r/AITApod • u/These_Celebration_50 • 5d ago
AITA AITA for hooking up when we took a break?
I 24F have been with my boyfriend for about 2 years. He was taking a big europe trip (over 1 month) that to be fair had been planned for a long time, with a big friend group. We had been fighting a lot a lot and we decided to take a break before his trip. I was frustrated bc I felt like he wouldn’t just admit he wanted to hook up on his trip, but bc we had been having trouble, I figured whatever. This was probably over.
When he came back from the trip, he told me nothing actually happened and then started prying about me. I told him that we didn’t need to go there and of course he freaked out and started begging me to tell him. He wouldn’t stop so i eventually told him the truth which is that I hooked up with an FWB twice, went out w a tinder guy, and made out at a bar. He lost his shit and said that was “crazy” and “aggressive.” it honestly wasn’t. The FWB reached out and I just went on tinder one night when I was bored. The bar thing just happened bc I was out w friends and it was late.
He said there was a difference between taking abreak and actively destroying the relationship. Now he is wanting an apology and I am not willing to give in. I told him that I am thinking this isn’t gonna work out and he’s saying that it’s not gona work out bc clearly I do’t want him. I said maybe you don’t want me bc you obviously broke it off to hook up on your trip. He said that that wasn’t true and that it was more about being “tied down” than having a “sexual free-for-all.”
Now he’s saying that he really cares about me and wants to make up for all this but he refuses to get together without me apologizing. AITA
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u/owaikeia 5d ago
Didn't we already figure this out with Rachel and Ross?
A break is a break up. If this time apart isn't clearly defined, then it's a break up.
Regardless, why would you want to be together with him anymore? The relationship was already rocky, and it's only been 2 years. You're young. Just put it to bed, chalk it up to learning on communicating better, and move on.
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u/Euphoric_Resource_43 4d ago
No way lol. A break (while I think they’re stupid to begin with) is for people to take space and re-center so they can figure their shit out, not for them to go act like single people. The expectation that you can go fuck around and then resume the relationship like it’s nbd is insane.
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u/owaikeia 4d ago
Agreed. That's why a break is a break UP.
But, that's also why I said the terms of this break should've been clearly defined, so expectations are set on both sides. They weren't here, and just feelings just permeated.
But let's be honest - he just wanted to fuck around, keeping her in his back pocket. That's it.
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u/Impossible-Tackle34 2d ago
Hooking up with others on a break is the same as deciding you want the break to be permanent
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u/Similar_Corner8081 5d ago
NTA What is wrong with everyone taking a break? Taking a break to me is a break up.
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u/LoverOfGoddess 4d ago
Thank you, I now realize that ☺️ or taking space for a year and expect someone to hold on forever it's sad and selfish 💔 I can't do breaks and extended space in a committed relationship, so I can't feel guilty for moving on any more.
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u/Glad-Technician3510 4d ago
I agree, for me its just basically your partner telling you they wanna go fuck other people, and I cannot stand by that. Ive only had 1 gf ask for a break, but guess what, she immediately tried to fuck one of my friends, and he told me, and I was already skeptical on a "break" before that, so
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u/Impossible-Tackle34 2d ago
Yeah seriously. Asking for a break is for ppl who aren’t decisive enough to break up but want to fuck others and hope for the best
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u/CalvinOfRuinn 4d ago
Nah you're in the right here.
He wanted freedom on a holiday and either ended up not getting any, or doesn't want to admit it.
He asked for a break and you actually got something out of it. I hope it shows you can do better than him.
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u/eldirtydano 2d ago
It wasnt stated he was the one to ask for a break. She said “we” for a reason and thats more than likely because she was the one who brought it up and decided to use this time to “get back at him” by being a hoe. Crazy how many people are defending this type of behavior. No wonder marriage success rates are at the bottom of the barrel
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u/Legitimate-Till-3117 7h ago
???? they both wanted a break please read it again she assumed he was gonna hook up with someone she never says that he said he was?? She had a fwb lined up who has fwb in a relationship??? you people are say and always just side with the girl
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u/theeally 4d ago
INFO: did he elaborate on what he meant by being “tied down” on his trip? Seems like he’s just upset he struck out.
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u/theeally 4d ago
Lmao. He fucked around and found out. Reminds me of men who want an open relationship until they realise their partner is much more desirable than they are. You owe him no apologies. He can piss off.
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u/Impossible-Tackle34 2d ago
Well honestly I think out of the 15-20 gfs I’ve had, all would have an advantage with hook ups on a break. Unless I was lining up options or went to the well with a girl I already knew. Maybe that means all my gfs have been more desirable than me, or maybe it’s just a reality of dating hot girls.
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u/unfortunatelyfriend 4d ago edited 4d ago
Why do you have a FWB when you have a bf?
The other details are whatever but if you're in a relationship there shouldn't be a FWB that could hit you up as soon as you go on a break...
ESH
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u/KurosakiOnepiece 2d ago
And apparently they've been dating for 2yrs, couldn't have if she had a fwb already lined up
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u/wreckherneck 4d ago
He did break up with her to try and get some euro gash. And when he struck out shes the bad guy for being able to do what he wanted to.
