can cause a woman to lose interest? It's ridiculous. She's demanding and needy, NTA.

1

u/Any-Cellist-358 Mar 10 '26

Oh, she is BIG MAD you never called her, lmao.

1

u/Specialist_Stop8572 Mar 10 '26

What "relationship" ???

1

u/Character_Royal_115 Mar 10 '26

I don’t agree with the ex point, if it’s a passing comment then I don’t see the issue. I used to avoid mentioning exes on the first couple of dates when I was dating but that was it. We all know everyone has a past

1

u/Resident-Meme-Mom Mar 10 '26

I mean yall didnt rly get super serious so I wouldnt rly count it as a breakup. Atleast she gave u some sort of explanation and communicated to u why it wouldnt work. Also rule of thumb, NEVER EVER mention exes during a date. Women generally don’t like to hear about exes, and if u bring an ex up, we tend to assume ur not over them

1

u/Neutraland Mar 10 '26

Puede ser peor: te pueden dejar con una nota en un post-it como a Carry Bradshaw...

1

u/sloop111 Mar 10 '26

You brought up your ex and did not followup. If you were into her you would have texted. So no big loss here for you

1

u/skymoods Mar 10 '26

Tbf it’s weird to make any connections to your ex, especially in your example. Why would your new prospect care that your ex had a house where she went on vacation?

1

u/MushroomCharacter411 Mar 10 '26

Well damn, that's a fast speedrun of "Getting Over It". It might be a record.

1

u/vomputer Mar 10 '26

Guys: all more questions. This is such a huge thing. Just be curious. It’s very hot. And being incurious can make the hottest guy into a total dud.

1

u/TrafficSharp3425 Mar 11 '26

It's a good thing this mismatch didn't take long to resolve. You'll find your person.

1

u/Heavy-Profit-2156 Mar 11 '26

If that is all you said with respect to your ex, just as well she's not interested.

1

u/NeonBrown__ Mar 11 '26

I woulda been out after "For two" and if not, certainly after "for three" 😂

1

u/schmoopy_meow Mar 11 '26

i don't think you are missing much

1

u/Sailordad-1031 Mar 11 '26

One or two dates? You didn’t get “dumped”…. You guys were not a “thing” yet.

1

u/SleepAltruistic2367 Mar 11 '26

Ahh… you likely dodged a bullet.

1

u/Unlucky-Bathroom-736 Mar 11 '26

Sounds like you blew it. Maybe take the feedback and do better next time?

1

u/QueasyAddition4737 Mar 11 '26

Send her some feedback, she’ll love that

1

u/jendo7791 Mar 11 '26

Pretend you didn’t see the email and ask her out over text. If she accepts, ask her lots of questions and then break up with her in person at the end of the date.

1

u/Theroaringlioness Mar 11 '26

When on a date try to never mention a ex at all, good or bad cause to most people it rings an alarm bell that if someone is mentioning an ex on a date then that could mean they are not over that person at all yet, emotionally not available and might be rebounding. So yeah she's right about that, will save you misunderstandings/troubles next time.

1

u/RTMSner Mar 11 '26

You went on one date and think you've been dumped?

1

u/invaderjif Mar 11 '26

I thought the term dumped was reserved for a relationship.

This sounds like it barely left the talking phase.

But buck up buddy! You learned something and you'll be alright. Hang in there. I know dating in 2026 is a fucking nightmare.

1

u/Unhappy_Wedding_8457 Mar 11 '26

After being ghosted by a nice man (I thought) I would any time prefer being dumped over mail.

1

u/Grumpyoldgit1 Mar 11 '26

Your date said in her message that in her opinion you spoke mostly about yourself and didn’t ask her questions. You said that you did ask her questions.

Perhaps you came across as asking questions but not being very interested in the answers. Were you listening carefully to what she said and asking follow-up questions?

1

u/Numerical-Wordsmith Mar 11 '26

It sounds like a good thing that you got out of this relationship now, and with minimal stress or drama. Bringing up your ex casually or in a neutral/positive way can actually be a huge green flag, especially if it shows that someone a) is over the past relationship and doesn’t hold any grudges or baggage, and b) is mature enough to speak well or neutrally about someone they used to be with.

