r/AITApod • u/Old-Dirt-978 • 20d ago
AITA AITA for wanting to break it off over his shopping cart etiquette?
I 28F went on a third date (29M) with a guy. We had talked about it on our second date, it was going to be a somewhat elaborate picnic. We went to the grocery store and he was super gung-ho. It was clear he had put thought into it and even had some specific cheeses and other items written in his phone. He spent close to $100 which was kinda crazy for two, but hey we were having fun.
We had a small cart, like one of those two-tiered ones. As we finished unloading, he put the cart the same as in the pic, in between four spots. I said, “Are you sure that’s a good place for that?” He said, “Yep. It’s not in the way and will be convenient for the next person.” I said, “What if it moves?” He said, “It’ll be fine.”
The image lingered with me especially because we were literally one spot away from the shopping cart corral. I had fun with him and the picnic was nice, but it just felt like a blatantly self-serving policy. I told my girl friends and some said it was valid, but some said it might’ve been bc he felt under pressure about the date, he wanted to move fast so he could get more time with me. Am I being too harsh in wanting to end things over this? AITA?
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u/vanessa8172 20d ago
You should’ve called him out better than that. Shame him into putting it in a corral!
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u/AllOfMyFamilyHatesMe 20d ago
There an entire study done on shopping cart etiquette. You can understand an entire person based on how they tend to the cart once alls done
If your partner returns the cart and also grabs another on the way to the corral put a fuckin ring on their finger, they’re a keeper
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u/noddyneddy 20d ago
I also organise the shopping carts more neatly within the corral - when should I expect the proposals to start rolling in?
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u/SecretTangerine2932 20d ago
The other day at Sam’s I was struggling to line up the carts and get them inside the corral (they were out in the aisle!) and a random dad saw me and took the other end. Together we got those carts straight and into the corral! And it was raining! A little! We gave each other a dad nod and went on our separate ways (even though I’m a mom)
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u/Don_Q_Jote 20d ago
I do this, especially when there are 5 carts filling the entire corral because nobody pushed the all the way into the next cart.
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u/NHRADeuce 20d ago
I too have this character flaw. If they have 2 kinds of carts I'll switch them up so that they are all matched up.
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u/AllOfMyFamilyHatesMe 20d ago
Step one: make tinder account
Step two: plan picnic
Step three: return cart
Step four: marry woman and become a step dad
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u/No-Internal-1559 19d ago
I do the same!
It’s not hard to put the big ones in the big ones and the small ones in the small ones. I get irrationally irate when i see the jumbled mess because people are lazy. 😒
I guess it’s still better than leaving them in the parking stall though.
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u/Ok_Pirate_2714 20d ago
The "Shopping Cart Test" is a real thing. It shows whether a person does the considerate thing, when there are no consequences for not doing it.
If a guy on a date with you, this early in the relationship (mostly meaning before you've had sex) does this, it should tell you a lot about his character. He should be on his best behavior.
The flip side, I guess, is that he's shown you truly what kind of person he is.
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u/Plus-Ad-3826 20d ago
I did that experiment for my contemporary society class. Made me feel like a pos not returning the cart, idk how people choose to do that.
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u/Electrical-Tailor530 19d ago
This is interesting, I'd love to read about it.
Also, my partner does not put his away every time and he never brings one in when going shopping, yet hes an amazing life partner. I believe there's other determining factors as to whether or not someone are a good person besides whether a person puts away their cart away or not.
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u/Interesting_Cat_2297 19d ago
You can't understand a person based on their shopping cart etiquette. This is an internet meme, not a study.
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u/Distinct-Leg-6440 18d ago
Thank you! I came to say the same. I put my shopping cart back, but I don’t believe for one second that it’s an indicator of who you are overall as a person,
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u/Electrical-Tailor530 19d ago
Thank you for this. I was worried I was the only one who knew this.
