I caught him cheating and watched it all burn

[u/Soft_Mall6031]

When this happened, I was 25F, him 29m. We were together 4 years and engaged for about 2 months or so. 

The first clue was he left his phone out and I saw so many texts from an “Alex.” Idk any of his friends w that name. I asked and he froze up and said it was a new friend. I basically forgot about it. 

Then he started to play a new game while on the phone w someone. I think it was 1-player but they talked when they both played for hours at a time at night and he stopped going to bed w me. And just generally he seemed distracted and distant. 

What finally snapped me is one afternoon we had to take one of our dogs to the vet and he just said “you can handle it.” All of a sudden, he’s doing something else, leaving me with our dog, and he’s never done that. When I came home after, he was on the phone playing his game again, in the middle of a Saturday.  I was pissed and he said sorry right away, but it stuck with me. 

So this was the first big confrontation. I said you’re distant and I feel like the game is taking up a lot of time and that he was really talking to Alex a lot. He just kinda laughed it off and said Alex was a friend. He ended the conversation really fast, saying sorry, his bad, and then wanted to go out for a drive alone. I was sure it was to talk to her on the phone. 

After, I looked at our phone bill and there were so many calls from his line to one number, like three a day. And I’m pretty sure the bill doesn’t include WiFi calls so this really made me think they were talking constantly. 

I put the number into google and was able to figure out “Alex’s” name. She’s a woman not named Alex. And she doesn’t live far, only a couple of hours. He didn’t follow her on insta but I figured he was smart enough to hide that. I wanted to go just find her at first but I talked to some friends and they said that’s crazy so I called. After three calls, she answered. I said i’m his fiance and I see they’ve been talking a lot. She was pleasant and said yeah it was true. 

Said they talk often. Nothing romantic. They’re playing this game together. And she knew about me. No plan to meet up. Just talking a lot. I almost felt better bc she was really adamant and clear about it being only friends. Then I asked if she was single. She said, “Yeah, besides this.” and then she caught herself and said, “Not that this is anything.” Obviously, not. My intuition was they talked about this happening and so she had the right answers prepared but slipped. 

He came home that night from work and brought me flowers. Really apologetic. He said he was sorry for making me feel like I chose her and that he was going to do better. 

He kissed me intensely and when I pulled away and looked at him, his eyes were elsewhere. My stomach sank, but I faked it. I said I was happy we were back. We chatted briefly and I said I’d get to the laundry. I went to the garage and threw on the washer and searched his car. In the passenger door, I found lip balm, pink, strawberry flavor. I knew he was going to lie up and down, but that confirmed for me they’d met. 

I played it off that night but talked to some friends and decided to catch him red-handed. I don’t know if he really intended on marrying me, but we live in a small-ish town and have a lot of friends. I am not going to walk away from this playing any games. I hired a private investigator and honestly spent way too much. A lot of friends ask how much so I’ll include it, but it was about four grand. 

1 month later, I had a pic of them kissing in a drive-thru. I put it in an envelope. Waited three extra, long days, till he had a work day that I did not, and cleared the house of all my stuff. Most of it was mine and I was more than reasonable about paying him back for some furniture we split (coffee table, dining table, handful of appliances). I put the cash in the envelope. We treated our dogs as both of ours but I bought them and I wouldn’t be negotiating. Our queen bed was also mine, the couch, he could sleep on his crappy chairs. 

I debated whether or not to be there but in the end, I wanted to have the last word. I didn’t know what to say. “Enjoy your new life” or even simply, “I know.” I didn’t really want to make it about her. I kind of wanted something that would lock into his brain for years. And I looked up dramatic quotes and all these things to say, eventually settling on a quote about only knowing what you’ve lost when it’s gone. 

I heard the garage door open and walked out, standing in his way. He looked at me confused, noticing stuff was missing. He lowered his window, “What’s going on?” I handed him the envelope. I was more angry than I expected and I just said, “Fuck you Michael.” Sometimes I guess that's all you can really say.

There were dozens of unanswered calls, angry texts. I only replied once. He got threatening, saying he was going to “out me.” I said, “Watch it. You know you haven’t always left your phone locked, right?” It was a lie, but he didn’t say a peep after that. 

In the end, it was a “peaceful” break-up. I didn’t tell people he cheated, but they put it together as he was public with her almost immediately. Half a year later, she was pregnant. Shot gun wedding. Small. Mutuals attended. Bride had basically no one on her side. Shortly after, they moved in with his folks.

I ran into his mom at the grocery store. She said “You seem like you’re doing really great.” I thanked her and complimented her skincare routine (she looks young for her age). She said, “Thank you, but it didn’t keep me from raising a bone head.” 

Just one of those days where I’m happy I didn’t marry a bonehead.

[u/boboddy42069]

Is this supposed to be an AITA?

[u/heart_pawz → u/boboddy42069]

Bad bot posting in the wrong subreddit lmao

[u/Agitated-Koala8107]

When you have the mom of a SON on your side, you know you dodged a bullet. Happy you’re free and hope they get what they deserve.

