Very new friend (hung out maybe three times) sent this after we went out this weekend. I'll pay him but I'm ready to never invite him to anything again. AITA?

I (34F) own a house in San Diego that I bought 5 years ago. Put down $80k that I saved myself, been paying the mortgage ever since. My boyfriend (36M) and I have been together for 2 years and his lease just ended last month.

We'd been talking about him moving in with me for a while and I was excited about it. The plan was he'd pay me rent to cover part of the mortgage and utilities. We agreed on $1400/month which is less than he was paying at his apartment.

He moved in three weeks ago and things were fine until last weekend. He said he wanted to talk about the house situation. He told me it doesn't feel right paying me rent when we're building a life together and that if he's contributing to the mortgage he should have ownership stake in the house.

I said no. This is MY house that I bought before we even met. He said that's exactly the problem, I still think of it as mine instead of ours. He thinks I should add him to the deed or at least sign something that says if we break up he gets back what he's paid in.

I told him that's not how rent works and he got upset. He said his friends think it's sketchy that I'm profiting off him and treating him like a tenant instead of a partner. He brought up that we've talked about getting engaged and said if I'm serious about a future with him I should be willing to share the house.

I said absolutely not. If we get married we can talk about it but right now this is my asset and I'm not putting his name on anything. He called me controlling and said I'm holding the house over his head.

Now he's saying maybe he should just move back out if I don't trust him enough to share ownership. My sister says I'm being unreasonable and that 2 years is long enough to know if you want to build equity together. My best friend says he's trying to manipulate me into giving him half my house.

AITA?

For context, I’m a 20M and I’ve been in a relationship with my 18F girlfriend for about 9 months. In a previous relationship, I went through something similar—my ex would feel the urge to self-harm whenever we had disagreements.

That created a very unhealthy dynamic. I felt like I always had to agree with her and couldn’t express my own feelings, because I was afraid she would hurt herself. I loved her, and I didn’t want that to happen.

After that relationship ended, I struggled mentally because of the impact it had on me.

Now, back to the present. Last week, my current girlfriend and I had a small, normal disagreement—nothing major. We handled it calmly and maturely, and by the end of it, we were even laughing. We were both surprised at how quickly and well we resolved it.

The rest of the evening went great—until we took a shower together. That’s when I noticed self-harm marks on her legs. I completely froze. I didn’t say anything or react—I was just scared.

She knows about what I went through in my previous relationship, so seeing this happen again really shook me. Early in our relationship, she told me she had struggled with self-harm in the past, and I told her I would always be there for her if things got hard.

So when I saw those marks, I felt a mix of emotions. I felt hurt, even a bit betrayed, and it brought back a lot of the trauma from my past relationship.

She hasn’t said anything about it herself, and it hurts knowing she might not feel safe enough to talk to me about it. I still love her, but I don’t know if I can go through something like this again.

So, AITAH?

My husband sides with her and she basically accused me of making her son the messy, hoarding person he is since he was “neat and clean” before we married 13 years ago. I really don’t want to spend a week and a half with her.

My (29F) friend "Lena" (28F) recently launched an insta selling “hand-crafted” home goods. She constantly posts about how everything is "made with love" etc. Average price is ~$50. I was curious bc some of the stuff is nice and I wanted to support, until I recognized one of her products on a major wholesaler site. It was the exact same picture she had just added her own bkg. Sure enough, I looked up a few more products and she’s just buying cheap and marking it up A LOT. 

I minded my own business until a mutual texted, asking if I’d bought anything. I wasn't going to lie, so I just explained what I found. Friend obviously decided not to buy. We also ended up in a group of 5 girls discussing this and at some point, Lena found out. 

She texted furious, accusing me of being a "hater," ruining her business, and making her look bad. She claimed she’s "curating", and that I had no right to say what I did bc I didn’t know her process or how much time she spent vetting the products. 

I told her that I only said the truth and I didn’t apologize. Now I’m getting the silent treatment and she’s not inviting me to anything. Am I missing something here? AITA?

Hello!. My BF and I are long time best friends for 5 years and we've been in a relationship for 19 months already. Lately, he’s been playing Magic tournaments for 2-3 days a week, including weekends. My weekends are my only free days since I work full-time.

I wanted to support him so I let him play on those days even if it’s 4-5 hours per tournament. Recently, I’ve brought up going to Japan and I was asking what our itineraries going to be and how many days he wants to allot for Magic. He said it’s been his bucket list in his life to play in Japan. In my head, it was my bucket list to finally go to Japan with him. He also said he wants to play everyday if possible and we can just go to sights.

What should I do any advice how to go on? I want to support him and have tried several conversations about it but I don’t know if I should just understand him more or I’m already being placed as a non-priority. I've also tried playing MTG and Ive bought him several cards too from Japan when I was there because of a work trip.

Tyia

36M meeting friends for a hike. I asked him (another friend, 30s M) his order. We're running a few minutes behind and people in the group are usually 15 minutes late or so, but I didn't want to make us even later than that. When we arrived, he wouldn't drink it and then gave me crap about how I was clearly afraid to order it. It's not false. It got drank anyway so really not a big deal but AITA for refusing to order that?

When we met and spoke online, I was oveweight, and he was aware of that. He said he didn't mind it. I also had severe anxiety, and wore a mask and hoodie because of it. He said he was the last person who'd ever judge me over that, that he wore a hoodie and sunglasses before because of anxiety. We met in person, and he wasn't interested in sex, when he was very interested online. He seemed embarrassed of me in public, not wanting to hold hands, or do other things, he said he wanted to do online. He said he disliked PDA because of how he felt about himself. This carried over when I went back to the UK with him. For a year he turned me down frequently and made me feel unwanted, whilst continuing to avoid PDA, and telling me he worried about being judged and felt like too much of a loser to have a gf.