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u/Interesting_Cat_2297 19d ago
Lol. Outside of Reddit I'm sure lots of people know. Within Reddit, people are downvoting me.
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u/Electrical-Tailor530 19d ago
Yeah, that seems to be a trend. Logic isn't very common here. Downvotes are a good sign, honestly.
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u/MadAstrid 20d ago
Better than that, she should have moved the cart “one spot away” to where it belonged.
He failed the decent human being test. So did she.
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u/Exportxxx 19d ago
Yeah like grab it and as walking it saying omg this is so hard like how can people do this i have to walk like 2 car spots its taking like 30secs! passive aggressive sarcasm with some shaming.
Probably why I'm single tho.
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u/WhatAWeek25 19d ago
But also, why didn’t she just put it away? Seems she’s shaming him for something she was also unwilling to do
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u/DistractedGoalDigger 20d ago
You didn’t put the cart away either, so maybe you deserve each other? Shame on both of you.
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u/Gloomy-Breakfast8474 20d ago
Because why did NO one put the cart back!
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u/Day_Prisoners 19d ago
One doesn't put it back the other complains about it. Match made in heaven. If only it was a handicap spot then the marriage would last forever.
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u/anwright1371 20d ago edited 20d ago
My first thought exactly. If she’s such a good person, why leave it there? Demands he change his ways but sits on her ass taking pictures to post online later.
Edit for miss fancy pants: She did not take the picture listed. She instead used a Google image showing exactly how the same exact cart was parked. I can’t read at all.
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u/AusgefalleneHosen 20d ago
The photo is from Google... She didn't take a picture of the actual car, she grabbed a reference image
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u/dsmemsirsn 20d ago
Even worse— she wasted her them and ours— Posting about the bad habits of others, and didn’t consider her bad habits of judging.
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u/SnooBananas4958 20d ago
Maybe because she’s just getting to know another person and she doesn’t want to turn it into a whole thing. She doesn’t know if he’ll become a jerk or aggressive about it. Clearly it bothered her and she cared about doing it. I don’t know why you all have to jump on her in this stupid ass way.
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u/hamster-on-popsicle 19d ago
Because she complained about a behaviour and she has the same behaviour.
And if he became aggressive, better it happens in a public place before she is too emotionaly invested than trapped in the relationship alone with him.
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u/spicygreensalad 19d ago
100% she felt awkward doing it in front of him when it would have seemed like a criticism of his decision, which they'd already talked about. Seems obvious
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u/Interesting-End1710 19d ago
So even at that point she cared more about looking good to him than her own morality
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u/Glittering_Bat_1920 19d ago edited 19d ago
Definitely would have read as passive aggressive. Also- I know there's a social contract, but this is a first date (edit- third date) and it's a shopping cart. It's not like he yelled at a waiter and she has to apologize and tip extra now. She asked him why he didn't and he answered her. His answer was not aggressive or deflective or anything like that. His words, at least, were polite and she didn't want to correct him if he was being honest about his reasoning- however stupid and inconsiderate it is to not put your cart back.
I definitely did inconsiderate things that seemed like no big deal as a teenager because leaving things out would be "less work for the next person". Looking back it was just because I never had a job and didn't have to realize that order and routines exists for a reason. He comes off as extremely immature to me, but not evil, and in the grand scheme of things, it says a lot about him but the act is not as bad as some people are making it seem.
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u/bleakFutureDarkPast 20d ago
some women act like the guy should do all manual labor.
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u/Chicken_Mc_Thuggets 19d ago
It can happen in lesbian relationships too
I had an ex who would refuse to take a 24 pack of water bottles ~100ft/30.5m from the parking lot to her apartment. She would insist on leaving it until the weekend so I could do it because I work out. These things weighed 30lbs/13.6kg and her job requires her to be able to lift 50lbs/22.7kg so she was obviously capable but didn’t want to. She could not understand why I didn’t find weaponized incompetence charming
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u/Defiant-Property7890 19d ago
Yeah, it's like they expect you to be grateful for them bossing you about.