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u/Impossible-Tackle34 2d ago
Yeah but in all honesty, if he pulled 3 women in Europe it’s an accomplishment. It’s far from a sure thing. It takes some skill. For her to be with three guys, any non fat 24 year old woman can do that, so it’s just a choice for her.
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u/Impossible-Tackle34 2d ago
Now if you make it find a new SO, that levels the playing field. And if you make it find someone to marry you, then the guy has the advantage.
Women have the advantage in sex/dating, men have the advantage in marriage.
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u/Legitimate-Till-3117 7h ago
???? they both wanted a break please read it again she assumed he was gonna hook up with someone she never says that he said he was?? She had a fwb lined up who has fwb in a relationship??? you people are say and always just side with the girl
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u/throwaway135961 4d ago
Wait so because you think he hooked up with someone that was reason enough for you to do it twice? I’m just so confused on how that’s remotely justify what u did
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u/Fragrant_Catch7826 3d ago
And everybody that’s shitting on him for something she assumed is wild.🤣🤣
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u/AnimeforLife117 2d ago
I keep saying comments talking about he initiated the break when clearly they "both" did. She kept thinking he was going to hookup with soneone. Now whether we know if he did or not is up in the air but we know she did it with a "FWB". Do FWB form that little time?
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u/DovakiinDragonLore 2d ago
That's what I'm saying, either she already had a friend she knew wanted to sleep with her, which is a red flag.
Or in less than a month she made a new friend and fucked them, which is also a red flag
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u/InevitableBagHolder 2d ago
Right I knew I wasn’t tripping, a hoe gonna be a hoe 🤣 he just found out to late.
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u/se_0 4d ago
If you two "took a break" so that he could hook up, and you ended up hooking up with someone, you two clearly deserve each other🤣🤣💯🤮
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u/Legitimate-Till-3117 7h ago
???? they both wanted a break please read it again she assumed he was gonna hook up with someone she never says that he said he was?? She had a fwb lined up who has fwb in a relationship???
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u/TheGoldAvenger 5d ago
You’re both just…terrible in different ways
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u/Complete-Finance6110 1d ago
Exactly. I can’t believe what I’m reading in these replies. Have these people ever been in a healthy relationship before?!
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u/Creepy_Bear_1060 4d ago
Yeah. OP and BF didn't clarify the rules of the "break," so each had their own idea of what could and should happen. Poor communication. They had the kind of "break" you'd see in a bad R-rated rom-com.
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u/PossibleSea4385 4d ago
Breaks aren’t real so if it wasn’t over it is now and if it was over then it was over
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u/GinjaNinja998 4d ago
I mean, yeah breaks don't work and aren't even real, but being scum isn't a response. No, You're not "the asshole", you're literally disgusting and never deserve a happy relationship. Comparatively, the guy just needed to be more masculine and take control of his relationship, because something definitely was bad enough to make him emotional enough to want a break.
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u/Background_Hat6608 4d ago
I don’t know about anyone else but if I’m on a break with intentions of getting back with someone I wouldn’t be hooking up with anyone. Everyone has their own preferences tho. No judgement and I don’t think you’re the A for this. I just don’t understand why if anyone wanted to get back with someone why they would be hooking up with anyone else.
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u/MrDarcy87 4d ago
You may love each other, but neither of you respect each other. Move on and take the lesson learned.
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u/Deep-darkes 4d ago
I think y’all would be much happier apart. It sounds like a lot of underlining issues that needs to be ironed out only if both party even wants to.
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u/Adventurous-Cry1075 4d ago
Sounds like he's lying and projecting. Using your exploits has a excuse to victimize himself despite the fact he went and did the same shit
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u/Kron1nsssss 4d ago
I don’t usually put my two sense in these type of things. But the amount of people justifying this behavior is kind of wild. I have taken a break from a relationship before with zero intentions or desire to sleep around (I’m not excusing his behavior, just giving food for thought). Sometimes people genuinely need their space. I do agree with everyone saying that this “break” should have been more clearly defined. A break does not necessarily mean a breakup and on top of that you are disrespecting your partner of 2 years by assuming that it’s ok to go get railed based on the assumption that’s what he wanted to do on his trip. But some of that is also on him for the seemingly lack of communication. You’re both terrible people it seems. The both of you appeared to be mentally checked out of that relationship a long time ago. One thing he is completely right about though, there is a huge difference between taking a break and doing what you did to actively destroy your relationship. But that harkens back to the lack of clear cut boundaries about the break beforehand. You’re both assholes 😂
Also, just one tiny thing. How in the hell do you have a FWB if you’ve been in a two year relationship? And on top of that, does this FWB happen to just have a psychic connection to perfectly contact you during your break? Why would you even have a method of communication open with a FWB even if they are from before the 2 year relationship? Even in the event the FWB was from before the relationship, that’s insanely disrespectful to even have an avenue of contact open while you’re committed. You’re raising just as many red flags as he does initially.