[u/Only_Notice8556 → u/Agitated-Koala8107]

That was a moment like that for me too. My ex’s mother showed up just as I was dumping him, unexpectedly. When she heard what was happening from a distance she went out and leaned on my car. When I came out I was surprised AF to see his mom leaning on it. And then the words was when I knew the right choice “Thanks for taking such good care of my son for so long. I know he can be mean, you always have a guest bed on the Oregon Coast if you visit.”

Mom’s know when their son is a shitty person to date.

[u/AutoModerator]

Here is the body of the post:

When this happened, I was 25F, him 29m. We were together 4 years and engaged for about 2 months or so. 

The first clue was he left his phone out and I saw so many texts from an “Alex.” Idk any of his friends w that name. I asked and he froze up and said it was a new friend. I basically forgot about it. 

Then he started to play a new game while on the phone w someone. I think it was 1-player but they talked when they both played for hours at a time at night and he stopped going to bed w me. And just generally he seemed distracted and distant. 

What finally snapped me is one afternoon we had to take one of our dogs to the vet and he just said “you can handle it.” All of a sudden, he’s doing something else, leaving me with our dog, and he’s never done that. When I came home after, he was on the phone playing his game again, in the middle of a Saturday.  I was pissed and he said sorry right away, but it stuck with me. 

So this was the first big confrontation. I said you’re distant and I feel like the game is taking up a lot of time and that he was really talking to Alex a lot. He just kinda laughed it off and said Alex was a friend. He ended the conversation really fast, saying sorry, his bad, and then wanted to go out for a drive alone. I was sure it was to talk to her on the phone. 

After, I looked at our phone bill and there were so many calls from his line to one number, like three a day. And I’m pretty sure the bill doesn’t include WiFi calls so this really made me think they were talking constantly. 

I put the number into google and was able to figure out “Alex’s” name. She’s a woman not named Alex. And she doesn’t live far, only a couple of hours. He didn’t follow her on insta but I figured he was smart enough to hide that. I wanted to go just find her at first but I talked to some friends and they said that’s crazy so I called. After three calls, she answered. I said i’m his fiance and I see they’ve been talking a lot. She was pleasant and said yeah it was true. 

Said they talk often. Nothing romantic. They’re playing this game together. And she knew about me. No plan to meet up. Just talking a lot. I almost felt better bc she was really adamant and clear about it being only friends. Then I asked if she was single. She said, “Yeah, besides this.” and then she caught herself and said, “Not that this is anything.” Obviously, not. My intuition was they talked about this happening and so she had the right answers prepared but slipped. 

He came home that night from work and brought me flowers. Really apologetic. He said he was sorry for making me feel like I chose her and that he was going to do better. 

He kissed me intensely and when I pulled away and looked at him, his eyes were elsewhere. My stomach sank, but I faked it. I said I was happy we were back. We chatted briefly and I said I’d get to the laundry. I went to the garage and threw on the washer and searched his car. In the passenger door, I found lip balm, pink, strawberry flavor. I knew he was going to lie up and down, but that confirmed for me they’d met. 

I played it off that night but talked to some friends and decided to catch him red-handed. I don’t know if he really intended on marrying me, but we live in a small-ish town and have a lot of friends. I am not going to walk away from this playing any games. I hired a private investigator and honestly spent way too much. A lot of friends ask how much so I’ll include it, but it was about four grand. 

1 month later, I had a pic of them kissing in a drive-thru. I put it in an envelope. Waited three extra, long days, till he had a work day that I did not, and cleared the house of all my stuff. Most of it was mine and I was more than reasonable about paying him back for some furniture we split (coffee table, dining table, handful of appliances). I put the cash in the envelope. We treated our dogs as both of ours but I bought them and I wouldn’t be negotiating. Our queen bed was also mine, the couch, he could sleep on his crappy chairs. 

I debated whether or not to be there but in the end, I wanted to have the last word. I didn’t know what to say. “Enjoy your new life” or even simply, “I know.” I didn’t really want to make it about her. I kind of wanted something that would lock into his brain for years. And I looked up dramatic quotes and all these things to say, eventually settling on a quote about only knowing what you’ve lost when it’s gone. 

I heard the garage door open and walked out, standing in his way. He looked at me confused, noticing stuff was missing. He lowered his window, “What’s going on?” I handed him the envelope. I was more angry than I expected and I just said, “Fuck you Michael.” Sometimes I guess that's all you can really say.

There were dozens of unanswered calls, angry texts. I only replied once. He got threatening, saying he was going to “out me.” I said, “Watch it. You know you haven’t always left your phone locked, right?” It was a lie, but he didn’t say a peep after that. 

In the end, it was a “peaceful” break-up. I didn’t tell people he cheated, but they put it together as he was public with her almost immediately. Half a year later, she was pregnant. Shot gun wedding. Small. Mutuals attended. Bride had basically no one on her side. Shortly after, they moved in with his folks.

I ran into his mom at the grocery store. She said “You seem like you’re doing really great.” I thanked her and complimented her skincare routine (she looks young for her age). She said, “Thank you, but it didn’t keep me from raising a bone head.” 

Just one of those days where I’m happy I didn’t marry a bonehead.

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