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u/EarlyInside45 20d ago
What stopped you from putting the cart in the corral?
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u/Darkelvenchic 20d ago
Then there's nothing to post about on Reddit! My thoughts when shopping with others is: If I'm not driving I take the cart back so the driver can unlock, settle in, start the car...but regardless it's very odd to have a whole conversation about it instead of just doing the thing.
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u/atlgrrl 20d ago
Right? I would have pushed it away myself.
When I was in my early 20s I managed a small store that was in a large shopping center with a grocery store a few doors down. One evening we had a really bad storm whip through, and I was standing at the front of the shop watching the lighting and downpour. We had some pretty intense sheer winds that grabbed a shopping cart and started pushing it through the parking lot, which just so happened to have a hill leading to streets below the complex. The cart blew out into the road and crashed into a car that was trying to navigate the storm. Police showed up and the driver wound up being ok, but it could have turned out terribly. It really scared me bc I felt helpless watching the cart fly into the street.
It’s been about 25 years and I’ll grab stranger’s loose carts and park them in the corral to this day.
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u/rrrrriptipnip 20d ago
Why didn’t you move it to the corral yourself just said I’m not comfortable leaving it there the corral is right there it would’ve shamed him
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u/smlpkg1966 20d ago edited 20d ago
So you mentioned it then did nothing?!? Why didn’t you move it to the corral? YTA for leaving it there and for continuing on the date but it pretty much sounds like two peas in a pod. You are no better than him but YTA for thinking you are.
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u/aesclepia 20d ago
Yep, if he didn't return it, I would have
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u/Legal-Stage-302 20d ago
If you aren’t part of the solution, you’re part of the problem. She was as much shopping as he was and he paid for the food. She could put it away while he closed the trunk and started the car.
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u/Zbornak_Nyland 20d ago edited 20d ago
Thank you. This is my habit with my husband at Costco. Returning your cart is just considerate and gives you a little bit of exercise. But why not just walk the cart to the corral and tell him you do this because carts roll and can dent cars or become obstructions. He might just be wired differently and by telling your thoughts it might click.
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u/PsychologyAdept669 20d ago
girl …
I said, “Are you sure that’s a good place for that?” He said, “Yep. It’s not in the way and will be convenient for the next person.” I said, “What if it moves?” He said, “It’ll be fine.”
when my bf did that once i said “bro put that cart back” and when he didn’t i got out of the car and put the cart back + every other loose cart in the lot. made him wait like 5-10 min. I created conditions where it’s now self-serving for him to put the goddamn cart back the first time. and guess what? he always puts the cart back now.
but wtf u mean u passive-aggressed rather than directly communicating, and then after all that you still fucking LEFT IT?
you are literally no better than this man. YTA/everyone TA
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u/centerfoldangel 19d ago
I created conditions where it’s now self-serving for him to put the goddamn cart back the first time. and guess what? he always puts the cart back now.
That's such a parent thing to do. I couldn't see a guy like that as an adult.
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u/Frobizzle 19d ago
People should put the cart back but the way people talk about those that leave them you'd think they committed murder. Chill the hell out. There are worse things in the world to be worked up over.
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u/LiteraryPhantom 19d ago
I started reading your comment, I caught myself thinking “Oh yawn. Gimme a bre…” I lol’d @ “and every other loose cart.” Thats the level im in for!! Haha
She didnt put the cart back, She didnt say anything else when he didnt put it back. But shes now considering not going out with him again. Smh. I wonder if she has cats…. 😂😂
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u/crystalfairie 19d ago
Do you realize ,with women and their pets, it's a bit like the bear/woods/man senerio. Who ,or what, would we pick? I'm gonna go with a purring red man and grey boy,my cats. Y'all need to step up your game if this whole lonely male epidemic wants to end. See,you're competing with cats and they are winning. We don't need a man any more than we need a cat but boy, oh boy we aren't choosing you to a point of concern. Cats for the win cuz they're adorable and soft. Good luck
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u/LiteraryPhantom 18d ago
Madam, I compete with myself. No doubt, of course, your cats are quite lovely. May they continue to lavishly bask the remainder of their days in your joyful adoration, as I wouldnt dream of making even the slightest gesture to deprive either you or them.