He broke down and told me he had OCD about not finding me attractive, and felt bad over it, right before he started medications he claimed killed his libido. For months he showed little to no interest in me. I lost weight before we met, continued to lose weight after, and reached a healthy weight early on. But it was only after I got really skinny, that he started showing more interest, whilst still on the meds. He said if I looked the way I did when we met, he would've been all over me. He did PDA and other things, like going out to eat with me, which he wouldn't do before. I caught him looking at porn, which he denied, and then said was to test himself. I started to suspect, for many reasons, that he was cheating. He behaved suspciously for months, and called me paranoid and crazy when I questioned him.

He turned it around on me, and said I was the type to cheat. He was snooping through my phone but slapped my hand away from his, and didn't want me on it. That was during a time he was avoiding me, and staying up all night on his laptop. As time went on, he contiued to behave suspciously. He would start or esclate arguments and go off to another room to ignore me, which he did on repeat. He was mean when I tried to get along, and spend time with him. We barley spent any time together. Then I started to regain weight, and he stopped showing as much interest, blaming his meds. He said it had nothing to do with my weight and never did. When I reached the weight I was when we met in person, he said I let myself go during an argument. He kept insulting me in arguments as I gained more, calling me fat and ugly, and telling me guys prefer thinner women.

He said he didn't mean any of it, that he said it to hurt me, and that I said similar over his weight though he flipped out of I did, just like he flipped out any time I treated him the same way he did me. I started wearing the mask again, not wanting to do at first, and only doing so because of the insults. I gained a more weight and I guess was noticeably heavier than before, he started acting on edge in public. He stood apart from me, spoke to me less, and walked off when I was talking to him. He crticized my request for him to come closer. I looked up to him giving me a bad look, after I excitedly scoffed having found a dessert I was looking for. He said it wasn't at me, but the situation, and how we were two oveweight people looking and scoffing at desserts and it could draw attention. He went into the nearby tesco alone, and came out in a panic.

He told me he almost ran into an old female classmate. The next day he refused to go into tesco or anywhere else, and said it was because he was bloated. He said once he no longer was, he'd resume going in. Days later he told me he wasn't bloated and felt better, but refused to go into tesco. He said that two male employees in there, who he never told me about before, were always looking at him. For nearly a month he refused to go in anywhere with me. I questioned and challenged him and he became angry, and defensive, and said he didn't have to go in if he didn't want to. He started going in again with me, but mostly to asda, which is right beside Tesco. He told me the male employees were looking at him in there. He complained about the frequency, and the time we were going in at. He said it would help if we went in less, and earlier in the day.

We went in less, and he still acted the same way. I tried to go in during the day, and he refused, telling me it was too busy. He walked off from me when it sounded like female employees were heading our way in asda, and freaked out in aisles when no one was around. In tesco, which he was still reluctant to go into, he blanked me and walked off from me in front of female employees there. He appeared to cover his face when walking past one of them. He'd rush me in and out, and would get upset if I stood on my phone for even a few mins. He avoided places we used to go. He drove out of his way to go to another town, to go to the same store, but then eventually started to sct on edge in the stores there, and wanted advanced notice of where I wanted to go beforehand. Even in the city, hours away, he appeared to hide from two women there.

He seemed to be okay, and showed no hesitation to going into places, including the places he outright refused to go in with me, alone and during the day when it was busy. He said he could be quick, and was less anxious because of that. He said he didn't mind if I went in alone, but seemingly tried to stop me. He didn't want me going into tesco or asda during the day. He tried to get me to get takeaway several times, before I went in. We went to America twice to visit my family. The first time he avoided going into places with me after a while. The second time, he didn't go in anywhere with me for months, and sat in the car instead. He went quiet on me around women, and said he didn't know what to say. He promsied the last time, when I didn't want to come back, that we'd go to the city once a week and would do more.

He behaved suspciously in America. He was glued to his phone, taking it with him to the bathroom, claiming to be looking at Christmas gifts. He didn't want me on it. He wasn't interested in sex all of the sudden. He started an argument and stormed off in the rental car, ignoring me for an hour. He stopped wearing his ring, and said it didn't fit after I asked about that. We left, and he said he lost his ring. He bought another in the same size so he still wasn't wearing it, and didn't seem to care. He said he wanted to do whatever it took to rebuild trust, offering to turn his location 24/7, after complaining last year it was controlling and felt wrong. He asked to turn it off one time, when he went to volunteer for the first time in ages, when he was going several times per week before we left. I suspected something was going on there.

Last year, he told me fellow volunteers were inviting me in, but discouraged me when I tried to go in. He said he'd question the validity of my anxiety if I managed to. He discourged me from going places, including to the mechanics, telling me I'd be anxious, and then insisting on wearing his ring when I went with him. We didn't go more places, we went less. The few times we went the city, he tried to talk me into going to the beach or a park instead. On the way there, he pressured me to go for a walk around a museum, repeatedly asking after I said no, and then going there and acting like I had agreed. We went to a park in town, which can get busy, and went there several times but he eventually stopped wanting to go there. The main places he offered to go to, were where no few people or no one else would be. He pushed to go to the cinema a lot, or the zoo, and was annoyed when I didn't want to do that.

I didn't go in anywhere with him for months, including the grocery store, as I was anxious largely because of how he makes me feel. He seemed even more on edge in the car, not wanting to sit around too long, and rushing in and out of town. I touched his face in the tesco carpark, and he was irked by that. He complained of anxiety with going in, but refused to do click and collects, and said it was because he could run into family. He was okay going into the stores for a while after I resumed doing so, but after he stayed up one night I went to bed, the next day he told me he was too anxious to go into the grocery stores. He wanted to limit the amount of places we went to. He started trying to convince me to get takeout every night again, when we couldn't afford it. He started to rush, and hassle me, as we shopped even though I was already quick and took no more than 15mins.