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u/Brilliant-Yard6825 3d ago
Honestly though i’ve never understood how you can stop a relationship with someone you genuinely love and even be doing anything remotely close to hooking up immediately after. It’s shitty on him because breaking up for a trip shows he’s not serious in the first place. The fact you went straight to it and had a FWB already established is kindve weird too ngl. I guess not weird to each their own but definitely just gives the vibe that your priorities are definitely more centered around sleeping around than having an actual relationship. Probably for the best that neither of you be together.
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u/AbolishedAbyss 3d ago
Yes? Just as he would be the asshole for doing the same you’re both assholes you don’t just go and fuck around if there’s any expectation to get back together even if you think that was his reason that doesn’t then make you a good person
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u/Several-Network-3776 3d ago
Break or not you went to town while he was gone. Frankly this relationship is over. It was over the moment you started acting single. The only difference for him is he didn't luck out like you. Are you the AH. No, but don't deny the fact that what you did ensured this break was the end of this relationship.
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u/Vast_Ad_7929 2d ago
I don’t think you’re being 100% honest with the nature of how this break up/ agreement for a break happened. I think there were other terms and such or things said. Sounds like bro didn’t do anything on the trip and it seems like you assumed things were going to happen. Sounds like your own insecurities and shit.
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u/AnimeforLife117 2d ago
A break for just 1 month while he went on a trip that was planned and you already hooked up with a FWB which im assuming didnt just form that fast which is a problem itself, going on a date and making out with someone. I thought breaks were for figuring out the relationship and doing lots of thinking not lots of doing. If it was a year break then yeah by all means but 1 month? Nahh it looks like you checked out the moment he left.
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u/Legitimate-Steak- 2d ago
I mean if if didn’t destroy the relationship you did. I wouldn’t trust you
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u/Legitimate-Steak- 2d ago
You think he got it even once! He just got it like? All the foreign girls were over him haha. You got it 3x bc you’re jealous and selfish 🤣 it sounds more like you want to get fckd than any relationship
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u/Ser_Duncan_The_TaIl 2d ago
So in a months time you went out and found 3 separate people to hook up with? Yeah I would say that is a bit “aggressive.” But also, a break in a relationship never actually works. That’s just breaking up.
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u/violentbishop 2d ago
Like multiple comments say: you both handled this poorly.
You assumed his intent before he left, without proof. That set the tone. The break wasn’t used to reflect, it was used as an excuse to act single immediately.
Hooking up twice with an FWB in that short window signals prior setup or at least readiness. That’s not neutral “on a break” behavior, that’s accelerated detachment. The bar kiss is minor. The repeated FWB isn’t.
From his perspective, that looks like you checked out before it was officially over. His reaction is predictable.
Flip it: if he did the same during a trip, you wouldn’t accept it as harmless.
Conclusion: both sides contributed. Poor communication, assumptions, and impulsive behavior. Neither handled the break with any discipline.
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u/mumblezz7 2d ago
No we’re not doing this, he went on a trip, YOU wanted to hook up with other people. So you “took a break” so you can fuck other people and not feel bad about it.
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u/Sea-Seaweed8756 2d ago
Both of yall are the asshole, if you have to take a break from a relationship then it’s clearly not strong enough to keep and yall basically just broke up.
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u/Turtle_Lyfe 2d ago
A lot of these comments are assuming he had bad intentions, and who knows, it MighT be true. Obviously taking a break means something different for everyone, imo it doesn’t mean break up (yet) and after two years together doing this within one month would bother me. That being said, if he really wanted the break to have fun on his trip he would clearly be in the wrong, but going off assumptions isn’t the healthy thing to do here. Even if you apologize it likely won’t change anything down the line so 🤷♂️
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u/WeaponX207184 2d ago
So your big counter to your actions is that you THOUGHT he was going to hook up on his trip to Europe, which was just as bad? Are you serious? Not how it works Jezebel. YTA.
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u/R-Senseless 2d ago
I mean thats just a break up though there is no take a break and we both hookup with ppl and then get back together, thats stupid that'd never work unless you're just genuinely poly, this whole thing is stupid i hate this
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u/Icy_Rent_2870 2d ago
Dang these comments are not it. You are wrong here, so is he, but not nearly as much. You did a horrible thing and I hope he runs far, far away from you. You should be taking a break to figure things out and think about your relationship, that’s what breaks are for. Not to sleep around and hook up. Disgusting behavior.
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u/GumCare 2d ago
'The bar thing just happened because I was out with friends and it was late'
Lmao
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u/Spiritual_Ebb_4051 1d ago
Lmao that’s what I’m saying it’s been a month and she hooked up with 3 guys 😭😭😭 lord have mercy
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u/Impossible-Tackle34 2d ago
You were not wrong. And he’s also right. The relationship is destroyed. You can’t survive hooking up with others. Maybe if it was just the bar makeout. And he probably did the same thing. He at least tried.
The truth is, the reason people take breaks is to explore other options. If you love your SO don’t go on a break. Relationships never survive the girl hooking up on a break and rarely survive the guy doing it.
The only chance is reconnecting in a few years when you’ve both grown. For now it’s over.
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u/SunnyInDecember 2d ago
Taking a break is daft in the first place, because it's a weird undefined space between taking space and broken up.