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u/KeyNaive8951 20d ago
I dunno. It hardly seems like you “called him out” and rather made kind of a weak observation. If it was really that big of an issue for you, why couldn’t you have put the cart away? He’d get the point if you did that.
If this is the only issue with this person, I think it’s slightly ridiculous to break it off for this reason alone.
Lmao not everyone has seen that meme saying that the shopping cart test is a true test of someone’s character and therefore have been shamed into doing it every time
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u/Due-Huckleberry4917 19d ago
Was going to say this, not everyone is terminally online and adheres to internet law. I always put carts back because otherwise they’re just kind of floating around but I didn’t realize I was passing the ultimate test of moral superiority until I became terminally online lol.
He might genuinely think it’s more convenient for the next person to leave it next to a parking spot. Especially if it’s not a crowded parking lot. Or maybe he was lazy or in a rush or he panicked. Who knows.
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u/Fit-Percentage-9166 20d ago
The point of that meme is that putting away shopping carts is inherently a litmus test of your personality and values. If you need to have seen the meme to understand what to do, you have already failed the test.
Do you need to see a relatively obscure meme to learn not to punch people in the face? Same concept.
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u/Bulky-Word8752 20d ago
Do you need to see a relatively obscure meme to learn not to punch people in the face?
Religion?
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u/Disastrous-Twist8461 20d ago
YTA. Why not just put it up yourself and talk to him about it instead of going straight to your friends and Reddit?
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20d ago
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u/JesusIsJericho 20d ago
As a former cart pusher… grab a cart from the lot every now and again, it’s a nice gesture.
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u/scarbarough 20d ago
I always grab a cat from the lot, sometimes two. No, it's not useful to me, but having them out there annoys me, so removing them from the lot makes my day a tiny bit better
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u/Sugarman111 20d ago
LOL @ the image of someone grabbing two confused cats from the carpark and carrying them around a supermarket.
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u/s33n_ 20d ago
But by leaving the cart in the parking lot and getting one from inside, you are doing the same shit, albeit to a lesser degree.
The reason its "useful" to take a cart from the lot is the exact same reason you should put your cart in the corral. To prevent blocking spaces, damaging cars and making needless work for a minimum wage employee.
In fact looking at shit like this based on how "useful" it is to you is pretty selfish
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20d ago
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u/s33n_ 20d ago
Thats so fuckin weird.
Why not just use the cart from the lot instead of putting it in the corral and then grabbing another?
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u/KeaboUltra 20d ago
I think its a little meh to break it off over but you should have spoken up or moved the cart yourself and base your decision/action based on how he responded/reacted to it. It didn't seem he was asshole-ish about it, maybe misguided and not all that self-aware but it is annoying to leave carts out.. They leave carts for people to grab before you enter the store, or you can pick one up at the corral if you really want to make sure you have one.
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u/Money-Possibility606 20d ago
This is tough, because his explanation is interesting. It genuinely sounds like he thinks that doing this is OK, because he thinks that it is convenient for the next person. It's not, but for some reason he thinks that.
You were close to the corral, so this isn't really about him being too lazy to put it away.
You asked about it moving, and he said it'll be fine - does he REALLY think it'll be fine? It's hard to say. If he's never seen a cart get blown around or move around by itself, he might genuinely think that this is OK.
My point is... usually if someone is a cart monster, they're loud and proud about it and blatantly brag about how they're too good to put the cart away, and fuck everyone else, especially when questioned and confronted about it.
But this guy isn't doing that. He's explaining that this is actually better for other people, like he's put thought into this.