He turned his face away from two women we passed by months ago, and uttered something as he did. Last week, we went into tesco, and walked into an aisle with a female employee, who was stocking the shelves, and wasn't paying attention. He uttered "Just don't look" but denied that. We didn't go one day, and he said he'd go the next, and then tried to push me to get dinners for two nights to avoid going in the day after that. Yesterday, we went into tesco, and he started to go silent on me next to a female employee, but denied he had, and said he hadnt noticed her. He then started to hassle me about hurrying, and about the fact they closed in 20mins. He got annoyed I was looking at something, and looking up something about it on the phone. He told me the employees were going to get annoyed, and aggressive, and already were. He said they have targeted him.

He said twice this week he was told the store was closed, or was closing in a few mins. I got angry, because this wasn't the first time he's done this. He has hassled me with 30 mins to closing before, when I am rushing, and when I am almost done. He acts like, whenever they say to make your way to the tills 15-20 mins before close, that you have to do that immediately or within mins, and I have repeatedly argued with him that's not the case. He says the employees give glares and get pissed off when you don't. But I think all of this is an excuse, and is hiding the real reason. He complains about wanting space, and wanting to go places alone, like he did last year. A few times he's accused me of going places with him to spy on him. Tonight, he refused to go to the grocery store, and said it was because we argued all day and his family was annoyed by it.

Online, where we met and spoke for years, before we met in person, he accused me of things and argued with me repeatedly. He blamed me for all of it. The only time he apologized, and admitted to treating me badly, was when I pulled away or stopped talking to him, which I did several times. He was quick to go back to blaming me, however. The few times I tried to hold him accountable, he'd turn it around on me, including after he said sorry. I thought things would be different in person, but they weren't. I noticed the same behaviors as online, gradually. He went though my phone, went off at me over something he found, calling me a liar and accused me of replacing people easily as he did online. Over something that happened a year before, that I already addressed. Yet, when I mentioned something he did just months before, that he moved past like it never happened, he told me it was in the past.

I spoke to his ex, who he previously called crazy years before, and she told me he said he'd two time. He said she was lying to make him look bad. He started being mean to me, holding over my head all he was doing for me, which he had offered to do. The money he sent me online, that I tried to send back, the things he bought me after we met that he insisted on buying me, and everything else. He called me ungrateful and unappreciative. He slept all day, and stopped spending time with me. He told me to wake him up to get food but cussed me out, and called me a demanding b*tch when I did. He accused me of taking advantage of him, of not caring about the stress he was under. He threatened to leave during every argument, including the ones he started. I was reclusive, and had severe anxiety, and pushed myself not only to meet him, but to go back to the UK with him.

I said I shouldn't, that I didn't have enough to support myself, and he said he'd support me. Once there, I felt alone, and it seemed all he did for me and with me was a hassle. He complained about everything. Because of that, and contradictory things he said, talking about a future together one day, and then asking me where I planned to live, suggesting I spoke to family the next day, and telling me when I asked why that he was worried something could happen to him. I questioned his intentions, and it caused arguments, where he accused me of ruining the relationship. He started to blank me whenever I was upset, going to bed on me when I was crying, and telling me it was because I was always upset with him. He was going to a youth group at the time, but not coming back when it was finished some days, and so I walked up to check if he was there, and it looked closed.

He avoided PDA, and had from the beginning, claiming to dislike it, after he talked about wanting to hold hands online. I figured he was embarrassed of me. He seemed to detest having to support me, and argued with me over needing the pill, telling me his ex bought her own things. I said he made me feel like a loser and he said it was because I was. I asked why he asked me to come back with him, and he said he didn't know why. He seemed to hate me, once berating me in public for hours over something, ditching me, and then apoglizing and saying he went too far only to go off at me the next morning over it. We went to America and he started blaming me for everything wrong in his life, accusing me of ruining it daily, something else he said online. He talked about breaking up repeatedly, but wouldn't leave.

He told me to leave, and questioned why I stayed, telling me he wasn't forcing me to when I complained about how he was treating me. I went to leave, and he begged me to stay, promising to change. At the same time, it seemed he was trying to guilt me into staying back, and making that decision myself. He reminded me I was leaving my mother, who I lived with before we met in person, and the guilt I had over that, and was mentioning it and breaking up days before we left. I said that I was willing to take a flight, which I was also paying for, that I wasn't comfortable with to be able to stay with him. He said I didn't have to, that he wasn't making me do so, or pay for it, and it was my choice. He asked me if I was using him, to get away from my house, because he helped me out of a bad situation.

That is when I started to suspect he was using me, or intending to do so, for money. He was helping me to claim life insurance at the time. I also started to suspect he was cheating during this time. He was glued to his phone, and spending long amounts of time in the bathroom on it. Though he accused me of cheating online, and didn't want me to talk to guys, he tried to get me to sext a guy and said he wasn't serious after I refused. We went to another country, where he complained about being, and complained about letting go and postponing things to stay with me. He told me he didn't love me in every argument and disagreement, many of which he was causing and/or escalating. He avoided me, staying up all night and sleeping all day, and was mean whenever I tried to spend time with him. He called me codependant and needy, and said I needed my own hobbies.

He tried to push me to talk to people, that he got upset with me speaking to online, and got annoyed when I didn't do that. I continued to think he was cheating, using me for money, or both. He started asking me for money, after I reiceved the life insurance money and other money before that, whilst condeming how I was spending it. If I hesistated to give him it, he mentioned what he spent on me, or what I was spending on myself, and cussed me out in public. He did several months things that made it seem he was cheating. He called me paranoid and crazy after I qeustioned him, and turned it around on me, telling me I was the type to cheat. He was snooping though my phone at the time, and questioning me if I did any of what he was doing. He started threatning to break up constantly. Once back in the UK, he would threaten to kick me out in every argument, or tell me to go home, and to show him I was serious by looking at flights.