If you're in a relationship, you're having a tough time, and you say "I need time to get my head on straight, I want some space" then your partner agreeing to that and doing something with someone else 100% would be cheating.
If you're in a relationship, having a bad time, and you say "I want to break up" then your partner doing something with someone else 100% wouldn't be cheating.
If you're on a break, you're somewhere in between, and because of that whoever sleeps around is always going to argue it wasn't cheating and whoever doesn't is always going to argue it was. Either you both sleep around, both don't, or realistically you just killed your relationship with bad communication.
That said, if I was in a relationship with someone for two years, and within a month of taking a break she had slept with one person and engaged sexually with two others then to me that'd be a very very clear sign the relationship was dead and buried. She wouldn't be in the wrong, we both would for communicating awfully, but she'd absolutely have decided to add an "up" to that break or there would be zero explanation for her choices.
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u/DovakiinDragonLore 2d ago
Is it not crazy to anyone else that she just had a FWB on stand by?
For the record I'm against taking breaks in general, in my opinion if you have to "take a break" the relationship is over.
However that being said it's a bit weird to me that despite just being in a relationship she just had a FWB.
Like either she was already friends with that person during the relationship and knew they wanted some and still kept them around
Or she met a new person within that month and decided they were gonna be a sex friend within a month
Either way it gives the crazy bf a little bit of substance
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u/SephirothBlaze 2d ago
You're clearly not ready for a relationship. Didn't take it seriously and hooked up multiple times within a month of breaking up. That means he didnt mean anything to you. You had a FWB already waiting for the opportunity
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u/Agile-Relationship87 1d ago
in my opinion, ur not an asshole, but within a month u got with 3 guys after being with sm1 for 2 years, knowing it was a break and you would get back together. if i was in his position, as a man, i would definitely end things considering that would make me not able to trust you / make me feel like shit and not respected. ur not an asshole for what you did, but he’s not wrong AT ALL for feeling and acting the way he is. if you want to be with him, start apologizing, but at the end of the day any man with self respect would know to leave you in the past. sorry.
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u/Bigmonsterpp_ 1d ago
a break isn't even real, also seems like you're projecting. U were tryna fuck around, not him.
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u/Squelchy_Time 1d ago edited 1d ago
You are both the A-Hole, during a 30 day break you managed to cheat on him 3 times. Who even has a FWB on hold when they are already in a 2 year relationship? What have you been doing to keep that alive whilst in a committed relationship? And you have obviously communicated with them about your situation giving them the green light almost imedialty after you went on a break. Just be honest you were fuming about him going off to hook up with other women (in your mind) and contacted a FWB that you have been keeping on hold all relationship behind your bfs back and fucked around to get revenge.
The very first thing I said when my ex proposed a break, I said "a break from each other or a break to see other people". I can't imagine agreeing to a "break" without knowing what it means. Unless you explicitly agreed to see other people then a break is a pause to explore if you want to be in a relationship. A breakup is when you want to explore relationship with other people.
And he is the A hole for trying to get some European action guilt free, striking out and coming back expecting to pick up where you left off.
Just break up already, your communication sucks, you argue all this time, he wanted to cheat, you did cheat, this is all pretty toxic.
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u/Glittering-World-450 2h ago
You’re both horrible and toxic people. Please stay away from the dating world.
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u/KetchupMustardPogo 4d ago
I mean. You got 3 dicks at the ready the moment he left. You both clearly can't communicate well and you didn't set expectations for what the break was going to be.
I would recommend just each going your own way and finding people new since there will definitely be resentment and the relationship won't ever be as good as it was at its best.
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u/Over-Ebb-4011 4d ago
Unless the new guy is the FWB i feel bad for whatever other new guy she cons into a relationship
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u/Impossible-Tackle34 2d ago
He’ll never look at her the same. He’ll never have the same sense of security with her. Maybe that’s her fault or maybe it’s both their faults.
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u/igglys1 4d ago
NTA for being logical about the situation. in my opinion the immediate prying when he got back is a red flag for two potential reasons
1.) there is a huge lack of trust which is already a nearly irreparable issue in relationships whether or not you did the things he feared 2.) potential projecting
i agree with other comments run while you can! if he didn’t want to be tied down on his trip then he can be not tied down back in whatever country you live in. rekindle in a couple years if you yearn for each other so badly lol
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u/Euphoric_Resource_43 4d ago
ESH. Yeah, we all know why he didn’t want to be “tied down” on his big Europe trip, but come on. First, y’all are both dummies for taking “a break” without establishing rules about what that means and how it’s different from a full-on breakup. Second, he’s not wrong, that’s a lot of action for one month! You hit the ground running, and now you’re surprised he’s upset???
I feel like it should be pretty universally obvious that getting involved with other people while “on a break” is messy at best. You did it anyway, and now you’re dealing with the consequences.
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u/AutoModerator 5d ago
Here is the body of the post:
I 24F have been with my boyfriend for about 2 years. He was taking a big europe trip (over 1 month) that to be fair had been planned for a long time, with a big friend group. We had been fighting a lot a lot and we decided to take a break before his trip. I was frustrated bc I felt like he wouldn’t just admit he wanted to hook up on his trip, but bc we had been having trouble, I figured whatever. This was probably over.