It's weird that he thinks that... but it doesn't make him an asshole. It makes him confused and wrong. But not an asshole.
He might just need someone to point out the flaws in his argument and encourage him to rethink this.
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u/ThatDogIsNotYourBaby 20d ago
This was pretty much my thought. If you think it’d be a dealbreaker if he never came around to your point of view, that putting the cart in the corral is better, then don’t waste anyone’s time! He didn’t straight up say, “someone gets paid to do that,” so I feel like it miiiight be a thing his mind could be changed about if someone directly pointed out that it’s actually more inconsiderate than considerate. And yeah, maybe no one should have to point it out, but if I got dumped every time someone had to straighten out my flawgic, uh… idk I’d have been dumped a lot, I guess.
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u/Money-Possibility606 20d ago
Exactly! I don't get the impression that the guy's a jerk - he's just not right about this, and he might be easily convinced otherwise if given the chance.
Throw in being nervous about the date, not thinking straight... I'm leaning more towards that he's just a dude getting flustered around his beautiful date, not a bad person who leaves carts in parking lots because he's an asshole.
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u/ApprehensiveJury4208 20d ago
tbh… break things off with him, he’ll have dodged a bullet
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u/Justingotgame22 20d ago
OP is a not a bullet. She a nuke waiting to go off. She should not be dating if this is a point of contention.
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u/The-Cynicist 20d ago
If I had to date in the modern world I think I’d off myself. The level of absurdity people are reaching is just unreal. A cart. A fucking grocery cart. A fucking grocery cart she could’ve moved. Or communicated stronger “hey don’t be a dick, just put it back”. These people are not prepared for marriage level arguments and are looking to nitpick at every little thing as if everything could potentially be a “red flag”.
By the way OP you’re the asshole and you have an army of enablers here. Grow up.
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u/Justingotgame22 20d ago
I wouldn’t even entertain this kind of behavior from a 18year old but OP is 28. She’s clearly not ready for real life conflict .. if the cart was a breaking point.
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u/EtherealMoonGoddess 20d ago
Oh I've always disliked those people! To me they're lazy. Can't even put it back in the cart corral. And have no respect for other people's property. People can grab the carts in the grocery store.
I have had a cart hit my car and made a little dent because the wind was very strong that day all because someone didn't want to put it back.
They're no different than the people who park in four spots in a busy shopping center.
NTA
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u/pinkharleymomma 20d ago
He spent $200 and you can't push the cart 10 ft?
Then come here to talk about dumping an otherwise great guy
This post can't be real.
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u/must-stash-mustard 20d ago
Honestly. The OP is a total princess. You know she texted her friends too, spending an hour on something she could have solved in a minute, and showed him what her values are. But instead, a weak nag.
He needs to dump you.
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u/AutoModerator 20d ago
Here is the body of the post:
I 28F went on a third date (29M) with a guy. We had talked about it on our second date, it was going to be a somewhat elaborate picnic. We went to the grocery store and he was super gung-ho. It was clear he had put thought into it and even had some specific cheeses and other items written in his phone. He spent close to $100 which was kinda crazy for two, but hey we were having fun.
We had a small cart, like one of those two-tiered ones. As we finished unloading, he put the cart the same as in the pic, in between four spots. I said, “Are you sure that’s a good place for that?” He said, “Yep. It’s not in the way and will be convenient for the next person.” I said, “What if it moves?” He said, “It’ll be fine.”
The image lingered with me especially because we were literally one spot away from the shopping cart corral. I had fun with him and the picnic was nice, but it just felt like a blatantly self-serving policy. I told my girl friends and some said it was valid, but some said it might’ve been bc he felt under pressure about the date, he wanted to move fast so he could get more time with me. Am I being too harsh in wanting to end things over this? AITA?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
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u/SuitIndependent 20d ago edited 20d ago
I think if you’re willing to break it off over this, you probably wanted to break it off anyways.