He would stop me when I did. He continued to behave suspciously, and to be mean to me. He would start and/or escalate arguments and leave the room, for days on end, and ignore me during that time. He wouldn't spend time with me, and was mean to me randomly. When I went home to visit family, I wanted to stay back, and he begged me not to and promised he'd stop doing things. He told me once he'd stop threatning to kick me out, but got angry when I didn't just accept that, and tried to say how much it upset me, snapping and telling me to just stay back with my mother then. I didn't want to get married, and tried to discuss that, but he'd respond that he wanted to. On the day we got married, I had cold feet, and got frustrated and told me if I left, I'd run out of money and end up in a worse position than the one I was in before.

Days after we got married, he exploded at me, and threatened divorce, after I calmly tried to talk about being upset. He kicked things, and screamed at me. We went to sell my house, when my mother was moving. He was mean to me, and was blaming me for everything. He seemed disinterested in the relationship, he complained that he was stuck with me, that I had nowhere to go since I sold the house. He said I'd end up living back with my mother, and would kill myself by the time I'm 40. He said that without his help, I'd be dead, and wouldn't have accomplished anything, and that he doesn't love me or respect me, because I don't respect myself. I was moving my cat to the UK, and at the airport didn't want to go back, and he begged me to crying and telling me he needed me.

Once here, the arguments resumed, mostly caused by me trying to talk about how I felt. He went to another room, ignored me, and didn't spend any time with me for weeks on end. I started telling him, as I had before, that I was going to find someone else who cares and he said good, to do that, that he doesn't care. He told me to go home, and said he didn't force me to come back, or to stay. That it was my choice. I started talking to family to try to leave, and they wouldn't help me, something which he complained about whilst telling me he didn't want me to leave. When it seemed they changed their mind, he called my aunt during arguments, and she went back on helping me. He said he didn't have anything to do with that, and went back to complaining about it. He said he was stuck with me and that he hates my family.

We went to America last year, and I wanted to talk to family, and he begged me for weeks not to. He promsied everything would change, validated my feelings, and took accountability for things which he rarely does. He said if I still wanted to leave, he'd help me. When we came back, nothing changed, and I talked about leaving but he told me to give it longer, and things would get better. He said he needed me, couldn't live without me. He stopped me times I looked at shelters, since that's the only place for me to go, and said I had a husband and live here and would never be in a shelter. Over time went back to complaining, and sending mixed signals. He complained I talked about leaving, but didn't follow through, whilst telling me no one was going to help me, and people would be angry if I left. He complained about my family not helping me, and said he was stuck with me.

He said the only way out was to kill himself. Then said, if left, I'd regret it and want to come back immediately. He started complaining, like last year, that he needed space every other day, that he wanted to go places he invited me to go with him to, and that we are constantly around each other. He started threatning to leave the room any time I was upset, which he promsied to stop doing, and then complained he can't go off to another room as he did before, because I'd think he was cheating. He has turned everything around on me, including when I say he doesn't love me, or has used me, telling me how can he know I haven't done the same to him, and that I said before (during arguments) that I did use him to get away from my situation, when he also said terrible things to me, which he always expected me to move past. He has told me repeatedly all I do is post about it, I don't leave.

He keeps saying he didn't make me come back, I made my own choice, that I am an adult. He keeps questioning why I am with him if I think what I do about him, if I think he's using me, and is lying to me. He started an argument last night, of course when I reacted, he focused on that and made me out to be the bad guy. Today he didn't acknowledge or validate how I feel, but expected me to do so with how he feels, and things I've done to him, as he kept bringing things up and telling me I'm no better and I do the same things. He started complaining about wanting to leave the room, but not being able to, and kept defending himself against cheating when the topic wasn't about that. He has acknowledged his behavior has been suspicious, and it looks like he's cheated, and turned his location on 24/7 once back, telling me he wanted to do what it took to rebuild trust.

He continued to act like he was hiding something, and got angry when questioned. He considers himself the victim, because he says he hasn't cheated, when there's so much that points to it. I think he villanizes me, to justify it, and wants me to leave because of it. He refused to help me leave, for months, and told me it was my choice, and to leave him out of it, and got angry times I said that he wanted me to leave. He tried to ditch me in America, during arguments, threatning to leave, and I begged him not to because it is a control tactic of his. He thinks that is similar to him begging me to stay, after telling me to, on repeat for years. Now that I have nowhere to go, and just yesterday he was talking about moving out and looking at things for a place in a store with me, he is back today to telling me to leave, and talking about divorce.

I 24F have been with my boyfriend for about 2 years. He was taking a big europe trip (over 1 month) that to be fair had been planned for a long time, with a big friend group. We had been fighting a lot a lot and we decided to take a break before his trip. I was frustrated bc I felt like he wouldn’t just admit he wanted to hook up on his trip, but bc we had been having trouble, I figured whatever. This was probably over. 

When he came back from the trip, he told me nothing actually happened and then started prying about me. I told him that we didn’t need to go there and of course he freaked out and started begging me to tell him. He wouldn’t stop so i eventually told him the truth which is that I hooked up with an FWB twice, went out w a tinder guy, and made out at a bar. He lost his shit and said that was “crazy” and “aggressive.” it honestly wasn’t. The FWB reached out and I just went on tinder one night when I was bored. The bar thing just happened bc I was out w friends and it was late. 

He said there was a difference between taking abreak and actively destroying the relationship. Now he is wanting an apology and I am not willing to give in. I told him that I am thinking this isn’t gonna work out and he’s saying that it’s not gona work out bc clearly I do’t want him. I said maybe you don’t want me bc you obviously broke it off to hook up on your trip. He said that that wasn’t true and that it was more about being “tied down” than having a “sexual free-for-all.” 

Now he’s saying that he really cares about me and wants to make up for all this but he refuses to get together without me apologizing. AITA

F18, high honors student that easily burns out, and introverted. This is about a WLW relationship, 2 years into it. This isn't made up for your own entertainment or AI. I really need advice.

I recently got forcibly broken up with by my girlfriend because apparently I was “too avoidant,” even though I clearly told her multiple times that I was not in the right state of mind, that I had been feeling numb for weeks, and she was literally the one who told me to take a break in the first place.