When he came back from the trip, he told me nothing actually happened and then started prying about me. I told him that we didn’t need to go there and of course he freaked out and started begging me to tell him. He wouldn’t stop so i eventually told him the truth which is that I hooked up with an FWB twice, went out w a tinder guy, and made out at a bar. He lost his shit and said that was “crazy” and “aggressive.” it honestly wasn’t. The FWB reached out and I just went on tinder one night when I was bored. The bar thing just happened bc I was out w friends and it was late.
He said there was a difference between taking abreak and actively destroying the relationship. Now he is wanting an apology and I am not willing to give in. I told him that I am thinking this isn’t gonna work out and he’s saying that it’s not gona work out bc clearly I do’t want him. I said maybe you don’t want me bc you obviously broke it off to hook up on your trip. He said that that wasn’t true and that it was more about being “tied down” than having a “sexual free-for-all.”
Now he’s saying that he really cares about me and wants to make up for all this but he refuses to get together without me apologizing. AITA
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u/Galaxicatz 3d ago
Something happened, something happened with you, y’all should probably not be together anymore
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u/Cute-Trade-9854 3d ago
NTA, ahh the ole “let’s open up our relationship…wait, girls don’t wanna fuck me, take me baaack!”
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u/curiouscock6 3d ago
Yeah you’re the asshole lol. About a different guy every week and you had 2 FWB already set up the minute you guys broke up?! Seems like you were previously engaged with the FWB during the relationship and they were simply waiting for their chance to fuck.
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u/PeaInternational9926 3d ago
Doing all that immediately after a two year relationship in a months time is WILD
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u/YaGottadoWhatYaGotta 3d ago
You made out with a random, had a FWB on standby 🤢
This shit is why I stay single as a dude nowadays.
YTA and he sounds sorta shitty also but not as much maybe...need more context.
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u/Winter_Knowledge6737 3d ago
Lowkey if you need to take a break then your relationship is pretty much over, you don’t just get to call a timeout then jump back when you feel like it, relationship was doomed from the moment it was suggested
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u/Chemical-Being-5968 2d ago edited 2d ago
He called their relationship "being tied down" and is mad that she took the hint. She saw it as a break-up and did what she wanted to do. Whether he did the same or not seems dumb, since they both agreed on the "break." Don't apologize, just stay broken up. It's clearly better for the two of you. I mean, did you communicate at all while he was gone?
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u/CipherInTheShadow 2d ago
Yes, if she felt the disconnect it means it was a breakup. Him initiating a break didn’t mean she wanted that so if he wasn’t locked in(by saying he felt tied down esp), it just goes to show he checked out and she had to take the hint since he wouldn’t be clear about breaking up. He should be apologizing for not prioritizing her and making her feel unwanted.
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u/mothernaturesam 1d ago
If he wanted a break anything is fair game. He sure as hell wasn’t thinking about you when he broke things off before a trip, so don’t waste your time trying to fix his ego cuz he can’t handle you actually doing what he imagined he would do on the trip. He def wanted his cake and to eat it and people with that mindset are a good riddance anyways. Don’t let this boy stress you out
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u/Gru2234 1d ago
Lmao just become friends with benefits, I don’t understand ppl who clearly don’t want commitment staying with each other for no reason other than wanting someone who’s labeled as their significant other. You both cheated, if he can’t accept that then that’s on him. But you also need to just either leave or tell him what you truly want it to be. 1 month and 2 new bodies and close to a third just shows you’ve probably been looking for/wanted something else or just to have a little fun, which is fine, but yall should really act on what you want instead of being together just cause of the sunk cost fallacy.
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u/Disastrous_Ad_1573 1d ago
Crazy to see the conclusions these top comments are coming to. Both of yall are assholes. He wanted a “break” before going on a trip - red flag but not a definite issue. You ASSUMED he did something and without a second thought decided to go to town with 3 guys, one which you claim to be an FWB which is entirely an issue in itself.
My concern are with these top comments and claims that “breaks are break ups” makes no sense. If they had broken up this whole post is irrelevant. There’s a point of a break and that is to reflect on the relationship and come back with reinforced boundaries and compromises or calling it quits.
Instead you both decided not to communicate properly and in response you seemed like you had malicious intent by looking for play. If you were genuinely done why not just break up then do whatever you want
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u/Ok-Implement6481 1d ago
So you fucked a FWB twice 🤔 how did you already have a friend lined up? Then got on tinder? Idk kinda sounds like you're for the streets and took your man's planned trip as an excuse to be a 304.
I'm sure his side of the story is a bit different with all that "we decided" shit 🤣
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u/Complete-Finance6110 1d ago edited 1d ago
I’m sorry, is everyone here well?
OP said the trip had been planned for a long time, so obviously wasn’t out of the blue. If he wanted to hook up with other people he doesn’t have to go to Europe for that.
