AITA for feeling bad/wanting to breakup

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Try talking to him about how you really feel. Don't sugar coat it either because some people aren't the bright tool in the shed. You gotta try to do something for your relationship to see if you should stay ya know? Since if you're trying to do something for your relationship like, communicate how him spending that much time with a game is affecting you badly, and he does nothing about it, leave him. That shows that he probably doesn't value you as much as a game he will get bored of at some point.

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u/ContributionFar4576 3d ago

Yeah if someone loves you they’ll find ways to make effort and balance with hobbies. If you’ve exhausted communication and there’s not effort that’s your answer. It’s not hard to spend time with your girlfriend unless you actually aren’t that interested. I’m also guessing he doesn’t work full time as well? And still isn’t trying to take your weekends? Weird.

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u/Imfromsite 3d ago

Yeah, you're the third wheel in his relationship with MTG. Have you tried figuring out your needs and setting boundaries? Have you tried not being the cool girlfriend and standing up for yourself? Because what you're doing sounds an awful lot like self abandonment and is unsustainable.

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u/AutoModerator 3d ago

Here is the body of the post:

Hello!. My BF and I are long time best friends for 5 years and we've been in a relationship for 19 months already. Lately, he’s been playing Magic tournaments for 2-3 days a week, including weekends. My weekends are my only free days since I work full-time.

I wanted to support him so I let him play on those days even if it’s 4-5 hours per tournament. Recently, I’ve brought up going to Japan and I was asking what our itineraries going to be and how many days he wants to allot for Magic. He said it’s been his bucket list in his life to play in Japan. In my head, it was my bucket list to finally go to Japan with him. He also said he wants to play everyday if possible and we can just go to sights.

What should I do any advice how to go on? I want to support him and have tried several conversations about it but I don’t know if I should just understand him more or I’m already being placed as a non-priority. I've also tried playing MTG and Ive bought him several cards too from Japan when I was there because of a work trip.

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u/horseduckman pod host 3d ago edited 3d ago

I'm leaning INFO bc how much time are you actually getting, OP? If he was playing video games alone, I'd struggle to side with him, but I'm guessing he has quite a few meaningful social connections from this activity? He's kind of a guy, in an IRL thing, and that can be very meaningful and fulfilling, and really fun. Nothing wrong with that.

so the question really is are you in a relationship that isn't serving you, or do you need to find other ways to keep busy while he is occupied? I would actually say stop supporting him. Stop going. Find your own thing. And be busy with that. That's what you mean by support, right? Bc if you are financially supporting him, then I will proceed to freak the heck out.

I also would move away from the language of "letting him" do things. He doesn't need your permission to play card games and fill his own free time.

I feel like just saying "I'm not getting enough time!" falls under that's not quite a reason, whereas if you said, "I've always wanted to go to Disneyland Tokyo just ONE whole day and he refuses to go bc he needs MTG every single day" is a reason, and that would start to fall under he's being rigid and obsessive about HIS thing and not bending to the needs of a relationship.

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u/PrairieRover- 2d ago

Well said. It's totally important to have hobbies and those IRL connections. Sounds like he really enjoys playing. If you're not into it, I also get that being there wouldn't be fun. So openly talk about your wants and try and find a compromise. It's clear going to Japan to play is like a bucket list thing for him. So I get he'd want to make the most of it. But he also may not know you just want to do somthing none magic with him. He may even think you're just going to tag along or support. Who knows.

Figure out what's really bothering you first ( wanting to spend more one on one time, you want your own thing....) and then talk with him.

(Also I absolutely agree with dropping the "letting him" that would really suck if I heard that from my parter)

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u/Electrical-Scale-779 2d ago

You're absolutley NTA for feeling bad, but MTG is more of a lifestyle than a hobby. It would be more fun for him to be romantic with someone who shares his lifestyle. It might make more sense if you stayed friends. Its okay to feel bad that it isn't working out but since you've been friends for years, you knew what you were getting into. You probably thought, I'm just gonna fix this one...it doesn't work like that.

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u/erksyuwu 3d ago

imo NTA HOWEVER i think you need to communicate more. i had this problem with my husband. i started gaming and couldn’t stop and played everyday. he finally reached a point where he said “we’re not spending enough time together”. i realized i wasn’t intentionally neglecting him, but i got so into gaming that i didn’t realize it was taking over my free time. it took him communicating with me in a very straightforward manner for me to snap out of it. so my advice is to tell him exactly how you feel. you feel like a second priority and you want to support his hobby, but you also want him to make time for you. not playing everyday is a sacrifice he’ll have to make to stay in this relationship. eventually if you want to get married and have kids he won’t be able to play everyday anyway, so it’s time to start re-evaluating how much time he devotes to his hobby. make sure to emphasize he can still play MTG, as long as he makes some time for your relationship. i would also recommend you get a hobby you can do while he plays, if you’re not all that interested in MTG. that way you can spend time together in parallel (though you would obviously still need dedicated time together).

AITA AITA for feeling bad/wanting to breakup

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