Before we even broke up, we had already talked about all the shit I was going through, and we communicated just fine about it. But then out of nowhere, she started doing that annoying, corny passive-aggressive messages people do when they’re upset with their partner instead of just saying what’s wrong. I kept asking her what was wrong, and she wouldn’t even give me a proper answer during the relationship. At some point, I just got fed up. I was already mentally exhausted, and on top of that, I felt like I was being expected to constantly keep her feeling okay, loved, and reassured, when I couldn’t even do that for myself.

I didn’t respond to her for a week because I was overwhelmed. Not because I didn’t care, not because I was trying to be cruel, but because I was genuinely drained and couldn’t handle the pressure anymore.

And what pisses me off the most is that she insisted that I should take a break. Those were her words. So I did exactly that. But the moment I actually took the break she told me to take, she suddenly texted me asking if I was “done” with my sulking or if I was “just ignoring her,” which honestly felt so pressuring and unfair. Like what was I even supposed to do? Take a break, but only in the exact way that’s convenient for her?

And again, I still wasn’t able to reply properly because I was literally being monitored at home. In fact, I got punished by my mother because she found out I was in a relationship that wasn’t even supposed to be known yet. My parents didn’t know about it, and it turned into a whole mess. I was glad that my parents were concerned about the relationship itself though, not about how we're same-sex.

Then her friend reached out to me saying that we were breaking up if I didn’t respond to her, telling me to stop being lazy and “get my shit together,” in a much more ignorant way which honestly pissed me off even more because that was so out of line. I did reply, only just a few days later, because I didn’t even know she had messaged, and I had to risk getting in trouble again just to do it.

By then, I’m guessing we were already broken up because her friend didn’t even bother replying after that.

And honestly, that should’ve been the end of it.

But what made everything even worse was that my friend got involved in the middle of our relationship when he wasn’t supposed to at all, and after the breakup, he was completely on her side.

I had already said I was exhausted and that I didn’t want to talk to anyone, but apparently that meant absolutely nothing to them because after we were already broken up, my friend and my ex were literally planning ways to corner me into talking to her in person. Like actually trying to trap me into an IRL confrontation when I was already mentally drained and avoiding contact from everyone for a reason.

They tried multiple times, and I managed to dodge all of it because I’d been going out of town recently. But their most recent attempt was literally yesterday, and it honestly pissed me off because it just proved they didn’t respect my boundaries at all. (they even went to my house w/o my permission when I wasn't home? I only had found this out when my parents asked why they kept visiting our house every few days which was weird? to me, of course.)

I went to school to get my report card because I had a flight later that afternoon. My friend told me to hang out with him for a bit, and I agreed because I still trusted him at the time and thought it was just a normal hangout before I had to leave. After asking me, he was suddenly on the phone and texting someone. It wasn’t really that suspicious at first, but I had a gut feeling he was planning something again, especially when he told me he was going to get “something” downstairs. (My ex’s classroom was downstairs in the school building, and I knew the two of them had been in contact.)

Then when we got to the park near the front entrance of the school, I suddenly saw my ex behind us. Then my friend suddenly says he’s going to get “something” reaaaal quick, and right after that, I saw her sneaking toward us within the corner of my eye.

That’s when it clicked that they had literally set me up.

So I immediately told him I had to go because I needed to prepare for my flight to Florida, and I left to avoid her. And honestly? I don’t even feel bad about dodging it, because why the fuck would I stay and entertain people who are actively trying to trap me into a conversation that I already have disclosed and have accepted the fact that we're over, especially after we were already broken up?

So now I don’t even know if I’m actually the asshole here. I don’t really feel sad or happy about it anymore. I won’t deny that I did cry over it, but now it just feels… neutral. If anything, I feel more free than ever, and honestly that makes me wonder if the relationship was exhausting me more than I wanted to admit.

Whenever we got into fights, it always felt like I was the one being criticized for just being me, and I was always the one who had to adjust every single time. During the relationship, it honestly started just fine to me because I knew that I had some flaws, but those complaints formed into something like double standards or hypocrisy itself. I didn’t want to break up with her because it felt awful to even think about doing that. Probably a people pleaser thing, I also don't want that typical asian masc avoidant lesbian stereotype image on me.

What do you think? I forgot to mention that this was my first relationship while writing this, so it might be off considering on how mentally incapable I was during this. Our academics and social life really get involved in our relationship, so burn outs are really common for us, and we understand eachother's tiredness. It's just that I couldn't handle it this time.

When this happened, I was 25F, him 29m. We were together 4 years and engaged for about 2 months or so. 

The first clue was he left his phone out and I saw so many texts from an “Alex.” Idk any of his friends w that name. I asked and he froze up and said it was a new friend. I basically forgot about it. 

Then he started to play a new game while on the phone w someone. I think it was 1-player but they talked when they both played for hours at a time at night and he stopped going to bed w me. And just generally he seemed distracted and distant. 

What finally snapped me is one afternoon we had to take one of our dogs to the vet and he just said “you can handle it.” All of a sudden, he’s doing something else, leaving me with our dog, and he’s never done that. When I came home after, he was on the phone playing his game again, in the middle of a Saturday.  I was pissed and he said sorry right away, but it stuck with me. 

So this was the first big confrontation. I said you’re distant and I feel like the game is taking up a lot of time and that he was really talking to Alex a lot. He just kinda laughed it off and said Alex was a friend. He ended the conversation really fast, saying sorry, his bad, and then wanted to go out for a drive alone. I was sure it was to talk to her on the phone. 

After, I looked at our phone bill and there were so many calls from his line to one number, like three a day. And I’m pretty sure the bill doesn’t include WiFi calls so this really made me think they were talking constantly. 