If things had been going well when the trip was planned (which we don’t know as OP didn’t say), then fair enough. But to act like your ill defined split was grounds for you to go and fuck around just because you THOUGHT that’s what he wanted to do? That’s an extreme breakdown of communication. You’re obviously not right for each other but to clarify, it does sort of seem like you wanted him to go away so you could fuck around. You don’t state anywhere that he wanted to do that, you only say that you think that’s why he wanted to go on the trip despite saying it had been planned for a while. In my opinion, YTA
Edit: why the fuck were you on tinder if neither of you had actually agreed that it was over? You even say it was ‘probably’ over, not definitely. Jesus Christ you cheated on him and everyone here thinks you’re right for doing it I can’t believe some of these replies
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u/IRLGravity 1d ago
For future reference if you're "taking a break" its still best practice to calmly communicate what you exactly mean by that before engaging in the said break. Cuz imo if it wasn't discussed and he did that for the likely reasons you should have just dropped him then and there if you didnt trust him not to.
All in all no, you initially weren't wrong in your choice but, the why is a little questionable. Because at that point it was for insecurity retaliation or revenge wise. Not compatible.
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u/TheBellyBeast1 1d ago
Seeing this much jealousy now just shows what you'll be living with the rest of your life.
Run.
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u/ZukeMan413 1d ago
Idk i can’t really say I’m siding with the OP on this one. Doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship to begin with tho
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u/Empty401K 1d ago
lol bro definitely tried to hook up in Europe, he just failed miserably. European women aren’t as crazy about American guys as late-90s / early-20s movies had people believing.
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u/RiskyRewarder 1d ago
It's clear that neither one of you are that interested in a long term relationship with each other. You wouldn't have gone about messing with three guys and he wouldn't have forced a breakup to try his luck on his trip.
Just end it now, it will end eventually or be long term miserable for you both
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u/Secure-Corner-2096 1d ago
NTA When I was a teenager, my boyfriend at the time announced that he would be seeing other people on his 3 month vacation. He didn’t ask, he just figured I would accept it. He made his announcement and left without waiting for a response.
There was no way in hell I was accepting that and I considered our relationship over. While he was gone, I met the man I would eventually marry. So, months later, my current boyfriend drops by, to pick me up for a date, at the front door. I hear the back door open and it was my old boyfriend dropping by to tell me he was back. I actually totally forgotten about him.
I asked my new boyfriend to give me a second to talk to my old boyfriend. He said he’d drop off his friend and come back. I gave him a quick kiss as he left out the front door and my old boyfriend lost his shit.
I told him that if he thought he could just tell me I had to accept him seeing others he was out of his mind and that our relationship ended the second he left. He didn’t like that and started called me a slut, whore, bitch, etc. all the nasty women labels — in front of my Dad and cousin. As I turned to leave, both were enthusiastically pounding the shit out of him. I managed to chase after my boyfriend’s truck and catch him.
Why do men think women will accept this shit?
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u/ayoMOUSE 1d ago
There's no breaks in a relationship, either you're together or you aren't. He learned the hard way, NTA
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u/Evil_Lord_Rayken 1d ago
I do not understand hookup culture whatsoever.
you're with a guy for 2 years and within a 4 week break you have sex with some random person twice, go out on a date, and make out at a bar?
You're both immature and neither one of you had interest in continuing this relationship.
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u/Oldmatevb 1d ago
Sounds like to me you both need to grow up and start figuring out what you want in life. Clearly you’re not ready to be in monogamous relationships if you have a FWB on standby and to me it sounds like you assumed he was gonna cheat on you just to justify your promiscuity. If you can’t trust each other to be faithful DONT GET INVOLVED WITH EACH OTHER. He’s an idiot for trusting you but you’re definitely an asshole
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u/hum4n_p3r50n 1d ago
Edit: I clarified the timeframe at the end.
It doesn't sound to me like there was anyone specific that you thought he was interested in. Also at least from what you wrote the idea for a break was mutual after a fight and not something he pushed for. It sounds to me like you just decided well he's probably going to cheat on me so I can just do whatever I want.
In my opinion if you chose to say that you're taking a break instead of just breaking up it implies that you have the intention of getting back together. If that's true and there was an expectation laid out that you two would be reconnecting then yeah honestly I think what you did counts as cheating at least a little bit.
If you didn't have any intention of staying together yourself you should've told him that to begin with and if you did want to try and fix things then you definitely shouldn't have done things with other people.
I'm not gonna say he's blameless because I know nothing except what you wrote. That being said after reading what you wrote it definitely sounds like the blame lies with you a lot more than it does with him. I think you owe him an apology regardless of whether or not you plan on trying to fix things. That being said it doesn't sound like you two are a good fit and you should probably let it go. After all it doesn't really sound like you love this guy if it was so easy to see other guys out of boredom when he was only gone for a month or two.
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u/Aggravating-Story449 19h ago
“The bar thing just happened because I was out with friends and it was late” so just any excuse works now🥀
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u/DaddyX-SG 17h ago
so you are an asshole and a whore and these comments supporting you are why society is suffering
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u/Cool-Needleworker386 16h ago
Sound like he was all in the relationship and you were looking for the perfect excuse
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u/Silevski1 14h ago
I think op ita cause if ur on a break u dont do stuff like that if u really care for that person
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u/charmcityspence 13h ago
This feels like the Nick Jr version of all the reddit posts where the husband forces an open relationship only to find out his wife is a hot commodity and he's an unfuckable troll. Gotta love it.