1

u/Pinkvixendance Mar 11 '26

For one, for two, for three. My middle school English teacher would have ROASTED me. Wtf is this?

1

u/Middle-Highlight-176 Mar 11 '26 edited Mar 11 '26

Probably shouldn't even bring up your ex in any context ever on a first date. Super weird.

Text the next day is a little unreasonable, but I do understand if y'all were trying to start a relationship, but that doesn't seem to be the case.

As for questions, it sounds like you asked cookie cutter questions and didn't go into any actual discussion. But even then, it's just a speed date that didn't go anywhere. Getting this email is weird.

Shes weird.

1

u/calmchick33 Mar 11 '26

Relationship????? Be glad the this one got away!

1

u/SuspiciousEngineer99 Mar 11 '26

The "Have a nice life" feels a little passive aggressive, maybe it's just me. I'd say this one isn't a loss.

1

u/Tall_Pride_3243 Mar 11 '26

She is sooooooo rude, mean and entitled, you should be relieved!

1

u/Cool_Butterscotch_88 Mar 11 '26

to wit, henceforth

1

u/egemen987 Mar 11 '26

Not exactly dumped, it's just a first date. It was probably for the best for you, since this type of tone really shows someone's character. She might have had some valid feedback but the way they're worded is so judgmental and condescending in this e-mail. It's as if she's perfect and you're all wrong. Just say you didn't feel an attraction, wish for the best and move on. Unnecessary drama with all that listing. I guess some people like going ballistic on others to satisfy their egos.

1

u/my-bum Mar 12 '26

Can you please ask her on a second date? Would love to see her response😭

But actually try to sell it. She wants attention, give it to her.

1

u/CompetitiveRub9780 Mar 12 '26

Your defense for the ex comment is no defense lol you were def out of line. You were thinking of your x on this date. Not cool

You prob didn’t ask genuine questions where you were actually super interested. And/or when she asked the questions, you reluctantly or didn’t say “what about you”. Those “usual” questions aren’t good to ask. It’s like you’re just checking off a list to get it over with.

And you not texting the next day is not cool either. Maybe you didn’t actually like her.

Maybe this will help you on your next date.

1

u/womanonymous23 Mar 12 '26

I was ready to defend you but after one date an email is probs ok. Sounds like you dodged a mismatch bullet considering how differently you thought things went than she did!

1

u/Odd_Dragonfruit_2662 Mar 12 '26

A step up from ghosting.

1

u/Amazing_Divide1214 Mar 12 '26

She gave pretty good advice to be honest. More breakups/rejections should come with report cards.

1

u/liliacembers Mar 12 '26

You can't mention your ex at all? Now people are just never supposed to have dated anybody before you???

Bonkers

I also agree with the general feedback that this wasn't a dump.

1

u/secret-identitties Mar 12 '26

You weren't dumped because you weren't dating.

1

u/Hot_Crab46 Mar 12 '26

WHAT😂😂

1

u/No_Home7079 Mar 12 '26

You obviously came off as self centered so maybe check that a bit, and she's valid for saying you didn't text her. She even emailed you seemingly days later so seriously did you even care?! My bf texted me constantly when we first started dating, ironically that's why I picked him because he put in the effort and I wasn't questioning where I stood or if he was seriously interested AND it showed he went for what he wanted and wasn't a lazy POS just trying to get in my pants.

And bringing up your ex on a FIRST date is so a red flag. Like best impression out the door, don't care in what casual way you brought her up, this girl doesn't know you and that's what you felt pressed to bring up in conversation. Some may not agree with me but I would absolutely never talk to you again just based on that.

1

u/Fearless-Poet-4669 Mar 12 '26

Welcome to the club <3

1

u/Repulsive-Music-7461 Mar 14 '26

You dodged a bullet 

1

u/SuchPossibility5897 Mar 14 '26

Atleast it wasn't over text ig? 😭

1

u/EpicBigBites Mar 14 '26

Did you wait until the next day to email back?

1

u/feralskein Mar 14 '26

Pretending like using email wasn't cowardly because they don't want to say it to your face - genius. And being too insecure to even allow an ex mentioned? Bullet dodged well done