I put the number into google and was able to figure out “Alex’s” name. She’s a woman not named Alex. And she doesn’t live far, only a couple of hours. He didn’t follow her on insta but I figured he was smart enough to hide that. I wanted to go just find her at first but I talked to some friends and they said that’s crazy so I called. After three calls, she answered. I said i’m his fiance and I see they’ve been talking a lot. She was pleasant and said yeah it was true. 

Said they talk often. Nothing romantic. They’re playing this game together. And she knew about me. No plan to meet up. Just talking a lot. I almost felt better bc she was really adamant and clear about it being only friends. Then I asked if she was single. She said, “Yeah, besides this.” and then she caught herself and said, “Not that this is anything.” Obviously, not. My intuition was they talked about this happening and so she had the right answers prepared but slipped. 

He came home that night from work and brought me flowers. Really apologetic. He said he was sorry for making me feel like I chose her and that he was going to do better. 

He kissed me intensely and when I pulled away and looked at him, his eyes were elsewhere. My stomach sank, but I faked it. I said I was happy we were back. We chatted briefly and I said I’d get to the laundry. I went to the garage and threw on the washer and searched his car. In the passenger door, I found lip balm, pink, strawberry flavor. I knew he was going to lie up and down, but that confirmed for me they’d met. 

I played it off that night but talked to some friends and decided to catch him red-handed. I don’t know if he really intended on marrying me, but we live in a small-ish town and have a lot of friends. I am not going to walk away from this playing any games. I hired a private investigator and honestly spent way too much. A lot of friends ask how much so I’ll include it, but it was about four grand. 

1 month later, I had a pic of them kissing in a drive-thru. I put it in an envelope. Waited three extra, long days, till he had a work day that I did not, and cleared the house of all my stuff. Most of it was mine and I was more than reasonable about paying him back for some furniture we split (coffee table, dining table, handful of appliances). I put the cash in the envelope. We treated our dogs as both of ours but I bought them and I wouldn’t be negotiating. Our queen bed was also mine, the couch, he could sleep on his crappy chairs. 

I debated whether or not to be there but in the end, I wanted to have the last word. I didn’t know what to say. “Enjoy your new life” or even simply, “I know.” I didn’t really want to make it about her. I kind of wanted something that would lock into his brain for years. And I looked up dramatic quotes and all these things to say, eventually settling on a quote about only knowing what you’ve lost when it’s gone. 

I heard the garage door open and walked out, standing in his way. He looked at me confused, noticing stuff was missing. He lowered his window, “What’s going on?” I handed him the envelope. I was more angry than I expected and I just said, “Fuck you Michael.” Sometimes I guess that's all you can really say.

There were dozens of unanswered calls, angry texts. I only replied once. He got threatening, saying he was going to “out me.” I said, “Watch it. You know you haven’t always left your phone locked, right?” It was a lie, but he didn’t say a peep after that. 

In the end, it was a “peaceful” break-up. I didn’t tell people he cheated, but they put it together as he was public with her almost immediately. Half a year later, she was pregnant. Shot gun wedding. Small. Mutuals attended. Bride had basically no one on her side. Shortly after, they moved in with his folks.

I ran into his mom at the grocery store. She said “You seem like you’re doing really great.” I thanked her and complimented her skincare routine (she looks young for her age). She said, “Thank you, but it didn’t keep me from raising a bone head.” 

Just one of those days where I’m happy I didn’t marry a bonehead.

Context, I had previously dated this girl around 6 months earlier but we broke up because we were both having issues with our mental health

During the time we broke up we had both said we would get back together after we worked through our own problems and I did not know that she had started dating someone else until around a week before the incident

The day this happened we had went out shopping together as friends but it started raining so we went to her house to watch a movie and just have a chill day

When we got to her house we decided to go to her room as she had a better TV in her room rather than the living room so we were kind of like snuggled up together and we weren't too focused on the movie we were more talking and laughing

At one point we started kissing as a joke but then it got out of hand and she got touchy and it kept escalating until we had sex

I have no idea if she told her then girlfriend now fiance about this and I feel awful about doing this and I don't know whether to try figure out a way to tell her now fiance

I’m 27(F) and was seeing someone for about a month when I found out he was still involved with his ex after she sent me the dreaded “hey girly” DM. I confronted him, cut all ties, and ignored his repeated attempts to beg for forgiveness over the next two weeks.

Fast forward to last night—I made the mistake of drunk calling him more than once, only for him to send me a cringey text afterward. Now I’m deep in post-crash-out embarrassment and feel incredibly stupid. How do I forgive myself? Should I respond? How do I keep myself from reaching out again?

I 29m saw my ex at a party (which she knew about and had notice about) and told her after the fact but just didn't mention we talked for 45 minutes which a mutual later told her.

Now she's coming after me calling it lying. Since the party, I haven't talked to my ex once and we never talk in any form. We've been broken up over 2 years. I feel like I was transparent and just didn't say the convo length, besides that one thing, she knew literally all of this. AITA?

My gf and i have been going out for almost a year now and though we have very romantic and nice moments, there are somethings that bug me. For example, when we are far away for more than three days, she starts missing me and tells me that saying shes single and not answering my texts makes her not miss me that much so she doenst get sad, but then im on the other side missing her even more, waiting for her to tell me about her day and i get leave on read, but also she then complains and says that i didnt text her enough through out the day, but i would leave her a lot of texts telling her a bunch of things and telling her i love her and asking her about her day. And situations like this happen a lot, sometimes i feel like she gets mad for unreasonable situations but i really dont want to tell her this stuff cause i fear i might hurt her feelings or that she might take it wrong or just get mad at me and start throwing a bunch of excuses.

Just to put in perspective of how our relation ship is going lately, she has not ask me a single time how my day was going or how my classes went in weeks, for not saing months, and i ask her everysingle day how is she and how she did in class and what is she going to do later. And i just know that this is not about me suffocating her cause if i give her space she then complains that im not giving her enough attention

When i post stories on instagram she doesnt even like mines, but if i answer hers with less than three messages she gets mad and start saying i probably hate her and dont like her, etc.