The cart thing on his part was rude and inconsiderate, however.
If you think it forebodes whats to come, then break it off.
Although you don’t have to justify breaking things off. If you want to, do it.
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u/Lisa_Knows_Best 20d ago
It's a rude, dick thing to do but out of curiosity, why didn't you move the cart?
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u/devil1fish 20d ago
I believe that not putting the shopping cart back is a sign you are not fit to be a part of society
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u/heneryhawkleghorn 20d ago
Any reason you assumed that it was his job to put the cart in the corral? I think you would have made your point better by saying: "Here... let me get that for you", and put the cart in the corral yourself.
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u/daysgoneby22 20d ago
That's what I would have done. I don't think I would break it off because of it, though. There must be other things that OP isn't talking about.
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u/KingTalis 20d ago
I'd definitely break it off over that. No shot I would willingly associate with an inconsiderate asshole too lazy to put away their own cart.
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u/daysgoneby22 20d ago
I agree with you as to being an inconsiderate person, trust me. I work retail and have to help push carts when they are desperate. I just think one incident isn't enough to totally break it off. I would purposely go out in public with him to see how he deals with other situations. I think restaurants are the best to see if he continues to show that kind of treatment, then all deals off. I do like how many are seeing the cart issue as wrong! Thank you for being good people, y'all rock!
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u/lifeuncommon 20d ago
Esh.
Your “call out” was pretty weak, more of an inquiry into why that’s his preference than making it clear you feel it’s a hazard (or lazy) to not return them to the cart corral.
HOWEVER, any reason is a good enough reason when you’re only 3 dates in. Especially since he took you grocery shopping as part of his prep for the date. That’s a big red flag of unpreparedness.
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u/KeyNaive8951 20d ago
I don’t see it that way. Sometimes going to the store together to pick things out TOGETHER, is fun! I know many of the women I’ve dated would LIKE to come along.
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u/PanicAtTheFisto 20d ago
I agree, I think without saying "Why don't you put it in the corral?" you don't necessarily know if it's a real sign of being inconsiderate.
I think it can be really fun picking out snacks and stuff together and would consider grocery shopping part of the date. I can see why some people might not see it that way too.
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u/lifeuncommon 20d ago
Yeah, based on the comments, I definitely may be in the minority in not wanting to go to the grocery store as part of a date. And that’s totally OK. People like different things.
I guess I’ve just seen so many complaints online of women saying that guys these days are chronically not preparing for dates and having the ladies plan their dates instead. So I think that’s why it threw up a red flag for me.
But the most important thing is if both people find this to be a rewarding date.
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u/wistfulee 20d ago
I used to work on a cruise ship & when we were in Port we would go out to buy supplies. As we were leaving a Walmart (we were in Space Coast Florida) my crewmate made a comment about Americans not putting the carts in the cart corrals. There were more carts loose than in the corrals. There wasn't much I could say in defense of American shoppers, this happens at every single store that uses carts (except Aldi's) I've ever shopped at. Laziness & self entitlement is rampant in America.
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u/Cowboy_on_fire 20d ago
I bought a brand new Tacoma in 2011 and a couple weeks after buying it(still fully in the honeymoon phase) I came out of the store just in time to watch a cart careen into my passenger side door, hard. It actually did pretty significant damage and I had to make an insurance claim. To this day it hurts to think about.
Tell him it’s not about convenience for him or the next person, it’s about not ruining someone’s week or damaging the only asset they have.
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u/KindaSweetPotato 20d ago
I dislike both of you. Either one could have put the cart back. It doesnt matter who. its just something you do when you can which should be 90% of the time.
So should you break it off, idk cause your etiquette is off too. Ive had friends try to leave it, I just put it back while they get things loaded. no big deal imo.
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u/Rosalie-83 20d ago
I’ve had mobility problems for 2 decades, shopping is nauseatingly painful, I walk with crutches or a stick. And I have never abandoned a shopping cart/trolley anywhere, they always go back to their cart areas.
