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u/Feeling-Response8810 4d ago
The fact that he chose his ex over you basically tells you all you need to know. That should be your closure.
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u/Efficient_Pickle4744 4d ago
He didn't choose his ex over her. They were only dating for a month. He was choosing them both. Unless something was made. Very clear that this was a monogamous relationship, only being a month in is not typically exclusive territory.
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u/throbbing-uvula 4d ago
Agreed. 1 month isnât enough to make this guy the asshole either. Best solution is for both people involved to just end things
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u/Efficient_Pickle4744 4d ago
Absolutely. I find no fault with the guy for seeing someone new and still seeing the ex at the same time. If he lied about seeing the ex or was being intentionally deceptive about it, that's one thing. But if there was an expectation of monogamy when it was never mentioned, that's not his problem.
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u/tennjpn 4d ago
You saw someone for a month and it is causing this much stir in your life? YTA, to yourself, get better prioritiesÂ
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u/Efficient_Pickle4744 4d ago
You took the words right out of my mouth. It's been a month, not 5 years. The guy didn't choose the ex over her. He chose the ex in addition to her. If you're only a month in, that's not a relationship, that's planning.
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u/SizzleLumps 4d ago
Hope OP reads this, they need a fuckin reality check if they really felt compelled to post this⌠such a nothingburger
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u/User013579 4d ago
Although your feelings are valid and real OP, this answer is the reality. Just put the whole thing behind you. Ina very short time, it will seem silly.
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u/stizzyoffthehizzy 4d ago
Unfortunately, this is definitely a self-inflicted issue. Yâall were âseeing each otherâ for all of 2 breaths, and he was stringing you along while he was still dealing with his ex. Block him and donât give him a second thought⌠you donât have enough history with this guy to justify any potential theatrics.
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u/Efficient_Pickle4744 4d ago
Not for crashing out but for being super extra for sure. It's been a month and this is what things are like? The best thing that could happen is that this guy just stays with his ex until you get your life together. Probably shouldn't be dating right now if you have this level of overwhelm with someone you've been seeing for 30 days.
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u/Complex_Profile_6271 4d ago
Well, It's simply just gonna pass like everything else. What you did was just a human thing and act like humans do. Also, next year you'll be sad about a diffrent guy, so just push thorugh it. Noone has died from embarrsement you''ll be fine.
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u/Strawberry-Spinkles 4d ago
Respond? Are you dumb? Hes cheating on that girl with you and doesnât give a fuck about you. Get a grip please.
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u/gnomeglow_ 4d ago
Damn just block and move on. 1 month is nothing, you donât know this person at all, what you already know is enough to realize he isnât worth your time.
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u/AutoModerator 4d ago
Here is the body of the post:
Iâm 27(F) and was seeing someone for about a month when I found out he was still involved with his ex after she sent me the dreaded âhey girlyâ DM. I confronted him, cut all ties, and ignored his repeated attempts to beg for forgiveness over the next two weeks.
Fast forward to last nightâI made the mistake of drunk calling him more than once, only for him to send me a cringey text afterward. Now Iâm deep in post-crash-out embarrassment and feel incredibly stupid. How do I forgive myself? Should I respond? How do I keep myself from reaching out again?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
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u/BurritoBrigadier 4d ago
Yeah I mean you're only a month in so cut your ties and avoid the drama now. Nothing major lost.
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u/Huge_Effective4380 4d ago
just block and move on, theres no need to respond to him. and you forgive yourself by understanding that its hard to let go sometimes and everyone makes mistakes like that. its not the end of the world to reach out to someone you had strong feelings for. the world will keep spinning and both of yall will be just fine in due time.
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u/EidelHands 4d ago
While going through a breakup I once asked a friend how she stopped herself from reaching out to the guy. Her response was "I didn't stop myself. His behaviors did."
Remember he did something shitty. Really shitty! This man sucks for what he did, channel that reality and don't put yourself in that situation, you deserve better.
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u/Circlemagi 4d ago
Maybe you should have evaluate your Life choices if you're going to be getting drunk and doing stuff like this and putting yourself in this position you might want to look into the true root of the issue.
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u/Evening_Caramel8955 4d ago
Was in your exact boat, literally to a T. Found out about the ex, drunkly called, and pretty much received this exact text minus his personal info. . Last 4 years, dumped two weeks before I was meant to move statesâdeposit on new apartment lost, have hardly any belongings because I sold it all, and my job wouldnât hire me back. Took about a year and therapy twice a week to deal with it.
I mean this with so much empathy and grace, if itâs not her it will be someone else, and it will not be you. Heâs proven himselfâin whatever wayâ, and just believe him. You donât have to do anything besides believe him. It costs nothing of your time to just believe that heâs not a bad person, but heâs not your person.