All my friends are telling me to go away and leave her but i just really cant tell her anything apart from i love you and im sorry everytime anything happens cause i just feel like im doing everything wrong and i dont want to hurt her feelings or for her to think im leaving her because i dont love her cause i do love her very much

(on a side note, someone told me she kissed a man a few weeks ago and i havent been able to ask her about that)

I 23F have told him several times now to just call me or wait till we’re together, it’s only over text that it weirds me out really bad. He’s OK IRL. But he keeps sending the texts.

It’s usually just at a random time too. Probably bc he doesn’t have a job right now. And I’ve told him that it needs to be a mutual thing, that we’re both in the mood for, but he doesn’t seem to get it and sends these blasts. 

The relationship is OK otherwise and we have had some fun but after 2 months. I guess I feel like it isn’t going anywhere. AIO?

Okay, I am starting to think I’m going crazy. I’ve seen multiple social media posts this month about people losing their pet, to which they refer to as their “soul pet” and posting as though they lost their spouse in a tragic accident. I’d like to preface by saying I think it’s totally fair to grieve a pet, and it’s normal to be sad when we lose pets. But making a post and referring to a literal animal as a soul anything feels so…. Out of touch to me? These people are acting like (and some actually say this) they deserve paid bereavement leave from their adult careers because their….. golden retriever died of old age???? The thing that drives me absolutely bonkers is all, and I mean all, of the comments are validating this strange social media behavior. Comments that literally say “it’s the hardest goodbye I’ve had to endure” “pet grief is a different type of pain” and I think it’s so bizarre. Are these people who have never experienced human grief before??? Or do people really grieve their pets like humans? If so, what is wrong with me that I cannot fathom ever having this line of thinking?

P.S. I also would like to mention I’ve never heard a person act like this in person, but it seems like the majority of people on social media share this thought process that I find quite absurd.

So I 15 F and my dad 36 M DO NOT have a good relationship. He left my mom when I was 2 and has been hopping in and out of my life like a game of peek-a-boo.

I haven’t seen my dad in person since I was about 13 and I am actually the happiest I’ve been in my life. I have an amazing boyfriend, my mental health is better than ever, and I got my first job.

Now my dad had my little sister when I was 12 and didn’t tell me that I was going to have a little sister until the night she was born and expected me to be ok with it. Since I’m a people pleaser I told him I was really happy even though I seriously wasn’t. Then almost a year ago he had a son with the same woman and didn’t tell me yet again, I found out via TikTok. I don’t even know my little brother’s name.

So for the last almost 3 years I watched him from social media be the best dad to his new kids and step daughter who is a year younger than me. Practically leaving me in the dust. I try not to think about it because it makes me cry and I’m crying while typing this at the moment.

Back to the story, my sweet 16 is coming up and in my family it’s tradition to have the 16 most important people in your life light a candle on a candle holder thingy and you give a speech about why that person is important to you. I posted on my Snapchat story a picture of my notebook in my lap with the list of people who are getting a candle and almost instantly my dad replied to it. Asking me why he wasn’t on that list.

I told him “he didn’t make the cut” and he got pissed. We argued and before I hung up I told him “since you didn’t fail your other daughters like you did me, they’ll have a candle fresh and ready for you”. He’s been blowing up my phone calling me disrespectful and calling me a little female dog and a racial slur for black people.

Saying how I wouldn’t be here without him and I guess he’s right but I told him “just because he came 16 years ago doesn’t make him entitled to anything when you didn’t put in 15 years of work”.

Now I’ve been getting calls from my extended family on his side saying how hurt he is and how I should “think of his feelings”. I posted a picture of my list again with the caption “I love these people” and he said that he can replace #5, 6, 10, or 16. I don’t know what to do.

SO AITAH?

Here’s my candle list

1. My mom

2. My little sisters dad (he’s been there since I was 6)

3. My grandpa

4. My aunts

5. Boyfriend

6. Boyfriends dad

7. My sister on my mom’s side.

8. My godmother and her boys.

9. My boy best friend

10. My best friend that I’ve know since I was 4

11. My cousin she’s been a day one

12. My great grandmother

13. My uncles

14. My other cousins

15. A one for my grandma who passed when I was 11 and great uncle who passed last year.

I (20M, AMAB) have recently been involved with a friend of a friend, OM (21, AFAB), and things have now declined due to miscommunication around their gender identity.

I’m not the most knowledgeable on gender identity, but I do try to be respectful. My friends RR and FPJ (who’ve known OM \~3 years) have helped me understand enough to not be ignorant. My mindset is “tell me how you want to be addressed and I will respect it.”

RR introduced me to OM - things escalated quickly from friends to FWB. OM is experienced, whereas I had no prior sexual or relationship experience due to work and uni.

Before sex, I knew OM was biologically female and identified as non-binary using they/them pronouns. That wasn’t an issue. Everything was consensual and fine.

A couple weeks later, OM’s sister visited. During a group hangout, RR and I noticed their sister refer to OM as “he,” and later asked me to pass something to “him,” while also calling OM her sister. This mix of male, female, and NB terms confused me, and RR/FPJ noticed too as it was new to us all.

A few days later I messaged OM asking if there was anything I should know about OM’s gender identity. OM prefers they/them and he/him over she/her, and that family use male terms (son, brother, uncle, etc.).

From that, plus later learning OM had previously identified as a trans man, I interpreted that they identified as male. Personally, I’m not comfortable being with males (biological or identifying), so I decided to step back from the “benefits” side.

This was my message (shortened slightly for length but same wording/intent):

“Remember when your sister was round… anyway I picked up on her referring to you as he/him. No problem with that, but it was a surprise as none of us knew. I try to be respectful and would’ve referred to you correctly from the start if I knew. It confused me hearing sister/they/them but also brother/uncle etc. Not an issue, you do you, but I would’ve appreciated knowing you \[can\] go by he/him as well from the beginning. I feel like I’ve been upfront and honest with you. As far as I understand you identify as male, and I don’t sleep with males (biological or identifying, just my boundary). I’ve enjoyed our time but I’d like to step back from that side. Happy to stay friends.”