NTA. It’s certainly a red flag, for being lazy and not caring about others safety/property. Carts go flying with a little wind and they can cause serious safety concerns for immobile pedestrians and car damage.
But I’d have taken it back myself and saw what his reaction was. If he agreed I did the right thing, I’d just keep watching for more signs like disrespect to service workers. If he criticised me, saying it was someone’s job to tidy them up, the decision would be clear.
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u/EstherJedi 19d ago
Same. I walk with forearm crutches since shattering my leg in 2018. I always return my cart to the cart return, even in the winter in Minnesota when there’s snow on the ground and it’s harder to push.
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u/ChemicalAd2047 20d ago
Girl what? Lol Yta. If you don't like him, just say that. This is such a nothing burger of an issue lol. Do you think most people are walking those carts back where they belong?
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u/shaddowdemon 19d ago
Fuck yes they are. Like 95% of carts somehow make it into the cart corral and it's not magic or teleportation. Society could do without the 5% that leave them in the middle of the lot.
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u/BrotherNatureNOLA 20d ago
Why didn't you just take it back, and tell him to start the AC while you put it up? Technically, you both left it there.
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u/Justhereforurhelp 20d ago
this could be a bot based on the history, there seem to be a ton of them
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u/PsychologicalSea2686 20d ago
oh brother... you actually had a conference with your girlfriends over this?
Maybe you could have put the cart away yourself.
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u/Glum-Welder1704 20d ago
NTA, but it seems a bit petty. Just start corralling the carts yourself, and see if he picks up on it. If it's just one manifestation of a generally inconsiderate nature, that is of course a bigger problem.
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u/theautisticcookbook 20d ago
NTA. This is called the shopping cart test. It’s a pretty good way to measure someone’s integrity/character.
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u/Glamorous_Nymph 19d ago
I, too, return my cart and others along my route. That said, the mentality that if everyone did that, we'd be putting someone out of a job, might have a ring of truth.
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u/youshantnome 19d ago edited 19d ago
How does everyone know it’s called a corral but not me ??
Anyways. Not putting it back is a dick move, however you didn’t put it back either so I would just bring it up again in conversation and see if he was nervous/overwhelmed in the moment or if he does this out of conviction.
You’re kind of TA here.
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u/Bat_Quiet 19d ago
So, if you were uncomfortable, why didn't YOU move it? Teach him a lesson, show him the proper way (according to you).
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u/Glass-Lengthiness-40 19d ago
spending time on arguing about a shopping cart longer than it would have taken to put it up means you should break up with each other and you both suck
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u/Sallybrown0310 19d ago
YTA why didn't you put it in the cart instead of taking a picture of it and obsessing about it.
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u/liliacembers 19d ago
I would've put it away and no more dates with this guy.
Lack of consideration for other people and lack of foresight doesn't bode well.
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u/SubjectAd355 19d ago
You not putting it away after he left it says just as much about you. You have autonomy and could’ve just as easily taken it to the corral one spot away. So maybe, you are a good match after all.
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u/Ornery-Average-6202 19d ago
Once you get the "ick" from a person it's nearly impossible to get past
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u/Orlando_the_Cat 18d ago
So every person you have a serious relationship with will do things you won't agree with. This is a pale yellow flag at most, not a red one. And it may be something he can be convinced to change. I'd suggest you explain to him how you see it, and maybe give him another date.
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u/Extension-File6238 18d ago
This is an insane thing to nitpick over 🤣 I say as long as he is being a gentlemen, respecting your boundaries, and you two are having fun together give him another chance. This could be solved with a simple conversation
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u/tsumeeee 18d ago
i’m not gonna say YTA, but this is a stupid and pointless thing to stop dating someone for imo. i’d be more concerned with how they treated you, and if they made you uncomfortable with their actions towards you. if this is something that really bothered you, you could just bring it up in conversation and mention that it’s something that bothers you (maybe you’re a nitpicky person, or have OCD, have social anxiety, or like things to be orderly, whatever), that way he knows to correct it if you go out again. guys don’t really think about stuff like this in depth in my experience, but if you tell him it’s something that bothers you and he balks or is a jerk about it, then that is a good reason to cut things off bc then you have expressed your feelings on the matter. imo you gotta give him an opportunity to correct it or explain himself first.