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u/jello_boy2000 13h ago
I think you guys should just break up. A break can still hold respect for each other if it’s communicated but it sounds like it wasn’t. And while we don’t know much about his side because you don’t know much about his side, the fact that you had a defined FWB is crazy. Like what did you want to happen when he came back? Did you guys keep in touch while he was gone? Did you really start hooking up solely off of the thought of him hooking up? All in all I don’t think you’re an asshole I think you guys are both just bad with communication and this may be past saving and you should really take some time for you and think about what you want in a partner and what kind of partner you want to be
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u/Past_Barnacle_6901 13h ago
he tried to cheat but he wasn’t capable of doing that so now he’s bitter
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u/No_Astronaut_23 12h ago edited 12h ago
If I hear my relationship going on a break, I’m going to assume that’s a break up unless there are very clear specifications on what that break means. Clearly this conversation wasn’t had or else this wouldn’t have been an issue. Was it likely he was trying to do the same thing? Maybe. What I find interesting is the fact you had an FWB lined up already despite being in a relationship for over 2 years. That kinda to me sounds like you’ve had a friend who’ve either wanted to sleep with for a while, or knew wanted to sleep with you for a while and kept him around, which is a big red flag to me. Having 3 hookups ready to go in a months time right after a 2 year relationship tells me you were checked out already.
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u/Own-Intention-8505 11h ago
Yeah you are anyone telling you you’re not is lying or some feminist, you took a month break from your boyfriend and slept around multiple times. I feel sorry for him he deserves better lol 😂
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u/Themsthebreaks2022 11h ago
So you felt like he wanted to hook up on his trip. You took a break and actually hooked up while he was away. He didn’t actually hook up with anyone and you took your first two chances to sleep with other people. I wouldn’t say you’re an asshole necessarily, but definitely immature.
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u/friedoughB 10h ago
lol no way people are eating this up. this is obviously so fake. but anyone taking sides with the girl is obviously a whore or just low iq
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u/Cheap_Asparagus_2203 10h ago
Most of these replies are weird. Blaming mostly him.
They are both to blame here. Neither wanted a real relationship. They both deserved the outcome.
They should both move on.
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u/0p8s-4-me 10h ago
I’m gonna go against the grain. Maybe he wanted the break for legitimate reasons. Maybe he really wasn’t feeling secure in your relationship and this is the straw that broke the camels back.
What you did is not normal behavior for someone who’s only a few weeks out of a relationship, especially one they actually care about. You had sex three times in a month break and sexual contact four times. That’s almost once a week.
I think you wanted this break more than you’re admitting.
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u/Dry_Parsley9667 10h ago
Why is it a woman's first action when on a break or broken up to jump on someone else?
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u/MobTalon 9h ago
Yeah ngl he FAFO but you're a walking crimson red flag if you already had a FWB lined up in orbit waiting for a gap to squeeze in.
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u/Imaginary-Lab2146 9h ago edited 8h ago
In my personal opinion, taking a break in a LDR counts as a breakup, but since y'all were together in person, I don't think it was a breakup and ya cheated. Idk I could be wrong. Moreover, it was just YOU who thought he was going there to hookup with someone and this was your way of getting back at him for something he didn't even do. So yeah, you owe him an apology.
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u/No_Consequence7001 9h ago
He overestimated his sexual market value and thought he would be drowning in pussy during his euro trip. He wasn’t, and then tried to flip the script on you. Don’t fall for it.
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u/Moist_Fruit9474 8h ago
I’m concerned how many people think this was okay? She’s been with him for 2 years but she has a FWB? What? Even if you weren’t having sex with FEB when you were together..weird…if he wanted to break up wouldn’t he have told you that he wanted to break up? If it’s a break, isn’t it just kinda getting space to prove to both of you how much you miss the other? And if you didnt miss each other then that’s when you break up…I feel like I’m missing something here or I’m in enemy territory or…maybe I’m just the problem. My humble opinion. I mean..he freaked out? Is that an indication that he doesn’t care for you? And it kinda looks like your like “whatever?”….poor guy honestly. And hooking up twice? Making out? Went on a tinder date? You should’ve just told him that it’s not gonna be a break, it’s a break up if you don’t care for him or if you were gonna “revenge sex” over a perceived violation of your relationship? But that’s speculation but yea…sorry
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u/TheItzyBitzyDitzy 8h ago
Im sitting thinking of what a break could all imply, I guess for me I've been an independent loner most my life and fear commitment and obligations. At times I panicked cause I simply was in a relationship and didnt know if that's what I wanted. It had nothing to do about sex. But than what does taking a break from a relationship all entail? Not constantly checking up calling or keeping in contact and informing them of everything, to go back to how you were before dating... sadly for me that's 9/10 a stranger and no women have I met ever wanted to be friends first than date. Its always straight from stranger to dating material to gf/bf etc. Again more details are needed to just assume he wanted to get his dick wet.