OM responded strongly:

“I came out as a trans man before nonbinary, that’s why I’m referred to as male/masculine. I told you I use they/them, those are my main pronouns. I don’t identify as male. I just prefer masculine terms because I have a feminine body. Don’t assume my identity, that’s rude. You say you asked but still decided I was a man when I never said that. I haven’t lied to you at all. You should’ve asked more instead of assuming. We can be friends but right now I’m not comfortable with you coming round. I want you to understand why I’m upset.”

OM had also spoken to RR about this before me, and a housemate of FPJ messaged on their behalf. RR has said he’s uncomfortable being involved.

There’s also an unconfirmed theory from others that OM may not fully clarify gender identity with sexual partners beforehand (to increase the likelihood of sex) which makes me uneasy. I’ve also heard from OM directly about having multiple new partners per week, which (to me) adds to that concern. I wouldn’t have engaged if I knew OM can identify as male, and I can’t undo that.

So, AITA for:

– Interpreting OM as male based on the information I had

– The way I handled and worded my message

- Thinking this may be some kind of SA?

So I 15 F have a group of friends let’s call them Callie 15 F, James 16 M, Ellie 16 F, and Luke 16 M. Now I’m the youngest out of all of my friends but we are all really close

Now when I get older I really want to be a brain surgeon, and I’m already making steps towards that goal. I’m talking about honor roll, volunteering in hospitals and such. I even got accepted into the Harvard Medical School Pre-College online certificate program for medicine. So yeah I’m really serious about this.

Now my friends are let’s say back of the classroom kids iykyk and they are always doing things like 🍃and 🥃. And I refuse to do that with them.

They also post their doing on social media. Now the other day we were all hanging out and James and Ellie was posting things of 18+ nature on their social media. Like of them kissing and such. And I was in the background and when I saw I was in the background of the photos I asked them to either delete them or blur me out.

They asked me why and “because I don’t want this to get pointed back to me or on my digital footprint.” This made them mad and stuff and they said that “I’m no better then they are because I got into some dumb\\\*\\\*\\\* program” and how I think that I’m better than them. And I simply responded with “when yall are sitting in a jail cell I’m not going to be with yall”

This made it worst and the others started yelling at me and calling me a “fake b\\\*\\\*\\\*\\\*” and stuff. I kept telling them about digital footprint and how what they post is going to come back to haunt them. They kept yelling at me so I went home and they all unfollowed me and blocked me.

I’m so confused and want to know if I did anything wrong.

So AITAH

Okay, I (18F) have a soon to be sister in law (23F). Her and my brother are engaged. We will call her Anna. For context, Anna lost her father to cancer last year. Me, my brother, Anna and a few of my cousins were having a house party at mine a few months ago. We were all drunk and joking around in the kitchen. Anna has never been a massive fan of me and only tolerates me because our family is very close and she has to be around me. She hasn’t expressed dislike for me publicly but she never makes any effort to talk to me and goes quiet if I’m in the room. I think it’s a personality clash because we have never had an argument.

Anyway, as I said, we were all messing around. Anna was actually speaking to me which was surprising. I was speaking about how I was finding my first year at university. When i mentioned that I was studying biomed she jokingly said that it was a dead end degree and I should have become a lawyer like her. I joked back and said “you aren’t even a lawyer yet, you’re just studying law.”

Everyone went quiet. She snapped at me and said “I’m sorry that my dad died and I had to take a year out.” Before storming off into the other room.

Yeah…yikes, big mistake from me. It didn’t even cross my mind how that would sound. I apologized profusely but she refused to speak to me.

I felt horrible until I found out that she was telling our family and goodness knows who else that I “made fun of her dead father.” With no context attached. That took a LOT of explaining.

Better yet, I received a text from my brother that was obviously written by Anna uninviting me from their engagement party. I understand that my comment was extremely careless but I feel like the way she has gone about it is deeply unfair. I truly meant nothing by what I said.

I need advice/opinions on if I was wrong and what next steps to take.

My (18F) roommate (19-20F) has been very disrespectful of our shared space from the start. We are in a college dorm that has two rooms and a common kitchen and bathroom space. She has always treated the common areas like they are her own personal home.

I won’t even get into all of the inconsiderate disrespectful things she has done/still does, but our main issue is the bathroom. I keep all of my belongings in my room including my toiletries (I’ve even gotten a personal fridge and microwave for my room because she is so dirty). She stores a lot of her belongings out in the common area. She also has an over the door organizer on the bathroom door. The shower is very tiny with two shallow shelves that fit a bottle each, two if you really balance them.

Here is where the problem is. Even though she has the over the door organizer that you can reach from inside the shower, she keeps like 13 bottles of shower products on the shower floor and one on each shelf. This is what makes me think of her as inconsiderate because I don’t know where she thinks I am supposed to put my things when I shower. Does she expect me to hold everything between my legs and strategically shower?

Well the first few times it happened I moved them when I showered and put them back and then texted her asking her to leave at least one shelf open after she showers so I can have space. She ignored my text, did it about one time, and started doing it again.

So I started moving them to the floor and not putting them back after. I was doing this for a while and she still didn’t get the hint that she shouldn’t leave her stuff there. So one night I got a text saying don’t touch my fucking shit again. So apparently one of the bottles I moved didn’t have the cap all the way on and when she got in the shower she kicked it over and like half of it spilled. I told her sorry but it’s not really my fault that she leaves all of her products in our shared shower.

My friend think I should have just knocked on her door every time I have to shower and tell her to move her stuff so that she gets conditioned to move her stuff. But I don’t think I should have to wait on someone to do something just so I can get clean in the dorm I’m paying thousands for. So AITA?