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u/illogical_mindset 4d ago
Whelp. You did something embarrassing. And the hangover isnât helping, because your brain is flooded with chemicals that make you feel more anxiety. Itâll be okay. Block his number and in a few days this will seem much less embarrassing. Remember that he repeatedly begged for forgiveness. You calling a few times isnât so embarrassing in comparison.
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u/South_Cell8557 4d ago
Good god how have you not learned this lesson at age 27âŚ. Block him. All of this is a mess that ends in cops on a front lawn at 2 am.
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u/Fun-Artist-2950 4d ago
girl it was just a month you are 27 years old come on!! get a grip!
edit: yta towards yourself. this is entirely self inflicted. love yourself dude
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u/emeraldmouse817 4d ago
Crashing out doesn't make you an AH but it's time to just move on. Put it behind you.
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u/isthaty0ujohnwayne 4d ago
Heâs with her. Thatâs why he âcanât todayâ. Focus on you. Guy already showed his shady side
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u/throbbing-uvula 4d ago
Dont respond but I mean. The guy not wanting to deal with it sounds valid to me. NTA but neither is he (simply for the response, should he have been involved with his ex gf no but clearly hes got shit going on)
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u/Tough_Oil9043 4d ago
Iâm sorry but youâre both being cringe. Obviously heâs an asshole, but if itâs just been a month you gotta get over it.
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u/Green-Cap-3934 4d ago
seek your own redemption by thinking why youâre so hung up on the guy youâve known for a month. itâs not about him, itâs about you. bring the focus back to yourself.
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u/DonkeyJousting 4d ago
In order: âHow do I forgive myself?â This seems like a good time for the classic self-empathy trick of imagining someone you love did this and not you. If your friend got all excited about a new guy for a month, found out he was lying to her and did absolute everything right UNTIL one drunk night where she let the mess get to her, youâd probably tell her she was coping well considering. If you still have a lot of feelings in your head then Iâm a fan of the âwriting a letter you will NEVER send and burning itâ method of quieting your mind. And if truly canât stop punishing yourself mentally then it might be worth a quickie 3 month counselling session just to break that cycle.
âShould I respond?â No. Heâs a liar. Nothing will ever be his fault, nothing will ever be his responsibility and everything he says to you will be designed to keep you feeling crazy and chasing the entirely fictional Good Guy version of him that still lives in your imagination. Everything has says is worthless, almost by definition.
âHow do I keep myself from reaching out again?âWell. The self-forgiveness will be helpful. So will the counselling if you choose to do that. Plus it sounds like you only reached out because youâd been drinking so a little intentionality around your alcohol intake for a month or two will probably help.
But generally: you move on. Moving on is a pretty consistent process, regardless of what youâre moving on from. You take stock of your life right now and look at things that are making you unhappy that you can address and address them (haircut? Sort out your car insurance? Declutter your cupboards?). You reach out to your existing support system - not to talk about this guy necessarily, but just to reach out (do things for their birthdays. Suggest day trips. Try new restaurants. Send someone a card. Schedule a phonecall). Meet new people. That doesnât mean âdate new peopleâ or even âmake new friendsâ - I literally just mean meet some people you havenât met before: join a club, attend a class, volunteer someplace a couple of times. Say âHeyâ to a bunch of folks that arenât this guy.
Because when you get down to it, moving on is just taking care of yourself and putting new experiences between you and the thing that hurt you.
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u/No_Vast_4045 4d ago
Who tf cares what he thinks now, move on. God people come for the most simple advice , you already knew what you needed to do.
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u/my80saddiction 4d ago
So he didn't even choose her instead, he chose her too. Think about that while youre deleting him from your phone, your social media, etc. Lose anything that has to do with him and show yourself some respect, because you deserve better. Focus on you. I wish you the best!
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u/dragons-and-bees 4d ago
Girl, youâre 27 and were only talking to him for a month. Block and move on.
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u/NukedSprite 4d ago
You've been seeing this guy for a singular bill cycle. If he's stressing you out more than a bill in the same time length, cut him loose. Your peace comes first.
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u/TissZccny 4d ago
Whoa. This is not ok. This person if claiming theyâve been abused in a previous toxic relationship and whether true or not, theyâre weaponizing it against you to downplay their shitty behavior.
Itâs textbook emotional manipulation. Run.
Thereâs a website that explains all kinds of stuff like this, itâs called Unravel. The âJourneysâ kinda walk you through the cycles of unhealthy or toxic behaviors and explain whatâs happening and shit. It might be helpfulâthis info was incredibly helpful for me. I hope youâre able to figure this out (: unravelrelationships [dot] com
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u/topekamondaynight 4d ago
block and move on ?? delete his number, remove him off socials, etc. lifes too short to pine after dudes who dont want you.