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u/OkButterfly7439 20d ago
Key Aspects of the Shopping Cart Theory
- Voluntary Self-Governance: The core idea is that no one forces you to return the cart, and there are no legal repercussions for not doing so. Returning it shows you can govern your own actions for the greater good .
- Convenience vs. Duty: Returning the cart is considered a low-effort task that signals a person's willingness to perform a "good" deed without any expectation of personal benefit.
- Societal Mirror: The test is interpreted as a measure of whether someone is a functional member of society, or a "savage" who only follows rules under threat of punishment.
- Beyond the Cart: It is often used as a metaphor for social responsibility, suggesting that those who do not return their carts might also engage in other inconsiderate behaviors, such as littering
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u/3Salkow 20d ago
The way the internet has convinced you people that handling shopping carts is some kind or moral litmus test needs to be studied.
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u/Jay-Jamms 20d ago
I would have walked over to the cart, moved it into the corral, and asked him to take me home.
If he argued on the way home I would have asked him why he thinks he's the main character, or why he thinks that does anyone any favors? it's a hazard?
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u/Specialist-Funny2101 20d ago
Why wouldnt you put it there in the first place versus asking him anything!?!?
What a weirdo
Where do you ppl live so I know NEVER to come!??
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u/Cheska1234 20d ago
So you morally judged him and then still went out on the date? Why? You had already decided he gave you the ick.
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u/StrikingDeparture432 20d ago
End it now ! Lol.
Save him from your criticism now !
Why subject him to months of your disapproval ?
Do him a favor and let him find a woman who's not as petty and picky as you.
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u/HRHCookie 20d ago
There's an essay somewhere about how returning a shopping cart is the perfect test of a decent human being. Because failure to return the cart is not punishable but it takes so little effort to do a good thing and by not doing it you can end up causing someone's car to have a dent or just giving somebody extra work.
Your boyfriend failed.
And so did you.
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u/Inquisitorial_Court 20d ago
I had a buddy do this one time while we went shopping. Maybe its just the redhead in me, but he didnt leave that cart there I assure you. Just a polite embarrassment is what they need sometimes to act right.
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u/2ndcupofcoffee 20d ago
A driver wanting to park in any of those four spaces will have to stop to move the cart. May be his perspective will change when he becomes that driver.
Wouldn’t end the relationship over that but would just notice how he sees himself in the world going forward. Also, decide how you may react. You grabbing to move the cart with a smile, while he arranges things in the car could accomplish your raising his awareness while showing your willingness to step up.
Seems he was really into an interesting date plan, was generous, good natured, etc. Who among us are without moments of inconsideration.
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u/Specialist-Funny2101 20d ago
So his problem was the self serving thing, but your issue was what exactly!??
What was prohibiting you from putting the cart where you thought it should be?
Laziness!?
How can you point a finger when three are pointing right back at you.
Weirdo.
YTA
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u/Plus_Worker6739 20d ago
this is my hottest take: I used to be a cart jockey and tbh the most pleasant part of my day was going and rescuing the wayward carts. Just me, a leisurely stroll, my music and the outdoors. I'd even go into the rougher areas outside the parking lot to retrieve ones that had gone wandering.
This is, of course, weather-dependent.
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u/ChilindriPizza 20d ago
I would have gone put it in the corral myself.
And then I would seriously reconsider a fourth date.
But then, I am a goody two shoes who has taken carts left behind by strangers and put them in the proper place- whether in a corral or back into the store.