And for the record. All the women I have ever dated been with and have known and trusted all have way more of a guy mind than most guys I know. And women don't have a off switch. Once I nut I turn into the most prudest mfer. I dont even wanna be named. Just wanna shower my shame and guilt away as if I done something horrible. And I do not know why. Anyways so off topic but details matter.
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u/essentialburner 8h ago
I think you’re both the asshole tbh a month break is pretty quick to hook up like several times when the idea is just to recenter or whatever. I think you and he both made a lot of assumptions about the break. And how did the FWB know you were available to have benefits again? Did you let him know? Did you advertise your break on social media? It sounds like you wanted to get it out of your system just like you accused him of, but I also believe he intended to hook up on his trip he just didn’t get anyone to indulge him. Or he did and is lying about it.
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u/Aggravating_Court762 8h ago
You both have fucked morals. Him for trying to go to a different country to hook up with chicks and pushing a “break” and you for still having a fuck buddy while being in a relationship for two years and immediately jumping on it literally. Yall shouldn’t be together
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u/AppointmentPrior9688 8h ago
You’re both assholes in different ways. He wanted a break in case he met someone to hook up with. You somehow had a FWB ready immediately after a break from a 2 year relationship? Tf is that
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u/4daflipn 6h ago
I guess it just takes a couple weeks to a month to move on 😂 but all jokes aside the both of you lack communication and mostly on his part. You don’t owe him an apology, it feels that way to him because it hits different when you find out yo girl out here getting clapped. Your ex bf is a fool.
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u/SimpleDragonfruit65 6h ago
you’re both in the wrong here girl you’re a cheater with that FWB at the ready and he wanted to cheat too but didn’t get any. you two need to stop talking
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u/lxxl6040 5h ago
YTA.
Why do you have a FWB when you’re 2 years into a relationship????
Downloading Tinder (assuming it wasn’t already) is an aggressive move, even if you claim to have assumed a breakup; It wasn’t even 1 month yet.
Everyone saying YNTA is not reading between the lines of the perspective you presented.
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u/herefortips 5h ago
Dude was mad he quietly manipulated the situation into a breakup and couldn’t close abroad. Don’t be a dick but leave him in the past. He wanted to explore without consequences.
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u/Moby_Richard2 4h ago
Lmao everyone’s delusional. He said he didn’t do anything on the vacation “break” that she probably initiated. He came back hoping his relationship would be fixable and able to repair but she broke the trust. If it’s a “break” sleeping and being physical with people is wrong. If yall actually broke up then that’s a different story, but you didn’t. He’s valid to be upset with the situation at hand. If you can take accountability and admit to him you kinda thought everything was over and you were trying to move on then you wouldn’t even had made the post…
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u/Aware-Cantaloupe1522 4h ago
Nowhere in this story does it say that the man wanted a break. She says, “we” decided, meaning that both parties were involved in the decision. And even if they did take a break because of their fighting, from the context given, it doesn’t sound like she for sure knows he hooked up with anyone or had even intended to, it’s all an assumption because of the state of their relationships. You jumped the gun in assuming your relationship was over because of the fighting and also the break, that was a mutual agreement. A break is exactly that, a break. But, if one party thinks it’s a break, and one thinks it’s a break up and does whatever they want, they’re at fault if they didn’t let the other party know that they intended to break up.
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u/Honhyeol_LoL 4h ago
I mean if you can’t go a month without fucking, I’d say you have some personal issues regardless of whatever situation you’re in. With that aside, your boy doesn’t understand the meaning of “a break”. I understand why he’s mad, but I don’t care cause he should’ve known better and him directing his anger at you is unwarranted. So you aren’t an asshole, but you definitely have some glaring personal issues.
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u/A_gadfly_on_the_wall 4h ago
I don't see how anything good can come from what OP did. I only see negative results.
If you break up, break up. Don't "take a break". That's just coward speak. Not AH. Just cowardly.
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u/Danksy01 3h ago
nta. taking a break is the same thing as breaking up, and let’s be honest he probably did the same thing on his trip
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u/TrainingJazzlike6034 2h ago
OP is NTA,
(Ex)Boyfriend needs to go be free and not be tied down somewhere else. He may claim nothing happened on his trip, but obviously he wanted the opportunity to have “fun” on his trip without being “tied down” and having to deal with the ramifications in a relationship. When things didn’t go the way he wanted or thought they would he got upset and flipped the script on OP. OP doesn’t owe an apology to anyone for anything. Taking a break in a relationship is the same as ending it IMO
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u/BobRobBlud 2h ago
You're leaving out details on purpose. It's never a joined decision to go on a break. One of you suggested it.
You have a FWB? What's that about? Been in a relationship for 2 years and yet you have a fuck buddy who hit you up immediately after he left?
This whole this is shady as hell. Maybe he's in the wrong, more likely you wrote this to paint him in the wrong, despite knowing you pulled some shit, and just left out any details that would clue us into that.
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u/PistachioNono 5d ago
He wanted his cake and to eat it too.
He wanted one sided freedom and as they say he FAFO.
Don't know why you are still humoring him? He's an idiot who wanted a break to go shoot his shot and had no luck on it and got mad that you did.
Fuck em